Pastor's Wives' Support Board

The purpose of this page is to support and encourage pastor's wives.  If you are a pastor's wife and have a question, helpful suggestion, or response to another question or suggestion, please fill out the form and click submit.  Responses will be added later.  Let's help each other!

Please also submit for our future book .  We are also planning a book for and about pastor's kids .  Please check this out if you were a pastor's kid - or have your child give us ideas!

Due to your great responses, we have made this Support Board into many different pages!  Make sure you read all of them!
Page 1
Page 2
Page 3
Page 4
Page 5
Page 6
Page 7
Page 8
Page 9
Page 10
Page 11
Page 12
Page 13
Page 14
Page 15
Page 16
Page 17
Page 18
Page 20
Page 21
Page 22 - Current Page


Rock Dove Home Page

Our Products
   "Copy Me!" Bible Quizzes
   Devotions for Dog Lovers
   Devotions for Hunters and Anglers
   Self-Inflicted Hunting Arguments
   Messianic Psalms
   Hunting and the Bible
   The Prodigal Pooch
   Raccoon Hunting Basics

Ordering
    Secure Order Form
    View Your Shopping Cart
    Printable Order Form
    How to Use the Cart

Specials
    "Litter of Ten" Special

Our Boards
    Pastor's Wives' Support Board
   Pastor's Support Board
   Raccoon Hunting Questions
   Submissions for Pastor's Wives Book
   Submissions for Pastor's Kids Book

Pages of Interest to:
    Dog Lovers
    Pastors
    Pastor's Wives
    Hunters
    Raccoon Hunters
    Deer Hunters
    Job Hunters

Our Articles
    Lonely, But Not Alone
    About Tom Rakow
    Barrie
    "Special" Andy
    Buck Fever
    Confessions of a Poacher
    How to Hunt Privately on Public Lands
    Untangling Christmas Traditions
    Raccoon Hunting Basics
    Deer and Moose Hunting Pictures
    Dominique's Column
    Endangered Species?
    Where's that Pointer Pointing?
    The Prodigal Pooch
    The Coat
    A One-Eyed Squirrel Dog

News Releases
    Hunting and the Bible
   "Copy Me!" Bible Quizzes

Item: Quantity:
"Copy Me!" Bible Quizzes
Devotions for Dog Lovers
Devotions for Hunters and Anglers
Hunting and the Bible
Self-Inflicted Hunting Arguments
Messianic Psalms
The Prodigal Pooch
The Rail Rider
Young PW  5/3/02  To the young PWs out there (under 30)... hang in there! My husband has been with our church for over 6 years now and has been the "preaching" Pastor for over 2 years. The Senior Pastor, his mentor, passed away in July 2000, and he has been the main Pastor since then. We welcomed another Pastor that fall but my husband does 90% of the preaching. We have been married since August 1998 and have a 6 month old son. I never thought in a million years that I would be a PW but here I am and I wouldn't want anything else! We are sooo blessed to be in the position we are even though there are MANY hills and valleys. God is always there when the going gets tough and the criticism starts flying. We have had our fair-share of controversy since we've been with the church (and this is only our first church). Many people say that it's good that we've gone through all we have at such a young age because it will only help us in the future. I do believe that is true but sometimes it can be soooooo very hard! Whether it's the music (hymn or chorus, piano or organ, drums or no drums...), baptism, acoustics, youth ministries, leadership struggles, building program, money...been there done that! I have learned that it's very important to have time to yourself outside of the ministry as well. I work part-time in a large law firm as a legal secretary and I love the relationships I have with my co-workers (Christian and non). I'm so blessed to have such a wonderful employer that allows me to work only 2 days a week - just enough to take a break from my son, hubby and church; not to mention share the Gospel to many people away from home! Well, I just stumbled upon this site looking for some Pastor's Wives Conferences - there needs to be more of them out there! Know what I mean? I'm not sure how often I'll be able to check back with this site but would love to hear from some other young PWs out there. PLEASE email so we can chat, share, cry, rejoice and have some awesome fellowship together! Thanks and God bless!!! :)
 

La pastor,s wife  5/4/02 Hey, ladies I am a pastor,s wife have been for seen years need someone to talk to thought i had a special person to talk to we talk for a why but have not heard from her in a while she was going throgh something at the time so i just want to know if she ok. she know who she is so i hope she accepted her calling because god chooses who he wants when he wants she needs to know she can run but she can,t hide so accept it and do what the lord want you to do god bless you all keep me and my family and my friend in your prayers yours in christ
Lynn 5/5/02  I hope this entry makes it, the last one was deleted before I could send :( I am a newly married wife.(14 months) My husband will be ordained this year and we are praying for direction from the Lord about where He wants us to go. THe day after my wedding I moved across the country from the West Coast to the East COast to live in my husband's city. He was already established with his job and everything. I was somewhat sad to leave my family and friends and go to a large, busy, city where I knew no one...but I was ready! I knew that the Lord would see me through whatever was ahead. It should be noted that my husband and I had a long distance relationship for 4 years before we were married and so we never lived in the same place. ANyway, I was overwhelmed when we arrived. My wonderful husband had been a bachelor for far too long apparently. I tried my best to put my "woman's touch" on his/our apartment but to this day, we are having arguments because his expectations are not being met. Our one bedroom apartment is small and when I arrived with all of my "stuff", it became even smaller. I have made suggestions to make it better, but, my husband won't hear of it. For example, the 4 sided gym exercise center is in the living room (our only room besides the kitchen, bath, and bedroom. In additiion to the gym center, there is an enormous tv and stereo system. I am not complaining really..it's just that now that we are married, I think the bachelor set up has to go. Well, he won't hear of it. He tells me that I need to work on my home care skills and if mastered that everything would work out. I am so frustrated. Between my job, church, and my husband....I feel like such a failure as a wife.... We are starting to have more little arguments about it. He says he feels like he is in a cluttered space and he wants me to make it "feel" more spacious. UGGGGGGGHH! Thanks for letting me vent. God is Great and I know that this too shall pass. Please pray for me as I pray for you!
Great Website  5/6/02  Hello to all of my fellow PW's.. there is another wonderful website out there for PW's....it's www.pastorswives.org or com (can't remember which one right now) They have a message board and a wonderful chat room where you can meet and chat with wonderful women from all over. It has been a blessing to be able to have conversation with other PW's who share some of the same concerns that will pray with and for you. There is also a bible study on there!!! Just wnated to share with you God Bless!
5/6/02  I am looking for the book "Help! My husband has Two Wives" Can anyone help me locate a copy of this book?

babyg girl down south  5/22/02  This message is for the young lady looking for the book. Help my husband has two wives. The title of the book is Lord do something through me, my husband has two wives! The author is Debra B. Morton and I recommend it highly to every pastor's wife out there.She is the wife of Bishop Paul Morton of the Greater St. Stephens Church. The ISBN# is 0-927936-81-X. I have seen it in a few book stores nut hopefully this will leave you in the right direction. God Bless you.
Lord-I-Try  5/6/02  Hello Ladies, God bless each of you. I would like your prayers and input. Recently, I started dating a man who's a Senior Pastor. When I first met him, I admired how nice and friendly he was to everyone he came in contact with. Everywhere we went he would stop to witness and show love. But, in private his attitude toward me is very abrasive. It seems like he takes all his frustrations out on me. He snaps at me for no reason and speaks to me like I'm a child. I'm puzzled by the fact he wants me in his life. The verbal abuse is hard to deal with. I tired of being his whipping board. I am starting to feel nervous and shakey.

April  5/7/02  Yikes, I would be more than shakey. Does he have any other good qualities? You mentioned he is a senior Pastor, does this mean he is older? A widower? Any children? It sounds scary to me. You're not considering marrying him are you? My goodness, if he starts out the relationship with verbal abuse and you're only dating, it seems he will just get worse!!!Is he the kind of person that does or doesnot take advice or criticism from any other person?? I would have a great difficulty trusting a man who is a "Jekel and Hyde". Even to the point of not trusting his preaching etc....Has it ever seemed like he almost could have hit you or something? Does he ever apologize or realize his verbal abuse, or hurtful attitude? Bring it to the Lord and step back....way back. Pray for him of course. That he might be able to get his anger and frustrations into submission first and formost. Please let us know how you're doing!!!!! Lord bless:-)

May  5/9/02  The man you're dating needs help. You must find a time to gently and firmly tell him that is no way for him to act in a relationship. He is under a lot of pressure, sure, but he needs help. This is not the Christ-like love that Jesus showed in his relationships, or that is taught elsewhere in the New Testament. Encourage him to talk to another minister, seek godly counseling, as there are many good Christian counselors and psychologists out there. If I were you, I would not continue in a relationship with him until he: #1. Seeks help and sticks with it and, #2. Shows genuine change for a long period of time (a year or more). Have an honest discussion with him and lay all this out in the open. Let's pray for this struggling man of God to be tender-hearted and open to getting the help he needs, and dear lady, you need to pray for the Lord to show you if this is the right relationship for you. Pray for the Lord's direction and, if you feel necessary, "lay out a fleece", as Gideon did in Judges 6:36-40. If God says it is, you should procede with caution in the manner I described above. If he refuses to change, you need to let go of him. Otherwise your life will be more of the same with it escalating for the worse, I suspect. May the Lord bless and direct your steps as you serve him.

Get out quick!  5/10/02  Lord-I-Try --get out now, or you'll have a long road ahead of you!

Gail  5/12/02  God bless and direct you. Use the wisdom God has given you and re-read what you wrote with your eyes WIDE OPEN. Once we are married we may need to keep them half shut but look before you leap. Unfortunately, pastors/ministers are also under attack these days and yours is not the first case I have heard of where you have a Jekle-Hyde situation. Without awareness and ackowledgement of what he is doing, he is unlikely to seek help and change what is done in darkness. I would speak the truth in love to him. If he becomes more upset and refuses to ACT on the need to change, I would pray for him and walk away. Ministers are people too and some behave in ways that are far from Christ-like and once you would be married it would be an increasingly difficult 'call' for you. Pray for God to speak to your heart and order your steps. He has a plan for you. Jeremiah 29:11. God bless you sister in Christ!

May  5/14/02  Dear Lady, this troubled man of God needs some help. Let's pray, women of God, that he'll be tender-hearted and humble enough to get it. I personally would not persue any type of relationship with this man until #1. We had an honest heart-to-heart talk and he realized how he needed help. #2. He sought help and had a pattern of continuing to remain in counseling (for at least a year). There are may good Christian counselors and psycologists out there. This troubled man is under enormous stress and he needs help in how to deal with his anger and frustrations. If you are to remain in his life and he never gets help or even acknowledes the need for it, I fear you are in for some real misery. And it will most likely escalate, rather than get better if nor addressed. There is a good book called "How To Save Your Marriage Before It Starts" by Dr. Les and Leslie Parrott. But it seems like this man needs help with his own troubles before you could begin with relationship issues. If he is not open to seeking help, you need to face the reality that perhaps this is not the man for you. Please Pray and dilligently seek God's will. I would even put out a "fleece" as Gideon did in Judges 6:36-40. Because of your fondness for him, encourage him to get help. Does he have any minister friends that could mentor and encourage him?

