Pastor's Wives' Support Board

The purpose of this page is to support and encourage pastor's wives.  If you are a pastor's wife and have a question, helpful suggestion, or response to another question or suggestion, please fill out the form and click submit.  Responses will be added later.  Let's help each other!

Please also submit for our future book .  We are also planning a book for and about pastor's kids .  Please check this out if you were a pastor's kid - or have your child give us ideas!

Due to your great responses, we have made this Support Board into many different pages!  Make sure you read all of them!
Page 1
Page 2
Page 3
Page 4
Page 5
Page 6
Page 7
Page 8
Page 9
Page 10
Page 11
Page 12
Page 13
Page 14
Page 15
Page 16
Page 17
Page 18
Page 19
Page 20
Page 22 - Current Page


Rock Dove Home Page

Our Products
   "Copy Me!" Bible Quizzes
   Devotions for Dog Lovers
   Devotions for Hunters and Anglers
   Self-Inflicted Hunting Arguments
   Messianic Psalms
   Hunting and the Bible
   The Prodigal Pooch
   Raccoon Hunting Basics

Ordering
    Secure Order Form
    View Your Shopping Cart
    Printable Order Form
    How to Use the Cart

Specials
    "Litter of Ten" Special

Our Boards
    Pastor's Wives' Support Board
   Pastor's Support Board
   Raccoon Hunting Questions
   Submissions for Pastor's Wives Book
   Submissions for Pastor's Kids Book

Pages of Interest to:
    Dog Lovers
    Pastors
    Pastor's Wives
    Hunters
    Raccoon Hunters
    Deer Hunters
    Job Hunters

Our Articles
    Lonely, But Not Alone
    About Tom Rakow
    Barrie
    "Special" Andy
    Buck Fever
    Confessions of a Poacher
    How to Hunt Privately on Public Lands
    Untangling Christmas Traditions
    Raccoon Hunting Basics
    Deer and Moose Hunting Pictures
    Dominique's Column
    Endangered Species?
    Where's that Pointer Pointing?
    The Prodigal Pooch
    The Coat
    A One-Eyed Squirrel Dog

News Releases
    Hunting and the Bible
   "Copy Me!" Bible Quizzes

Item: Quantity:
"Copy Me!" Bible Quizzes
Devotions for Dog Lovers
Devotions for Hunters and Anglers
Self-Inflicted Hunting Arguments
Hunting and the Bible
Messianic Psalms
The Prodigal Pooch
The Rail Rider
Liz  1/1/2004  My husband was called into the ministry in 1998. We planted a church in our hometown which both of us had lived all our lives. The Lord then called us to evangelize and we have done that along with missionary work on the east coast of the US. The church we planted is still going well with a new pastor. At the beginning of 2003 the Lord called my husband to move 1500 miles away to plant a church in a very small community. It has been almost 8 months since our move and the Lord has paved the way. Our church opened it's doors in August. My biggest concern, really my only concern, is the pastor's at the other churches are actually rude and mean. A little input would be appreciated.
Julia  1/2/2004  Alone this evening...for 5 hours.It's my first time on this site and I'm sure others can identify..this evening is my husbands monthly elders meeting..again!! So ONCE again I'll be left behind, and once again try to be creative in how to keep myself occupied.(it's just the two of us..we're married 9 years and haven't been able to have kids as yet) So..will I phone a friend, or knit or..? And How well will I manage my attitude THIS time? Will I let the Lord wash me with patience and contentment for a husband I love dearly doing a work I believe in? Or will the loneliness of an evening in the house spark resentment, sadness, wrestlessnes? Will I more readily reach for my Bible and my songbook, and let the Lord keep me company? Or will I make other choices..like watching rubbish on TV? Choices. Each one of us have natural constraints to or lives. The restriction of routines, commitments, roles to fulfill. For me that involes health problems which are my biggest restraint. I have ME (or post viral fatigue syndrome)So it is not an option for me to take a plesasant walk or get engrossed in a lively activity in the house. But I am just challanged today..whatever our situation in God's work, whatever the restrictions we feel...we also have some choices to make. And mine for this evening is this...will I choose to surrender a difficult lonely evening to the Lord, and let Him work in my heart, refine me, love me through it..or will I do it the second best way, MY way..and draw on my own resources..the worlds resources ..and even..the devils resources. Choices..!

Judy  1/4/2004  Greetings in the wonderful name of our Lord Jesus! I am a pastor's wife. We've been married for 36 years and have pastored for around 30 of those years. We have experienced pretty much all of the above. What I want to say is, "I totally understand." The pastorate is full of hardships, hurts, difficulties, but also full of love and reward. I think the one thing I have learned in the 30+ years of pastoring is to let go and let God. I used to think it was up to me to be the perfect pastor's wife, to support my husband 100%, to have the perfect pastor's kids, to have the perfect everything, and you know what?? It's NEVER going to be perfect enough. There was always be somebody there that wants to criticize and hurt. Satan makes sure of that. Just remember that we don't struggle against flesh and blood but against principalities and rulers in the high places. Let it Go!!! Just work on your relationship with the Lord. Make that a priority above all else. Make your daily time with Him a point of obedience -- not whether your feel like it or whether you feel like it is helping you. You know you need to spend time with Him -- now obey!! It's that simple. Time in God's word will fortify you like nothing else. I used to quietly count the people in the pews -- now I just pray for them instead. I don't look at whether we are growing or shrinking or people or leaving or people are coming -- that's up to the Lord. Find out what He wants you to do and then do it with all your might. Leave the rest up to Him. Truly give it up! Just be what He wants you to be. Also, as you spend time with the Lord, your relationship with your husband and your kids will improve. Your husband just might WANT to make time for you. Your kids might just WANT to obey and eventually walk with the Lord just like you do. I love you all! My heart goes out to you. If I had it all to do over again, would I do it?? Yep! Would I do it differently? YEP! I'd make my relationship with HIM everything and let everything else go. I'll be praying for you all that you will be able to do just that. There's a blessing and peace waiting for you.
pw1  1/5/2004  What do you do about a relationship between a woman in the church and your pastor hubby. We have a woman who has been with us for over 22 years and they have this relationship where they are always talking, laughing, sharing and just being good buddies. Until recently she did the bulletin with him every Saturday alone at the church and comes at his beck and call when he needs something bought or picked up. I've dealt with this for many years , have expressed my concerns and now replaced her with the bulletin making. Don't know if there has ever been anything other than this friendship, but I believe it was a little more than improper. I've been jealous over the years, but I really feel at this point, it's something to be confronted. My daughters (adult) and other women have noticed this over the years as well. Thanks for listening.
Becky  1/6/2004  I am a youth pastors' wife and we are looking for a new teen summer camp. We are independent baptist and would like to find something within and 2 state radious of Kansas. We could use suggestions. Thanks
SouthTownRuby  1/7/2004  I am not a PW, but I am a PK, acually two times over, both parents being ministers. I happened onto this support board while seeking out a solution for a problem. My Mom is in a situation, which has ultimately caused her to forsake her support to Daddy and his ministry/church. [I don't feel at liberty to go into details, but will if my request sparks an interest with other supportive wives.] She desparately needs to get back into her element and be surrounded by faith filled individuals. If she doesn't soon, the result may be unwelcomed. As one of my sisters said, “ She has named a dozen people who have wronged her and had destruction and death in their family - now she is distributing the wrath and judgment of God on her [currently] perceived enemies.” We children don't know where to turn for immediate support. We've tried many things, through many people. Guess you could say the knot at the end of our rope has come untied. We definitely need the prayers of miracle believing children of God. Let me add that our Dad is the one suffering the most. His physical condition is a serious concern to us [this too can be expounded upon if interest is taken]. My request: If this is not too unreasonable, I would like to request that several PKs who have PK victory stories to write to my mom. Better yet, if they would volunteer to meet with her in a group setting, she could get 'hands-on' prayer and support. This could be arranged on my end, I pray, but may be totally out of the question. Even so, I'm hoping there might be several [make that many] who would kindly give of themselves this one time. Without going into details, a miraculous outcome to the situation would have a generational effect, MOO. Thank you for having the board here for all preachers' wives. I have oftened wondered where PWs go to get refilled, refreshed, revived, etc.. They are having to be Godly women, Godly wives, Godly mothers, Godly siblings and Godly children. That, in itself, is life consuming, without even considering the regular day to day that all of us have to face. My email address is yours for the asking. If this makes it to the board and/or generates responses, I can only thank God that you have been good witness to me. Thank you and God bless you all...
Liz  1/8/2004  The Lord called us to plant a church in a very small northern mid-west state. We moved 1500 miles from our home and family, we just sold everything and obeyed the Lord. For the last three years we have done evangelism and mission trips in the US and before that planted a church in the city we lived in, which is fairly large. This town we moved to has only about 2500 people and already has 6 churches and with us makes seven. I see the needs here and I see why God sent us, but the other pastors and wives are so rude. They are all main line denominations and we are independent. The chrch already owns a beautiful historic main street building with tons of room for growth. Our congreation is small, very small but more than our family which is my pastor husband, me, and our two boys. The community we live in is mostly of Scandanavian decent and seem to show little emotion. It seems so hard to reach these people. Being a pastor's wife isn't easy. I actually thought when we went out on the road with evangelism, which was doing wonderful, that we wouldn't be back at pastoring a church again. My biggest problem is dealing with rude and mulipulative people. I lift them up in prayer but at times I struggle. We were from the south and southern hospitality was a lifestyle. You treated people as you wanted treated. One particular women latched on to me the first week we got into town. All of a sudden she was a great friend and seemed so sincere. She kept up this for nearly 7 months then all of a sudden with no warning went off on me for nothing. Since then people have been volunteering information about her and her "problems" Her and her three children have left our church and I believe they were a hinderance now that I look at the whole situtation. This happened right before Christmas. I have only been a pastors wife for about 6 years now. I have grown so much in the Lord, learning to depend on Him. Any pastor's wives in the upper midwest who would like to chat or pray together? It seems I just want to talk with someone who understands or can see something I am not. Please reply.

