The purpose of this page is to support
and encourage pastor's wives. If you are a pastor's wife and have
a question, helpful suggestion, or response to another question or suggestion,
please fill out the form and click submit. Responses will be added. Let's help each other!
Please also submit for our future
book. We are also planning a book for and about pastor's
kids. Please check this out if you were a pastor's kid - or have
your child give us ideas!
Due to your great responses, we have
made this Support Board into many different pages! Make sure you
read all of them!
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Page 22 - Current Page
BAB 11/21/00 Hello
to all. It has been quite eye opening to read these entries. I am
not a preacher's wife, but I am involved with my husband in a full time
ministry. We live at a full childcare facility where I
teach elementary school
full time and he cares for the maintenance needs of the equivalent of a
college campus-- residences, school, church, staff apartments, vehicles,
grounds, etc... We live with 35 elementary aged girls whom we care
for-- clothing, homework, illness, sanitation, nurturing...normal parenting
in bulk. He preaches with the other men on campus, teaches Sunday
School, helps lead the men's Bible study, directs the spiritual "life"
in our home, and helps with the communion/call to worship rotation.
He also coaches varsity soccer and helps out with the high school youth
group at church. I teach full time, direct the young elementary school
choir, lead the 9-12 year old youth group at church, lead Sunday morning
worship, teach Sunday school, and attempt to keep order at home.
We have two children, ages 1 and 2, of our own. Satan has been working
very hard to tear down the very work God has called us to in this place.
My husband and I are both very tired and struggling with illness.
I have struggled with depression, not knowing how to keep going at the
pace in which we live. Life has been quite difficult lately.
However, I know that God is alive and well in the work here. He is
involved in our daily lives, every decision we make. I know I can't
just quit because I am tired. I must keep going and know that it
is only by God's grace that I am still moving. I guess my reason
for writing, is three-fold. One, would someone please pray for the
work God is doing in this ministry, pray for my husband and
children, and pray for me?
Secondly, I simply wanted to see if there is anyone out there who
can relate to the struggle between the physical body and the spiritual
being which is within each of us as Christians. I know we are supposed
to be doing what we are doing, but my human/physical limitations seem to
keep overcoming/overwhelming me. Finally, does anyone have any helpful
advice/suggestions for a full-time working mother of two small children,
35 elementary aged children and a husband to be able to keep her house
clean?!?!?!?!? This last one is humorous, but also quite serious.
I desperately need to find a way or ways to keep our home clean. Thank
you to any of you who took the time to read this. Special thanks
to any one who actually responds to this. It will be nice to know
that someone out there is aware of our existence.
Carole 11/27/00
Wow!
And I thought I was busy! I will pray for your situation, specifically
for practical help with all your chores so that you and your husband can
get more rest. I have no great words of wisdom, just wanted you to
know I feel for you and God bless you for the work you're doing. You are
no doubt a great blessing in all those girls' lives.
Jennifer 12/29/00
I
will definitely pray for you and your family. If you are sure you
are where God wants you, don't give up--one thing I would suggest is that
you and your husband take at least one evening a week together, just you
and him spending some time together, whether you go out or just put the
kids to bed early and watch a movie, it doesn't matter. Too many
couples make the mistake of neglecting each other for the sake of the ministry
(or for the sake of their children)and that is not God's plan. PLEASE do
not allow the enemy to come in by neglecting each other. If he can
destroy your marriage, then he is effective in destroying your work for
the Lord. Spend some quiet time with God and re-evaluate your priorities
with Him, are you doing something that someone else can be doing, such
as teaching the Sunday School? Perhaps someone else is waiting for
an opportunity to use THEIR gift in that area and God wants to give YOU
a break in that area. Seek God in this area. I used to be one
in a similar position and looking back, I wonder how everything was accomplished
but I know that God's grace was upon me to fulfill the duties. Now,
He has transitioned me to a new area, which comes with new challenges.
As far as keeping your house clean, prioritizing in that area is also a
must. If you don't need it, don't keep it. Try to get rid of
clutter permanently. Some practical suggestions that are helpful
for me is taking a box and putting everything in it until after my child
is asleep, then I take the box and put everything in it in its proper place.
If you are at home before your husband and he expects it clean before he
gets there, don't worry about cleaning anything until one hour before he
is expected home, otherwise it will just get messy again. Then, one
hour before he gets home, dig in and clean up the main areas. Make
the beds as soon as you get up, it only takes a second and later you might
not get to them.
BAB 1/5/01 Carole
and Jennifer-- Thank you for your responses... We have just
returned to school and I was finally able to check this site again.