Lord-I-Try  8/22/02  UPDATE: Thanks for the wonderful responses. I spoke with the man I was seeing about his behavior and how hurtful it was to me. He became offended and told me to shut the "blank" up and said that women talk to much and have a way of aggravating a man. This is an example of what causes him to snap. Lets say.....We come out of a restaurant together and he tells me to wait in the car while he purchases a newspaper from the store next door. Its a hot humid day outside (he has the car keys), so I decide to stand in the shade intead of sit in the car. While standing there waiting I decided to go into the store to purchase a bottled water. As I'm going in the store he's coming out and yells "Why are you not in the car? "didn't I tell you to wait in the car". I explain that its hot outside and I want something to drink. He made some ugly facial expressions and stormed off to the car. I BROKE UP WITH HIM. He is handsome, smart and a good pastor but has severe issues.
Bee-N-Couraged  5/9/02  Hello, I have just read some of your replies and I just want to be a support and encouragement to many pastors wives that I meet and those that I befriend while serving in ministry. Praying for you all and Happy Mother's Day! Be Encouraged!! The Lord will strenghthen your hearts, and lengthen your cords. Isaiah 54
Janell  5/20/02  I have briefly read thru the messages and what I'm looking for may not be available. I'm feeling so overwhelmed with my situation that I may looking in the wrong place for support. I have no one to share with, I'm isolataed with my feelings. I know what the Bible says, I've quoted scriptures plenty to others in great conflict and difficulty. But the depression and lack of zeal and energy for the Lord has me concerned. My husband resigned his Pastorate in March. The transiton has been an very hard one. We have personal problems due to moral choices he made a year prior. My issues are resentments,loss of trust and respect, unforgiveness, loss of joy and self-worth. We have been to counseling 5 or 6 times, but there are not resources to continue. I have found about the his secret "choices" about 9 months ago. The conflict and turmoil is taking toil. I feel so alone. I don't do my part in reading, study and prayer. I feel like the wind has been knocked out of my sails. If this is unappropriate, please disregard, don't reply and just breathe a prayer for me. God will hear.

Favored One  5/29/02  Dear woman of God, I will pray for you and your situation. But you have to find the strength to pray for yourself right now. Even if you can only say "Lord, help me, please", God will hear you. The enemy is doing a number on you now. You are focused entirely on your pain and the turmoil that's going on in your life. Please take your eyes off your circumstances and focus on Jesus. See, if you don't pray, you close the line of communication between yourself and your heavenly Father. You can't feel His comfort, nor hear His direction. And when you don't read the bible, you won't be reminded that you are more than a conqueror. Every woman on this board can say a prayer for you, but none of us know your situation like you. Let "your" requests be made known unto God. Begin by pouring out your pain before the Lord. Talk to Him. Tell Him exactly how you feel. Remember, your situation did not catch God by surprise. Seek God's face. He still cares for you. I will be praying for you.

Beth  6/9/02 I had to double check that I myself did not write your post. It sounds exactly like what happened to my husband and I over the past year. We had to resign from pastoring our church because of decisions he made and I am having difficult time dealing with it all. I would love to see if we could help each other. You can get my email address from Rock Dove.
Jennie  5/15/02  These last few days have been horrible. My husband a minister of 25 years is having difficulties in our marriage. He feels that we have some deep issues to resolve or the marriage should end. We both were married before and have eight children between us. Most of the time the kids get along and enjoy each other's company. We try so hard to make this a family for all that we are failing miserably. We have been at this churh for 5 years and it has grow but a relocation project has created problems that left my husband in the middle. We felt God leading us elsewhere so the church could move forward. People here have been great and horrific. I have only been a pw for 5 years and I am appaulled that christians act do deviously. During our marriage my daughter developed depression and we sought treatment. My ex-husband did not approve of the treatment and abducted her and has brainwasshed her against me. I am heart-broken over the lose of my daughter and have lost my health in the process. I know that God does not give us more than we can handle but I am struggling so hard. I love my husband and he has been a tremendous help with all these problems except communicating with me. He can be all things to others but to me he fails miserably at nurturing and comforting me on my bad days. We are also moving to a much larger church this summer and I hope for a new start, I hope all our family history will be unknow as we tried being transparent and that worked against us horribly. I feel very alone and only have my mother to talk to. She is very loving and is my faithful prayer partner. My husband got really angry today because she called and could tell I was crying. For the first time I told her that Jeff was having grave concerns about our marriage and we cried together. She offered so much love and support. I cannot talk with anyone else because that would start alot of rumors. Rumors have already destroyed areas of ministry for us. In both of our previous marriages there was infideliity. I don't think there is now but have terrible fears creeping back. Please pray for our marriage and that we can work out our problems and be a blessing to God. I am absolutely certain that God brought us together and I don't think he would bring us together for failure. He has plans to prosporous us when I am truly in his service. Please pray that our lives will settle down in this new churh where finances will improve and I will get the medical disability needed to help out financially. Pray for my husband's self-esteem through this process of waiting for a church. Thanks for letting me vent and have loving sisters in Christ to advise and encourage me.
Chey  5/17/02  I am not a pastor's wife but I feel for each one of you who are. I know it's hard to A. See the man side of your husband on a daily basis when you are supposed to only see and uplift the MAN of God in your husband, B. trying to live a chaste lifestyle with an audience of many.and C. losing your husband to many people's needs.... It is also hard I am sure to deal with rebellion within your churches.. but it's happening all over. The Jezebel spirit (not long fingernails and beautiful hair or even gender related!) is about rebellion ... sounds like some of you and/or your husbands have really got to fast and pray and ask God for guidance to put the JEHU spirit (the one who rode furiously in his chariot to take down jezebel) within you.. To stomp out the sin and lovingly tell people "no" or give them loving but firm correction in the Lord. If people are trying to run your husband as pastor, you have to pray and seek God and be supportive of your husband and pray that God helps this man of God be firm in his leadership. If people are trying to run you, you have the same authority from God because you are one with your husband to be able to, if God opens that door...tell people no, or to rebuke or exhort them kindly. I do NOT envy any of you your postions but I honor you in them!! I praise God that women of God like you are seeking guidance and wisdom because God will honor your request if you ask with a loving and broken heart. As for losing your husband, remember.. God is your husband..and HE meets your needs through whoever He can get to meet them. If it isn't your husband He will meet your needs in another way...but GOD is the source of all our comfort, love and finances. Pray for a friend and God will send you one but the first thing is to remember that God is your FIRST, BEST Friend!! any of you who don't love God more than your spouse will not be within His will...and He will be faithful to discipline because of it.. BUT those of you who do love God more..will know and understand that God meets your needs through your husband when your husband is willing.. I praise God that you are being good wives to your husbands.. I want to just put a bug in the ear of the lady who is buddies with the people in her congregation. Be careful!!! you are called to be a spiritual mother to your congregation..just as your husband is called to be spiritual father. While you can h ave a relationship with them it has to be like parents to a child..loving, gentle yet able to correct and discipline. You run the risk of not being taken seriously, respected or honored in your position as the woman of God if you get too buddy buddy with your congregation...and then you will be no good to them. Remember, this isnt' about you.. :)
Sister M.  5/27/02  To The PW's With Marital Woe: Even when you are discouraged, weak and weary, by the help and grace of God pull yourself up and out of your slump and depression. Now you've written and gotton it off your chest, now you know others are praying for this need, now pray yourself and study that Word. Woman of God, you are in a battle! Put on your armor! Pray SPECIFICALLY for favor with your husband in your area of trouble(s) AND pray that God would move you out of the way when necessary and change you if necessary. Chey's posting contains some godly advice for you. Pray and fast and begin today to be part of the solution God's working out and not the problem. We understand your sadness and weariness in the face of these adversities, but you must stand firm upon that Rock, that is Jesus Christ, and that glorious measure of the Holy Spirit that is poured out among you! The devil would not be fighting against you and your pastor spouses so hard if God had not intended so great a ministry purpose for you all to fulfill! Daughers of God, you may feel like the weakest of Christians right now, but remember you ARE, indeed, CHRISTIANS, bought and redeemed by His blood. He will fight these battles thru you. But you be like Jael in Judges: fight for what's right! You be like Mary (Lazurus'sister) and sit at the Lord's feet: study that Word! Learn from your mistakes and go forward in Christ! Read Jeremiah 29:11 in a NIV translation, if possible and pray that over your situations. Search the book of Psalms for a prayer that speaks to your situation and pray it to your God, such as Psalm 43. May the LORD, our God, restore unto you the joy of your salvation and and deliver you from your trial!
Jennie  5/29/02  Please pray for us as we have had a change in plans for my hussband's transfer to a new church. He has been told he is needed to be an interum minister for up to three monthsthis summer. The denomination will not be able to provide housing and we are anxious about this short move and then hopefully going to this larger church in September. This creates a lot of difficulties with school schedules and living arrangements for such a short period of time. My husband's salary is very small considering his many years of service and level of education. Please pray for housing and for my disability to come through the middle of June as expected. If this money is available we will be able to financially make it renting a house or apartment. My husband and I have had a difficult weekend and have recommitted ourselves to work out our differences and this gives me great hope.Thanks for the opportunity to vent my feelings and know that you are my sisters in Christ and God promises us to work things together for the good of those that love the Lord.
First Lady-NC  5/29/02  Hello, Women of God...I have been reading from this site for months but just decided to write tonite. I have a medical problem I have been dealing with for several years. I have prayed, fasted, praised and thanked God for a healing and I am still waiting. It seems the doctors now want to do surgery and I am feeling as if I haven't done something or that the reason I haven't been healed is somewhere within me. It is affecting everything in my life and I know the surgery will help me to feel better...when do you know that you have moved from just waiting on God to something has to be done for your health??? I have asked God if this is the right thing to do and I haven't gotten an answer. I had to get a blood transfusion a month ago and the doctors have said if I don't have the surgery I will have to get one every 2-3 months. They have given me a date of June 17th for the surgery please pray for me that I have peace that this is the right thing to do. I know I have alot to do in the vision that God has placed before my husband & I. I need to feel better.

