Yvette  12/28/98 What an answer to prayer!! This page is like a drink of water to a dying woman (or pastor's wife).  A quick question.  I have other pastor's wives as friends and we were wondering, how do you deal with women who are too forward?  Do you confront?  Our husbands feel that the relationship is
pure, but how long can they resist when they are constantly bombarded with female wiles?  When is the line crossed into inappropriate  behavior?  Many women put our husbands up on a pedestal, and constantly seek attention.  It is difficult to stand by and do nothing.  It is especially difficult if the woman in question has a prominent place in the church body meaning that hubby would have to find someone to replace her if there was a blowup.  Help!

Diane  1/17/99 My husband and I have been in ministry many years.  We have a "rule" that both of us follow - it is simple - "abstain from all appearances of evil."  When there is a need to meet with a lady of the church we both meet with her together usually at our kitchen table since the church office is in the
home and we live on the church property.  While at church for services, fellowships we usually are in eye-contact-distance with one another.  This may sound not possible, but it is if both of you desire to not cause any shadow of doubt to fall on either.  My husband is wise and we encourage all men & women to follow this simple rule at church, at work and in the community.... I will pray for your situation as it is common to many.... I hope this helps some...

Yvette  1/2/99 Oh Kerry!! My heart hurts for you.  My husband and I left a fellowship of 10 years to begin a new fellowship as the Lord had led.  The friends there had been there for me through thick and thin.  We had made meals for each other when our babies were born, laughed together, cried together, and
prayed together.  I felt that we must truly be crazy to leave a place that we had invested so much in, and was really beginning to grow both spiritually and numerically, to start from ZERO in the middle of nowhere.  I had to ask God, "What are you doing to me?"  when the only people in the fellowship after a year were 2 biker families, 3 full time working moms, and 2 couples with no children.  I was a full time stay at home, homeschool mom, and had been for several years, and felt I had nothing in common with
these women.  God really stretched me those first 3 years in the new fellowship.  I constantly compared our fellowship to the old one, and it never measured up, of course.  The miry clay and the pit became my dwelling places.  Soon He gave me the courage to move out of my comfort zone and brought friendships to me that I never would have chosen for myself.  Even though these women are different than I, we still have Jesus in common. He also reminded me that it took 10 years for the old fellowship to develop that closeness we had, as well as a great investment from me personally to reach out to be involved in the lives of others.  Now this new fellowship is my church home, and the old fellowship is just a place I visit occasionally.  I can't tell you that it will be easy, but God is faithful.  It took time for you to build those
past friendships, and it will take time to build the new ones.  May the Lord bless you with friendships.
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Yvette  1/19/99 Whitaker,  The resources for pastor's wives are few and far between!!  I have not seen many web sites, but there are several books, periodicals, etc.  Here are a few.  Hope it helps out. "The Pastor's Wife" newsletter--by e-mail janicetpw@aol.com "Just Between Us" newsletter (excellent resource!!  I read it cover to cover!)  Jill Briscoe writes much of it, 1-800-260-3342 Telling the Truth
Media Ministries Being a Minister's Wife, and Being Yourself by Nancy Pannell (Broadman) High Call High Privilege by Gail MacDonald Living Books-Tyndale House Ministry Wives Network, International - exists "as a Christ-centered resource to encourage, equip and evangelize Pastor's Wives"  Lynne Dugan is the president (She's the author of Heart to Heart with Pastor's wives.) , 1-703-281-1885 Focus on the Family also has a "Pastoral Care Directory", ($1.00) that lists many resources for pastors and their families. 1-800-232-6459 or www.family.org and have a Pastoral Ministries department that has been a
help to me.  Also check out the books mentioned in the previous posts on this site.

Yvette  2/1/99 Just found out. . . the church affiliation  we are with has begun a pastor's wive's listserv fellowship, however, it is private, with only the pastor's wives allowed in.  BUT, a man oversees it, and perhaps might be a resource for you.  I think that these things will start popping up all over within denominations or affiliations, but will probably be private.  Forward an inquiry if you want his e-mail.  Praying that the Lord will honor your hard work.  Jesus loves you.

Lynne  1/5/99 My heart breaks for you in your present dilemma.  My husband and I have been in full-time ministry for 22 years now.  I remember when I was in a severe "People" trial, I spoke with a seasoned pastor & his wife.  They told me to be able to "stay" in the ministry one must have the heart of a lamb and the hide of an alligator.  Somehow that has always stayed with me.  A couple of ideas come to my heart about your situation.  First, you cannot take the blame for anyone in your congregation not living for the Lord.  You'll never be able to hold your head up if you keep looking at the sheep God has given you to lead.  People must choose to live for JESUS.  It's a heart problem.  We can point them to the cross, pray with them, & weep with them, but they must choose to live for JESUS themselves.  Also, it would be just as wrong to pat ourselves on the back if our entire church were super-saints.  ONLY JESUS can make a His sheep more like HIMSELF.  There's a verse in the Bible that says "HE'S THE GLORY & THE LIFTER OF MY HEAD."  The most important "helpful hint" that kept me through many storms was to keep my eyes on JESUS and not on people.  People always disappoint us.  JESUS NEVER FAILS US!  It seems to me that JESUS must have something very special for you and your husband.  Stay low at His feet, keep your heart right and you'll be just like JOSEPH ----  GOD will exalt you in due time.  The most important thing for you to do right now is stay detached from all the hurts. (I know this is hard, but to survive in the ministry you must have DIVINE DETACHMENT!  Enjoy your husband.  Enjoy the Lord!  Go to a local nursing home and be a blessing to the elderly.  You will be amazed at how much better you feel.  (I know.... I've been there)  Our family will be holding you up in prayer.  We trust that JESUS will lead you.  We are laborers together for HIS Kingdom!

Moe  1/7/99 Thank you, Lynne, for your response, encouragement, and prayers. How do you get the hide of an alligator? Or where do you learn "Divine Detachment"? I hear what you are saying, and I know you are right. (I have heard others speak of this.)  However, this is something that is very difficult for me.  The way I see it, the "ministry" is hazardous to your heart! My problem is I love these people and we try to help and encourage them. Some have a lot in common, young children, homeschooling, natural foods, etc. I bond with them and then get my heart broken. One family, that just left (for no solid reason) still want to be friends and fellowship and everything. If there is something wrong enough to leave a church over, then how can they want to fellowship with us. If it is not us, they why leave the church? We have a
hard time with that. Maybe if we had a solid salary and a building, then we would view this more like a job. We put our time in and get paid, but we don't get involved. The problem is, we don't view ministry like that! Still the questions are strong for us. Do we close the doors? How do you know when it is time to
give up! We have prayed and asked the Lord to show us. Maybe if we felt that the Kingdom of God was being advanced (sincerely, not in emotion!) then we could chalk this up as persecution for righteousness sake, or as the price we willingly pay to follow the call, or as the sacrifices we make to further the Kingdom.  We just can't see that! My depression has lifted slightly, but I am still struggling with it. I know I need my faith renewed, it just seems so difficult this time. Thank you for your prayers, I really do need them. I want to know what the Lord requires of us, not man. Maybe, we are just trying to keep something going that isn't His will?  These are the troubling questions we face at this time. We need to know, and we need to know soon. Thank you and the Lord bless you!