one rose  7/10/2004  I am going threw the same things. Most peoples reaction to me is ,your not from around here . I asked ,how do you know ? Their answer was you are too friendly.I know God sent us , and its been hard, but it has caused me to depend only on Him. I picked up a sign at a yard sale . It said bloom where you are planted. Some times I want to give up. The people are so hard on the pastors' wife. But in the back of my head I here these words "Let me see this world dear Lord as though I was looking threw your eyes "People say I am too real! I use to care more about what people thought of me , but now,God how do you want me to be .Lord how do you want me to respond ? Lord how do you want me to Love these people. At times its so hard to show mercey and grace , But God threw Him all things are possible If you want you can reach me .Up threw the thorns in our life comes the rose. I have been there,and Iam still here But we are not alone.
Songbird  1/8/2004  Blessed, be God which hath not turned away my prayer nor his mercy from me (Psalm 67:20) Sisters in the Lord I am hurting tonight. My husband and I have been in Youth ministry full time for five years. Five years ago I thought that there would be a bond between senior pastor and youth pastor. That we would be a team working for the Lord. My questain tonight is why do senior pastors feel threnghted by extra staff. There is always conflict. And most of the time the Senior Pastors favorite words are "Because I Am The Pastor". He gives no reason for insulting us but we do not feel at liberty to challenge him because he is the man of God. Where do you draw the line and still have unity? Please if you have any comments let me know. I realize that we are young in the ministry and we may be wrong.
Brittney  1/13/2004  I would like your prayer for our family this coming weekend. My husband has an Associate's Degree in Computers and a BA in Biblical Studies. He has come full circle after moving away from his call to the ministry. He will be candidating for a pastoral position this weekend. We are very excited but nervous. He seems to be lacking confidence and I'm afraid that he might freeze up in front of the congregation. Please pray for him that he will have calmed nerves and feel comfortable with his sermon material.
NEW2ME  1/20/2004  My husband feels led to fill a pastoral position in a church that is an outreach of our own. Neither of us has any formal training in this area with the exception of 15+ years of our own experiences, teaching S.S., VBS, Ladies'Outreach, and Prison Ministries (for him). I'm glad to take the path the Lord has, but I feel terribly unqualified. It's a small group of people with some support members from our current church. There's no choir or SS classes yet, just two services on Sunday and a mid-week prayer service. Are there any online courses or websites that could help me define my new job description? Or help me to help my husband plan what to do next? I would hate to fall flat on my face without at least a heads-up! Thanks for all your advice.
Kim  1/22/2004  My husband and I have been married for one year and our pastor is sending us to start a ministry in a nearby town. My husband has been a minister for over 10 years but I'm not that experienced. We had our first service last Tuesday. Things are going very well. I was happy to see that there was a source for support and guidance. As a new pastor's wife I have a few concerns. I want to know if there is anyone who will share with me their experience as a pastor's wife who has been called to do a mighty work for God herself. I can't be in the background and my husband doesn't want me to but this is new to me. I am not used to operating in the spiritual gifts God has blessed me with and I wanted to know if there is some advice. I get nervous and anxious but I have to do it because I can't rest if I don't. It's in my blood, it's who I am. Please share. thank you
Anne  1/25/2004  Oh, sisters in the Lord, thank you... I just found this website and words cannot describe how it feels to know that I am not crazy, or alone. I honestly thought that I was the only pastor's wife who struggled. I have been a pastor's wife for 4 years. We have had marital problems the entire time. My husband had been single in the ministry for a long time before we got married. I have had such a hard time "fitting in" to our church in this new role, and also into his ministry since he is used to doing it all by himself (he is an associate pastor). I am not an outgoing person. I am fairly shy and private. I do not like being in the spotlight. My husband does not understand the feelings that I have of insecurity, jealousy, loneliness.... I have struggled with depression and even a suicide attempt, although God has carried me through and I am much better now, and am learning how to treat my depression. I have felt so very alone. We have a son who was born with a major birth defect and spent a long time in the hospital. We almost lost him, but God has done miracles in his life and he is still with us. He continues to have special needs. My husband and I are very different, and I am not sure that we were the best match for one another. We have conflict over so many issues. I feel like he has nothing left for us, that his ministry takes all of the best of him. But I want to be a good wife. My heart is to be a helper to him, and to be a blessing to his life. I am learning to be myself and not worry about what other's think of me so much. I feel like a hypocrite because I fail so much in my marriage. I question whether it was God's will for us to marry, but then I love my precious son and I know he is not a mistake. I am struggling. I want to rise above all of this and to learn to depend on God as my source of strength and worth. I want to learn to love my husband unselfishly, without focusing on how he is meeting my needs. I have always wanted to be a wife and mommy, and now that I am, I am not happy. Our marriage problems affect my husband and his ministry and I don't want that. He is very stubborn and can be very selfish and insensitive, and if things are going to change they are going to have to change with me. I know God is calling me to surrender myself and my marriage to him, but I keep wanting to protect my heart. I seem to always be hurt by my husband's actions. I have wanted to leave many times but I know that divorce is not God's will. I know we are an example to so many. Please help with any wisdom or prayers. God bless you all and thank you for sharing your hearts.

Dee  2/10/2004  You sound a lot like me and I’m at my first anniversary. I bought a book called Relationship Rescue, by Dr. Phil MacGraw. A mainstream targeted book that helps you to face yourself when you’re ready to do that. My husband and I are also opposites. I was so full of my unmet needs and why isn’t he this way or that way, when I started the book only to find out, I was creating the problem. If you’re creating problems in your marriage, that also means God can use you to impact the solution in your marriage. “God has a provision for you in the mate He’s given you.” That’s the line that sold me on the book. I’m having such great experiences with its realism and honesty, I gave the book as a wedding present. I had to realize, after I got married, I began making self -sacrifices for the sake of my marriage. Those sacrifices took me further and further away from being who I am and brought me into being someone I didn’t want to be and my husband never asked me to be. Essentially, the time I used to take for replenishing myself, listening to music I liked, reading a magazine, going to the gym, having lunch with friends, or whatever, became substituted for grocery shopping and other chores in the name of “being flexible.” I became full of “flex” and resentment. I was putting myself last. I stopped putting myself first. All my husband was doing, was giving me the value I treated myself with. I stopped being the person he fell in love with, to do activities to help the marriage, and ended up hindering it. I sacrificed my “pretty money;” the money to keep myself up – getting my hair done and a manicure - to help me get out of debt. Once I made the commitment to keep myself up, surprise! the money came and my debt exodus is still on schedule. My husband appreciates the upkeep. I’m back at the gym too. Now instead of cooking every night or every other, I can break out those pre-cooked goodies from Smart & Final or Costco and make some room for me. If you’re thinking you’re the only one in your marriage, look again and make sure it’s even you and not a reasonable facsimile. I want my home to be filled with love. I want my home to be a great place to come home to. I want our marriage to be a love that spills over onto other people and inspire them. I want to laugh and have fun with my husband. To respect and honor my husband and raise children (when they arrive) who love and admire their Dad. Just sharing that vision of our marriage with my husband – we really connected like a man and wife. I need the share that vision with him more often. The more I do, the more we walk toward it.

Rocatta  7/26/2004  I saw so many women in pain, and I didn't see any responses to them. At the risk of sounding like a know-it-all, I would like to offer some hope and courage. For Anne, who wrote on 1/25: I am so, so sorry. I married a pastor 6 years ago. While we are more similar than you and your husband, we have had our share of spats. I sensed despair in your message. The would "fail" has such a desperate feel to it, and such a sense of finality. I believe that you do make wrong choices, as we all do, but I don't believe you are a failure, or even "fail at you marriage". I would like to suggest two books. The first is "The Marriage Builder" by Larry Crabb. It talks about ministering to your spouse and allowing God to minister to you. The second is "The Power of a Praying Wife" by Stormie Omartian. God used her prayers to turn her oaf into a loving husband. :-) Anne, please don't give up. Maybe your marrying this man wasn't wise at the time, but you're right, your child was no mistake. If your husband cares enough to make an effort, your marriage can be renewed.
Muriel  1/25/2004  In response to several of the ladies' stories, I am a pastor's wife of about 20 years total, and he has pastored a total of (4) churches. The one we are currently in had many, many divisions and problems during the past 25 years, and most of all the original members have left and far gone. Then, about 9 years ago the (then) pastor committed adultery with the 3rd Elder and he was asked by our Denomination headquarters, to leave the church and he did. He divorced his wife, she, her husband, they married and are still married today. It was strictly an affair of lust. It nearly destroyed our church of almost 85 people at that time. Some did not believe he was guilty, got angry and left when he was gone. It took our attendance down to in the 20's, sometimes 30's, which is very painful for my husband, the (now) pastor of almost 9 years. While all of the discention, and trouble makers are no longer here, we are still broken with the loss of so many and because of the rumors of the former pastor all around the area, people would not attend this church as though (we) all had the plague. That is so unfair. We have tried desperately to grow and re-build, one little step at a time. It has been a very hard job and very defeating at times. We have loving people for the most part, and NO trouble makers to speak of. I do not feel intimidated by any of the people as I refuse to be. We have been in ministry work, both pastoring and in the leading of the music ministry for almost 40 years, and have come up against many of the (groupies) that love to give people problems of whom they are jealous, How sad. To those young ladies who have just been pastor's wives for a short time, my one word of advice would be this: Keep your lives clean, live for the Lord, be an example, be a good wife and mother, and don't worry about what the church people think you should do. I am the only musician in our church and my son is the guitarist. We often feel very unappreciated, and had gotten to the point of not even caring about attending because of the I don't care attitude of our mostly older members, who could care less about doing anything to help the church move forward. Gossip is not even really a problem here, just plain laziness, and complacency. It will kill a church as quickly as anything else. Keep your heads up, do what you do (only) for God, never the praise or recognition of man, because there is really none to be had. That way, you won't be disappointed if you are not expecting it. My husband is like the one lady's husband, he understands that some of the people are just not to a place in their lives where they have grown spiritually and that is very sad. When it is time to leave, you will begin to sense that people who were once loving and close with you, have started to withdraw and pull away. That (could) mean they have now become dis-enchanted and possibly looking for something else. Pastor's wives, by the way, are the most abused, ignored, mis-treated people in the church. I know from experience, I thoroughly believe it is because some of the others are jealous. They can't do it, and wouldn't if they could, so they will sit and find fault with the pastor's wife when they have absolutely NO clue what is really going on in the inside workings and operations of the local church. If anyone would like to email me, I would love hearing from you.
Anjo  1/26/2004  I have been a pastors wife 16 years; for 9 of those years I homeschooled our 4 kids. This fall we started a Christian school. I am now there 7 days a week. My house is a mess! I want to share my husbands vision for this ministry, but I secretly hope it fails! I am not quite as sweet as I used to be. I feel unappreciated by our folks; no one seems aware of the sacrifice I`ve made. I wanna go home!
cathy  1/27/2004  I HAVE BEEN A PASTORS WIFE FOR TWEVE YEARS NOW I AM SO TRIED OF SEEING MY HUSBAND ON A ROLLER COASTER, WE HAD A PERSON IN LEADERSHIP THAT STARTED ALOT OF MESS, HE WOULD SPEAK AGAINST EVERYTHING MY HUSBAND SAID, IF MY HUSBAND SAID LETS LOOK AT THIS BUILDING, HE WOULD TELL PEOPLE WHAT A A BAD IDEA, JUST KEPT UP ALL KIND OF CONFUSION,TO MAKE A LONG STORY SHORT IT CAUSE A HUNDRED TO ALMOST TWO MENENBER TO GO TO ABOUT FOURTY PEOPLE, MOST OF THE PEOPLE THAT ARE LEFT ARE FAMILY OUR DAUGHTERS AND THEIR HUSBANDS AND A FEW FAITHFUL I HAVE A WOMENS MINISTRY THAT HAS A CONFERENCE EVERY OCT IT IS DOING WHAT GOD WANTS IT TO DO HELPING YOUNG AND OLD WOMEN TO KNOW WHO THEY ARE IN THE LORD PLEASE PRAY FOR ME AND MY HUSBAND THAT GOD WOULD SEND FAITHFUL PEOPLE TO HELP WITH THE WORK OF THE LORD. MY HUSBAND LOVES THE LORD AND THE PEOPLE OF GOD THAT HE SAIDS HE GOING TO KEEP ON WITH THE WORK OF THE LORD ,PRAY THAT I CAN FEEL THE SAME WAY ALSO IM READY TO GO AND SIT IN SOMEONES CHURCH AND THEN JUST GO HOME.