Sally  6/1/02  I just want to offer you encouragement. Maybe the answer to all your prayers will be this surgery. Surgery is a way of fixing things, and then from that point you can then move on to the vision of things that God has planned for you. Sounds like you have your answer. Peace is something that comes from knowing that Our Father is doing everything and has everything under control. Faith is not thinking He will fulfill his promises, but KNOWING He will. I got a feeling as soon as I read your post that everything will be okay with you.
Sara  5/31/02  My husband has been pastoring a church for 3 months now. I am having a very hard time dealing with this new life. I feel like my husband does not know how to deal with "church" and "home" as far as balance goes. I have tried and tried to talk to him but he just says that I am jealous and feel like I need to control him. Someone please help me to learn how to deal with this. My husband and I have already mentioned separation. God Bless.

Marjo  6/27/02  I have had the same situation in my life where my husband thought I was trying to control him. I will tell you the one and only thing that has worked. Pray. It seems like an answer people give you when they do not know what to tell you. But I will be more specific. I am not just saying pray to give you an answer. I was at my witts end. I was really feeling like my husband did not care about what I had to say. But I also did not realize I had a controlling spirit. I threw temper tantums and all kinds of childish things. I started praying about the situation. God told me that I needed to let it go and pray for God to change my husband's heart. Because some of the time I was correct. It has been about 5 years now. When we have a communication problem and he does not want to listen, I go to my comforter and ask him to change his heart. And I wait. If your husband is in a good relationship with God he will come to you and apoligize. If he was wrong. But sometimes I needed my heart changed. God made me see that He had something different planned. No matter how right it may seem at the time it may not be what He has planned. I hope I was of some help.
pooh  6/1/02  My husband and I were just told by our Pastor that he is being promoted to overseeing 40 churches and willover see church plants for that area. Although sad to see him leave out church, the new Pastor will be a Distict Superintendant who is stepping down to Pastor a church. He said we are in a prime postion of being mentored by two people who have the authority to place us as Pastors in a church plant. They want to see and help us church plant within a year and half. My husband and I have been waiting on God for this for 9 years. We have never been formally schooled. This is totally a miracle about to happen. It all started with my husband leading worship only one time in our church two weeks ago and going through a refocusing class designed to hone in on your calling. Ladies we do not need to work so hard, we just need to obey and trust God, by His grace he moves us, positions us and uses us. To all those who read this and feel they have a calling on their lives, but haven't stepped into yet, don't give up!!!!!!!
Disturbed  6/3/02  I am so glad that I bumped into this site..this is a great support ministry for pastor's wives like myself..I was very encouraged to read denise question 2/19/98 page 2 and patricia's response 3/25/98. God called us four years ago to start a church among our own people..sometimes I feel that my husband is rated as a second class preacher, his doctrines are questioned (although we know that he speaks the uncompromising word of God) and he is not well received. I tend to get discouraged by looking at the outward circumstances..please pray that God would bring committed people in our midst whose only goal would be serve our Risen Savior and to be light to the community. I am afraid to share my discouragements and frustrations to my husband - the fear being it will pull him down. We both work full time jobs and have two kids in school. He may not be the Billy Graham or Charles Stanley of this world..but he is extremely caring and is there for anyone who needs him. Sometimes I wonder - does the church grow becoz of the pastor's preaching or does the church grow because of his kind heart. Is there anyone else who is in the same boat. It is hard for me to be always upbeat...Sometimes I feel the congregation is ready to accept any sermon given by an Amercian pastor but they are ready to challenge the message given by their own country men I find that very disturbing... My only prayer is that God would keep us focused on the vision that He has given us and not dwell on the circumstances around us. Even though my husband says that this church is for my family to come together, break bread and worship..Anyone else who walks through those doors I accept with a grateful heart...but I am sure it must be hard to preach to empty pews and expresssionless people in the congreation. Keep us in your prayers. This is a great site. Can anyone recommend a book for pastor's wives - that talks about anxiety, discouragement, struggles, etc.

Wynn  7/13/02  There is a great new book out called "The Perfect Pastor's Wife (And Other Fairy Tales), by Patricia W. Arthur. Check Amazazon.com or your local bookstore can get it. It has lots of practical advice, insight, shared experience and humor. I think you and others on the board will find it refreshing. If I come across other books, I will share.
babette  6/5/02  thank you ladies. I found this site today and thank God for it. I had a pastor's wives support group (non denominational) at our last parish and miss it greatly. It's been a long hard 9 years. Hang in there and I will too. Ya know, God don't make no junk.
Mary Jo  6/5/02  I am 21 years old and have been dating my boyfriend (who is a United Methodist Pastor) for the past 2 and a half years. We have been discussing marriage for the past year, but frankly, the thought of being uprooted every few years frightens me. I know that I want to be with him, and I don't want to be unsupportive of his ministry, but it's hard to find people to talk with about it. None of my friends are in my situation so no one understands. I could really use a friend who can let me know what I should do.

Marjo  6/27/02  If you have prayed and know a peace in your heart and soul that this is the man for you; go for it. Yes, it will be difficult if you need to move often. But the blessings God gives to the people who do His will far outweigh the uncomfort we may experience. He is faithful, He will guide you and comfort you. I pray that you feel His presence and that you will hear the Holy Spirit guiding you in your decision.
Shae in Omaha  6/8/02  Afternoon, Ladies!! I have been searching for a website for African American Pastor's wives and I thank God I found this one. I am a new Pastor's wife, but always knew that I would be one day. We have been in the ministry for over 8 months now and is has been a trying yet adventurous time. I thank God daily for our ministry and I am striving daily to do God's will. We both were born into CGIC, but God told us to venture away. We were austracized terribly by our denomination and have lost a lot of support from our family. This doesn't bother me much, but it bothers me when I have heard so many comments about me not being "Pastor's wife material". I have been told that I am a hinderance to my husband because of my boldness and my "tell it like it is" persona. I know without a doubt that God called us into this ministry and I am going on anyhow, but as Saints we need to be careful what we say to one another. I am proud to be a Pastor's wife who's not afraid to speak my mind and not allow the devil to interfere with my marriage and ministry. It is a challenge being a PW, but in the end......it's gonna be well worth it. Keep us in your prayers! God Bless!
losingmyself  6/10/02  Help! I feel like a am about to lose everything about me. I have totally centered my life on the Lord, my family, and my husband. I don;t know what else to do. My husband & I have been pastoring for 7= years, & have started a large building program with little or no money--building it with the physical labor of the men at church. We are slowly losing our attendance & finances. I don't want to put any more pressure on my husband or speak any doubt in this situation, but I don't know if I can handle anymore. I have two small babies at home & a teenager to care for. I recently went to the doctor to run some tests (symptoms of depression). The Dr. said" Let's get these test back & if they're negative, I leave you some samples of anti-depressants at the front desk. " Well everything showed normal--so now I have to get my nerve up again to face a member's daughter who works at the front desk, & pray she does'nt start gossip about me. Somebody help me i don't know who to talk to.
Annie Mae  6/10/02  Where do I begin? My husband and I have been married for almost 20 years, and for most of those years we worked together in various churches. He is an ordained minister. Our area of work has been mostly in the area of beginning new church fellowships. Unfortunately, in those encounters we witnessed the good as well as the bad in people, especially "church folk". I have never had any real desire to play the role of pastor's wife, for it seemed to be the position that got the most grief. My own pastor in my childhood church did not treat his wife well, neither did the congretaiton. He, my husband, always spoke of the desire to pastor, but admitted that God still had areas of personal growth for him. For the past several years we have been part of a small congregation where he served as Director of Education. Several months ago the pastor announced that he and his wife were separated. My husband, who had previously held this man in high esteem, was crushed, and began to loose respect for him. In the past months the church has lost at least 40 to 50 families over this. About three months ago, my husband announced to me that God had told him to start a new church. I was shocked, because recently we had talked about him applying for a local pastorate. There was no discussion, no talking about how this would affect our family, how our children or I felt about it. He simply proceeded to plan. I was shocked and very frustrated, because in his planning he proceeded to tell others what he was going to do without giving me/us the opportunity to come to terms with it as a family. He told all our friends, family members and would get very upset with me when I wasn't spreading the happy news. I felt completely trapped and overrun. Our friends would walk up and ask me how I felt about my "new calling". I just had to look at one of them and say"I don't want to talk about it." When I asked to talk, my husband just made it seem like nothing I was concerned about was of any consequence, and that "God would work it out". I'm not worried about God, it's us we needed to deal with. A step like this is a life-changing one. I have been in on helping to begin three new fellowships, and know that it's incredibly time and life-consuming. It is also very different from assuming the pastorate of a local congregation. When I tried to point this out, his words were, "It's just a church". I slowly began to realize that no matter what I felt or didn't feel, he was going to continue, my feelings and questions and needs were second to "the call". And in spite of everything, he fully expected me to help him set up and radminster and advise in his new endeavor. He even wrote my position and responsibilites into the churches constitution and bylaws. I have had a bout recently with depression, and had done considerable personal examination to find the root and overcome it. I do have a spritual mother, who frankly told me that a great part of my problem had to do with my relationship with my husband, and how I didn't assert myself with him to the point of losing myself. This was hard to hear, but she was correct. Part of my fear of starting this new fellowship is that in the past my husband has usually managed to involve me in ministeral activities or responsibilties that I did not want. Many times they were things he should have been responsible for but did not want to do, so I took up the slack. Sisters, I can't do that again. I have two growing daughters, and both have pressing issues right now that need my full attention, to say the least. Even if I didn't, I don't want to assume those burdens again unless I feel my Father is leading me to. When I finally got my husband to talk, I asked him what he wanted me to do. He said, "be my right hand". Given our track record I read that to mean "take up the slack and cover what I don't really want to do or don't feel good at." I finally got up the nerve to tell him I did not want to serve in a leadership position in his new fellowship. In fact, I told him that while he said he wanted a partnership, what he had begun was a sole proprietorship. My wish is to be his wife, and to participate in his new endeaver as God leads me. He now is becoming bitter over the fact that I am not taking an active part in launching this church. There is so much more I could tell you. I have left more congretations that I care to remember because of friction between he and the pastors of other congregations we have worked in. Did the other pastor's have issues? Yes, I freely admit they did, but in my mind there is a way to honorably deal in any situation. He has not always acted honorably, and I have suffered because of it. Is the church we are at now perfect? Far from it, but no church is. What I have come to value is the sense of community and sharing with other members. God has to deal with the Pastor if the church does not vote to have him removed. Sister's, what do I do? I truly feel that if I give in and take up what he wants of me I will lose myself. I have to find an way to walk in this. I love him, and he has many talents and abilities that I know God can use. I just don't know what do do. Any encouragement would be appreciated. By the way, my counselor that I see to help with my depression had a grandmother who was a pastor's wife, and readily understands many of the things I am facing. Almost her first words were," This isone group of women who really need a support group." I'm glad I found you. Be blessed. Thank you.Pray for us.