Lynne  1/8/99 Moe, it was sooo nice to hear from you.  You have not been out of my thoughts since I read your 1st letter.  You asked about how to attain the "hide of an alligator" & "divine detachment."  Well, I think you are in the process right now.  All of these trials you are going through, God can use them to bring about something "more precious than gold" in your soul.  As life goes on, (and it will) if you can keep "sweet" in the "bitter" (JESUS will help you) He will make eternal changes in your soul.  I do know it is not easy.  I am ultra-sensitive by nature.  I was amazed at how many of God's people were so "insensitive."  (Especially to their pastor & his family)  At first, I could hardly hold my head up.  People would say such hateful things, leave the church, & still want to come over for dinner.  I couldn't do it --- It hurt too much - But as the years have gone by --- (My husband and I have been at our present church for l7 years now) - I have found there is victory in "not coming down to some people's carnal level."  If they want to be hateful -- Go ahead!  I want to be like JESUS....  I will still extend my hand & do what I know pleases JESUS, but only certain ones get my heart. In the beginning I gave my heart to every family that came through the doors of our church.  It was in my nature to be close & personal, but it nearly caused me to have a "nervous breakdown."  I just couldn't please them all.  Now, I am very careful.  I always heard Dr. Dobson & H.B. London speak of this, but I thought it didn't apply to me because of my "intimate" nature.  I was wrong.  You spoke of wanting to know God's will about "staying" or "leaving."  Let me share with you something that was of great value to me about finding God's will.  When you go before the Lord, ask Him to help you be empty of opinions about staying or leaving..... empty of hurt feelings..... empty of remembering who said what... when... or where they said it.  (This will take some time)  As you feel your soul being quieted (and all these raging voices within hush)  ....  Ask JESUS to make your heart an empty slate.  Give HIM the piece of chalk to write upon your heart what HIS will is for you and your family.  Ask HIM to make you "willing to be willing"  (Father, not my will, but Thine be done)  Sometimes we have our own "Garden of Gethsemene."  I have found the secret is to keep my heart right with God & man.   Also, to surrender my will to HIM.  (I'm willing to stay -- I'm willing to go... I just want to please you JESUS.)  I promise you He will come and speak "PEACE BE STILL" to your troubled heart.  Let's pray together right now: JESUS, you see my sister.  You know her pain.  Lord, we just ask that you place your arms of love around her right now and let YOUR wonderful presence fill her home & heart.  You see the hurt that she is going through right now.  YOU are the HEALER of the broken-hearted.  You set the captive free.  JESUS, set her free from all of these heavy burdens today.  Help her to lay everything at the foot of the cross.  They are just "too heavy" for her to carry.  We pray for your will for her family.  Savior, like a shepherd lead them --- Much they need Thy tender care.  We trust You to show them what to do in the next few weeks ahead.  Open doors and close doors for this precious couple.  We thank YOU & praise YOU.   AMEN!  Moe, let me know how you come out.  I'll be anxious to hear what JESUS does for your family.  You can rest assured that GOD WILL NEVER FAIL TO MOVE.  NEVER DOUBT IN DARKNESS WHAT GOD HAS SHOWN YOU IN THE LIGHT!  Love you,
sister!

High Calling  1/9/99 Lynne, thank you for your counsel to Moe.  I am confident God is using you to speak to so many of us out here.  I share about the divine detachment and the lamb's heart and alligator skin with one of our elder's wives who has shared much of the ministry pain with me and we appreciate the way you have been able to help us refocus when we get caught looking down and not at Christ.  I must keep reminding myself to turn my eyes upon Jesus and look into His Word and not place my focus onthe problems, hurts and words spoken.  Keep those encouraging words coming to all.  Bless you!

Pat  1/11/99 Lynne, my thanks also for your wise counsel to Moe. I am praying for her and her family also.  Her plea touched my heart and I have thought of her everyday since reading her letter.  Lynne, you have encouraged so many of us who are relatively new in ministry.  My husband and I planted a church about 5 years ago.  The things "Christians" do to their leaders is unreal.  I also shared the analogy you gave about the heart of a lamb and the hide of an alligator.  So true!!  I totally agree with your advice to
Moe to empty herself before going before God.  I will never forget that as long as I live.  May I just say to you Moe, whether you and your husband remain in ministry or not, please know that there are good people whom God will send in your life to lift up your arms and encourage your heart.  Seems He's already sent one and her name is Lynne.  God Bless you and you are in my prayers.

Moe  1/12/99 Lynne, High Calling, Pat, I wanted to get back and share some of the things that the Lord is doing, since your last response. First, I'd like to thank YOU, High Calling, and Pat for your encouragement to me. Knowing that there are sisters, who understand, that are praying for you, really has edified me. I cried, when I read Lynne's last response and I felt the spirit of God when you prayed. (Even over the internet the Spirit of God can move!)  I even had my husband read it.  (I hope that is allowed.)  It encouraged him as well. He has been concerned for me, because I have really struggled this time. I am feeling alot better. Your advice to empty myself and let the Lord show us, has begun to happen. He has quieted my troubled, hurting, despairing, heart. Since that night when I read your post, the Lord has been bringing people into our paths to remind us of how much He really has used us in
people's lives that we had no idea. From out-of-state phone calls, to running into people in the supermarket, we have encountered people, whom we have ministered to in some capacity. They all have spoken words of appreciation and gratefulness regarding how the Lord has used us in their lives. It is becoming almost humorous. Just this afternoon, we ran into a man whom my husband had lead to the Lord, and he and his wife were still serving God, and he said he would never forget us and how God has used us in their life. God has a way of speaking to us so that we know that it is Him. We still do not know what the future holds for the church we pastor, however, we are not so troubled, or feeling like the
Lord has abandoned us. I cannot thank you enough for the encouragement you have brought me (and others, as noted). Thank you for your time and thank you for your prayers (and Pat, too!)  We know that we will always serve God and we feel confident that He will show us soon what to do regarding the church. If you would like to email me please do, I would love to remain in contact. Holding Him Closely, Maureen

Lynne  1/13/99 MOE**** HIGH CALLING **** PAT ****  Praise the Lord!  Your letters were such an encouragement to me!  I rejoice that the storm has somewhat passed, Moe!  God is sooo good!  He is making us all "seasoned" saints.  He allows a trial, gives us HIS comfort, so then we may comfort others.  I'm so thankful to belong to the KING OF KINGS!  I'd rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my LORD than to dwell in the tents of the wicked.  What an honor to serve our KING!  It truly is a HIGH CALLING!  (Smile)  Thank you for encouraging my heart with your letters.  I'd love to "KEEP IN TOUCH" with all of you.

High Calling  1/22/99 Yes, I would enjoy keeping in touch.  This site has been such an encouragement these past days as we once again have faced difficulties resulting from convictions among some of our sheep.  It is the stuff that sometimes makes you want to grow weary and even to sin in attitude and responses, but the words found on these pages again remind me WHO it is we serve.  Let's continue to help each focus on our high calling as pastors wives and laborers in the harvest.  I find myself repeating the words "divine detachment, heart of a lamb" to myself when I want to react opposite.  Thanks again everyone.