I feel the same!  4/20/2004  MY HUSBAND HAS BEEN IN THE MINISTRY FOR 20 YEARS NOW (YOUTH PASTOR, THEN PASTOR) AND AM ALSO SO TRIED OF SEEING MY HUSBAND ON A ROLLER COASTER. WE ALSO HAD A PERSON IN LEADERSHIP THAT STARTED ALOT OF MESS WHO WOULD SPEAK AGAINST EVERYTHING MY HUSBAND SAID. THIS GUY WENT BEHIND OUR BACKS AND SPOKE AGAINST US AND GOT 1/3 OF THE CHURCH TO LEAVE. HOW CAN PEOPLE BE SO BLIND TO BELIEVE SUCH LIES? ALSO, IT JUST HURTS SO MUCH THAT PEOPLE WE HAVE BEEN THERE FOR FINANCIALLY, AT FUNERALS, WEDDINGS, AND FOR OTHER LIFE EVENTS WOULD TURN ON US. WE WILL BE OKAY FINANCIALLY, BUT DOES THIS EVER STOP? IT SEEMS LIKE IT'S BEEN THIS WAY AT EVERY CHURCH, THAT THERE ARE THOSE WHO JUST WANT TO CAUSE TROUBLE IN GOD'S HOUSE. I AGREE WITH YOU CATHY, THAT I AM READY TO JUST GO BE A CHURCH MEMBER SOMEWHERE. IS THERE A CHAT ROOM SOMEWHERE TO JUST TALK? I AM JUST SO HURT OVER THIS.....

Rocatta  7/26/2004  For I Feel the Same: I can really relate to your anger over how you and your husband are treated. We are currently suffering at the hands of a leader. I'm also looking for a chat room. Did you ever find one?
CJ  1/27/2004  Dear message board, I would just like to ask for prayer. My husband and I have been in the ministry for over 30 years. We love our church and people that God has given us. My problem is that I'm going through the empty-nest and my husband has always been very independent, quiet and pretty much does the ministry alone. My problem now is that I'm so alone. Our church is filled with family and my children are all long distance from us. I go to church and drive home in tears by myself. During the week I'm so lonely for just someone to share everyday things with. Please just lift up a prayer and I'd be ever so grateful. It would be nice just to have someone that cares enough to take the time. Thanks and glad I found this site.
Kris  1/28/2004  Hi everyone! I can relate to alot of the situations here. I`ve delt with the porn issue, the being asked to leave a church etc. and have only been doing this for 6 years. Liz, I am also from the midwest. Raised in Iowa now in Missouri, I would be happy to chat. My problem is when my husband was hired, he was told they wanted us to bring in new members. We feel the way to do this was to increase our programming.(there was basically none) I have started a Wednesday night youth program called "Friends in Faith", tried a book club for a while, started a womens CWF,etc. I teach Sunday school, lead children`s worship on a rotating basis. I am feeling overwhelmed. I love everything I am doing, however We can get no volunteers for anything. Out of a church of about 120 people, I have 10 ppl. signed up for my womens luncheon on Sat.My husband and I lead the Wed. night program with about 20 kids usually by ourselves and the help of one or two people.With that program the kids are supposed to have a leader for every 5 kids and move from station to station. To run properly I would need about 8 people. They recently called a pastoral relations committee meeting and brought up several weaknesses of my husbands and told him he had low self esttem and needed counseling.My boss could not ask me to do that so why do they feel they can. His low self esteem is a result of what we have put up with since entering ministry.Anyway I want to quit several of these positions, but feel there will be repercussions towards us if I do. I feel as if the church needs to step up to the plate, we can not turn things around by ourselves. Meanwhile, our house feels in chaos because of the time spent on things at church.They also attacked him because they heard our financial situation was not perfect. Maybe it is because I put every extra dime and then some into the programs because the church does not feel the church kids need that. "We didn`t have that and we turned out fine." They nitpick over every penny. I know I sound a little bitter, but I have been holding it all inside. I`ve talked to my husband ,but it doesn`t help.He has his own stress.I`ve talked to God.I know what I suppose I should do (kill them with kindness, but its killing me)Want to leave and be normal again so bad!
pastorflor  1/28/2004  where do i start? i am 35 years old and have been co-pastoring with my husband for 1 year now. we have been in the ministry for 12 years. we have been persecuted, rejected, insulted, lied on, gosspied about, falsely accused. but my sisters, not from our congregation, but from other ministers (CHRISTIANS!) I CAN'T TAKE IT ONE MORE DAY! I just want them to leave us alone. This is spiritual bullying. They say :"Who do they think they are? " "Who anointed them?" "Rebellious" "Unsubmissive" We have never, never, ever, hurt another ministry, taken sheep, talked about the pastors, but YET, they seem to want to hurt us and spread false rumors. Some rumors have even gone out of our city and into national ministries. I have been so depressed, oppressed, and intimidated. I have no one to talk to. God is doing something in our city and I know we're going to be a part of it, but how do I get past this????

Naomi  3/1/2005  Oh how do I know your pain so well. My husband was a Pastor for 25 years, to make a long story short, we left for him to take on another position, well exactly 1 week later, there were all kinds of rumors put out about him. I too was very devasted, angry, hurt etc. The position he took, did not work out(they switched up on us) after giving up everything!!! Now we are back (not at the church) and trying to start over. This is a very small town, so his character has been damaged to a certain point. Oh did I tell you, I was born and raised in this town. I never knew how Christains could be so evil. My husband not only Pastored this church, but was also a prominent figure in the community. To top it all off his father in the ministry took sides with just a few members of the church that started all this. Never once did he or anyone ask or talk to my husband concerning this....we have been back for 1 yr and some mos.; and they haven't even allowed him to defind hisself. Yes, it is very depressing and I find myself constantly in a spiritual warfare. My flesh really wants to hurt these people, but thank God for his saving Grace, because God won't allow it...Flo continue to pray and most of all forgive them. I have....now they have no power over me. You can email me if you would like to talk further. God Bless you and remember my sweet sister in Christ God loves you and so do I. You can make it, I know you can. Keep pressing, keep on believing in the word of God, walk with your head high, in God's time everything will be alright.
Lesley  1/28/2004  I too have trouble knowing where i fit in, my husband is a youth minister and fulltime ministry student. I have lost friendships and most of the time feel alone disconnected from those who face challenges of ministry i'm 33 and my husband was called to preach 4 years ago and i still feel un easy and stuck in a fishbowl by family and what friends i have left. does any one feel this way??? please email me
Roxie  2/2/2004  I'm responding to other pastor's wives who are lonely. I am currently going through a situation at church where I have learned that I do not and cannot have friends. I have been a pastor's wife for 7 years now but this is the hardest time I've gone through. My family is 700 miles away and I am having hard time at church and at my full time job (teaching). I don't know what to do to get my joy back. I'm so depressed. I would like to just disappear.
Calvonia Radford  2/3/2004  I am thankful for this site. Where was it 22years ago. Name it and I've been through it. But prasie God, with Pray and holding on to His word we're still together. A friend and I are interested in writing a book for new pastor's wives. We are both 20+ year veterans and we feel led to encourage new PW's in written form. I would love to hear for any PW's with suggested topics or any form of help possible. Please e-mail me personally. Thanks and God bless.
pw  2/6/2004  Hi, I was looking on the net to see view's about the Pastor's Pay. When a pastor is living what he preaches about, how can a hand full of member's decide to cut his pay when God allow's us to go through a storm, so we can grow up in the faith. God has never failed us in tough times. This is a small congregation, but I know what the figures are I work in the finance office. God supplies our Pastor's salary but a hand full of officers seemingly have a lack of trust in the Lord and told my husband that his salary would be cut and would increase when the monies in the account increased. This is not biblical. I am so glad that our confidence is not in men but it God. I know that he shall supply all of our needs. Pray for us, my husband didnot say a word, he said the Lord told him to hold his peace. I can say that it does upset me that people who claim to know the Lord is so far off when it comes to living the word.
Sam  2/7/2004  Hi would like to get to know any Ps wives between 19-25 as im 23 and a pastors wife also and would love to hear thier stories,struggles,etc, thanks
Anonymous  2/8/204  Hello, I am so glad I found this site. It sounds like all of you have been through so many experiences, and I could really use advice. I have just begun dating a pastor, but I have some trepidation. He was married before, and is only recently (this past year) divorced. They were married for 15 years and have 4 children. From what I have heard from him and others in the church, they tried everything to save the marriage, but it was not possible (she was abusive and wanted him to give up the ministry, among other reasons) and after two years of counselling and therapy, he asked for a divorce. He is someone I knew many years ago, only as a friend (I was married at the time myself and have also been divorced - it sounds like a soap opera, doesn't it? ;) , but then I moved to another state and haven't seen him again until he called me to say he was divorced and would like to resume our friendship. Then friendship grew to love. I truly love this man. I am excited (though also scared) to join him in his ministry. But I am afraid of the prospect of what people will say. Especially his ex wife, who we both believe may be bitter enough to spread lies that we had an affair. His response is that she would do that anyway, with anyone he chose to marry, but I worry that the fact that we knew each other before they divorced (even though it was years before), will make her rumors more credible. And I do not want to do anything that would damage him or his reputation in any way. Especially not when he is such an inspiring pastor and teacher. I do not believe God wants anyone to suffer and live alone after a divorce. And that the best example a pastor can set for his community is through a happy marriage with a deserving partner. I would like to think I can be that partner. But not at the cost of his ministry! Please help me - What should I do?

Rocatta  7/26/2004  This spring I attended a seminar on ministering to the divorced. The psychologist/counselor said that for every four years a marriage, a divorced person should wait ONE YEAR before considering a new relationship. She said that a broken heart needs that time to heal, to seek God and to deal with personal issues before taking First Marriage baggage into a new relationship. Please, if you love this man as you say, help him to take the time he needs to heal.
momma of 4  2/10/2004  Thank you for this sight. I finally feel like I am not alone and crazy. This has been a tough month for me, well really it has been a tough year!!! My husband is the Associate Pastor of a church that runs around 150. The church went through some financial difficulties and our salary was reduced by $1000-1500 dollars a month. We have 4 kids (2 small babies) and the stress of that is huge. I have been having a hard time with how much time my husband puts in at the church and how much time he does not put in at home. I can not count on his word that he will come home when he says and I often feel like a single parent. I found myself not handling his lack of attention well and my negativity enveloping our home. The Lord revealed to me that I was starting to resent the ministry. I know that we were called and that He will equip us for all that He has called us to, but sometimes the learning curve is hard. I am praying that the Lord will help me understand that it isn't about me, but my question is "Is it ever allowed to be about me and the kids?" I have babies who stand at the window and cry for their daddy. He scheduled an outreach event on Valentine's Night (the night that he proposed and we have faithfully celebrated for the last 10 years). I know he loves me and the kids. I just wish he would show me with actions and not just words.
Demetra  2/10/2004  My husband started pastoring in May of 2003. I have 8 sisters and I find myself missing out on a lot of activities with them. A lot of time, we're not invited to functions because of our (my) status. I find myself missing them and loning for them. When we initially went to this church, my family visited a couple of services. None have come to church since July of 2003. It really saddens my heart. Both my parents are deceased and with such a huge family, one shouldn't feel lonely. How do you have complete patience when traveling with your husband. My husband always want me to go with him whether he's delivering the message or not. When he accepted his calling, I promised the Lord and Him that I would support him always. To this day, I've kept my promise. When service is over, we are always the last ones to leave, whether we are at our church or visiting another church. I do realize I am just beginning. My patience runs out when we are suppose to be somewhere after church and someone decides to hold the Pastor up by "just" talking. I would never interupt him when he is talking official church business or counseling someone. We have two sons, and they are ready to hit the road when he says "Amen." How can I deal with this? They look at me and say, "Please Momma, tell Daddy to let's go, church is over."