Someonecares  6/12/02  I understand your frustrations and my prayers are with you. Let me share with you what I received from reading your post. In the book of Genesis 2:18 (NIV) The Lord God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him." Your husbands was not created to handle this ministry alone. That's why God made him a helper. Proverbs 31: 28 Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: 29 "Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all." I received the fact that your husband wants you to be his " right hand" because he trusts you and realizes that you are a great woman of noble character. He trusts that you will get the job done. The Virtuous Woman did many great things that no ordinary woman could do. I find is quite humerous that you express concern that your husband wants you to do everything when most wives complain that their husbands don't want them to do anything and they always have other women who are right their to do whatever the husband wants. You are a blessed woman. Your husband has trust in you which is a very rare and is something most wives crave. I think your frustration comes when you expect return from your husband and it's not there. The reason is that as wives when we serve as a help to our husband, we should expect our blessing from the Lord not our husband. He is not equipped to give us what we need in return. Turn your focus of expectancy from your husband to God and watch the Lord bless you tremendously for your faithfulness. The Lord may bless you through your husband and when He does you will know that it is the Lord. Remember to look to the Lord for your reward not to your husband. Proverbs 31: 31 Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate. You are a blessed woman of God, a Virtuous Woman and a Woman of Noble Character. Continue to walk in the call that God has placed on your life. May you be blessed beyond measures.

Annie Mae  7/8/02  Response to Someone Cares 6/12/02 Thank you for your reply. It is very good to know that someone out there is praying for you, and that you are not alone, especially another sister. I know all the scriptures you quoted, and believe that what you say is true - my husband does have a great deal of trust in me. I never really thought of it like that. Thank you too, for the reminder of expecting my fulfillment to come from my Heavenly Father. What I don't understand, and am looking for understanding on, is the statement that you made concerning us as wives being a helpmeet for our husbands, but that we should not expect the same support for ourselves that we give them. I understand better than many how different men and women are, how we approach and process things differently. But by making this imbalance a given in any marriage, does it not effectively nullify any complaint we may have? Would this not just put us back in the position of being the silent, suffering but supportive spouse because that's what we are SUPPOSED to be? As I read more and more of this website I am beginning to see that much of what is happening is because people (pastors, wives, congregations, etc.) belive it's SUPPOSSED to be that way. And with everything that is in me, I cannot see my heavenly Father establishing, condoning or supporting this kind of imbalance. If marriage (as infered in scripture) is a mirror of the relationship that Christ (husband) has for his church (wife), the premise of the wife (church) being a helpmeet for her husband (Christ) but not expecting him to consider her at all, and her looking past her husband (Christ) to her Father (God) for her needs because he is incapable of fulfilling them is ludicrous. My prayer is that I fully expect my needs to be met by my Father, and that my Father will continually teach my husband to meet them and that he will want to meet them. I also pray that all of us, as spouses of those called into the ministry, will learn to realize that we are not wrong to want our needs met, and will learn to 1)reach out to each other in trust and love and 2)SPEAK UP! Scripture says that we have not because we ask not. Continue to pray for us, and I will pray for all of you.
losingmyself  6/11/02  I think part of the problem I've been having, as well as you, is how to balance being a "submissive" wife & keeping sanity at the same time. I feel as if all the things I have to juggle in a days time is more than I can handle. I WANT to be supportive, because there are so many who do not support my husband. I just want to quit, but I know it not the Lord's will. I am just glad I have somebody I can talk to that won't spread the gossip & make things worse.Thank you for writing-GOD BLESS
Sanaa  6/16/02  Hello, ladies!! I truly need some spiritual guidance. We have been in the ministry for a short 9 months and have about 20 active members. To my surprise, my husband announced this morning that he is going into the ministry full time, meaning he's quitting his job. I am so upset because I don't believe that now is the time for him to go into a ministry full-time. We have three small children and are already in financial distress in getting this ministry off the ground. I am a woman of faith and believe in God, but I am not with my husband on this one. Right now I'm doing all that I know how to make ends meet and to pay our debts and now he wants to quit his job!! I need some help with this one. I was so angry that I told him that our marriage is up in the air because I need a husband to take care of me and our children. I've always been the bread winner because he's never was much of a worker, but when he found Christ I thought that all changed. I am so upset. I know that I'm not supposed to worry but it's hard because I'm thinking about the welfare of our home and church. Help, I don't know what to do and maybe someone else has gone or is going through a test like this. I need your prayers!!!
Christine  6/17/02  This is such a great site!!! Just found it today. I rarely get time to surf the net because a)I have children, and b) my husband is always using the computer to do work!! I have longed to be able to chat with other pastor's wives about a particular issue that is plaguing our marriage. I have a number of close friends, but because this issue is of a sensitive nature and could possibly cause my youth pastor husband to lose his job, it's not a problem that I can share with anyone who knows us personally. My husband is a porn addict. This is something that began in elementary school, long before he even became a Christian. Once he accepted Christ he immediately turned this matter over to the Lord. If any of you are experienced with addictions of any kind, you will know that the addict often goes through periods of great remorse, and remains "clean" for a time, but eventually falls back into the addiction again. I had no idea my husband had this problem until a couple of years into our marriage. He just broke down and confessed that he had this problem, had recently visited the adult section of a video store, and begged my forgiveness. I was shocked and mortified, though I believed him when he said he was sorry, was not attracted to any other woman, and wanted to stop. And he did for a couple of years, but then relapsed and began visiting adult video stores for several months. I was so naive, once again I had no idea, once again he confessed to me and begged my forgiveness, and once again he promised to try to quit, but knew he was addicted. Another couple of years went by and he graduated college and got his first full-time pastoral position. I breathed a sigh of relief, believing that, fearing for his job security, would truly give this up. Then we got an offer from a cable company for a free trial of digital cable. Being technologically incompetent, I didn't know one could order porn at the click of the remote and sit in the privacy of one's own home and view it. Near the end of our free trial period, when we were to decide whether or not we wanted to subscribe, I woke one morning after he had left for work to find the cable receiver gone. When he got home from work he said he had decided (abruptly, I thought) not to keep it because it was too expensive. Ever the naive one, I bought this explanation until a couple of months later we were having a conversation with his sister about her concerns that her husband may be a porn addict. This caused me to think of revisiting this issue with my husband, so I asked him later that night if he had slipped back into his old habits, truly believing the answer would be no, and he hung his head shamefully and admitted that the reason he returned the cable box was because he had been ordering porn and knew he had to get rid of it. Not only that, but he had visited some pornographic websites on the church's computer. At this point I was absolutely terrified. We had just had our second baby, and I knew his career in ministry would be over if anyone found this out. Amazingly, a couple of weeks later, the church was burglarized and his computer was stolen, along with the evidence of his addiction. He considered this a chance to start over again, once again repented, and asked me to be his accountability partner in this issue. I found this to be an overwhelming responsibility, because obviously I was clueless as to the many sources of pornography available, and had already underestimated the power of this addiction several times. I urged him to find another accountability partner, which he did, and things went well for a long time. Then we moved. We bought a satellite dish (what was I thinking????!!!!), he asked me to lock out all the bad channels, which I did, or at least I thought I did. Nine months went by, and one weekend my husband was away on a youth retreat. The satellite bill came in the mail while he was gone. I rarely looked at any of our bills...he is the budget doer in our house because I hate it so I always let him open the bills so I wouldn't get too depressed. I tossed the bill aside, but late that night in bed alone I felt the Lord telling me to open the bill. Much as I love the Lord, I don't often get those strong messages from Him (guess that's not my spiritual gift), so when I do, I usually listen. I opened the bill and saw on the itemized list of orders several "untitled" movies. Since all the movies we had ordered together were listed by title, I had a sick feeling in my stomach about these unititled entries. I called the satellite provider to confirm my suspicions (by the way, the account is in my husband's name. The customer service rep asked for the password before she would release any information to me. Not knowing the password my husband was using for the account, I prayed quickly for guidance and the Lord brought to my mind a number that we had used as a password now and then for other things- ironically, it was "LORD"-and I repeated this to the customer service rep. It was right.) and yes, they were pornographic movies. I then went to our filing cabinet to dig out all of our past satellite bills, and discovered he had been ordering porn since the first month that we had the satellite dish. Obviously I had done something wrong when I locked out the bad channels. It took incredible self control to finish the rest of that day without burning all of my husband's belongings and changing all the locks on our house. He came home at supper time, I waited until the kids went to bed, confronted him with the evidence, told him he couldn't lie because I had talked to the satellite provider, and said I wanted a divorce. Did I really want to leave him? No. Did I still love him? Yes. We talked for several hours. He cried, confessed, prayed, repented. I truly believe him when he says he is not attracted to the women in the images he watches, and is actually quite repulsed by them, but gets a sexual high from watching other people engage in intercourse. It sickens him that he is like this, that he is jeopardizing the welfare and future of me and his children by continuing to fall back into his additctive behavior, and that he had prayed all those months that I would look at the bills, because he wanted to tell me but he just couldn't bring himself to. He loves the Lord, he loves me, he loves our kids (now we have three. Number three was a surprise, as I was wary of having more, feeling our future may not be as stable as I had once believed it would be, but the Lord saw fit to bless us so anyway!), he lives and breathes the church, and loves the teens as if they were our own children. I do not question this. But I hope I am no longer naive, and now realize how powerful this addiction is. I told him this was his last chance, I will not put up with this any more. It has to stop. I committed to pray for him. He taught me how to properly lock out bad channels and to check the internet history on the computer, which I now do frequently and regularly. I also verbally confront him on a regular basis, make him look me in the eye and tell me he has not relapsed. As far as I know, and believe the Lord is confirming in my heart, that he has been clean since that last time almost a year ago. We are together, I love him more than ever before in our ten year marriage, and am committed to helping him deal with this. However, even as I write this, I feel like, am I one of those stupid women I often criticize, the ones who continue to take back their philandering, adultering, drunken, or wife-beating husbands? I am a strong person. Although I love my husband, I am not afraid of being alone (though I am afraid of what would happen to me and my kids if we did not have my husband's financial support, as I have been a stay at home mom for some time now and don't know if I could support my kids on my own). I'm not staying with him because I am co-dependent or blinded by emotion. But I would appreciate any input anyone can give me. Does anyone else have any firsthand experience with this issue? Thanks for putting up with my long, long entry. It became much longer than I intended, but it does feel good to finally share my story. Please pray for us, and I welcome any advice that is given with thought and prayerful consideration.