Yvette  1/18/99 Moe, I can so identify with you.  I'm thankful that the Lord is ministering to you.  His compassions never fail!!  I had a situation similar to yours, when a family we were close to left the church, but still wanted to be buddies.  The Lord has and still is working on healing those wounds in my heart.  We poured our lives into these people, and they very casually decided to go to another church.  I pray that the Lord will give me Jesus' heart toward them, and pray that HIS WILL be done for them.  I
agree with you that ministry IS loving people.  And with that comes the potential for hurt.  I'm sure Jesus was hurt, when the disciples turned their backs on Him. . . The Lord has shown me also, that these are His sheep, and He can move them from pasture to pasture, if He so desires, my role is simply to be faithful, to minister to those who come.  I don't think it will ever be easy to watch people leave, people that we love.  As far as spending time with them, I feel that the Lord has shown us that we should continue to love them, and always leave the door open but realize that we must spend the bulk of our time on those who are here NOW.  The Lord can always work in their hearts, and bring them back at a future time.  Our fellowship has been pruned many times now, and each time, it is very painful.   Our church is small, we don't have a lot of programs yet, we have Jesus, and the Word, and have come to realize that our church will not be for everyone. Oftentimes, we just don't have the type of ministries they are seeking, and they are too young in the Lord, or do not want to serve and begin that ministry.   Many
Christians expect a great deal from churches these days, and many times, I feel pressured to "do it all,"  and begin things in my own strength, even though I know that as a congregation, we are not at a point to support a lot of extras financially or servant-wise. We are not part of a denomination,  and receive no financial help from anywhere.   It is frustrating at times, because I feel that people are always demanding more and more, no matter how much we give.  The Lord  has been faithful to show me that it's not by might, nor by power, but by His Spirit.  He is training me to be content with Him and Him alone, and to
realize that EVERYONE in the church could be gone tomorrow, and that I must cling to Him.  He continues to train me to be a lover of sheep.  These are hard lessons,  and there have been many ups and downs, but, like you, I know that the Lord is using us to touch lives.  My husband and I joked this
past Monday, about how Monday is "quitting day."  He is tempted to quit every Monday, as this is sometimes a "let down" day, when we are physically and spiritually exhausted.  But the Lord renews us, through His word, through others.   It truly is a privilege to serve Him.  Now, when a new family walks through our doors, I pray that we can minister to them, while they are here, and that I can "walk as Jesus walked" and keep a pure heart before the Lord.  I will continue to lift you up, please remember me also.

Lynne  1/21/99 I thought there was a "wealth" of wisdom in your letter to Moe.  I marvel at our "ALL WISE" God who knows just what trial we need to make us more like HIM!  I was reminded of JESUS' love the Judas as I read your letter.  He knew from the beginning that "one of them was a devil" and yet he washed Judas' feet.  WHAT LOVE!  He must have treated Judas exactly the same as the other disciples because the disciples didn't know who was the "DEVIL!"  They all asked, "Is it I, Lord?"  LOVE SO AMAZING SO DIVINE --- DEMANDS MY LIFE, MY SOUL, MY ALL!  As I have read over these precious letters from all my dear sisters in Christ and fellow-laborers... I as touched to see the "HUNGER" to be more like JESUS!  And everything we are going through at this present moment... that refining fire....  is changing each one of us.  We all will be different than when we first entered the ministry.  He is changing us from "Glory to Glory!"  The ministry doesn't have to make us bitter, but BETTER!  The same "fire" that hardens the egg -- softens the carrot...  So, hang in there, dear sisters....  IT WILL BE WORTH IT ALL WHEN WE SEE JESUS.

Moe  1/22/99 Yvette, thank you so much for your encouraging words, and for identifying with me and my situation. It is difficult sometimes for a small congregation because so many today have a consumer christianity mindset.  What can the church do for me? Instead of, how can I serve the body of Christ? I too, feel like we are forced to wear so many different kinds of hats! I appreciate your words of exhortation to love all these people who the Lord brings in and sometimes brings out. It does hurt so, sometimes. I
am feeling so much better and renewed in my faith. I know the Lord will bring us through! Thank you for your prayers and I too will remember you in mine. The Lord bless you!

Yvette  1/25/99  Dearest Ann,  Have you considered teaching part-time in a pre-school for a while?? Then you would truly have a feel for what's involved in operating a school.  Or, maybe you've done that before??  My first impression is to say, it's much different to head up a ministry, than to simply serve.  We found that the responsibilities of pastoring is 100 fold, compared to serving as an elder or deacon.  Heading up a Christian pre-school is a large task, especially when you are the pastor's wife.  I would think that it might be wise to give yourself some time to adjust to that role of pastor's wife first, then pray about the preschool in another season of life.   BUT, if God's calling you, don't let me discourage you.  We certainly need sold-out Christians to harvest in the largest mission field in the world--children.  Pray, and if the Lord leads, talk it out with your husband.

Robyn  1/20/99 I have been in both places, where I worked and stayed home... and I would give the world over and I not worked.  I was not able to give fully to the ministry.  Maybe this is not what you wanted to hear, but you asked for advice.  I only give it when asked..{something I learned from being a PW.}  You have too many distractions.. too many obligations elsewhere..than where God has planted you!!  With your spouse.  With the children, that you plan to one day have. {and God bless you in that area}.  The women in the church need you also!! {as you have said, you have some that are stay-home} the heart of your spouse should be the focus of you final decision.  You need to be in one heart and of one accord, so that God can do a work where you are!!  God's love to you, and if anything I can do, let me know.  Many {{{hugs}}} and peace to you.

Yvette  1/22/99 Gidget, I think the Lord has had me to walk every walk, so that I could identify with each type woman the Lord brings to the fellowship.  I worked as a programmer for a year, before I had my first child, then I stayed home, and homeschooled my children for 5 years, and now I work part-time as my children are in Christian school.  One year we had them in public school too.  I feel that I truly can say that there is no one right answer to your question--it depends on where the Lord wants you.  For me,
working part-time has been more blessing than hardship.  It helps us financially, but is not all-consuming.  I am not career-happy, (no longer a programmer, too many weird hours), and since our congregation has many working moms, I can have the best of both worlds.  I work school hours, 2-3 days per week, and still have one day to work at the church helping my husband, and 1 day for my own personal ministry.  On that day I go to a moms-in-touch meeting, where I don't have to play pastor's wife, and also drop in on a Bible Study at a sister church so that I can be ministered to and fed.  Sometimes an outside job can be a distraction to what the Lord has called, but for me, it has been a VERY nice diversion, where I can have some friendships, and a life, that is outside the church.  Since I am prone to depression, it is good for me personally to HAVE to get up and be totally immersed in something.  For my situation, in a small church, for now, it has been a positive thing.  Part-time is not TOO demanding, but has been a perfect compromise for me.  It's also a great way to share your faith.   It really limits idle time, where mind and heart can become consumed with the problems and heartaches of the ministry.  But, I have to say, I would quit tomorrow if that job ever became a conflict, or my husband wanted it so.  We are always open to HIS leading, when it comes to school options, and whether I should or should not work.   I'm sure the Lord will show you what is best for your situation.