Rocatta  7/26/2004  I see your longing and determination to support your husband. But I think this is one of those times you take a stand on behalf of yourself, your children, and your marriage. You are doing your best to submit, but he is NOT laying down his life for you. He needs to see how harmful his behavior is to you and the children, and to the delicate, tender flower that is a marriage. I would like to recommend 2 books for you. The first is "The Marriage Builder" by Larry Crabb, which talks about ministering to your spouse and allowing God to minister to you. The second is "The Power of a Pryaing Wife", by Stormie Omartian. Please remember, Demetra, that helping your husband see how to best care for his family is not being unsupportive.
kv  2/11/2004  Wow. It is comforting to know I am not alone after all. I been a PW for 14 years and it has been the lonliest and most depressing experience of my life. But, as the PW, you are never supposed to have any "dents in your armour"--always the facade of perfection. Of course, I never fit into that role very well. I am Roman Catholic and had no familiarity with Protestant culture or expectations of a pastor's wife. So I was a failure at it right from the start. Fortunately, my husband always put our relationship first and never put pressure on me to be a "role" or fulfill people's expectations. I have fallen into a trap of comparing myself to a "perfect pastor's wife" I know. Her husband has this huge, dynamic non-denom. contemp. worship style church that is really growing. She is a lovely, dynamo--knows the Bible, how to pray, etc., etc. Me... well I'm not nearly that and my husband's church is lucky if it sees 40 people on a Sunday. Some people have come for a time and then, they just stop coming. Worse, I know two more families will leave in the coming months. I see some things my husband could be doing better. But then, that starts to be a trap--second-guessing your husband and his pastoral performance. How much of it is his "fault" and how much of it is the larger question of growing apathy about church? Or dysfunction in church systems? I don't know... These years have taken a toll on him, too. I have long wondered why he ever got into the local church since it is so contrary to his personality (introvert). He has always said it's what God asked him to do. As his wife, though, it has always been hard to deal with people's criticisms of him and expecting much more than he could ever give in terms of socializing. His best gifts are preaching and counseling--not socializing with a lot of people. He will be ending his local church work soon and start a chaplain's position which is, I think, a much better use of his gifts. I ask for prayers for both of us in this transitional time. Blessings to all you wives, partners!
Searching  2/13/2004  I am so glad to find this place...I really need some encouragement...I too am a pastors wife..relatively new to the ministry...2 yrs..it has been the loneliest, saddest time of my life..we have been married for nearly 25 yrs...and this has divided us so sharply...I feel so terribly alone...we cannot communicate w/out fighting...I feel so hurt and disappointed. I have struggled to keep my head up and ignore my hurt..I'm angry and depressed. We had a few hours together yesterday and it ended up in tears and anger again..I just want to give up...somebody help me...I am too down to help myself today...

Rocatta  7/26/2004  Oh, honey, I am so sorry. Please don't try to ignore your hurt. Please don't abuse yourself for feeling hurt and rejected and alone. God gave us all those emotions so we would know when we are being harmed. After 25 years, I'm sure you know all the rules about fighting fair in marriage. Is it possible that you have forgotten them and are speaking in angry, accusations instead of gentle "I messages"? If you cannot communicate civilly, I feel that third party counselling is in order. I would also like to suggest writing letters to one another so that you both can express your deep pains without inflicting more. Two books I recommend are "The Marriage Builder" by Larry Crabb and "The Power of a Praying Wife" by Stormie Omartian.
Dovey  2/13/2004  My husband has been pastoring the same church in our hometown for over 17 years. We have been experiencing some of the problems and issues facing many people in our age group. I have been searching for some anonymous way to express a particular problem that I feel has damaged our marriage terribly. Around six years ago, my husband became seriously involved in internet chatrooms, and began to see himself as an "internet counselor." As would be expected, it involved mostly, and later exclusively, women, one in particular. He began staying up half the night, with his door closed online with this person. I was unaware of the extent of this and just how involved he had become with this one woman in particular. I found out by accident, and while I won't go into details, as I began to discover more and more about this situation, I was devastated. It was strictly a "friendship" type of relationship, but it was obvious as God allowed me to learn more and more about it, that it was a very serious, and what I would characterize as "intimate", considering the extreme secrecy. Steps were taken for me not to find out. I felt totally betrayed, and my trust in him was pretty much destroyed. It almost destroyed us. In fact we have not recovered, due to the fact that I discovered many months later that he was still pursuing women online, even though eventually I think it ended with the first one, due mostly I think to me having found out and actually contacting this person myself. What a blow this was to the new fledgling trust I was trying to place in him! The trust has never really returned; he still spends a lot of time online in a location that is impossible for me to observe without making it totally obvious I am "checking." I try to avoid this, but this past August it became clear it was all happening again. I had suspected as much for some time, but it was confirmed. Again it started out with several, but ended up with one. It had been going on again for about a year. No need to say what this newest revelation did to me...to us. Through all this, I was made somehow to feel that it wasn't that "big a deal," I was "overreacting," I was too "possessive," and afterall, he really wasn't "cheating" on me. I disagreed with all of it, but many times I have doubted myself, but always felt my hurt and grief over my "loss" was real and validated. In all these six years, I have never discussed this with anyone. No one at our church has any idea that all this has been going on. As I have stated, I no longer feel I can trust him; I've become a suspicious, disillusioned wife. I don't have the respect for him as a preacher and pastor I know that I should. Sometimes I am amazed that he seems to have little guilt over this, and that he seems somehow to have justified it all in his own mind. He has always assured me that he loves me. Many times I have wanted to talk to someone about this, but there was no one, and I couldn't take the chance of hurting our church or causing any of them to lose respect for him. I am asking now. I would so appreciate imput from anyone about this. There is so much more I could say, but time and space does not allow it. How would any of you feel? Am I wrong to feel hurt and betrayed? How would any of you have handled this situation? I really covet your imput and prayers.
chuggin-along  2/18/2004  I am a pastor's wife, and feel like its a big burden to carry, but I am doing it for my king. ANd I know that there will be a payday someday, keep your eyes on the Lord, and not on men. MY husband belongs to God, I have no time with him, and rarely even talk to him, he is so busy in the ministry. Some would say that its not good, but my life belongs to God, AND HIS WILL BE DONE. I don't need to focus on myself. But if it means souls saved from an eternal hell, it is worth it all. Do it for Jesus, and forget your self. Lose your self serving God. HE did so much more for us.
anonymous  2/18/2004  I am a pastors wife, and been married for 10 years, we have been in the ministry for 7 yrs. My husband has never been affectionate or loving, and, I see him always looking at other women, in a lustful way, he has a charasmatic personality and I continually see him flirtatiously talking with them, they admire him very much. I really want out. I dont want to be here, and I love the Lord so much thats why I have been here so long. I want to please him. There was adultery in our early days, and we have tried to put that past us. I dont know what to do, I have children and he alwasy mkakes me look like the bad mean mother. I am so so not for this, he doesnt listen. I need help. I submit to him as God requires, and take care of him. But he is using me as a house cleaner, I feel like a prostitute. Does God want me to just continue?
reno  2/19/2004  My situation is a little different than those listed on this page, but try as I might I cannot find a page for people like me. I am not a minister's wife, but am dating a man who graduated with a ministry degree, served two (or three) churches, and left the ministry due to financial reasons (was making more $ and had benefits at the secular second job he had to keep). It has now been about 10 years since he left and He feels such a pull to be in ministry, but is afraid to be rejected by churches. I have known him for over 15 years (since Bible College) and have been growing a relationship with him over the past year and a half. I want to support him but I need some advice. I know that when the right place comes along, God will plant him there, but he is getting impatient and very depressed. He recently applied to a church and received a form rejection letter. His response was "That is what I get for putting myself out there again." I need to know how to encourage him and comfort him without feeding his fear. I have felt the pull to be a minister's wife for as long as I can remember, and I know the battles mentioned on this page will be mine also.
Lori  2/20/2004  Hi, My name is Lori and if I had known this website was here 2 years ago, I would have been writing daily looking for support and answers. I don't know if anyone of you has ever experienced what I am about to tell you, but I need to talk to someone. I haven't been able to talk to anyone about this since I found out 2 years ago. I have suffered in silence. Hopefully someone out there has comfort and encouragement for me and it will help me to get through this. First of my husband and I have been in the ministry for quiet some time and several years ago at a previous church my husband had to endure incredible abuse by our senior pastor. He was very jealous of my husband and treated him so cruely in word and in deed. Because of the pastor's jealousy, he also treated others on the support staff with cruelty as well. The church congregation did not know about his behavior and the staff kept it quiet for the sake of the church and chose to bear it in silence, praying and hoping that either the pastor would leave or stop his cruelty. Through this difficult time, my husband began talking with the secretary and they became caught up in complaining, crying and exchanging stories about the pastor's behavior. They sought refuge in talking with each other and gave each other "spiritual" gifts such as bibles, etc. to encourage through the difficult days. Needless to say, satan used this to cause them to become emotionally involved through the anger and despair. They both say it was not a romantic relationship and both sware they were not in any way attracted to each other. It lasted a few months and ended...there was never a physical involvement other than hugging. Even though, I guess that I should be thankful that my husband remained faithful, it still has cut me to the core. It has been such a difficult past two years. I have been so angry at the betrayal of my husband and friend. I have gone from hating pastors, the church as a whole, trusting friends to feeling sorry for my husband and my friend. Being in the ministry has been difficult anyways over the years, and this has almost destroyed me. I know the right thing to do, but I am resentful that when my husband and friend knew the right thing to do , they chose not to and now I am left with being bold and strong enough to do the right thing. I need to know if there are others who have suffered this same thing and I need to know how they have coped. I have turned to God, or course, and have begged him to comfort me and he has. But I still have that deep hurt in my heart that I am afraid will never ever go away. We are still in ministry and I know that God is blessing. I just wish my husband would have loved me enough to say no to the smallest impropriety for the sake of our marriage. He loves me deeply and is deeply discouraged by his prior behavior. Help.
Jennifer  2/21/2004  I would like to say that this website has helped me- but that wouldn't be the truth. I am a young pastor's wife and I have my own story to tell but I will spare you the grisly details. I am sick and disgusted with the way the "christians" in our church treat me and my family as well as each other and the whole community. But to look at the stories on this site and see how widespread it is makes me even more sick. The spiritual battle we are in is raging - and what a shame that some of satan's best work is done right in the church. I am angry and bitter and depressed like many of you but the only thing I really feel right now is survival mode for me and my family. I want to serve God but I am not about to put my family on the altar as a sacrifice. Jesus, be with us and protect your faithful servants from the jaws of the enemy, amen.
Can you relate?  2/22/2004  I am 23yrs. old. I just moved to CT last summer just after I got married. My husband has his first FULL time youth and children's pastor position. Where we moved from was our home where we grew up. It has been a really tumultuous transition, mostly for me. I am learning a lot through the struggle of it (as I am daily talking myself into accepting that the hard time is to strengthen,) yet one of the major things that I am starving for is a female peer to connect with and also mentoring relationships of women that I can learn from and pour into me. Is there anyone out there that I could talk to???? Please e-mail me