Anon. Lady, a PW  7/18/02  A recent issue of Charisma Magazine had a good article and links to resources and ministries for men in this situation. Their #800-829-3346. Don't give up, because Christ is able to heal and deliver. Please track this magazine down. I know they have a website. The article was by a woman who sounded so much like you. You're in my prayers. Can I tell you that I know God can deliver from pornography addictions, because I myself struggled with it and have not given into the temptation in nearly 10 years. God is able to do exceedingly abundandly above all we can think and ask...I thank Him.
Maggie  6/18/02  Wow! So much pain. My husband just preached his first sermon last night and we are at the front gate of this calling, so to speak, so I hardly feel qualified to touch on anything you ladies have gone through, but as a wife and as a woman, I can feel a lot of the pain with you. To start with, all of you that have said your husband has shown disrespect to you or disregard for you, have made it clear that your husbands need to recheck their position with the Lord. This is not of God. Jesus has a lot to say about how men are to treat their wives. One being that they are to love her as Christ loves the church. They are to love her more than themselves. Imagine Christ treating them the way they have treated you. Imagine Christ treating the church the way they have treated you. They have a responsibility to you as well as to the church. As pastor's wives, you sacrifice a lot to help your husbands to do what the Lord has called them to do. How he treats you will make a big difference in how the church body treats you. What he may not realize is that it will eventually reflect on him as well. If they are not respecting you, how long will they respect him? If any pastor does not act with "Honor" he is acting outside the will of God. He needs to look at his motives for being a pastor, or look to find out where he lost touch with the Lord in all this. As for having to act like a "Pastor's Wife", what is that? It is someones idea of how a saint should act more than likely, and last I checked there were no saints drawing breath on earth. None of us have achieved perfection....that won't happen until we get there. The only things we are required to do is abide by what the Lord says. As long as we are obeying the Lord, then they need to look in the mirror for the problem. Pray for them. Like I said in an earlier post, the devil wants to destroy all churches, he also wants to destroy all ministers, minister's wives, marriages, families.....so, we have many targets on our back as far as the devil is concerned. The diference is, we are more than conquerors in Christ. No weapon formed against us shall prosper.....unless we let it. Ask yourself....was my husband truly called into the ministry?....is he truly the man the Lord has for me?.....What would be the outcome if I walk away or quit? If the answer to the first two questions was yes, then the answer to the third is...the devil wins. We are to turn to the Lord for everything. He wants to have a personal relationship with us all. He is our strength and He is capable of holding us up through anything. Is there anything too big for God? I pray that all of you that are on the edge of giving up will really consider the consequenses of your descision. Is this an attack of the devil on you and your husband? Are you going to just let him win? I cannot even pretend that I know it all, I just know that my God shall supply ALL your needs. He never puts us into a position where we can not find a way out.Spend time on your knees at the foot of the throne and ask Him which way to go from here.
Maggie  6/18/02  I am responmmding to all the ladies that have felt the brunt of the devil's attack on their and their husband's ministry. My husband is the music minister at our small church and he has been called to preach and has begun his ministry there. Our pastor is great for trying to help develop the calling on anyone's life. The thing is,our Music minister had left and we suddenly found ourselves with no music and no one to lead it. My husband was chosen as the new music minister and put in charge of special music, and finally, after some trouble, they selected a new choir director. We were thrilled and ready to work with her, and make our praise and worship a wonderful time for all. Well, the night she was selected, she came to me and said she did not want to be choir director, she wanted to be in charge of special music.I told her that I was sure the Lord would decide what was best for the church and if it was to be her, then we would have no problem with that. She said,"We will see." From that point she has lined up special music without contacting my husband and never bothers to set up any arrangements for the choir. We have had to do that and try to set up special music for the church also. She just refuses to do her job. Then we started to notice that their was a cooling off of affection between us and other members of the church, including the pastor and his wife. No matter what we did for the church the pastor would give recognition to all that were involved except us. People would be yelling.."And.... Maggie.....and...." Then he would grudgingly say we helped. We did not care about the reccognition, but the obvious neglect of it hurt us so much. We felt so ostricized that we did not want to go back to the church. We feel that this woman and her husband are telling lies and trying to push us out of the way, but we can't proove this. It finally came to a head for my husband and I two Sunday's ago. We came to choir practice and they were already there. They ignored the fact that we were there, until they needed the song sheets to work on. We made copies and I took my place with the choir. They deliberately did not hand me a song sheet, but the sister next to me shared hers. When we started to work on the music, my husband was playing his acoustic guitar and our friend was playing his electric one. This choir director told her husband to turn up the electric guitar louder and louder until you could not hear my husband at all and the sound was so obnoxious that everyone was looking at each other. We took a break then. I walked of the stage and went outside and sat in our truck. I sat there and my heart was broken. I would not cry, because I did not want to give them the satisfaction. I started to pray. My husband came outside to check on me. I got out of the truck and stood next to him. I said I did not want to be there. He said he didn't either. We stood there longer then I asked him if he knew what it would mean if we just walked away. He hesitated and said, yea, the devil wins. We joined hands and he started to pray. Just as he was praying for strength to walk back into that church our pastor came outside. He looked like someone slapped him when he saw us praying. He came up to us and he put his hands on us and prayed with us. We walked back into that church and my husband took his place at his guitar. I sat in the pews. Then something strange happened. All the people that were around me started to talk to me, they closed in around me like they were protecting me. I felt a sense of peace come over me. Those others are still very curt with us and they still want us out of the way, but we found out that they have been jumping from church to church, and the Lord gave me a burden for them. I prayed that they not jump anymore. I prayed that they would be healed and find their home with us. It still hurts my feelings when I feel their smug dislike of me and my husband, but I know we are standing within God's will and they will come around. She had asked me one time to let her know when my berries came in season. I sent word to her when they came in, she said she would have to skip this season because she was too tired. The season will last at least another month.But, the Lord has laid it on my heart that I am to pick berries and take her some. I will do as the Lord says. If she continues to try to wedge us out of a position and a church that the Lord has put us in, she will answer to Him. It is not my problem anymore. The devil is in all churches. He wants to destroy all churches. How better to do it than to divide and conquor. The Father says we are to love our enemies and to do good to those that dispitefully use us. He says to count it all joy for great is our reward in heaven. So, everytime I feel that creepy feeling up my spine, I will smile, because I just got another reward. But I will not step down and give the devil any more power. I will sing in the choir, I will sing with my husband and I will do all the things the Lord has called me to do. My husband preached in the church last night....he was so anointed.And so it starts. I was so proud. We sang a song before he started and watched the whole church clapping and smiling. (Even her husband) I know the Lord is working and I praise Him. So, if the devil is kicking...you must be doing something right...why else would he bother? If he can't deceive.. ..he can't defeat. You are not alone....all of those in the ministry will have their demons to battle...but battle...do not surrender. May the Lord Jesus Christ be your rock and your strength in all things. I came to this site to see what I was getting into so to speak. My husband is going to be a wonderful minister and we know this is what the Lord has called him to do. I am glad I came. I know even more now we are on the right path, because I see him trying to pull the same tricks on us. God, bless you all and God bless this site.
mom/pastors wife  6/20/02  Being a pastors wife, I am curious how other ministry families take vacation (away from the Church) without the Church coming with you? My husband, a full time pastor feels like he is on call 24hours a day, seven days a week, and takes his cellphone on our vacations. Last year our vacation was cut short 5 days, because we were called back due to a parishioners poor health. Where do you draw the line, how do you enjoy a day off? Should parishoners call you at home if there is a Church phone number and answering machine, should they stop by the house without calling? ANy suggestions?