Lynne  1/29/99 The ministry certainly can be difficult at times, can't it?  As I read your letter.... One thing came to my heart.  Anytime the Lord has spoken something directly into my heart, I have discovered
that usually there is a great trial before the blessing.  Kind of like a great "calm" after to storm.  I remember when my husband and I first came to our present church (over 17 years ago) there were many difficult weeks....  Yet, He seemed to impress upon our hearts that it was HIS will for us to be here.  (We were pioneering a work)  One day, after days of discouragement, I fell upon my face before the Lord.  I told Him, "I can't take any more.  I'm through.  Send us to another church.  Enough is ENOUGH!"  Calmly, and ever so sweetly, I felt His presence.  He began to "calm my nerves," encourage my discouraged heart.  Then in the depths of my soul, He spoke... so sweetly, "You and your husband may go to another church.... I would still love you and be with you, but it isn't my HIGHEST will for you at this time.  You will also miss MANY blessings I have in store for your family.  If you will be patient, YOU will see me move in many wonderful ways."  I sat in silence before MY King.  I then surrendered my will to HIS.  NOT MY WILL BUT THINE BE DONE.  It was so true..... Everything He said.  Slowly, but surely, the little work began to grow.  God is blessing us this year with a new sanctuary.  We have many
wonderful, HUNGRY FOR JESUS, families.  I think one of the biggest mistakes one can make in the ministry is leaving a church in the midst of discouragement.  Discouragement blinds us.  We cannot see clearly.  Of course, there are times that JESUS calls us to new places.  We should be open to His voice, but we need to wait before HIM and not base our decisions upon discouragement.  (Or hurt feelings)  Anyway, Cyndee... We will be praying for you. I know it's tough.  I've shed many tears, but it is also the most rewarding life. To be in service for our KING!  Let us all know how you're doing sister.  We love
you and we are for you.

Yvette  1/29/99 Cyndee, How can I encourage you?  Practically, I can say that it has worked out much better for me personally to have friendships outside the church fellowship.  I love the women in our fellowship, but have found that because of that ministry tie, that when they leave, the friendship is very strained.  Praying for your hurt. . . .  I think many times the ministry occupation is like that of the
lighthouse-keeper.  The lighthouse-keeper is on duty 24 hrs. a day, making sure that the light shines brightly to keep ships off of the rocks.  Many ships avoid the rocks because of the lighthouse-keeper being diligent to keep the glass clean and the lamp filled with oil (the Holy Spirit), but few ever acknowledge the lighthouse keeper's diligence, hard work, and dedication to save them from disaster.  We too, shine for Jesus, and those who see are saved from eternal death.  Shine, for even in the stormiest weather, the ships need us to show the way.  Our reward will be glorious!!  "The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law.  But thanks be to God!  He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.  Therefore, my dear brother, stand firm.  Let nothing move you.  Always give yourselves
fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain."  I Cor. 15:56-58 My prayers are with you, that He might minister to you, fill you with His Spirit, and renew you physically, emotionally, and spiritually.  Praying that you might find rest for your weary heart, that YOU can be ministered to as you shine for Him.

Cyndee  2/1/99 Dear Lynne and Yvette, Thanks so much for your words of encouragement.  Lynne, I agree with you that some of the hardest times can be right before the breakthrough.  I've seen that in so many situations, I guess though when you go through it yourself it gets clouded.  I know even through this storm that God will remain faithful to His promises, I just want to finish the race well.  It's easy when things are going smoothly but rather difficult when things are hard to understand.  I so much appreciate
your prayers.  I sense the heaviness lifting and I am looking forward to the blessing.  Oh that I may have the wisdom, grace and divine knowledge to keep pressing on toward the goal and honor my Father as I proceed down this path he is leading me on.  Even though things have not been exactly what I had hoped for or expected, I do know that God has not called us out and we have no plans to abandon ship.  I really do want to see how God will work it all together, it should be interesting.  One thing that I have seen in the ministry is that it is never boring!  Yvette, I do need to have friends outside the church, what is hard at this point is when you have established close friendships within the church.  You can't go back and undo what has been done.  If I had to do things over again, I would definitely heed your warning.  Now I need to know how to nurture the relationships I have in a way that would be pleasing to the Lord, beneficial to these precious ladies, and not open myself up to more unnecessary hurt.  Does that make sense?  Also, I liked your lighthouse story.  This is the third time in two days that the Lord has led me to passages and stories on letting my light shine.  Jesus is the light that keeps me going and I know that He is trying to get through to me to let His light shine, even in the midst of the storm, maybe even especially in the midst of the storm.  Thanks for hearing His voice and confirming to my heart what the Lord has been trying to show me.  What an awesome God we serve.  Can't wait to share with you how God worked all these things together for the good.  Keep on praying and I'll be doing the same for you!  God bless you both!

Yvette  1/26/99 Beloved Stitches, Just a few months ago, we reached a real impasse in our own marriage.  Many times I felt that there was no hope, that we had no business in the ministry.  The ministry has placed tremendous pressure on us both.  The pressure on my husband, however, seemed to especially strain our relationship.  Many times I felt that the best solution was for us to part ways, at least temporarily.  But, I felt that I had made a commitment before the Lord to "love, honor, cherish, in
sickness, health, well, you know the rest.  . .  Things began to change for us when we each decided that "If the solution is to be, it must begin with me."  We both had reached a point of total despair, and were ready to try anything.  There was much hurt to overcome, and it has taken much time and hard work, with repentance from us both, but God has been faithful to fill our hearts with His forgiveness, His love, His grace, His mercy, for each other.  A few practical things that we have done that God has honored is to try to pray together each day, even if only for 2 minutes, to take walks together, and to listen without
interruption to the other person.  Another perspective that has helped me is to realize that if we are making a difference in God's kingdom, Satan will want to take us out.  He wants to steal, kill, and destroy us.  Our marriages are a picture of Jesus (bridegroom) and the church (the bride).  Another perspective that has helped me also, to overcome the guilt at not having a picture perfect marriage, is that Psalm 103? says that He knows our frames, that we are but dust.  We in ministry are made of the same stuff (mud) that everyone else is.  I know that I have high expectations of my husband, simply because He is in the ministry, but I have to remind myself that He is only the vessel.  I think that there are times in our marriage that we have just had to "walk through"  those rocky times, with only obedience to that commitment holding us together.  Praying with and for my husband and dying to self have been most difficult at those times, but those were the things that helped our marriage through.  I exhort you to stick it out, because it's not the good times that have strengthened our marriage, it's making it through the rocky times, with the strength of the Lord.  In my own mind, I have had to put away those thoughts of leaving, knowing that it is simply not an option.  This forces me to lean on the Lord to be obedient and do those things that I know He has instructed in His Word.  I pray that the Lord would give you the strength to obey His voice, that He would pour out a fresh batch of grace and mercy upon your marriage every morning, that He would draw you closer than you've ever been, that He would comfort and heal your wounds, that He would do more than you could ever possibly ask or think, in your marriage.  He is faithful--"for it is God who works in you both to will and to do for His good pleasure" Phil. 2:13-- He can even make us willing, when we lay it at His feet.