It was so encouraging to look through and find that there was really someone
out there reading it. Thank you for taking the time to encourage
a fellow believer!! Thank you also for the practical advice.
Most importantly, thank you for the time you are spending in prayer.
This site has been quite
encouraging. Thank you to all of you who are writing and being encouraging.
Your use of scripture and uplifting words are helping many more than simply
the intended reader. Thank you to all you women who are constantly
seeking ways to further serve the Lord through your ministries and the
ministries of your husbands. You are gaining jewels in your crowns.
Blessed 11/22/00
I
AM NEW TO THIS PAGE PW. I'VE READ MOST OF THE COMMENTS AND I'VE BEEN TAKE
BACK TO THE BEGINNING OF MY HUSBAND'S PASTORSHIP. ALL I CAN SAY AT THIS
WRITING, "BEEN THERE, DONE THAT"! IN THE DIFFENT WRITINGS I SAW MYSELF
AGAIN GOING OVER MANY OF THE TEST, TRAILS AND TRIBULATIONS THAT MANY OF
THE WRITERS TO THESE PAGES HAVE EXPERIENCED OR EXPERIENCING. I TRULY
SAY, ONCE I TOOK MY EYES OFF MAN AND FOCUS MY TIME AND ATTENTION ON THEE
MAN, JESUS CHRIST, MAN (MY HUSBAND) HE BEGAN TO FOCUS HIS ATTENTION
AND MORE OF HIS TIME ON ME. I DON'T HAVE TIME AT THIS WRITING TO SHARE
MY STORIES, BUT I WILL WRITE AGAIN REAL SOON. TO GOD BE THE GLORY,
I'M A WITTNESS TO THE FACT ALL THINGS WORK TOGETHER FOR THEM THAT LOVE
CHRIST AND PUT HIM FIRST IN THEIR LIFE. SO MY SISTERS IN CHRIST "HANG IN
THERE, HELP IS ON THE WAY. CHANGE DOES NOT COME OVER NITE. I HAD TO BE
CONDITIONED BY THE LORD TO CHANGE MY WAY OF THINKING AND CHANGE MY PERCEPTION
OF MY ROLE AS A PASTOR WIFE WAS TO BE. I HAD TO DO A LOT OF WORK ON MY
SELF, ANE PUT GOD FIRST AND MY RELATIONSHIP WITH THE LORD TOP OF THE LIST.MY
HUSBAND TIME AND ATTENDTION BECAME SECOND PLACE.
Sara 11/26/00 I
am newly married to my wonderful husband who is in school to become a youth
pastor.
We actually met at the church
he had been youth pastoring at. He had to resign this position shortley
before we were married due to various reasons. I fully support and encourage
him in God's calling in his life to be a youth pastor. We both love kids
and I loved helping him during the time we were engaged. My question to
other pastor wives is this. My husband is now applying for youth pastor
jobs again, and I have to be honest in saying that in my heart I'm feeling
a tad bit nervous that I will become like other wives where I'm left at
home because he's "on all to the churh 24/7" I know this is his job and
his ministry and it's to be expected, but on the other hand, I don't want
to be left in the cold waiting for him to be home for his family. I really
don't mean to sound like I'm selfish or that I don't encourage or support
him. I'm excited for him to be back working in the church and with youth.
Just nervous that we'll lose the time we have now and the affect that will
have on our marriage and when we have children. I'm seeking to hear hopefully
from other women out there who are or who have been in the same spot as
I am. I am open to everyone. Thank you for your time and for having
this support!
Jennifer 12/29/00
I
was in a similar situation a few years ago. My husband was the youth
pastor at our church and so involved that I rarely saw him and felt so
miserable and neglected. I was also jealous because of all the attention
that everyone else (except me and our daughter) received. It is a
very real concern nowadays, so don't feel bad. The start of the change
was at a concert, you may have heard the group, "The Waiting" well, they
sing this song called, "I'll give..." and it talks about giving and not
holding back and the Lord spoke to my heart saying that I had not yet "given"
my husband to Him and that it was something I needed to do. So at
that time, I "gave" my husband to the Lord, in my heart, I "freed" him
to do what God had called him to do, even if that meant I never saw him.
Well, God started changing things. God used several older men, our
"spiritual fathers" to caution my husband on the dangers of neglecting
family for the sake of the ministry. And God also changed my husband's
heart. He is still on fire for God but has matured to be able to
minister and give out to others without always taking so much from us.
He even made public a goal he has for this year to spend more quality time
with us, even though the level of time he spends with us has greatly improved.