A PW & Mom in FL  7/29/02  It is ESSENTIAL that your family have a vacation. Your husband needs to find a trusted individual, a deacon or other minister (whom he can fully trust), and have him take care of all church emergencies while he is away. Announce to the leaders or the entire congregation that Brother So-And-So will be filling in for you while you're gone, and he will be happy to handle any emergency they have. Or better yet, only give the vaguest explainations of your plans to the greater congregation and inform the leaders to call your "substitute" if needed. You have to resolve yourselves that nothing can inturrupt your much needed and deserved vacation. Any illnesses can be handled with prayer and visitation by the associate minister who is filling in. Let that person only have your hotel phone # with instructions to call only with a dire emergency. If too many people in the church have your cell phone # then leave it off. You have to draw the line and realize that your own family needs to come first and have consideration at times. Twenty years from now you may be pastoring another church somewhere, but the precious memories and family time you spend together builds your lifetime relationships with spouses and children. Your family needs, deserves and has earned the break, don't let anyone take it from you. Church people can be so demanding, I have seen these people call with their "emergencies" and ruin my Father and Mother-in-Law's visit to our home (they were Pastors visiting us from another state). Even with the sickness you mentioned, there is nothing wrong with another minister handling it while your husband is gone. Our family is blessed with a trusted minister who fills in for my husband while we are gone, and we give our number only to our church clerk. The clerk is very understanding and respects our privacy during these few and far between family vacations. I have seen and heard horror stories of church people manipulating spits and scisms during the pastor's vacation, trying to cut it short with emergencies and raising cain when he didn't return immediatly. Any other stories out there and suggestions on how to handle them, ladies? BUT the greater majority of the time there is no problem and the church understands that everyone needs and deserves a break and everything goes smoothly. We have many Pastor friends who have no trouble while on vacation and upon returing. Even those who get their feathers ruffled get over it soon enough. Our family prays and commits the church and church family into God's hands while we're gone. After all, wheather or not we are present or absent He is the one that has every situation under control! And it is His body and bride! Hope this helps you and you get your vacation, a real one, soon! God bless you.
Jen  6/22/02  I just wanted to comment on how useful this board has been to me as a window into a the life of a pastor's wife. While it is a title that I do not yet have, I am considering entering a relationship with the most wonderful, compassionate man I have ever met, who just happens to be a minister. Truely, being a pastor's wife is an occupation in itself, and I hope all of you ladies know that yours is a high calling. I will continue to visit this site to get an idea of what I may be in for; I am sure it will be a valuable aid in helping me make a decision later on. Bless you all!
Undecided  6/28/02  IT'S BEEN A WHILE SINCE I LAST VISITED THIS SITE. MY HUSBAND HAS BEEN CALLED TO PASTOR A SMALL CHURCH AND WE ARE BOTH CURRENTLY MARRIED NOW FOR ONLY 2.6 YEARS. WE HAVE TWO CHILDREN AND TO BE TOTALLY HONEST WITH YOU ALL, I NEVER WANTED TO BE A PASTOR'S WIFE. I DIDN'T KNOW THAT MY HUSBAND WOULD BECOME A PASTOR AT SUCH A YOUNG AGE AND I HAVE SEEN WHAT PASTOR'S WIVES GO THROUGH. YOU KNOW THE SAYING, "THE LONELIEST PERSON IN A ROOM FULL OF PEOPLE" IT MAKES MY STOMACH TURN. I DO NOT MIND HELPING GOD'S PEOPLE AND MINISTERING TO THEIR SOULS, BUT I DO NOT WANT TO LIVE THE LIFE OF A PASTOR'S WIFE. IT SEEMS SO INCREDIBLY LONELY, SORROWFUL, AND DEPRESSING. I AM ALREADY DEPRESSED, BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE RUNNING AWAY FROM IT ALL, BUT I DON'T WANT TO BE RESPONSIBLE FOR BREAKING UP THE FAMILY. WE HAVE A BABY THAT HE JUST TREASURES AND I DON'T WANT TO BREAK UP THE FAMILY, BUT I CAN'T HELP FEELING OVERWHELMED, LONELY, FRUSTRATED, DEPRESSED, BITTER, ANGRY, AND HOPELESS. AND MY HUSBAND, HE JUST PRAISES GOD ANY HOW, NO MATTER HOW I AM FEELING. IT'S LIKE HE ALWAYS SENDS THE SAME MESSAGE THAT HE'S GONNA BE HAPPY REGARDLESS OF WHAT I'M GOING THROUGH. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T HAVE A CLUE AS HOW TO DEAL WITH MY FEELINGS AS HIS WIFE. I FEEL SO DEPRESSED AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO BUT TO SUBMIT IN SILENCE AND DO WHAT THE LORD WOULD HAVE US DO. I AM ALWAYS UNDER ATTACK BY THE ENEMY WHEN EVER I GET OVER ONE HURDLE, "BAM!!" I GET SMACKED IN THE FACE AND SOMETIMES KNOCKED DOWN BY ANOTHER HURDLE. I DON'T WANT OPINIONS OR ADVICE. I KNOW WHAT THE WORD OF GOD SAYS. I JUST WANTED TO GET THIS OFF MY CHEST. THERE IS MUCH MORE, BUT I LEAVE IT AT THAT FOR NOW. THANKS FOR LETTING ME SUBMIT MY ENTRY TO THIS SITE AGAIN. GOD BLESS.
Dannah  7/1/02  I have just found this site. I haven't been able to read everything yet. But I too am a "pastor's wife" (which I sometimes hate, don't call anyone the bankers wife, or the sales man's wife). I was suprised to read how discouraged and unhappy many of us are. I thought I was the only one. I'm sorry to say I feel relief that I'm not alone. My husband has been here at our present church for 9 years and we desperatly want to leave, the "honeymoon" period is over. He is a pastor and works 2 other jobs and I work 2 jobs just to keep us going with our 3 kids. He is tired, physically, emotionally and spiritually. Satan has sometimes had a field day with me. I look at people in our church and how well they are doing financally and my husband working 3 jobs and only making half. And I feel they don't even care. The parsonage is a mess, floors are falling, the roof leaks and the response is "it's not our house". My husband is a quite, patient and loving man and I see him changing. My oldest son is not happy, he hates being a pastors son. With comments like you are to be an example you're the "preachers kid", or "look at the rich kid with the cell phone", which is all he wanted and got for Christmas. Somestimes I can't blame him for not liking what his dad does. I don't want our younger 2 children to begin to feel the way he does. I have had people say to me "we must be paying the pastor too much", because we bought a used van. Now I've found out that my mom's cancer has returned and we live 4 hours away and if she gets sick I'm not there to take care of her. I'm asking for pray that the Lord would send us to another church, one that it would be enough that my husband doesn't have to work any other jobs and closer to my mom. Someday when I am old and gray(er) I plan on being the best friend and prayer warrior for my pastors wife.
babette  7/1/02  Marilyn 4/28/01 & Teacher40 5/5/01 - thanks ladies, you've just about summed up what I've been feeling. For the last 6 years when I join a new group (stitching, exercise, etc.) I refuse to bring up what my husband's occupation is until I feel they have gotten to know me first. I still get a lot of "treating me different" but try to work through it by reminding them of the Me they got to know. Boy, it is hard trying to teach people that God made us each as individuals not clones of who they think we should be. I understand the looking forward to the move to start new too. Thought we might be making a change, it didn't pan out, guess I still have lessons to work out with the relationships I started here in our church, the toughest being enforcing my boundaries. Will look forward to seeing future posts from you
7/2/02  I have just spent an hour putting together a history and story of where I find myself only to have lost it on the computer. Guess the Lord didn't want me to send what I had so here we go again. My predicament is that I am 60 years old. Have been in the ministry as a Pastor's wife for 6 years. Our church body is made up pretty much of people older than I am, 60-85 Or the other extreme much younger 20-40 I find it to be a lonely place---God is my friend and I am finding the only one I can confide in. I don't mean to complain but I find that the congregation has taken my husband under their wing and accepts me because I am his wife. The prospect of being pastor's together seems to be a very foreign thing here. We have both been called but I shouldn't get too involved. Tho my husband wants me involved, he is much more content if I will volunteer outside or make phone calls to those who need a touch and he doesn't have time to keep up with. I feel like I am there to pick up the pieces! I know that is prabably selfish on my part as my husband does need some help. Recently we were blessed with an assistant pastoral couple. There again they are in their 20's--in fact they call me mother! My husband is an A type personality and can move out faster than I can keep up with him at times. To top this all off I have MS and take a shot a day to keep it under control. Thank God it is under control and has really not caused me disability at this point. Glad you are here I have been able to vent!!!!Will come back again. Hope that I hear from some of you---it does get to be a lonely life at times.
Sandy  6/30/02  I have been a pastor's wife for over 6 years. How do you deal with women constantly calling your home for the pastor and not saying as much as a hello to you without being accused of jealousy. Women are constantly in his office alone with the door shut. I have told him that it does not look good with you always shut up in the office with women alone and he gets upset. This woman even has his cell phone number that she calls him on. He gave it to her. Has anyone gone through this?

rolonda  7/27/02  As a pw i can understand your feelings on this issue. Personally i feel that any counceling that goes on with a woman and the pastor, the pw should be present. Your husband or any other pastor is setting himself up for the devil to use by counceling women alone. So many good men of God have fallen just because of issues like that. I know in my husbands ministry any counceling that goes on with a woman whether she is married or not, i am there. Not necessarily to talk, but just to be there to support my husband. a man no matter who he is should never be behind closed doors with a woman that is not his wife. As for the phone calls, they could atleast say hello to you, but that is part of your husbands mission. although it may bother you, it is far better that he councel them on the phone than it is in closed doors alone. It use to bother me when women would call and want to talk to my husband, but the Lord showed me my hasband is a Godly man and he is here to serve the people of our church and that does include women. I dont think your feelings are jealousy, i think it is the Lord showing you he needs to use caution. All you can do is pray about the situation and let the Lord correct it. You are in my prayers sweet sis. Love in Christ. We Love because He loves!
EmmaJane  7/2/02  I am trying to find some information on male clergy spouses. What are some of the problems that they encounter as their wives take up leadership in ministry. I am in ministry and want to know how to help my husband adjust to the situation also I want to be prepared for things that I can anticipate occuring.
Grace  7/3/02  I am presently undergoing medical tests to determine what is causing my extreme fatigue, weakness and some other health problems. I go back to the Dr. next Tuesday to get the results from my bloodwork. I would like to ask for prayer that the results would be conclusive so that we would know what is causing this. I would also like prayer for me and my husband, this has been very taxing, especialling in light of my role as a pastor's wife and mother. I also work outside the home part-time because we are in a church "start" and unable to make it financially without additional income. I am also concerned that maybe the root of all of the physical problems could be depression. How do I explain that to a congregation that is praying for me? The pastor's wife is not supposed to have depression, at least not like this...right? I have had a lot of stresses - good and bad during the last two years. A move, a new baby, new job, new house, my mother passed away, and I don't feel like I have a good friend in the town we are in. I have great friends about 1 1/2 hrs. away, but not here. Anyway, thanks for letting me whine a little - and thanks in advance for your prayers.
Purple  7/5/02  I am a PW who sometimes wonder just where is my place in my husband's life and ministry? I realize my place is with my husband and I know God wants us to be one,but what do I do when my husband rejects me in the home and out of the home? We have alot of problems that needs to be address, but we cannot get pass him accusing me of things I truethfully DID NOT do....He talks to me like a dog and that's even when he is preparing his sermon for Sunday morning. So many times I have asked him was this of God and he just keeps right on yelling at me. My ego and self asteem is so low right now that all I do is cry. I was so happy when another ministries wife went to the conference in FL. and bought me this paper back so I can communicate with my sisters in Christ. I KNOW my help comes from the LORD and everything will be alright. Please pray for me to be able to stand when the tears roll down my cheeks. I will continue to stay on my knees and seek God's will in all this.

rolonda  7/16/02&Nbsp; Hello again i would like to address soemthing to Purple. I was just reading through some postings and my heart went out to you purple. You know God specifies how a man is to treat a woman in Galations 5 A man is to love a woman as himself and a man is to love a woman a Christ Loved the church. Christ did not make the church feel cheap or bad, he lifted the church up. He loved the church so much that he gave his own life for it. It saddens me to think there is a pw out there going through so much. God says a womans countenance can win a man. another words if we live according to Gods word as we should God will use that convict the mans heart (and the same thing if it is a woman that is doing wrong). i have no advice that i can give dear sister all i can say is you are in my prayers and I pray that you know you are not alone. once of my favorite verses in teh bible is Jeremiah 29:11 For I (God) know the thoughts i think toward you, thoughts of peace and not of evil to give you an expected end. Just look at all this as a growing stage in your life use it to get even closer to the Lord. Remain faithful to the Lord and He will deliver you. You will see the victory just hang in there sis. IN Christ
Brenda  7/7/02  We to are struggling with the insurance issue. There are some Christian groups out there that do like an insurance. Look up Samaritan's Purse or Medi-Share. They are reasonable payments with pretty low deductibles and less hassle than regular insurance.
Paula  7/11/02  Dear sisters.. I desperately need your help and advice. I have been married to my husband for the past 12 yrs. About 3 years ago, he received a calling to preach. He accepted a position in a rural congregation(which is where we still are). A few months into the ministry a scandal arose from a former employer which was untrue. The church was split on whether to believe him or not and rumors and more false allegations arose. Sister congregations alienated themselves from us as well as the memembership. My husband decided to resign, however, after a congregation meeting a majority asked him to stay. The church split in half and we now have about 40-50 members. I never wanted to be a preachers wife. I grew up in a very progressive church and were we are now, I am the only person there my age (36) and my two kids are 2 of 5 kids. The membership is 99% 55 and up (more up). the church isn't growing and the worship services are drab and lifeless. I usually end up in the nursery where I don't have to hear it. My husband is kind and has a heart of gold. And he has the spirit of compassion and the members love him dearly. However, my second problem is i don't have confidence in his preaching (oral speaking) ability. He is nasaled-toned, and his grammar and sentence structures lack a lot. It is irrating for me to sit there and listen to him because all I hear is the mistakes, the broken verbs,etc. I have helped him with his sermon preparation from time to time, but I don't feel that is something i should have to do. Because of this, I just dread going to services. matter of fact I rarely go and any excuse not to go is welcomed. I hate complaining all the time because it appears I am not supportive. And in truth, I am not. I don't feel this is what he should be doing as a career. Please help me.. I am so critical until I get tired of myself. he is truly a wonderful man. I just don't know if preaching his his will or God's. Please help me!! I feel Satan has taken over my spirit and I am negative and pesstimistic about everyting and everybody.. I look forward to hearing from you!!!