Robyn  1/28/99 My heart is going out to you and your family!!!  I have been where you are.  I was just dx with lupus, and the Devil was using it to come between me and my husband.  There were things going on with my body that I had no idea about and didn't understand!!  We did separate for a couple of months, by my suggestion.  And not long after that, God put me at a cross roads.  Either I turned and came back to Him, or I would die!!  I was so tore up, but I knew I couldn't make it without my spouse and my children by my side.  I had dried up and lost all love for him and myself;  I was to the point I didn't care if I lived or died!!!  But when God put me face to face with Death, it was soo real to me!!!  I just prayed for God to put that love back in my heart for him. To show me why I married him in the first place!!  And then re-new that!  Well, not long after we were back together, I became very sick with the lupus.... and would have died.  But God does ALL things well!! He worked things out to where I got to the right place, got the help I needed.  When I first got to this doctor, He didn't give me no more than 2 yrs to live.  But God was not through with me, or my marriage!!!  It is not God's will that marriages end!  He blessed that institute, and so I believe He will help you put it back together.  But your husband needs to realize there is a problem!!  If there is anyway you could get to a christian counselor.  At least you.  Maybe he will come around later.  God will work this out, if you give Him a chance!  Remember, How many chances did He give you??  If you need to contact me, please let me know.  I will be glad to talk with you.  God bless you, and may you find that peace that only God can give!!  I will be praying for you & your family!!  Many prayer and {{{HUGS}}} your way~~~

Pat  1/29/99 Stitches, I read you loud and clear! Several years ago, I felt the same way you do.  I acted on my disappointment, hurt and frustration.  I left him.  Within one week I had a new apartment, changed my insurance policy (he would NOT be the beneficiary!), withdrew several hundred dollars out of our account and had absolutely no intention of living with this preacher man again ever in this lifetime. I didn't love, like or feel anything for him but near hatred.  He hadn't beat me, verbally abused me or cheated on me.  Emotionally we were just not on the same page..period!  Well, after being on my own for about a month with our 4 year old daughter, whom he adored, I felt I was justified and had made the right decision. One night while praying, the Lord said "let's talk about you tonight, Pat".  Wow, talk about a wakeup call.  He then proceeded to show me myself.  He very lovingly acknowledged that my husband was no walk in the park, but He focused the spotlight on ME! Eventually, God instructed me to go back home.  My husband was thrilled and made a million promises of how he had/would change.  It got WORSE!!  To make this long story short, after about a year of my praying, concentrating on the areas in my own life that needed to change, and just learning to shut up and hear God speak, I saw God change my husband into the man I had always dreamed of.  It was truly miraculous.  Today, we are happier than I thought possible, and the people we pastor are benefiting from our relationship.  I know you think there is no hope, but please don't give up.  God is a MASTER MENDER OF MARRIAGES!  We are living proof!

Sherri  2/1/99 Wow. I feel for you. I have only been married 4 years, but there have been times that I have been tempted to leave and give up. I don't have much advice, since I am working on some marriage issues myself, but Focus on the Family helped me once.  Call 800/232-6459 and ask to speak to someone in the Ministry to Pastors department. Someone talk with you, listen and pray with you and you don't have to worry about them knowing you. Also, they will refer you to counselors and counseling ministries in your area. Some of them might be free, or low fee.  It does sound like you could use some
outside help.  But it doesn't need to be a "professional" counselor. A caring, mature, wise Christian couple would do. Someone outside your church, of course. Perhaps a pastor of another church in your community. I have a feeling from your frustration level that very few, or maybe none, of your needs are being met, not just from your husband, but personally as well. I know you're discouraged, but please, don't leave. It's not what God wants and Satan would be delighted. I will pray for you.

Stitches  2/6/99 I've been away at a pastor's retreat for a few days, and just got back. Thanks for the encouragement, wisdom and understanding. You all had me crying almost!!  Anyway, one good thing was that we did talk about it, and then we talked about it was time to "start over," but then things are not starting over, and that is discouraging. But anyway, I will continue to read the boards, I am so glad that I found this place, because as you all know, living in the position that we do isn't always all that is cracked up to be, but at least here, I have you people who understand, but also accept my 'anonymity' with grace, which I very much appreciate. Thanks again.

Stitches  2/28/99 I too am discouraged. It such a relief, even a God send  that I can come here anonymously and unburden myself. And to be able come where there are others who truly understand and can empathize with me!!  Yvette, I noticed earlier on the board that you made mention of the newsletter, Just Between Us, I've been looking for it for quite a long time, How and where do you get
it? could you let me know, I would appreciate it.  I've said earlier on this board that my husband and I are having marital problems.  And nothing has changed. The most frustrating thing is that I don't see anything changing.  I see us like this for the rest of our lives, and in turn, the church will not do anything because of our problems, do you know what I mean, I mean how can it, when our marriage is in shambles?  He says that we need to start over, not bring up the past, but he's grumpy all the time, and I'm disappointed in this whole thing, I think what a mistake I made marrying him but now we have 4
kids and it has snowballed. He tells me that I should go to a counsellor, talk to someone about it, well what about him? But he's not into anything like that.  Anyway, I'm so "garbled" up inside right now,  I'm starting to not make sense, so I will sign off for now, and again, thanks for letting me dump.

Debby  3/4/99 The info for Just Between Us is 777 S. Barker Road, Brookfield WI 53045. 1-800-260-3342

Mollie  4/4/99 I just finished reading your letters and responses to you regarding your marriage.  We too have had some rocky times, mostly centering around the birth of my daughter.  (My husband adores her but my pregnancy...caused a lot of friction and stress).  Jesus is the great Physician, however, and he
heals continually.  Our marriage is not perfect but we've come a long way.  Forgiveness and laying aside past hurts goes a long way.  Please know that I am praying for you.  Continue to update us!!  I hope this Scripture is helpful to you.  The Lord has put it on my heart in a very heavy way to pass it on to you.  Psalm 90:1-4  "Lord, You have been our dwelling place throughout all generations. Before the mountains were born Or You brought forth the earth and the world From everlasting to everlasting You are God.
You turn men back into dust, And say, "Return, O children of men." For a thousand years in Your sight
Are like yesterday when it passes by Or like a watch in the night."

High Calling  1/27/99 Thank you Yvette for sharing with us that exhortation.  This is exactly the pit we in the ministry fall into!  In our heads we know these things, but our emotions and our heart and our own sinful pride lead us in this destructive pattern!  It is simple, but not an easy solution...leave all in the Hands of our Sovereign God.  I suppose we can allow those times to be a lesson in trust and dependence and the fire that refines us.  Having been in 2 large churches in the past and now being in a small church has proven this so true.  We were not prepared for what a small church can do with their tongues.  I suppose in a large setting there is a buffer zone between the complaints of the people and
those that serve as pastors and teachers.  Something very helpful was shared on Elisabeth Elliot's radio program on 1/26 on forgiveness.  I recommend it for all pastor's wives.  Remember..have a heart of a lamb and the skin of an alligator!  Love and Grace to you all!