The expectations that people have for pastors and church workers far exceed
the expectations that people place on other members of the community and
even exceed the expectations people have for themselves. I read a
survey once that had people put in the amount of time they expected their
pastors to spend on specific things (listed) and the results were so ridiculous,
it added up to like 180 hours MORE than were even IN the week and that
didn't even give time for the pastor to sleep, eat, or see his family,
so one thing that tells me is that pastors, (all of us, but definitely
pastors) MUST be God-pleasers and not man-pleasers. We will never
please man and it is a good thing we don't have to, we must be pleasing
to God. Part of that is keeping our priorities straight. Please
don't discount the power of your prayers, either. It is important
that you keep your husband in prayer. This is an area that all wives
must be diligent in, especially ministry wives--your husband needs you
in this area.
Phyllis 11/27/00
Question:
I just need help, I am a pastor's wife here in Germany. I have been here
for 17 yrs, andwould you believe I really don't have a close friend.
I really desire to have one but, you never know if they want to be your
friend or use you. This is the point, I have become so bitter I believe
with some of the things I've went through, I'm fearful and at this point
I'm not a great support to my husband. I am so caught up in what
people think about me it is not funny, and it is a big hinderance in my
life. I just really need another pastor wife that understands.
11/28/00 I understand
about the friend thing, I befriended someone but then I found out that
she constantly hung around pastors wives, besides me and I started looking
squinty eyed at her she was a gossiper so I had to distance myself from
her. And I have been praying for a freind again I latched on to another
gossiper so we grew apart. I just keep praying. But you said
that you are caught up in what people think about you. YOU MUST LET
THAT GO. You cannot be a people pleaser, and no matter what you do, good
or bad everyone is not going to like you. BE YOURSELF.
Ruth 11/28/00 Dear
Phyllis upon reading your message I felt the need to respond. First
let me say that you are blessed to have your marriage for 17 years that
means that you have done something right, right. I understand the
need to have a spiritual sister that you can share with. We will pray and
touch and agree that God will send a sister your way so that you can be
ministered to as well as minister to her needs. In this walk I have
learned that when people take advantage of us or the ministry I remember
the scripture that says: Touch Not My Anointed Do My Prophet No Harm.
That is a warning and I know that God will take care of that battle for
me even if I never see it or hear about it I turn it over to him.
Oh this is the biggy begin caught up with what people say about you, listen
my dear sister the word tells us that we cannot be man pleasers.
You must be struggling with lack of confidence, boldness for the Lord.
Study to show yourself approved so that when you stand before the people
of God you will have the boldness because you and God will have done your
homework and He will certainly not make you ashamed if you do what His
word says. I use to be just like that I wanted everybody to like
me well everybody want like you. So what. you don't have a friend
you always have a friend in Jesus. If you are concerned about their
feelings more than their souls then you need to have a talk with Jesus.
So let's begin from this minute to focus on the ministry that God has given
you and your husband. God never gives a vision without making provision
so you continue to look to the hills for your help. These words are spoken
out of Love to you my dear sister because the only people we can change
are ourselves with the grace of God. I pray that the love of God
will continue to sustain you give you peace and joy that you have never
felt before. Be blessed and know that I am praying for you.
Sandy 11/28/00 I
just read your post and wanted to let you know that I would try to be that
pastor's wife that understands. I too have no close friends for the
reason that I can't. There are sometimes that I would really like
to just talk and be open with another friend without having to be careful
not to say the wrong thing or watch what I say because it could be taken
the wrong way. Do you know what I mean? My husband is my best
friend and we talk about everything but you know, sometimes you'd just
like to talk to another lady that REALLY knows how you feel. Since
pastoring my husband and myself have been thru a few trials with betrayal
by other people and if you let it, you could become bitter but that is
not God's will. I'd like to talk by e-mail to you sometime.
You may ask RockDove for my e-mail address. Hope to hear from you
soon.
vida 11/30/00 you
seem troubled, and I don't know if I can do much for you. But yes,
a PAstor's personal life is for sure very tough when it comes to friends.
I have one friend only, we have friends for 2 years. Before the Lord brought
us together, there was no one, I spent my life alone, without close friends.