Mary  8/6/02  Paula I read your e-mail and it sounded like I felt when God called both of us into ministry,at times I would slid down the pew to keep from looking at my hubby.nothing that came out of his mouth sounded right.I was ashamed of my hubby'preaching.I'm being honest, God new if I kept this up that I would destroy this man,I was praying for God to change him,but what happen next was breath taking God laid it on my heart that my hubby didn't need to be changed,that I need to change instead of telling or thinking how lousy a speaker he was,to tell him what a great speaker he is and a wonderful Pastor that he is becoming,as for as satan having control of your spirit(he would love for you to believe that)the word of God says to cast down high imaganations and greater is he the Spirit of God in you than he (satan) who is in the world,take this with all the love of Christ
Tree  7/12/02  I just would like to know what other pk families do about gifts (i.e. weddings, baby showers etc.) I have made it clear that I don't go to Tupperware parties etc., because I couldn't go to everyones party and in so doing would hurt some persons feelings. This has worked very well. I want to be fair and loving. I also know that it would be very hard to be perfectly equal, but I would like to avoid hurt feelings. And how do I pay for all of this!!:)
Burning Out for Christ  7/15/02  Hello all, I was on the web looking for a free/cheap retreat for my husband and I and I found this site. Almost a year ago we followed Gods calling to start a youth ministry in a small town where there is no outlet for teens. The church is a small 150 person church plant and not able to pay us. But we knew God was calling and there was a HUGE need for "teen lovers" and we knew God would provide. We saw the need to bring a new, exciting, "cool" way to bring Christ to all of the teens in a town where there is NOTHING for teens. But we NEED a break. We sold our house, moved 6 hours from our family, I took a full time/overtime, stressful job, my husband took a part-time cleaning job and we are being minimally supported by some wonderful, loving family & friends. But, as you know a "job" in the ministry, especially the teen ministry NEVER ends and we need some time away for ourselves. To be honest, when we come across a free night (very few and far between) we think of a teen that we would like to call on or spend some fun time with and we never really want to do anything else but that. But recently we are losing our couple time and are getting burned out. The problem is that we would like to get away on a long needed vacation but obviously dont have the funds to do so. Does anyone know of some ministry retreats for pastors. Please let me know, we would greatly appreciate.
rolonda  7/16/02  Hello Ladies, I too just like some of the other ladies just found this site not long ago. I am also a pw. this is my husbands second church. the first church that he had was to say the least a nightmare. Now that is not to say that it was all bad, but 75% of it was hard on me and my children. You know one thing that i personaly noticed is that when the church gets mad at the pastor they do not go after him they go after his wife and family. I use to really wonder about this and the Lord laid it on my heart that is why God says we "the women" are the weaker vessel, that does not mean we are not important, that does not mean that we are nothing, it just means we are weaker. we wear our emotions on our sleves (or i do) anyway the Lord showed me if the devil could use people to get me down and my children down that that in turn will affect my husbands ministry. our husbands love us and want to protect us and when we get down it does affect them. All that being said. as i said this is my husbands second church and i am 33 years old. I have a question about an issue that I am facing and need to know how some of you would handle this. we have two WOMEN in our church that are deteremined to get me down. they call me with idol gossip that they have heard and i have repeatedly told them i do not gossip and i have done it with a Godly Love, but they have not taken the hint. How can i be more direct, but also do it in a Godly manner?? when they call it gets me really down, because i have such a burden for our church and for the Lost and for the children of our church. and i know that this gossip can hurt our church. I would also like to add I dont know if any or many of you ladies have found what the Lord wants you to do to help your husbands, but i read one posting on here that someone said sometimes they wonder what their part is in their husbnads mission. well sometimes God uses the wife just to pray for the husband and to be the one standing by him when the church turns against him, but soemtimes God does give us special callings. i have always known that God called me to work with children. i do however do other things to help my husband the most important being pray for him, but God blessed me with a mission of my own. it is like He blessed us with two missions in one. I guess that is why it hurts me so bad when a "memeber" wants to gossip because allt hat does it hurt our church and ministry. I would love for any of you ladies to email me. I love talking about the Lord and our ministry and it would be wonderful to have someone that knows what i am going through when the trials do come :) God bless and keep you all my new found sisters. Love in Christ
mary  7/18/02  My dear Sister in Christ,may I as a Pastors wife of 30 years and married 30years and a few months,It is at times one of the most hurtful things you can be involvrd in and thank one of the most wonderful,as I read your wonderful heart felt letters it sounded like when we were young and at times like some of the things we have gone through now.This last year has been a lonely life for me I have a ill that is not going anyplace soon let me cut to the chase,I have had maybe three couples to visit me in three years,so I cry ask God why,He puts his arms around me and reminds me,that we are at this place because he ask us to be here.three weeks ago a young mother that goes to our church,that I led to the lord,has four children took a gun,and killed herself,aweek before that a terrible wrech in front of our house,the 6year old killed,the fourteen year old dead with a baby inside her died the seventeen year old was drunk and high and will live with this the rest of his life I cried I ask God why and why here My hubby was the last person before the last breath of those children they hear that they would be with jesus that he love them he craddled them untill the angles came for them,we know what it feeles like to move each year,we were in the methodist for 15 years spent most of the time in the supers office.finally God gave us permission to build a church where I am the oldest I would like to tell you we are full maybe twenty at times,so we kown the feeling as to what it's like to preach to each other,we pray before we go to bed we ask and mostly when we were young,when the desire was to try something new Our Heavenly Father always gave us peace not just one of us both of us,my hubby still works for the same person,they have the understanding if the church needs him or if I need him he is there,we have learn(over lots of time) to get on our knees with each other and to pray for each other it seems when you are holding hands praying you have a real hard time to stay mad.or to have habits and in one way or the others we all have been there,the only thing that I would not put up with and God will not have it is for my husband to do anything that would made me feel less than what I am and I am a child of the King we have both had to work,and until I got so sick I was still working,Ray is working and looks like he will for a while,thanks for letting me ramble what I really want you to know is that if you are where you believe God has place you he knows what is gong on,he knows why you are there,his word will not come back void,try to go to the word and talkng to the Father,instead of people,now that you have found this wonderful place,you have all these beauiful Sister's so talk to them and if you want to say Hi to me somethings I would love it get Rock Dove to give you my address Love and Hugs to all Mary

rolonda  7/22/02  THANK YOU MARY!!! You know i heard a preacher on tv friday. I was soooo down and just praying and crying out to God. So i decided (with the Lords leading i am sure) to listen to gospel music and preaching to maket he devil leave me alone. This preacher told of an illustration of Abraham Lincoln. Abraham Lincoln visited New Orleans back in the slavery days. some slaves had just gotten off the boat and al noticed that all the men were shackeled and beaten and were walking with there shoulders bent and heads down. all that is but for one. One of the men was walking head high shoulders back and proud. al ask the slave driver what is going on with this man? why is he walking different than the other men? The sl replied His father is a king back in africa and he remembers who he is. He is a Prince. this is documented that htis really happened. but the preacher went on to say We as Saved People are CHILDREN OF THE KING WE ARE PRINCES AND PRINCESS we have something to be proud of. when the world turns against us and it seems as if we have no one. when our problems seem so bad that we just dont think we can even breath. when the money is running low and we dont kow where the next meal is coming from. when friends are no where to be found. WE MUST REMEMBER OUR FATHER IS THE KING OF IT ALL! HE CONTROLS ALL THINGS! HE KNOWS TEH NUMBER OF HAIRS ON OUR HEAD. HE KNOWS WHAT WE STAND IN NEED OF. It the beginning, in the Middle and in the End all that matters is WHAT DOES GOD THING OF ME? since friday any time satan has tried to attack me. I remind him who I am. I am a Child of the King. and i remind him where he is going! God has already won teh war. It was won on Calvary!!!! And He will win the battles if we just learn to give our problems over to him. Praise God for His protection, Mercy and Love! oh and about my little problem with the two women that kept stirring up trouble in the church? well God answered my prayer he moved them out!!! Don't get me wrong i still love them and pray for them, but Praise God for answered prayer! Love you my dear sisters!

Carolyn  7/18/02  My husband has been a pastor for 15 years now. We moved to our new location over 1 year ago and I can't seem to ? start over. Before we moved I was working ft, had made some really close friends and as a couple we had people over for dinner, etc. Since moving here I've given up my ft job and all the connections there, lost friends..and have become a ft homemaker, taking care of the children and home. I feel completely lost. No friends, I'm sociable and friendly in my pw role and I do that well..I just am So empty inside and lonely. I feel like I'm in this pathetic cycle of depression...sad for all left behind and realizing I need to get on with it but confidence seems to have flown someplace far far away! My husband & I are further and further apart. Every time we move feels like a little more of me just is left someplace. And instead of turning to my husband I pull within more and more. I do have periods of 3-4 days where we have closeness and then I run away. I think this is counseling material! But I'm not sure that really helps either. Feels like I need to grow up and make a decision. Anyway, I'm sure I'm not alone in all of these feelings. Being a pw and the moving and having to begin everything over again..church, location, job, home, etc..is a Big deal and very stressful. I'll say bye now. Blessings to all of us.