High Calling  1/30/99 I look forward to checking this web site daily.  You all have in many ways become disciplers to me and many others.  It is like meeting with a special prayer group that prays for us and a group that holds us accountable and continues to point us back to a God honoring path.  We in the ministry can often become blinded to real life and think that we are the only ones who feel this things, but it is good to know of others feeling these very awful desires yet TURNING and TRUSTING rather thanremaining in the pit of despair and sinning.  In the midst of troubled times it seems to drag on and on, yet I know that it has in the past had a strengthening power in our own personal lives and our marriage.  What has been so good is to get encouragement and admonishment regarding areas we don't share with others.  I always get a chuckle when others from church will share about their or their husband's problems with work and ask for prayer because I wonder where does the pastor ask for prayer regarding this same thing!  Thank you again for your candid and heartfelt questions and responses and desire to present every man complete in Christ.(Col. 1:28). May Grace and Peace be Yours in Fullest Measure.

Sherri  2/1/99 I know how you feel! (Even tho' we only have Sunday School and one service). My husband has been Pastor of Children's Ministries for 3 1/2 years now. He teaches both Sunday School and Junior church and until recently (because of the birth of our first child) I was helping. I have felt so disconnected as a result.  In addition, our church has had no home fellowship groups until recently, and now the only one is a Young Marrieds group. We have only been married 4 years, but we are 36 years old and feel like the odd one in a group of 25 year olds.  Anyway, I think it is very important that you get additional help. This has been a problem for us and I have no easy answers.  My husband now has 3 men that teach Jr. Church on a rotating schedule so he only has to teach during the service 1x per month. He still does Sunday School by himself.  We have issued many calls for volunteers to the congregation and they were never answered.  For some reason, over the last 3 months, the Lord saw fit to bring these men forward.  So, first of all, PRAY for more workers.  Secondly, we've found that general announcements don't work. People seem to respond better to being personally asked to perform a specific task.  So, look for people you think would be good at working with the children and ask them to join you. If they are nervous, have them just assist you by passing out craft supplies, snacks, etc. while you train them to teach.  Also, enlist your husband's help. We feel it's very important that Children's Ministries is not seen as only "women's work". That is a very worldly view that has crept in the church. The teaching of our children is crucial has eternal consequences and the men need to be involved. But they won't be unless a man in leadership is calling them to that. I know this isn't much, but I hope it helps.

Yvette  2/2/99 Sherri, thanks for your prompt concern for me.  I agree that general calls for volunteers from the congregation are not effective--and, someone may volunteer that we do not want with our children. We do have some men to help, but are cautious with those younger ones.   I think that much of our problem is that much of the church is baby Christians.  Praise God that they've found the Lord, and I suppose that it will take time for them to grow.  Thanks for your concern and wise words.  Maybe I should not murmur and complain, since we did pray for these baby Christians!!  I suppose that my fear is that we will stay in this phase FOREVER.  It is difficult to be content with things the way they are, and accept that things are this way because HE WILLS IT.  If He wanted things to be different, He would change them, right?  Pray that I can be yielded to the potter's hand.  Pray for a bunch of willing, capable, sold-out believers who love children to help me, and I will also pray for you and your family.  One consolation is that this has forced me to study His word every week and know it well enough to teach it to others.  Maybe that is why He has me in this place. . . Congratulation on your new baby!!  Boy or Girl?? Give us all the wonderful details.

High Calling  2/5/99 Dear Chris, I will pray for you because that is the most important thing I can do and I encourage you to do the same.  We as women want to do something a bit more active that shows results right away even though we know that it doesn't work and often makes things worse.  I remember being told that we as wives are not to be our husband's personal Holy Spirit and I remember E. Elliot saying that we are not our husband's moral police.  You are not alone in these feelings of isolation, just read all these 6 pages of posts!  But you do have a place that you can unburden your heart in safety and know that many who read your post will intercede on your behalf.  Were these same feelings present in apast ministry?  Or are they new and different from any you have had in your marriage?  In what ways do you want to be more a part?  Do you want him to share burdens he may be wanting to protect you from or is he simply pulling away from you because of other reasons?  I have known of a woman struggling with her husband having a problem with pornography and we prayed that men in the church would become aware of the problem and come alongside of him to confront, exhort, encourage and hold accountable.  God did do just this.  Of course he was not the pastor.  You could pray that God would convict him and that he would also reveal his sin so confession and repentance can take place.  This is a tough situation and I don't know how I would react if in the same situation. As a wife you cannot instruct your husband how to deal and live with his wife in an understanding way, but you can pray.  And you can ask God to enable you to love him and serve him especially when it is difficult and seemingly undeserving.  Only God can comfort you with the comfort that can bring peace.  Know that many will be upholding you this very day before the Throne of Grace and may God use this in your life to increase your love for HIM and TRUST in HIM WHO DOES ALL THINGS WELL.  HE LOVES YOU WITH AN EVERLASTING LOVE AND WILL NOT ALLOW YOU TO FALL OUT OF HIS HANDS. Read Isaiah 43:2.  May God give you Grace abundantly this day.

Chris  2/6/99 Thank you so much for your prayers. In the past few days things have dramatically improved. My husband has talked to someone at Focus on the Family and they offered some good advice to him. He has sat down and really asked me about my feelings. I don't even know that he realized just how much he was isolating me since we moved here. He is a lone ranger kind of a guy and is beginning to realize that God put me for a purpose. He is still tempted to look at pornography, but has opened up to other men about his problem. They also struggle with the same problem and they are keeping each other accountable. I am so thankful to have found this site. Until I found this I thought that I was alone in my feelings. I had my husband read some of these as well and it helped him to see just how tough it can be to be a pastor's wife. Thanks so much for praying for me.

Yvette  2/7/99 Chris, Please know that we are lifting you up. . . "Evening and morning and at noon I will pray and cry aloud and He will hear. . . "  Ps. 55:17  Keep us posted.