I really prayed a lot in that area, for I needed a woman's support. And
I know that It is the Lord's doing, becoause I am a very suspicious, and
alone person, and only with God;s intervetion, I allowed this lady into
my life. It has been a great blessing ever since. To allow a root
of bitterness to spring up is dangerous, for the Word says it defiles many
(children, husband, congregation etc..)By allowing bitterness you are saying:"
Lord, You don't want me to have a friend, why don't you give me a friend?
we end up blaming God, the ministry, others, But what we must never forget
is that the Lord is IN CONTROl of evertything and that there is a very
good reason why there is no frienship, although He does not have to tell
us why, we need to trust in HIm. The time that you spend, wondering,
wishing, searching, use to give to others, suport your husbansd, be watchful,
endure affliction and fulfill your ministry says the Word in 2 Tim 4:3.Deal
with all unforgiveness, resentment of anything that has happenedin the
past. Give yourself wholeheartedly to praying in this area, and in
due time (even if it is 30 years), the Lord will, come through to you.
He is good, faithful, just, and knows what is the best for all of us. He
says in Jer 29, Ihave a future and hope for you!!!! he loves you, sort
out before Him all thatbthe locusts and the cancerworm has eaten, restore
what is broken, live for the Lord (the only friend worth having) and wait
for a friend. Be a friend, although you do not have one and give, give
give. Sorry if I preach this morning, I understand the feeling of
loneliness, but in it discovered the power of prayer, it made me
closer to the Lord, and I appreciate the friend I have today!! I pray that
God would minister to your heart, and feel welcome to write to me.
Darlene 11/27/00
I
appreciate the comments on working wives. My husband is a full time
pastor and I am a Director of Nurses in a nursing home and we have foster
children. My husband and I have a vision of being in full time ministry
but the church does not share this vision if it means more money for my
husband. We may have the option of taking in more foster children
in order for me to quit working, my husband is concerned about me giving
up my career. We are concerned about not being able to pay our bills
if I do quit. Any ideas or insight? My job not only includes
a good salary but also a lot of responsibily and stress and many hours.
By the time I do my best at work there is not much of me left for my family
or the church or for the Lord. I have to struggle daily for prayer
time and study time where at times I resent so many services at the church.
Pray for us that the Lord's will will be done.
Teresa 12/14/00
I
to am a Pastor's Wife and work full time. I am a CMA and also have lots
of stressors and Lots of hours. I to have to struggle for time with my
Lord. I miss him and spending time in prayer and reading the Bible. My
husband and I also dream of building a church that wants to grow. We have
been praying regarding Full Time Service, My husband is, but I work. I
want so much to be a Full Time Pastor's Wife. My suggestion would to d/w
your husband what his desires are and yours. Kneel together in prayer and
ask God for leadership. If God be for you who can be against you. Wait
upon the Lord. and that sometimes can be the hardest of all. Keep me posted.
Nina 11/28/00 Asking
for prayer the group of people, I call them PP and and the gang has finally
succeded in getting my husband out of the church. They did it through
a lie the deacons said they found out that his ordination papers were'nt
legal. It was confirmed that the church lied, however, my husband
resigned because although 80% of the church was for him, the 20% won't
stop and it's just not worth it because the 80% won't stand up to the 20%
(make sense?). Anyway, I feel sad for the youth, beacause they were
really beginning to blossom under our ministry. My husband is being
led to start a new church, but I am scared. Please pray for us, if
you have any suggestions let me know. How should I support him in
this transition?
Teresa 12/14/00
My
heart goes out to you. I am in a situation almost like that. We also have
a few PP who succeded to vote my Pastor/Husband out the the church. It
was through alot of sneaking and around and lies. I am praying for them
daily. I just think how sad it is that people can let the flesh overtake
their minds. We have not been through anything like this, and I to feel
that I have no friends to talk to. I understand Nina, and If I can be a
friend to you I sure will. That's what it is all about right? Just remember
what our Lord and Savior went through. Jesus said he would not put any
more upon us that we could not bear. I feel right now that I cannot carry
the cross, but my God is with thee.
Jennifer 12/29/00
We
recently went through a similar experience. It is a very difficult
position but very important to understand your position in God's kingdom
and that is as one of His chosen leaders and WE CAN NOT AFFORD TO, in THIS
POSITION, allow offenses and unforgiveness to come in and hinder the ministry
God has given to us. Unforgiveness will effectively block any fruitfulness
and we need to carry on with what God would have us do. He says we
should pray for them that persecute us and spitefully use us. So
that is something else we can do. Choose to forgive, ask God to help
you forgive and then joyfully carry on with God's plan for your life.
If you look back, "offense" means the part of a trap to which bait is attached
and when offenses come, it is only bait put there by the enemy to trap
US. So that is one reason why we must forgive, let it go, and carry
on. Think on those things which are pure, lovely, and of a good report
and do what God is calling you to do. Sometimes, it is scary, but
God is there. If God be for us, who can be against us?