"can you relate" relates to God  3/27/2004  here is an update: I mentioned the tough transition of so many new things all at once...new marriage, new state, and new pastor's wife role...I was fairly devistated most of the time. My dad had said to me, as he could hear the dullness in my voice many times over the phone, "I found that it really takes about a year to get used to a whole new deal like that...as long as you become willing to give it a chance it might take about a year." Well, the year mark is nearly here and I am finally settling down a bit. Spiritually God did break my heart all over again as I looked over the youth that my husband shepeards one night during their worship set. Many of the girls were laying prostrate on the ground in deep huimility and desperation for God. A couple of them stood and stared numbly out into nowhere. I got a vision of being in a desert and seeing all of the youth (girls in particular) laying passed out, face down in the dust. I felt devistated as I got the impression of them being desperate for God to move in thier lives, how many of them were struggling to get by and it was like I had been so busy protecting myself that I left them to die out there. I began to cry very hard. I checked myself to see if this was emotional hype or if I was going to make a real decision here. I felt like I really was realizing this with my whole being and I genuinely wanted to help them. I decided that even for the ones who were struggling with serious stuff, maybe I could not make them "better" but I can love them to God and let him heal them. I went and apologized to my husband for emotionally and spiritually kind of checking out for so long. I told him what I saw and that I vowed to move foward. He was EXTREMELY LOVING and I dare say even releived to see me edgeing out of my "dark night of the soul." He nodded and in his typical very passionate way he said "LET'S DO THIS!" Things have nOT been fireworks since then but I have definitely left some nasty something or other back in that "dark place," and every once in awhile another new step is taken foward. There are times when I gently still lament the loss of leaving so much that I loved, but just like general greif processes' things pass...and so shall this. I think that there are two major things here: To be desperate...not the feeling of being desperate, but a resolve where even when you can't feel you press into God with all the survival instinct you have left and you press until things move...as he promised it would. The other things is just as RAMONA FROM 3-22 SAID don't be afraid to just do what you are gifted to do as an act of service. Starting there, I even just opened the yellow pages and saw an ad for a biblical counseling center and just called and asked if I could do any clerical work or anything just to get into the place as it is an area of intrest. Then I took the girls back into my heart and I do what I can. Mostly I "pray my guts out" as my husband says. Eventually, it does make a difference... WE make a difference. RISE UP LADIES! "LET'S DO THIS!!!"
Daphney  2/24/2004Hello, I am a minsters wife. My mother was our pastor and she died 2 years ago. My father died when I was 15 and our child died 2 months before my mother. W'ell we did not join a church since my mothers church closing. My husband was to take over and be pastor of the church. But his mother started clawing in on him. She has been causing huge problems all along. But when my mother died she has went full force. My husband of 10 years has moved 10 min away down the street with him mom took the only form of transportation..I don't have transportation. He has all of our bills forwarded to his moms house so she can view them. She is encouraging him to abuse me economially and emotionally. She is not married and I have been praying and praying to God to show him and open up his eyes. The church that his mom goes to he left before we got married and started going to my church my mothers previous pastor was a male...w'ell his mom was upset with this. The pastor of the moms church was a male and he left the church and started his own church because he said he could not take anymore of my husbands grandmother and mother strong arming him into preaching what they wanted to hear and controlling things...this man left faith that he was pastor of for 9 years. The women in my husbnads family all of them are adultrious women they only go after married men and the don't stay married or are not married. None of them have been married longer than us 10 years...so I think they hate me because of it. I am in a bind. We had a store that God blessed us to open last year. His mom was jealous of everything i do. She advised him to close the store...in which he told me not to work and only runt the store so I turned down a nice job and obeyed..now I have not job, no money, no transprotation and the food that I get if any is from my neighbors...a little vegetables here and there. His mother said I can not call him at her house that is what he told me. The pastor at his mothers church now is a women and I found out that she was the one along with of course his jealous mother and grandmothers influence...counseled him into leaving me and saying it was okay for him to leave. so much I can't type anymore but he has been gone since dec People have told me that his mother and the women pastor put a curse on him and they have the spirits of Jezebels." I have joined one of the churches that he and I were visiting before he left. Do you think this was the right decision for me to join without him? It was prophecied that he will come back from several prophets of God and God told me to wait.....but it is hard...he is getting very ignorant and saying lots of evil things and yet he stated that he is saved and a Christian...Please pray for my marriage restoration women of God...please pray. Email me directly if you would like.
LJ  2/24/2004  Dear Sisters in Christ, Wow! so many of us suffer in silence and the church has no clue and I doubt that many of them want to know what we face. I am one of you most definitely. After 10 years in the ministry (3 years and almost 7 in the present one), I can honestly say I am ready leave. Thank God, my pastor husband and I do have a healthy marriage. I would never, ever take that for granted. We too have been through people complaining and conspiring to fire him, church split, NO cost of living raises, backstabbing, manipulation, revolving doors, gossip and lying. I have come to the conclusion that the average Christian in America wants to be entertained on Sunday morning and nothing more than that. Forget being committed to reaching the lost or raising a finger to help in other ways. Complacency seems to be the worst problem of all. For many years I put up a good front and just kept quiet and tried to patient and loving. Lately, when I hear people complaining, its as though something in me has finally snapped. I no longer care what they think of me and for the first time in our present church, I have had major conflict with two congregants. It's as though I can no longer watch my husband and myself being abused and/or treated with lack of respect. I feel like a used dish rag ready to be tossed in the trash. I try to pray, forgive and seek the Lord. It's gotten so hard as as I feel like my heart is numb or turned to stone. I just want us out so that both of us can heal. We also have a beautiful 4 year old daughter. I don't want her to grow up in this life. For so many years I hung in there and there were so many times I talked my husband out of leaving the ministry. There were times he talked me into staying as well. Guess what? Neither of us has any desire left to stay. I think they call it burn-out. Believe me I am beyond it. It takes all I can do just to go to church. I feel so bad that it has come to this. I do want to be healed and I do want to forgive. But, I feel that it is going to take a long time. Anyway, anyone who wants to email me, please feel free to. Most of all, thanks for letting me vent. At least this is a forum that allows the freedom to vent. I feel that I won't be judged here. May God bring healing and help to each and every one of you dear ladies. My husband always says that "God never wastes a hurt." I have to believe that.

3/8/2004  Dear Sister in Christ, I read what you wrote on 2/24/04 a couple of days ago and read it again on today. Today, I seemed to feel your hurt because I guess I wasn't so focused on my hurts. I can understand the way that you are feeling. When my husband and I left our former church after my husband was called to his first pastorate our senior pastor and membership were and presently are in constant conflict and battle with the same issues that you have expressed. Again, God is a healer but yet we wonder how much more can we can bear. Believe me, God is trusting that you can bear this burden for him and when he thinks that you have had enough he will release you. The new movie the Passion for Christ makes me see that when I think I can't take another blow, I can and I will for his sake and for mine. There will be a reward for us (especially for your husband) and for you if you are winning souls for Christ. "Forgive them for they know not what they are doing". They don't realize that they are being used by Satan to distract us for doing God's business. Satan wants to keep this up so we will be broken down and can't enjoy doing kingdom business. You and your husband are doing a great or God is about to do a mighty great work through you and your husband and Satan is trying to destroy this. I will pray for you. Keep expressing your hurts on this board. You need to vent. We need hear from you often- I felt so good when I wrote in-I went on and on. Enjoy your ministry. Satan knows he is already defeated and where he is going soon. He wants our journey to be miserable but we will continue joyfully on. We are on the battle field for our Lord. Don't give up LJ. God loves you and is smiling on you daily. He deeply cares and understands how you and your husband are feeling. Stay prayerful doing your season and when you can't- let someone pray for you. Love you sister.
embarrassed and lonely  2-24-04I likewise am ashamed at my husband's preaching-what he says and cajun accent. He's was a deacon neither a faithful worshipper previous to his calling into the ministry. He was licensed minister at our previous church until 5 years ago and was call to a rural church of about 75 members of which 5 adults attend and 7 children attend approximately each Sunday. My husband is inferior to my biblical knowledge so-that he never wants to study or discuss anything bibically with me. He hates that I watch anything spiritual on TBN broadcast and hates when I attend anything at my former church. He has always resented my friends and liked the ones that he flirted with or the ones that flirted with him. He nevers gives my complements and puts me down around others. He also wants the attention and goes out of his way to get praises for himself. He makes every attempt to appease our grown children and even when they were younger at my expense. On valentine day, me and our 2 girls would always get the same thing. She calls my older daughter about twice a day and they e-mail each other all the time. She always knows our business and things before me. She always seems to be angry with me and I feel that it is because it is something that he has said about me.(Satan scheme-I know). This is what I have allowed him to do to my mine. My children are disrespected to me and when I try to tell them that it is not acceptable and that they should honor me as they do their father they say that I'm having moods swings and have told memebers from our former church and associate pastors that I'm irrational and need help. The former pastor wife when to the doctor with me and I broke and cried. The doctor prescribe Prozac for me and my blood pressure was 190/110. Now all I do is sleep with this antidepressant and blood pressure medicine. Two weeks ago I was diagnosed with diabetics which also causing me to sleep, sleep, sleep. I don't want to go out because I have dark circles around my eyes and I feel that I look depressed and that everyone knows. I have been on this medication for 6 months now. I don't think I ready to get off it because sometimes I find myself shaking and crying especially when my former pastor told me that my husband said that I'm a christian frantic and that I do to is listen to TBN which is not true. He doesn't teach his congregation. The one Sunday School teacher is practically illerate and has limited bibical teaching skills which I have brought to my husband's attention (he is in his study while Sunday is in session and sometimes we don't arrive to the church until after Sunday is over. There is no mid-week bible study or prayer meeting. I only see him reading God's word on Saturday night when he is copying sermons from the Internet. I am so low. I'm afraid that doesn't want to show his congregation that he doesn't have much understanding himself. I clearly see why God's word says ? that new converts shouldn't pastor. He is trying but I really don't believe that he has been born again. And let me say that when he joined our church many years ago, he lied and said he had been baptized and hasn't been baptized to this date. I feel like I'm drowning in sorrow, I feel like I'm part of a occult or something. I'm afraid to share this with anyone. He won't go to counseling. If I stay quiet and alone he is fine with me. I feel suppressed. Is there something I need to do? Any suggestions? I have been praying. I just need to hear another PW and of course from God. Sorry , I am so lengthy.
Anne  2/29/2004  Hello sisters, So many of the entries are so sad to read. By reading what is posted here it is obvious that pastor's families are hurting and struggling. I always thought that we were the only pastor's family that was a mess. Although it is comforting to know that I am not alone, it is also depressing to read the state of our marriages, homes, and ministries. Satan is wreaking havoc in our lives. I know that God is great enough to overcome our struggles. We need to uphold one another in prayer and be in the word. We need to start holding onto the truth. My heart is so saddened to read your entries, those of you who feel so alone and are hurting. And I often feel the same way. This message board is a testimony that we are not alone, not one of us, and that our sisters around the world are experiencing the same trials and temptations that we are. There is comfort and strength in knowing that. Love to all of you in Christ.
tonya  3/3/2004  My husband is a minister who pretty soon will be starting a church. I am having a hard time being his wife. My husband is a very outgoing and talkative person and I'm not. He loves people and loves to talk to people (namely women) And sometimes in him doing so it really bothers me. Simply because I know most of these women, even though his intentions may be just to help and encourage,theirs however are not. Also, we don't have a family life. We have a son together and the only time we go anywhere as a family is to church. Our entire life is surrounded around church. We don't go anywhere, there is no romance in the relationship, it's just church, church, church and more church. Now don't get wrong I love praising the Lord, but I also believe that God gives us balance. I was always taught that you put God first, your family(wife included), then ministry. But I feel so left out and I feel that once he starts this church things are not going to get better if they are not resolved now. In the midst of all of this, I find it very hard to be submissive to him and very hard to honor him. It just seems as if he puts everyone before me. We can never sit down and talk as husband and wife without having a conversation about the ministry. Any advice from anyone!