Lynne 2/8/99  Shilo,  I read your letter and thought to myself - that sounds like our church l7 years ago.  We came and started with almost NOTHING!  It would get so depressing, in the beginning.... I thought many times.... "Lord, what are we doing HERE!"  One day, I was so discouraged I went to the Lord in prayer and told HIM... "I can't take any more!"  Then, very quietly HE came to my heart and let me know HE WAS WITH US, WE WERE CALLED TO BE WHERE WE WERE AT, and I needed to be patient.  I told HIM I would do HIS will, but HE had to give me the grace and supply our every need.  He has NEVER failed us!  I guess what I would suggest to you is this:  1.  Get alone with JESUS..... LISTEN to HIS voice.  Find out if HE is calling you to move on or if HE is asking of you to begin to make roots.  It takes time for a church to be established.  (But it must be GOD'S WILL for you to be where you are at or you can have a nervous breakdown trying to make something work that won't ever work!)  Our church is in a rural Iowa town of 450 people.  It was never established.  No stability. Very similar to your situation.  Anyway, really touch the Lord about HIS will for you and your precious family.  If HE reaffirms to you that "YES" you are to be there, make a fresh consecration to JESUS and HIS work.  In the beginning of the work here.... we had mostly children coming in too.  So.... we really tried to minister to the children.  We had Bible Club, Children's Church, Sunday school, and every Christmas.... we would put on a simple, but wonderful Christmas Play. Grandmas & Grandpas, Moms & Dads... would come and see their little ones minister through drama and song....  Pretty soon..... a mom or dad would come to know JESUS.  Remember.... SLOW GROWTH IS GOOD GROWTH.....  You know, of course, what has happened over the 17 years..... Those children grew up and became teenagers....  We have an awesome youth group .....  Now even some of them have entered their 20's and gotten married.  Use your young people.......  Have them sing a special or recite an inspirational piece.....  People will be touched and hearts softened.  The next thing that I would suggest is this.... 2.  Do you have any access to a Christian college in your area?  One where there are ministry-minded youth that would come for a summer and work in your church.  This was a great blessing to our little flock - when several young people came and worked in our fellowship.  They did not receive any pay, but we let them stay with us or some families in the church.  Then, they would go "street witnessing" or have "special youth meetings."  We also had a young lady who was in Bible college come for the summer and help us start a Kid's Power & Light on Wednesday nights.  Our young people got so excited - they started inviting kids they saw at the park earlier that afternoon.  You... of course, can't do it all, but maybe the Lord would have someone come and help you.  Someone who isn't in it for money, but has a heart for the work of the Lord.  Little by little our congregation began to grow.  A family here.....  A young person there.  A lonely senior citizen would come to our church suppers.  It's amazing how JESUS will come to small towns and bless them with a THRIVING work.  It sounds like you and your husband are on the right track.... Your hearts are so willing...  THAT'S WONDERFUL....  Things can change really fast.... If you discover that JESUS wants you there......  HANG IN THERE!  There really is something to be said for a pastor and his family who will stay in a place for a number of years.  Their influence can be TREMENDOUS......  I will remember you in my prayers, and especially that your financial needs will be met.  May JESUS bless you as you seek to hear HIS voice.

Robyn  2/9/99 We too have a small church, and boy can it get discouraging! When we came here, there was only 40 to 50;  then there was a big problem in the church where some of the members were not happy with the way my husband was doing things.  He has to work a full time job {40+ hrs}. And is not able to visit and all as he really wishes he could.  He does go as often as possible. And is always there when there is a surgery, or someone is very sick {by taking lunch early or going in early}  So anyway, a couple of the families stirred up a heap of trouble and tried to get a vote to get us out.  They didn't have the vote, but when they left, they took at least 4 families with them.  Now, God has added to us, by 3 families, but we still barely break 25 on a GOOD sunday.  And you were talking of everyone in town has gone to the church at one time or the other, and have gotten hurt??  Are you sure you are not talking about MY church????  Boy does this sound sooo like us!!  We just passed our 1st anniversary here.  This is our 3rd church.  This church has come through alot of bad testimonies from other pastors who have not lived the life they should, and neither has their families.  So, I know it will take a long time to get over that hump, but boy is it hard sometimes!  When you see your husband, so burdened for the church, and weeping and crying over those that have no concern for the things of God.... no consistencies in their lives.  I get more heart broken over seeing him struggle from Sunday, to Wed night, to Sunday again, and still no change!  I know it is discouraging for him! But I just let him know, I am right by his side, through the good times and bad; and God will prevail in all of this.  We have some families that are good as gold and I thank God for them!!!  They make this journey worth the trip!!  You are in my prayers.... and I would appreciate the prayers as well!!!  God bless you in your service for Him. If you need me, let me know.

Shilo  2/17/99 Lynne, I want to thank you for ministering to my heart. The things you said are all right on target! I hope and pray that in 17 years I will be able to tell someone the wonderful story you have told me, how I was once there but the Lord has blessed our labor, with a fruitful Harvest!! (Praise the Lord!)  I printed your page off and I have been reading it over and over sucking out every bit of wisdom, and there is soooo much. I truly thank you for what you have to share. I have also went back and read things you have told others you are blessed with the gift of lifting others up, but also for telling them like it is!! I know that you are so right about your #1 thing to do. I had been taught that a few years ago, when we went through a ministers training school they said" You must KNOW that you KNOW that you KNOW that you are called, and that's just how it is here we must KNOW it here as well. And we do KNOW we are
where God put us and where he wants us to be. Thank you for your prayers and you were right about things can really change fast.... when you KNOW that Jesus wants you there. In the days that have passed since I first wrote on this message board, many things have happened, Things that we know God did. We sold some property that the church didn't need,Three familys from a sister Church near by,
have prommised $20.00 a week from each family to help the Church. The one family in the church that had stopped paying tithes because of bill, well he got his income tax money and made up all his back tithes and said how sorry he was for getting behind.  We had a special Wed- night tonight, we had a contest Boys vs Girls. Boys lost Girls won.  We had 27 kids and youth there tonight!!!!! thats more than we have had in any service in a very long time!! God is soooo Gooood!!!  His blessings are far greater
than we would ever ask or think. The kids said they will be back!!! You ALL keep praying for us and let's all pray for each other, we all KNOW that we KNOW that we KNOW that PRAYER WORKS!!  Why do
we wait so long before we get into it and really pray for answers?!?!

Lynne  2/18/99 Shilo,  I am so thankful JESUS came and lifted your burden.  "He's the glory & the lifter of my head!"  How wonderful that the Lord is blessing your meetings with children.  I think lots of children are the sign of a healthy church.  They are indeed the NEXT GENERATION for JESUS!  It may seem at times that nothing is really happening in their little lives, but  as the years go by.... they will remember certain songs, stories, verses & situations!  These memories can help them find their way in this dark world.  (It's kind of like giving them a BRIGHT flashlight on a dark night)  We all must keep on keeping on!  The way gets hard at times, but it will be worth it all when we see JESUS!  I enjoyed your letter very
much.  Thank you for your encouraging words.  MAY JESUS BE YOUR PORTION!

Yvette  2/19/99 Bonnie,  Beginining a new church is much MUCH hard work, I know.  When we first began a new fellowship 5 years ago, I felt like the farmer's wife.  I watched him break up the fallow ground, pour his very heart and soul into the work, plant seed, and water, and water, and water, only to
find very little harvest.  We become very discouraged at times.  Finally, our small fellowship is beginning to grow.  I think that one thing that has helped us is to know that we are doing exactly what God has called us to do.  HE will build his church.  It is HIS church. . . we are only to be obedient to the call.  I think that many areas of our country are "fallow ground" and require much preparation, before anything can begin to grow there.  The Lord has laid on our hearts to make our few sheep the best-loved,  most well-fed, most cared-for sheep that we can, and leave the rest to Him.  Keeping my eyes on Jesus, not on the people, not on the numbers, helps.  It also helped me to know that 80-90% of churches in America are small churches, NOT mega-churches.  We are in the majority. Many who come to a small church could not feel comfortable in a larger one.  But still, I know that when discouragement comes, only the master can comfort my heart, can shape me into what I need to be.  Another thing that I have considered is, if our church did suddenly grow, are we really mature enough to handle it?? Could we deal with 10 times the people trials??  I know that being a pastor's wife is a prime place for the Lord to grow me up, that I might be more like Him.  So, we continue to hoe, to plant, to water, to work, and to lean on the Lord to provide the harvest.  May God bless you as you serve Him.  "Do not grow weary while doing good, for you will reap in due season."   Lord, please lift up Bonnie and her husband.  Strengthen their hearts, Lord.  Comfort as only you can.