Kora  7/27/02  I would recommend a book which you may find helpful regarding moving and adjusting to a new place. "After The Boxes Are Unpacked" (theme: moving on after moving in") by Susan Miller. It's fairly good reading, gives ideas, etc. and you can get info on how to start a ministry to newcomers. This book is available through Focus On The Family. May God help you in your new situation. I've moved several times as well, including last year and will be moving on again in about a month.
Lennie  7/19/02  I am a pastors wife and we are pastoring a church for the past 3 years. there is a group of pastors wives from the local community who are meeting together. i was excluded because when we started the church we were from another local church where the senior pastor was not happy to see us leaving and influenced other pastors against us. our congregation has grown to 60 members and i feel that my separation from the other pastors'wives is not good as i cannot explain the reasons for not being a part to my congregation as that will be gossip. what can i do in such a situation?
Hope  7/19/02  I just found this site. Oh how I wish I'd found y'all sooner. My husband was an engineer when we first married, but 3 years ago, we felt called to full-time ministry. For 2 years we've been on staff at our church. For the past year, I've been depressed, hurt many times, felt abandoned by other staff members...the list goes on. Since this spring, I've felt my family and church would be better off without me. I would go into details, but I have a feeling many of you know what I'm talking about without me having to explain. I have felt so alone until today when I started reading other entries from PWs. In addition, to being a PW, I'm a mother of 4. Life's been really tough, and I've felt this huge dark cloud overhead that won't go away. The biggest problem I face right now is the lack of a relationship with the senior pastor and his wife. My husband and I have felt they don't support us, and particularly other women in the congregation have picked up on that and are disrespectful and down-right mean sometimes . There is some good news though, the pastor has finally realized this problem and has begun showing genuine love and concern for us. Our relationship is improving, but my relationship with his wife is still not good. I've been in a lot of pain for a very long time. It's tough being a PW sometimes and most of the time I wonder if I'm cut out for this. I know God is working in my situation, and I know that God draws near to those whose hearts are broken. It's nice to know I'm not alone. I'm glad I found you. Thanks for letting me vent. It's hard to know who you can trust. Gossip and betrayal are nasty things. PWs need each other. I've been having a hard time praying lately, but I'm going to try really hard to reopen those lines with God because I have fellow Pws just like me who need prayer. I'm so glad I'm not alone.
Cruzita  7/22/02  As a PW I have been there, done that, had the T-shirt and burned it. This is our second plant church. We both agreed on the when to go back into ministry. The first church almost destroyed our marriage.
-As for annoying gossipy people get caller ID.
-Go out on a date at least once a month with your spouse.
-Pray together with spouse every night if possible.
-Don't repeat anyone's business to another person or it will come back to haunt you.
-Get mentored by another Pastor who is sucessful and will not put your business in the daily news.
-Start a support group for PW in your area.
-Take the MMI ( Marriage Ministries Institue) course in your area.
God bless you and let the Lord shine upon you for doing such a hard job.

Babette  7/26/02  thanks for the good advise. Could you share any information you may have on starting a PW support group? Rock Dove has my e-mail address please ask them to share it with you. Much thanks, and God's blessings.
DMP  7/22/02  I'm 24 years old and have been married and in the ministry for 4 years. I have 2 children who are 12 months apart, and under 2 years of age. My husband has confided in me that while I was pregnant with both of my sons he has been unfaithful numerous times over the duration of my pregnancies to me. Even though no body knows what has happened I made him resign from his position as the pastor there. I feel so hurt and alone being as that he ask me not to speak of the situation to him or anyone else since he repented for it. I don't know what to do and need a godly woman's advice and prayers. Thank you.

mali  7/25/02  I am very sorry to hear of yor present situation, it is really very difficult. And so much more because you have children for whom you need to be strong. At this moment, you really need someone to speak to, i know you cannot trust everyone, do you have close friends? You two need to work this out somehow, I do not have much advice, all i can say, is strenghten yourself in the Lord. And wait for Him for answers, do not pressure your husband (it never works), and try and not let your imagination run with you concerning the matter(that is the worst), the enemy is out to kill, steal and destroy your soul, do not allow it, no one is worth that. Jesus died so that you do not have to sacrifice your sanity for another. i am thinking and praying for you. You are welcome to write to me if you would like to speak.

A PW & Mom in FL  7/29/02  Dear Lady, my heart goes out to you. If you want to save your marriage and your sanity you and him must get into counseling. Preferably with a Christian counselor. Our denomination has a "Center For Ministerial Care" 800-762-5656 that is set up to handle Pastors, Wives and families in your and similar situations. Check into that within your denomination. Please get a check up with your GYN and make sure that he did not pass any STD's to you as well. Now is the time for you to protect yourself and your children, and work on rebuilding your life. I wrote the 800 number as maybe they can refer you to someone in your area or have other resources that may help you. I am sorry for your pain and will pray for you, sister

a PW  8/6/02  You need counseling in a godly, Christian environment. Your husband needs family counseling with you also, if there is to be any help rebuilding this relationship. You also need to go to your GYN and be tested for any STD's he may have given you. There are spiritual issues, relationship issues, health issues and ministry issues that ALL need to be addressed. You must find a trusted, older and more experienced ministry couple to confide in. Check into the counseling and help your denomination may have set up for families and ministers in your situation. One place I have found is www.cogcmc.org/home.html . Let me say that my heart breaks for you and you are in my prayers. God is able to do exceeding abundantly above all we think or ask of Him, cast all your cares on Him because He cares for you.
7/22/02  I am a Pastor wife and I encourage each women to pray continously for your husbands and continue to support your husband's in the ministry. We are in the ministry along with our spouses. Also, remember to ask God for direction.
7/22/02  I am responding to new beginner. Follow the vision God has given your husband Don't be afraid. God didn't give you a spirit of fear. God will take car of you and your family. Your family will stay together in the spirit, just follow the vision and grab hold.
Faith  7/22/02  My husband has been given a recomendation from our current Youth Pastor who is moving soon to be considered to be the new Youth Pastor. We feel God has been confirming our steps even before this happened, however we were told that we'd get a phone call from the new Sen.Pastor (who hasn't quite transitioned in completly yet) three weeks ago and we haven't heard from him yet. we don't know what to do at this point. We are still praying for God's will to be done, as we sit and wait but sometimes I wonder if my husband needs to get his foot in the door and atleast tell the pastor what's on our heart. I don't know maybe God is testing our endurance in the midst of the church changes going on and there are other important matters being taken care of first. Please pray for us as well as we are getting a new worship leader that will be hired full time before we had 5 volunteers including my husband and my husband is a great worship leader too, so we are questioning what God is doing regarding whether he'll be continued to be used in that area. Lord help us to be content with whatever happens!!!
Keesha  7/23/02  I just happen to come across your site today. Although I am not currently a Pastor's Wife, it seems as if my boyfriend is pretty close to receiving his calling. My question is this.. As a girlfriend what responsibilities do I have? What is my role? And how should I conduct myself? I I am 21yrs. old and am still in college, but I do feel that this man is the one that I will marry. So I am attempting to become prepared for our life together... Any help would be greatly appreciated.. Thank-You

Soon-2-B-PW  7/29/02  I am in a situation very close to yours. I, too, am 21 years old. I have been dating a minister for just over 2 years. He and I know that marriage is God's will for us and plan to marry after our college graduations. Our situation is a very awkward one. Some people will treat you as his wife while others will virtually ignore you. My advice to you is to be patient and supportive. The enemy will try every way he can to destroy your relationship. Remember that your boyfriend will be in a new position as well. Rumors will fly and tempers will be enraged. Just don't lose your faith and trust in him and God's will. Also, don't change yourself by trying to fit an image. There is no perfect image for our situations. Your boyfriend loves you for just who you are. People will try and change you, but don't let them. You are already perfect in God's sight. When I feel discouraged, I always go to my scriptural backbones which are Romans 8:28 and Psalm 27. I apologize my message may make you apprehensive about your situation. It really is wonderful to be in the situations we are in. I pray that everything will work out. Good luck to you and your boyfriend, feel free to e-mail me and stay blessed and encouraged.
Corey  7/23/02  I would like to commend ALL First Ladies. God prepared me and my husband for this assignment to Pastor as we were married for almost 18 years and had worked close to Pastors in many denominational setting for at least 12 of those years. Before I was a Pastor's Wife, I was a soldier in the USArmy, a student in college, an author-writing novels, singing and writing songs, mothering and being a good wife, going through private and public battles, learning the art of starting and failing at business ventures, etc. Now that I have the title of 'Pastor's Wife" I remind the people at the Church that God has given my husband to sheppard and lead, that I will not live 'in a box' that people try and put Pastor's wives in. I'm a liberated Christian, God-fearing, victorious woman' and will not bow to being just "a pastor's wife'> (Amazing thought: The church that my husband pastors is the church I was baptized in-when i was 9, my father was burried in-when I was 11-and got married in-at the age of 19. Being in the military, my husband and I traveled and returned to our hometown after 16 years. NOW He is the Pastor of my childhood church. Who would have thought that God would send me back to my hometown to be thier First Lady. By the way, I have a calling to fulfill and have ordination liscense although I don't flaunt it in the church that my husband is Pastoring....He's the Senior Pastor and I reverence the Men of God in the Body of Christ. So I share with all the troubled First Ladies/Pastor's wives...Honor your husband, submit to your pastor. Learn to leave the husband/wife role at home while you are at church doing God's business. (I've learned to disconnect and allow him to be my Pastor while he's in the PULPIT-because God speaks through the 'man of God' and ultimately if the 'Pastor is not living the life when he gets out of the pulpit-God will chastize him.) One last thing...pursue your individual purpose and calling and God will bless you also. Remember, WE ARE MORE THAN JUST Pastor's Wives...We are Women of God walking in Victory...called to lead the women in the church-that our husbands' Pasotr- to be the spiritual role mother of the HOUSE. Just as every natural house does well when there is a solid foundation with mother and father, so does God's House. The Pastor=Spritual father The First Lady=Spiritual mother (Even when there are assistant pastors and associate pastors) GOD BLESS AND KEEP YOU ALL With much love---pray for me and my husband/Pastor and children
Jenny  7/24/02  Do single pastors have a responsibility to guard their conduct with a single woman who is a member fo his congregation? What I mean by conduct is, initiating dinner dates, going out to have drinks, cooking dinner for her at his house, helping her with big projects around the house, exchanging birthday & Christmas gifts. And calling it a friendship? He is a bachelor in his mid 40s who has never dated or had a girlfriend. So there is the excuse that he is too naive and inexperienced to understand what he has been doing. But it could also be just a way to stroke his ego w/o making a commitment. He is small with a high voice and kind of feminine, so there is the possibility that he is homosexual. But, back to my question. Does he have a responsibility for guarding his contact and not getting so close?

Mrs. P W7  7/29/02  Why are you so concerned about the Pastor's social life and sexual orientation? If he is a bachelor, why shouldn't he have reasonable, honest, honorable dates with a person he likes. If there is no hanky-panky going on and nothing that brings shame to the Lord and the position why are you making a deal about it? He's single, she's single and they like each other's company and they are being honorable about it. If they're shacking up at the local hotel, or some other gross immoral conduct then be concerned. Sure he has a responsibility for garding himself and his behavior. But you need to beware of your own intentions, sister.
N-enid  7/24/02  We have to do something for PW shortly. My thought is - The PW; Her Purpose: Her Position: Her Possession. Would one of you dear Senior PW give some thoughts and Scriptural support? Thanks a lot.

PW  7/26/02  Her purpose, possesion and position is to love the Lord with all her heart and soul, to trust Him and make her relationship with him her first priority. To be a wife to her spouse who happens to be a pastor,a mother to her children and a friend to her friends. To pray for God's filteration of all comments made to her so that she may discern what is true or what is spoken to falsely. To remember that an explanation is a gift that