Dee  3/21/2004  The balance of order includes you (the wife) on your husband’s list; but are you on your own list? Are you putting your husband and everyone else’s needs before your own? Are you resenting him for something you’re not doing? Who is stopping you from seeing a play, going to a concert, the museum or festival? If you want to go out, ask your husband out, buy the tickets and go. Give him the option of joining you and don’t trip if he doesn’t, take a friend instead. You’re looking for him to change, but the only person you can change is you. Create family outings. Take your son somewhere even if it’s only the park or beach/lake. If a talk is needed, pray about your approach, then have it. If you want flowers, buy them; bring them home. The point is to bring the flowers into your lives, not quibble about who brought them or should have. Stop looking for him to do something he needs your example to learn. Through you he will learn how to relax. Through him you’re going to grow more compassion in terms of dealing with laity. Get a vision for your home. Keep it before God and share it with your husband. Create the home environment you want. Stop thinking about what you don’t have and focus on what you’d like to see. Pray to be an instrument God can move through in your marriage.
aLISON  3/5/2004  When working with ladies what have you learns as to haw to best keep their cooperation in a newly developing church? A lot is needed especially money, and they are expected to be submissive to the pastors Both the woman and the man, The couple think they are far above the rest of us and they probably are but we are hurt and many do not understand right now. Please give guidelines so that our broken up church can possibly come back together. She is the reason her husband has come so close to God but she butts in a little and doesn,t do it just right . But I think they are the most prayerful and compassionate prayer wariors in the world and I sometimes almost worship them because I admire them so much.
BCR  3/6/2004  What a great site for PW's to share, vent, and share some more. I have been a PW for just a little under 2 years. I have been a minister's wife for 5 years. It can be quite difficult at times because there is much expected of us. We must be aware that THEY are always wataching us. What we wear, how we speak, how we teach, sing and deliver the Word of God. It is kind of like being on public display all the time. Prayer is the only thing that can change situations and circumstances. I find it best to rely on my faith in God and the call He has placed before me. It helps a great deal if your husband is 110% supportive of you. My husband was not that way at first but developed that attitude for me after a few. We started our own ministry. My husband now states that this is OUR ministry together. I gain my strength from God and him alone. Remember, your Victory is in your Praise!!1
Ramona  3/7/2004  response : Teresa 2/20/98 Patricia 3/20/98 what a familiar problem that I think occures more often than we like to think or talk about. My husband and I are i would say happily married for 25 years and we were together 2 years prior too marriage. Anyways, it is easy for a woman that is going through a terrible time to become attracted to the man that has the gentle spirit of God. My husband has been a pastor now for the past 6 years and has had a great many people lean on him. This one in perticular woman (married) was doing her best to always have him around. I would teach the children their sunday school lessons and he would pastor the adults. It was wonderful and I loved it. I loved the people we were pastoring. however when her boy got burnt really bad, I took in the daughter so that they could stay at the hospital in another city with their son. She became more and more dependent on my husbands support and very strong shoulder to lean on. Her husband was not saved and he drank instead of being there for her in the time of crisis. When I saw that she had plans for taking things to another level, I confronted the situation. Her son was calling my husband daddy and it was being shrugged off because he was so hurt. Other people were coming to me as the pastors' wife to let me know that she was now having problems in her marriage and that she was taking the help from US as a special help from him. I had asked him not to stop in there alone anymore or to give her rides into town etc... He said I was acting jealous and silly. Nothing was going to happen. Thank God nothing ever did happen. She did leave her husband and through a lot of prayer she not only left her husband she also left town. Where I am going with this is , never allow room for there to be a situation. Pray for your men everyday. Love them completely. Listen , Listen, Listen. Sometimes they really don't see what the woman has planned. Not everyone that comes to you with bad news is trying too cause a problem. These women that came to me were friends that truly were concerned about what they felt her intents were. It was not an easy thing for them to do. To tell on her and it was not an easy situation to go through. But we as women who are married to Pastor husbands need to be able to drop what we are doing and be there beside our men when they are called out in the middle of the night on a call that just can't wait until morning. Satan is alive and well and men are still tripped up everyday by having that I am the protector attitude. And lonely, hurt women out there still like knowing that there are gentle loving men. Don't be so nieve or so busy that you allow yourself and your husbands marriage to be blindsided. Talk to eachother every chance you have and be his lover, friend and helpmeet. Always pray over one another together before you enter the world. God bless and keep you all in His love.
KARA  3/9/2004  I AM SO HAPPY TO HAVE FOUND THIS WEBSITE. I AM SO LONELY I REALLY NEED TO TALK TO SOMEONE.MY HUSBAND IS THE PASTOR OF A CHURCH,NOW FOR THE LAST 2 YEARS HE HAS BEEN PASTORING, IT'S A SMALL BUT PROGRESSING CHURCH. MOST OF MY FAMILY ATTEND THE CHURCH AND I AM THE YOUNGEST SISTER AND IT SEEMS LIKE MY SISTERS TREAT ME LIKE I AM STILL A BABY, THERE IS NO RESPECT LEVEL, AND I DON'T SAY ANYTHING BECAUSE IT SEEMS I WOULD BE ARROGANT. I AM NOT CONFRONTATIONAL HOW CAN I CHANGE THE SITUATION WITHOUT CONFRONTATION.

Dee  4/19/2004  In the beginning, everything was shaped by God's word. Let there be light. Let there be stars in the heavens. Let us make man in our own image. Right know you are battling with the image your sisters have created for you. Have been feeding your spirit words other than God's about your identity? Who's report will you believe (Isaiah 53)? The image you were made in has already been established by God in His word. We are told in Joshua chapter 1, if we meditate (constantly think on, repeat and apply) God's word, we will have good success. You don't have control over how your sisters treat you. You do have power over how you see yourself and how you respond to others. Think of what you really want your sisters to know, then say it in a way you'd want to hear it, if it were being directed at you. Definitely pray before hand that you be healed from the offense, that you speak in love and they hear you. (Ex. I appreciate your looking out for me, but I need to make decisions on my own. I value your opinion and from time to time I will still seek it out, but let me come to you.) This is something that's done in a calm, sensitive manner. Once you have that conversation, refer your sisters back to it, if they revert to old behavior. Always remember to hold to the character God is calling you to and who His word says you are. Doing that makes pleasing God the priority. You will be God's definition of Kara (a woman who is more than a conqueror, who can do all things through Christ that strengthens her) and not someone else's.
RA  3/12/2004  Dear beautiful christian ladies, I can plainly see satan is really throwing his darts at each of us. I too am a pastors wife, I have 5 kids- all teenagers now. We have been in the ministry 13 years. One thing comes to my mind when I read all these letters- Our God is stronger than satan. We are on the winning side here. We don't have to take all that satan dishes out to us. We are daughters of the King!!! God loves us more than we could ever imagine. We must not let satan drag us down. We can be of no use to anyone when we are so low. we must lift each other up in prayer. God does love you. God has a plan for you. His plan does not include satan. It is very smart for us to know who our enemy is. When we have problems in our church family - it isn't really them, they too are being bombarded by satan. God's word says we can take every thought captive. We can bind anything on earth and God if God is for us who can be against us. We do not have to live our lives being bound by satan. God is only a whisper away, holding his arms open wide for us to fall into. Believe me I am not taking any of these problems lightly. All of my children are adopted. They each one came to us with emotional baggage. They were all such a joy when they were little. Now they are teens- that normal natural rebellion and searching for their own way is very difficult at times. Almost too much to bear. Last Sunday in church I found myself (sorry to say) unable to even sing praises to God. I just looked at the words and felt if I dared to sing them I would be a hypocrite. I could not stop the tears. It is no telling what all the people thought. But I just couldn't help it. It took me a couple of days and a wonderful loving husband to get me through it. Ladies don't give up. God is right where he always has been. I will be praying for each of you to once again feel, and I do mean FEEL God's presence in your life.
Lakisha  3/12/2004  WOW! I had no idea there were so many hurting PW's out there! I agree with the one entry that it is sad to read these yet somehow comforting to know I'm not alone. Some times I long for the days when I was 'innocent' - totally oblivious - to all the uglies that go alone with "church". I've been so disappointed in other Pastors once we get to know them. From behind the pulpit they seem wonderful but then when you start affiliating with them you learn how they really are. It's disheartening. Over the course of the years we have been in the ministry my husband and I feel we have learned through our 'mentors' or other Pastors how NOT to be Christians (much less ministers) than how to be. There are days I don't even want to bother with church any more. There are days I feel so far away from God myself that it makes me feel even more sad than the problems we are constantly dealing with. Oh well. Just another day in the life of the ministry. Lord help us to remember Matthew Chap 7 lest we also shall fall.
free  3/12/2004  Hi, I am a pastors wife, I have been for bout 16 years. Four years at the church I attend now.. We recently relocated to another state, and purchased land, my husband built a church day by day by day, hammering working. In the mean time our finances were running very low, but he never freted.. eight months later at the finish I had almost lost my cool, I knew the congreation was putting more on my husband and our family than I could bare. To make a long soy shote, the church split after it was built which let 3 people. We had to rebuild our members, Well need less to say the blame fell on my shoulders, and my husband allowed it. to. With a lot of prayer crying and such we have gained about 20 people now, I get the rolled eyes, I sing play the piano, lead the chorus. and have even written two pretty songs .. My husband tells me not to pay any attention, and they openly accuse me, the other night at a business meeting it was said that I knocke dthe church out of purchaseing a new lawn mower, When i only expressed that our finances had been in the Red for fews months. and we didn't need another debt." I am secretary & treasurer not by choice". Well then this lady spoke up and said that I wouldn't even allow another person to buy the church a lawn mower. Now this was an out right lie.No one never offered. This was in an open business meeting. I never said a word, but this bares on my mind. I talked with my husband in whom is the pastor, and he tells me not to say any thing. he doesn't defend me, nor will he allow me to defend my self. I so tired of being ridiculed, and i'm suppose to spare everyones feelings, for the churches sake. I can't help but envy those wives, that have husbands who up lift and defend their families. He is so afraid of people losing respect for himself, he allows those ugly comments directed toward me..It doesn't seem to bother him at all. All he can say is if I say anything it may cause someone to leave the church. My husband built the church free of charge, pastors free, and if any thing needs to be done he does it.. He is a slave to the members, and they expect it out of him..We haven't had a vacation in over 20 yeas. We never takes a weekend off..I love the lord and have tried hard, I find people are self centered and don't care one thing about you. I watched my poor husband turn 65 his birthday, He did recieve a card from the members..How am i suppose to feel.. I need prayer..I am being made feel that I'm less than the dirt under my feet. I'm suppose to feel excited, and rejuvinated in the lord, but i'm so worn out.
new pw 30  3/14/2004  I have needed a place to ask a question. I hope someone out there can give me some advice. My husband will soon be an associate pastor at our church and right now, he is the college minister. The college group is very small and I suspect a 21 yr old who is also our senior pastor's daughter has a crush on my husband who is 31. It is not something she would probably even ever admit, but I would like to know if there is anything I can do about it if my husband refuses to see that it is possible. She tries to spend extra time with him when I am not around whenever she can. At least, it seems that way to me. I am working on our home life and my husband is happy and satisfied and I trust him completely. I just don't want her to be entertaining this crush and flirting with my husband under the guise of joking around like friends. Any thoughts or suggestions? Thank you.