High Calling  2/17/99 Yvette...how are you doing?  A bit more cheery today?  Isn't it wonderful to know you can ask for prayer at anytime with not a lot of questions?

Yvette  2/19/99 High Calling,  your reply was like gold to me. . . Thank you so much.  Yes, I am much better today.  God is faithful.  I would not say that I am happy, but I am sure that HE IS ABLE to accomplish His will.  But, I know that I am not here to be happy, but to bring him glory.  That is the
highest goal.  Thank you for being a friend.  See ya here, there, or in the air.

Lynne  2/11/99 Lee,  I was very touched by the openess and honesty of your letter.  It sounds as if JESUS has put two LEADERS together.  At first, this can be a big adjustment, but as we learn of HIS love and humility.......  Then, you two will work as a team.  I think sometimes being a "pastor's wife" is kind of stereotyped in our own minds.  Maybe this has happened to you.  I know it has happened to me.  In the beginning I kind of had in my mind what I thought my duties were.  (Visitation with my husband, entertaining lots of parishers, etc.)  I was getting kind of bitter myself.  Then, it hit me one day as I was praying.....  What does JESUS want from me in this work where HE has called me.  All of a sudden I
realized at that time HE was asking of me to work with the children through drama & song.  I shared this with my husband.  At first, we both had to adjust to both our "EXPECTATIONS" of my role.  Then, slowly but surely, JESUS began to allow me at times to go on visitation (NOT EVERY SINGLE TIME)  & to entertain parishners in our home (AS WE FELT LED)  The children's ministry began to grow & take off and before too long.... JESUS led us to open a CHRISTIAN SCHOOL in our church.  That was 11 years ago.  I find that my role has changed as our church has grown, but JESUS is faithful to teach me.  It seems with the call of God on your life and the gifts that JESUS has blessed you with.... You would be a great asset to the new church JESUS has called you too.  Coupled with your husband's ministry..... WOW --- it should be a very exciting time.   It does take time to "find our place" but we can enjoy our husbands in the process and love the flock that JESUS has called us to serve.  Let us all know how you come out.  Many prayers are going up to the throne of God for you.  Isn't it great to be in HIS school.  I just LOVE IT!  Lovingly, LYNNE

Lee  2/12/99 Lynne, thank you for responding to my note!  I am already a little bit better about the situation.  You see, when I had to leave my church and youth to go to the church he was at and had been at almost 2 yrs., I felt like such an outsider.  Now that we are at the new church, we are both "NEW" together.  Does that make sense?  The church members are making us feel like such a team, such a couple, and I love it.  My husband seems to be getting better at including me and making me feel a part of this ministry.  The church we are at is small and will be an uphill battle.  We heard all the problems they are going through WED. night after Prayer Meeting.  Several of the members came to us separately to tell us how they thought the church should be run.  I guess that goes on in every church!  ANYWAY, it is a blessing to be at a new church together with my husband.  PRAY for the youth of this church.  ONLY ONE ATTENDS as of right now.  That means it is an incredible opportunity for me to let God use me!  My heart longs to work with youth again.  That is my calling in life, I know!  I love them dearly!  May God bless you this day!  Thanks for praying for me!  I am thanking God for you and will remember you in my prayers!  THANKS SO MUCH!  Have a Happy Valentines Day!  Love, Lee

Lee  2/17/99 Lynne, I just wanted to thank you for your reply!  I have felt your prayers and have thanked God for you!  I pray that HE will BLESS YOU and your family!  Thank you for caring!  Things are so much better.  The new church that we are at is a new beginning for us.  We are so excited and happy to be there!  The people are making me feel so welcome and loved!  And, my husband is becoming more understanding to my needs or wanting to feel a TEAM!  We are working on it together!  Thank you for your help!  Keep in touch!

Shilo  2/18/99 Lee, I'm glad to hear that you are felling more like a team with your husband, that is wonderful!! My heart goes out to you I see myself in so much that I have heard you say. Well here is my story. " I am not a youth pastor but a children's pastor. I have been for almost 10 years! My husband has always felt called to pastor. I always new that someday I would be a pastor's wife. Well, I have been for just a little more than 1 year. When I had to leave "my kids" just a yr. ago, I was very bitter and Angry about it, but I also knew it was God's will?!?! (does that make any sense?) Well I left about 60 kids to come to a very small church (2) people the first sun. I couldn't understand why God would take me from a place where he used me in soooo many ways working with kids, God has givin me many talents to work with kids.  (Clowning,puppets,storytelling, and probobly the most helpful a Kids mind) I really believe I connect with kids, I know thats where I am most comfortable in Ministry. Well Jesus has REALLY kicked me out of my comfort zone!!!  I am learning more everyday. I don't think of my self as "PASTORS WIFE" I am just the Childrens pastor that happens to be married to the Pastor, and when I am doing the ministering of a pastors wife I felt like its just reaching out to the kids family's and when I touch the life of adults in the church it touches the lifes of the kids. Like I help a mother that doesn't know how to read by helping the mother to learn I am helping that child that calls her mom. I believe that this is a time that God needs me to minister to the total family, thats where kids are hurting the most!!! So I guess I do all the things that most pastors wifes do, (Im still not good at cooking cleaning, or "Lady's Gossip) I came into this Pastors wife life with unrealistic thoughts that I have tried to discard like My husban and I always thought that our home cars ect. should be in perfect order at all times, like a busness and the doors are always open, and the home is just bubbling with hospitality, sweet smells in the air at all times. Well I CAN"T DO IT !!  I have 2 children a husban a dog a pet miniture flying squrel, a full time job teaching preschool. (I love it) well I can't keep the perfect home, it's far from it!! I suffer lot's of guilt because of that. (any advice anyone?)  Well I am happy to say the Lord still uses me with the children and here Im also working with a few youth and so far it's been good,really not much different than youth, youth are just taller! LOL!! And to be honest working with adults is alot like working with kids, they all fight a little, grip a little and they are all in a hurry to go out-side and do what ever. Well I would love to here from anyone!! God bless you women who are married to pastors, Im praying for God to use you in the ministry that he has called you to!!!

Lynne  2/18/99 Lee,  It sounds like JESUS has given you "new beginnings!"  This can be a very exciting time in your ministry.  As the years go by (& they quickly will)  you will look back on this place where JESUS has called you and your husband to labor and draw from the many things you have learned.  There is nothing like PRACTICAL THEOLOGY!  You can't learn it in seminary or from books.  You just have to get out there, roll up your sleeves, & stay close to the Shepherd.  You will learn MUCH at your new post!  What an honor to be part of the King's army.  I'll remember you & your husband in our prayers. May God richly bless you.

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