Be of Good cheer  4/4/2004  There isn't a whole lot you can do to change the situation, you can gently warn your husband of your observations, and then you should pray for him, and then you should do all you can to meet your husband's needs. If a man gets his steak at home, he will have no need to go down the road to get a hamburger. Your husband needs your affection. Don't reject his affection, ever! Man needs respect, and someone to admire him, brag on him, tell him you are proud of him. If you don't some jezebel will. If you do these things, and study your husband to find out what makes him happy. You, by God's grace will stand against the temptations that Satan will throw at you and him. satan will tempt you also, but in different ways. Just keep your mind focussed on Christ, and don't forget that we wrestle not against flesh and blood. But against spiritual wickedness in high places. I was very scared of my husbands high calling once, now I have relaxed, and now most of those feelings I now realise were imagined. Just give yourself to the needs of your people. They may well expect perfection, but hey! They aren't going to get it! I am human. :-) God's blessings to you.
Melissa  3/16/2004  Hello, my name is Melissa and I am 23 years old. I resently moved from where I have grown up and lived all of my life. I left with my Fiancee (at the time) Mark. He was joining his father in the family business, and had been away from home for 18 years and was extremely excited to be around family and friends. It took a long while for me to get comfortable being away from everyone, and everything I love (except for Mark.) Our relationship went through a lot of strain, but we made it through. One of the big changes was religion. When I met Mark I had no idea the extent of his religious beliefs. He is from a very involved family: Father is a decan and sings in the male chorus, Mother is on the mother board and sings in the chour and many other close relatives join them. For Mark it was sort of a "coming home" experience, for me it was like someone ripped the rug from under me. My family is Catholic, but have never been one to go to church more then just onthe big holidays...Not only that, I am the only white person at their church...That really doesnt bother any more. Mark continued to get very involved in church and about 5mths after we had moved south he expressed to me that he wanted our relationship to be right with god. We were already planning on getting married, but not that soon. He explained that he was having dreams and visions and prayers being answered and may be interested in becoming or at least looking into becoming a minister. I was shocked...I don't know if I was happy, but I wanted him to be so I supported it. I knew we were ment to be so we said our vows at Mark's church and married. Last weekend while I was away at a volleyball tournament, Mark was given his title as minister. I really don't know how that all works, It was supposed to be anounced on Easter Sunday, but I guess the peacher couldn't hold it in. I was extremely hurt. I wasn't really mad, Just hurt. I am feeling so shut out and overwhelmed. Just going to church again was a huge step and now I am a ministers wife????????? I know this is what Mark wants to do and has been called to do, but I dont know how to deal with it. I want to talk to him, but then again I dont want him to feel bad or think I am discouraging his decision...has anyone else felt this way? Has anyone else felt extremely overwhelmed by your husbands calling??? Thanks for listening. Take care.

ebony   4/9/2004  I heard you. I know what you might be feeling. Don't be afraid. I think many of us felt this way whether we have been in the church for a brief period or a long period; because it's a new road that has not been traveled. Your marriage might go through a strain again but know that if you will tell/talk to God about how you "truly" feel- He will understand and will still love you and strenghten you. Trust God. Get to know him. Start reading God's promises. Your new role is to concentrate on your husband and encourage him even when you see him struggling and not growing as fast in his calling. I was afraid and still sometimes feels afraid because I think my husband is not polished, knowledgeable and spiritual minded and caring for the lost as he should be. But God knows why he called him and where and how to use him. When I would let go of my fears I began seeing how God was using him and saw growth. (not as much as I like but it's growth) and God knows why he is talking him slow -probably to keep him humble because I see where he could pleasure in himself. And it's not about me anyway it's God's plan and program. God knows what is best for all of us. I get discouraged but just hearing you I saw myself and my feelings and answers somethings for myself. Don't feel that you must prove you who are. You don't need to know all and be all. Just be yourself. Your role is to love your husband and care for his needs because if you don't someone else will be glad to and will. They would allow him to hurt their feelings all day just to say that they are married to a minister. You don't have to sing, lead all the public prayers, and teach to be his wife-that was not part of your marriage vows so don't let that bother you- you will always be his wife regardless if you sing, teach or praise dance etc. You just concentrate on your husband and become friends with your husband and God. God already knows how you feel but he wants to hear from you Melissa. Satan wants to destroy our homes and marriages. So, don't let him do this to you now in this area. Satan really thinks he has a stronghold on you and your marriage now. Keep expressing your concerns and feelings on this board if you need to and we will encourage you and pray you through. Okay? We love you, sister. Just remember, when things are going rough in your marriage and the ministry, it is not your husband- it is Satan's attack. Don't focus on the problem but put your focus on God.(Pray and read God's word). Don't look down -look up to God. Everything you feel an attack- pick up your bible and read. This is God speaking to your spirit. It is healing. Please respond.
shannon  3/17/2004  This is a wonderful site! I prayed as I read each entry. I am a PW as well as the Co-Pastor of our church. We have had many difficult and challenging times and situations and I am so thankful for the grace of God and for the power of prayer. Pw's are special to me and near and dear to my heart...I started a prayer group just for Pastors wives and women pastors---we meet once a month and we pray for one another,our husbands, our families and our churches. We also encourage and mentor one another! It has been a blessing! If you would like us to include your prayer request a ur next meeting please e-mail me--or if you would like someone to talk to..email me.
Ramona  3/20/2004  I am moved each and everytime that I read your letters. There are so many needs for you wonderful women. When I read of all the loneliness and uncertainties in your lives I wish I could reach in and give you all that you need. The road that the Lord has laid out for us is not an easy one. We can continue too trip over the pebbles which sometimes seem like they are huge boulders or we can consider them hurdles that we must jump. In the world or in with Christ; we still find ourselves alone. Don't be. I found out that there is a lot of work out there that we can do. It feels good to know that we make a difference in someone's life. We can do that without riding in on our Pastor-husband's shirttails so too speak. Five years ago I volunteered folding, sorting and washing baby clothes and maternity clothes at our local Christian outreach pregnancy center. I now for the past 2 and a half years have the crisis pregnancy hotline in my home. I probabally get 240 calls a month and have helped in saving over 50 babies that would have been aborted. what a joy that is when you get to witness that birth at the hospital and get too be one of the first ones too touch that new one. I still help at the center and I have had the priveledge of working with all kinds of women in all kinds of backgrounds. They need us. Whether it is handing them a blanket and diapers for their babies, or when they are crying because they have been so wronged by the ones that they thought they could lean on. Come on ladies; STEP UP and take your place. I don't think that your husband or your pastor will feel thet you are stepping out of place. I have also provided in-home care for one of the women that was in our flock. If you don't know how to contact the facility in your area for the aged and assistance program call D.S.H.S.. I went to her home three days a week for 1-3 hours. I also volunteer childcare for some of the girls I have helped. The great thing about all of that is that you can do any of it without it interferring with your schedule with your pastor-husband. We along with our Head have hearts and we can allow the Lord to use our talents. Right? Come on now; certainly there is something that you on your own are gifted in. There's Foster care for you women that desire to have children. We began fostercare when our 2 older children were getting ready to leave the nest. In that the Lord has blessed us with a son. We adopted him 12 years ago. This is our 15th year of Homeschooling. That certainly keeps one busy. When my husband has to go somewhere we get to go. When he goes out of town for a meeting we can go without clearing it withe school. We just grab our school work and go. I transfer the hotline back to my supervisor at the center. Pray about what the Lord can use you in and then ask your mate about it. I will be praying for all of you. Hope that you will pray also for us.
Josephine  3/24/2004  I'm young, in my 20's. My husband and I recently stopped evangelizing and accepted an associate pastor position at a his father's church. I love the people. The church is incredible. God moves in an amazing way at every service. It is a wonderful church. However, the pastor's wife is completely uninvolved with the church. As soon as service is over, she leaves. She stays at home every day except to go shopping, and then returns home to watch TV and read. There is no church involvement at all except attendance. Yes, she does love the church, but she is completely consumed with her home life. Since my husband and I have taken our position, I really have tried to develop relationships with the saints and be accessible to the saints. We have only been here a short while, but already people are coming up to me and saying things like, "Don't take this wrong, but you are a great pastor's wife." Others have said, we need you - there are things that have been lacking in the past. My question is - what do I tell people when they say things like that? I don't want to overstep my boundaries! I just want to serve where I'm supposed to serve. I love the pastor's wife. I just need to know how to handle this situatino. I don't want the people to love me more than they love her. I need some mentors to show me the way to love people. HELP!
MiniMai4  3/28/2004  I am in a relationship with the pastor of a church - the problem is that he drinks - quite heavily I might add. The people he has in his immediate circle "say" they are his friends and love him but don't discourage him from going to far - they actually encourage and join him. Sure, I have on occasion drank myself but not as a general practice - he especially does not want me to either. My heart is heavy because I KNOW WITHOUT DOUBT that he is the man God fashioned me for. I have asked many a time WHY ME - God consistently says WHY NOT?? I just want to be happy and he tells me THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU - I want a family and I want peace in my life and he tells me ME FOCUS IS HE AND NOT ME - what am I to do? A Jonah spirit constantly berades me but I know the end of his story woul be mine - so I pray and suffer in silence. I need help - not for me only but because I think he has more years behind him than he has ahead of him....HELP ME!
Jeano  3/28/2004  Hello dear other Pastor's wives. Man, this is a tough "job"! I have been a pastor's wife for 13 years. We're in our third church, this one is a church plant in my home town. This has been the most difficult thing we've ever done and I have never felt more unsupported, unappreciated, misunderstood and attacked. I made a committment several months ago to say a resounding "yes!" to whatever the Lord asked me to do. Since then I have tried to do that and been met with so much opposition that I've nearly quit a number of times. (I am currently planning worship for the church). Please pray for me, dear sisters!! I want to hear the Lord's voice and do what He is asking me to do without worrying about "what others will think". Thank you for your understanding and prayers!
KLyn  3/29/2004  Hello, I stumbled upon this site...and I thank God that I did. PWs are very special... although sometime we don't feel like we are. We are a critical link to our husbands ministry and to God's kingdom. If Satan can keep our houses in an uproar and our marriages then we have less time and energy to focus on kingdom building. Our husbands are not at their potential and lose their effectiveness. Then guess what? Satan runs all over us and beat us down like rag dolls. It is time for us to shake ourselves off and get some rest. Then get back on the field and fight! Take a long hot bath, light some candles, and listen to some music that will minister to you. I would like to suggest Fred Hammond's " No Weapon", "All Things Are Working For Me" and " Let The Praise Began". I know it is hard and I have been in some rough places, but I speak scriptures to my soul to remind me that I am more than a conqurer, that He that is in me is stronger than he that is in the world, that I can do ALL things through Christ that strengthens me. Being a PW was our destiny. We were called to do this work. Lets rise up and take back our families from the enemy, pray for husbands, pray for our churches , although they may be causing more problems than anyone else. Remember, evil doers go to church to, and I think we forget that everyone doesn't come to church to magnify God. Satan has people on assignment in the church. Come on ladies, we can do it... our God, husband, children, and Christians all over the world are counting on us. Another book , besides the Bible that has helped me is Stormie Omartian's book"Power of a Praying Wife", go get it and start to pray those prays, it makes a HUGE difference. "Be strong in the Lord and the power of His might Know in your heart every battle He will fight". May the peace of God calm your fears and strengthen your spirit.
Miranda  3/31/2004  My husband and I are presently children pastors at a small church. We had been in a lay position at our previous church for several years working with kids but felt God's call almost a year ago. I feel more constrained and lonely now that we are pastoring; is that normal? The people at the new church are not very friendly people. It's not that they are unfriendly but I guess you could say they are just not opened to new people coming into their group. It seems like the things that I did at the previous church (leading certain groups, decorating, etc) aren't allowed because "That is so and so's job" When we come up with an idea there are a couple of people in the church that talk it down. My husband seems to be fine with everything though. I suppose because he doesn't let "talk" and others people's negative views affect him but I can't help it.
Kel  3/31/2004  I am a 23-year-old "pastor's fiancee" of about 3 months, to be married this July. He lives in a different country, and we have spent less than a month of total time (ever) in each other's presence--missing each other terribly. I will be moving to join him in August, and I am dealing with loneliness of a different kind. I left the kind of church I grew up in and am in the process of joining his church body, which (like my old church) is pretty doctrine-centered. Has anyone else here joined a church that was unfamiliar to you before you met your pastor husband? I can say in truth that I believe what his church teaches and see error in my old church, but will I always wonder just a little if I just didn't reach that decision because of being "in love"? There is loneliness in being away from my old church family, who has always supported me; the disappointment of my old pastor that I would, as he sees it, embrace doctrine I didn't really believe in for the sake of a relationship; and the thought of capping off this struggling engagement time with leaving my family, friends, and country. Wow! Any comments, thoughts? I'll take e-mail too.

Annie  5/23/2004  Love for a man is not enough to see you through the years. You say you will be going to a foreign country. Do you really know the man you are going to marry? Do you know his family at all? Do you both have the same expectations of marriage? About joining a different church/denomination - why are you changing? Change can be good, for the right reasons. Leaving church, family, friends, country does not need to be a major problem. Other women have done this and have flourished. Expectations and motivation are crucial to you both, however. Loneliness does not need to be a problem because you can, and should, make friends outside the church. If you have considered all these challenges, and still go through with the marriage, you can make it (1)if you keep God central in your life. Don't ever let husband or anyone else take God's place in your life. You can make it (2) if you enter wholeheartedly into your new situation - no looking back with yearning. If possible, you can find a focus for your own life - how about helping other young women or even joining a secular women's organization?
concerned  4/7/2004  Easter Sunday will be one year since my husband has been a Pastor. He is infatuated with one of our new members. She has been a member for about 4 months and his cell phone bill has over 300 calls incoming and outgoing to her. She is the only member who has full access to the Pastor and people are starting to gossip. My husband has mentioned that everyone is jealous including myself and has told me to get over it. He no longer publicly addresses me before he preaches and now the young lady no longer speaks to me which is ok with him. He has finally told me that he would like to have sex with her and promises me that is only sex. This cannot be normal. I do not know the man I married and promised to be in ministry with for the rest of my life. Any advice anyone?

Ramona  4/24/2004  You are facing a real trial here and there just are no easy answers except for one. Jesus and all of His help. Wanting to have sex with the young thing is not normal, but sin is. what we do with our temptations is the problem. Your pastor-husband doesn't want to introduce you any more? Well then, introduce yourself. Who is going to be offended? They all know who you are. Do you have prayer requests and testimonies in your congregation? Seize the moment. For testimonies, "I would like to thank the Lord for giving me a faithful husband that wants to live for the Lord and have me at his side." Prayer request time: "I would like the congregation to pray for us. That the Lord would forever remind us of our vows and to keep us faithful to one another." Do you pray over and for your husband daily? Do you pray in Jesus name; casting out all spirits of lust and fornication? Pray it out loud. Let your husband hear it, let yourself hear it and most of all let satan hear it. Do you use oil when you pray? Olive oil, not the commercial scented ones. Well honey, it's time to do some heavy cooking. Pray over his food while you are preparing it. Dump some oil in it and pray some more. Pray silently while he is eating. Every bite. "Lord, let him desire only a taste for me, his bride. Annoint and pray over the pillow he rests his head on. "Lord, send him dreams of me and set his thoughts straight." When you do his laundry--- oil and annoint them shorts. "Lord, keep him faithful to me always as you are faithful to him." As for little miss I am in and you are out.....Start handing her some compliments! It's a hard one but well worth the effort you will put into it. Let her know that you are taking her before the Lord everyday and that you are so absolutely sure that the Lord will take care of her. AIM AND RECLAIM!!! Have a women's luncheon and have all of those women that are gossiping put their words to good use. Let them give a word about how the Lord deals with adultery and sexual wrongs. Every woman there will have her scripture ready to share including....You know who. God's WORD does not go away void. I encourage you especially at this time to not become bitter or a hater. That is satan's plan for you. Let there be peace in all of your hearts.
trz  4/8/2004  My husband has pastored for 3 years, and I just recently found out that in the past 4 months, he has had 2 affairs, one with our worship leader, and one with another woman in our church. He came and confessed this to me, was and is very repentive and broken. It was not an ongoing thing with either one. I have through God's help forgiven my husband,because I know he is truly heartbroken and sorry over his sins. I have also forgiven the women involved, one has left the church and one is still going, My husband did resign, but we are still attending there. I guess I just feel I could use a little encouragement, I feel at peace about staying with and forgiving my husband, but I have days where I get angry.

Ramona  4/24/2004  Hang in there. Your blessing is just around the corner. How hurtful these things can be. Satan is the great deceiver and just an all out loser. Give him absolutely no glory! See these women as vessels and the silly women that the Bible tells us about. The vessels used by the devil to destroy what God has made holy. Totally forgive them for what has happened. It is hard but you can do it. Your husband did the right thing first by coming to you and then by resigning. Obviosly he understands the scriptures about the role and expectations of a pastor and also a husband. You did the right thing by forgiving him and agreeing to stay in your marriage."until death do us part." I am sure that God is pleased. Do never look at yourself as a martyr. See yourself as his bride. It is a hard row to hoe, but you can do it. " through Christ who strenghtens me". Angry? Well, my dear sister who wouldn't be. Been there and done that! That too one day will pass. Anger is an emotion that He gave us. Jesus got angry. He just sinned not and He expects the same from us. It is just a suggestion, but I suggest that you and your husband get some true friends that will not take sides and that can and will be there for the both of you as your prayer partners. Forget the women groups that only focus on their own hurts. They can not support the needs of your marriage and most of them are too hurt to feel the pain of you and your husband as being one. Our prayers are with you and let the sweet healing of Jesus mend the torn hearts of both of you.
Gail  4/10/2004  Thank you for the web site. I found your site through my own tears of loneliness and discouragement. Yet, after reading for a while I realize I am not alone, or unspiritual, or a failure as a PW. As a PW for 26 years and a PK for 22 years, you would think I would have answers instead of problems! Yet,I am experiencing CJ's(1/27/04) empty nest fears, Kris'(1/28/04)desire to leave and feel normal again, Roxie's wish to disappear, Kara's (3/9/04) need to talk to someone, and Free's worn our feeling. My prayers go out to each and every wife. I look forward to the day our Lord says (like Demetra's son), "Ladies, church is over. Let's go HOME."
sandra  4/11/2004  Is anyone willing to either share an e-mail address with me or refer me to a chat room? We are pastoring in a new church and I just need a listening ear and a caring heart
AFriend  4/11/2004  Believe it or not but we have many battles to win before we make it "Home". Yes "WIN"! This is why...My dear sisters at this moment this very moment Our Saviour has us all surrounded with His heavenly hosts. We have been given power in His wonderful name to keep satan at bay. His precious blood is our 'purest soap' to keep us clean daily. This world in not our home were just passing thru. Remember Abraham and Sarah...as they were pilgrims so are we. Ours is the highest calling in this journey and yes there are battles to be fought on a daily basis but do we honestly believe that we are left to fend for ourselves? If this is so then Christs death on the cross was all but in vain. Battles and crosses we will fight and carry...we are not yet home. Whatever the situation...if you have given it to God don't leave that place of prayer without His peace. Yes, peace - it's the strong arm of His Spirit saying to let go God's going to take care of it. As for the ministry itself or the congregation? God loves His church do we honestly believe He will forsake it despite the tares that grow together with the wheat? He did not forsake His desciples and they weren't perfect either. As Christ drew from His Father for strength and wisdom this too should be our daily duty as servants for our Lord. I ask? How is your relationship with your Saviour? When you feel you need God like you need the air you breathe then you are truely at His feet. We need to come to that place in our relationship where we cannot live without Him. Your first call of appointment is your own little church...your family (with or without children). It's going to be alright my dear sisters we are rich in resources from above...do not eat from the table of leftovers and scraps when our Lord has prepared a banquet of strength, power and peace to keep us going. Your are all in my prayers. Who am I? A pastors wife for 3 years (and still in the Masters classroom of learning) and a daughter of a loving Heavenly Father for 34 years. Yours in Christ.
cookei  4/12/2004  I have recently become the first lady of my church and it has been an experience to say the least. I have read the comments and can certainly agree with quite a few of the ladies. I am coming not only into a brand new union with my husband but also a brand new union with the church. The former first lady and another member have really torn up the church. Abusing the authority, jealousy just plain evilness. Now I am coming in and trying to help him rebuild what she tore apart. It has placed a new strain on the union, sure there are times when we are to tired to even hug each other. We both have to work because there is no salary for the pastor, true there is a large number in the membership roll yet there are only a few that remain constant and steadfast in the church and even those don't contribute the way they should so we are having to pick up the slack, there fore the stress level is increased. He also feels like the congregation he does have just does not get what the LORD is trying to teach them through him. stress level through the roof. I am trying to be there for him and not lose patience, sanity or my temper. I stay in constant prayer. The devil seems to be getting busy even more so thru th ex-wife because she is not at peace she doesn't want him to be either. How can I, what can I do, any advice would be appreciated and all the prayers that you can send will be received in glorious love. thanks for listening and I am so greatful for this websi