Suzy 11/28/00 HEY
GUYS - I HAVE A DILEMMA. A FEW MONTHS AGO 3 FAMILIES LEFT OUR
CHURCH IN ATTEMPTS OF CAUSING A CHURCH SPLIT. THEY WENT DOWN THE
CHURCH ROLL CALLING MOST EVERYONE TO GAIN ALLIANCE AND TAKE FAMILIES WITH
THEM, ETC. WE DID WHAT WE COULD TO BEHAVE HONORABLY INSPITE OF THE
CIRCUMSTANCES. WE HAVE NOT HAD CONTACT WITH ANY OF THEM SINCE --NOT
ON PURPOSE --JUST NOT IN SAME CIRCLES ANY LONGER. WELL QUESTION
IS WITH CHRISTMAS UPON US, WE WONDER IF WE SHOULD SEND A CARD TO THESE
FAMILIES OR NOT. I KNOW OUR REMAINING CONGREGATION WILL WONDER WHAT
TO DO AS WELL. THERE IS A PART OF ME THAT SAYS NO BECAUSE I DON'T
REALLY WANT TO RE-OPEN THE DOOR OF THEIR ACTIVILY CHASING OUR SHEEP AGAIN.
BUT --THE OLD WWJD ISSUE HITS ME TOO. ANY ONE HAVE ANY IDEAS?
THANKS
Angel 11/28/00
I
am writing to solicit your prayers. I am a Pastor's wife. My
family and I have been under attack of the enemy for quite a few months.
My husband spanked one of our sons and my son reported it and the state
came into our home and removed all four of our children and arrested my
husband. We have been ordered by the court to go to parenting classes,
counseling and psychological evaluations, etc. We have followed all
of the guidelines to the letter and yet, we are still not allowed to see
our children without supervision and we are now being told that the children
will be out of our home another 6 months! They were taken on August
23, 2000. The state has also said that if my husband removes himself
from our home, they will let 2 of the children return. My husband
is a very strong Christian man, wonderful husband and father. My
husband went before the judge today for sentencing and got sentenced to
5 days in jail, along with 24 months probation, several fines and 100 hours
of community service, along with other classes he must take, along with
counseling. We want our family back together and would like you all
to pray along with us that God will bring us all back together. Our
2 girls 5 and 7 are in a foster home in another town, and our boys 11 and
13 are in a foster home here in town. The girls' former foster mom
had a stroke in church last Sunday and is now in a coma, so the girls were
removed (again) and put into another home in another town. Please
pray for us that we will get our children back. My husband is very
sorry he spanked our son and has conveyed this to the state, but they seem
to want to make an example of him. They have said they want to keep
the children for a year, even if we do all that they ask of us.
a praying mom 12/1/00
My
heart goes out to you. How you must hurt to have your children back,
especially at holiday time. I am praying that your family be reunited,
and also that your children will know in their hearts of your love for
them. Keep us posted.
ruthie 12/1/00
Just
need a prayer request. I have a daughter that is going to give her
15 yr. old son a kidney in March. She is in Nurses Training (RN)
and works at a local Hospital (10 yrs.) She is having a hard time remembering
the things she studies for tests. She has two more to go. One
of them is equivalent to four tests. Pray that God will help her
remember what she studies so she can pass these
two tests... I also
havea daughter that will get her cap and pin (LPN) in Dec. 5 days
after graduation she will have neck surgery (5th-6th & 6th& 7th
vertebrae) She has been in severe pain, bu wants to finish her schooling.
God can help her make it to Dec. 14th to graduate.... Please remember
her too. I read so many things that I relate to as a Pastor's wife.
We have been 'team mates' in ministry for 40 years this coming Feb.
It has been a wonderful life. I enjoy it. There have been hard
places to Pastor, difficult people to Pastor (grace builders) and physical
difficulties to endure, but God has been so good and His grace has been
sufficient all the way!! I have a wonderful husband who also put the church
first when the children were little. He thought that was what he
should do. He would do things different if he could go back, but
that is impossible. We live closer to our children (4girls) now than
we have in many years. God is first in our lives and always will
be. When our children need us or need something, we intend to be
there for them. We planted a church 2 yrs. ago in March - a first for us.
we ahve pastored established churches always before. This has been
a new experience and challenge for us. God didn't call me to be a
Pastor's wife, in fact I said I wouldn't marry a preacher, but God changed
my plans. I love and respect my husband with all my heart.
He practices what he preaches (if he didn't I wouldn't waste my time to
listen to him) We have worked together in ministry all these years.
God is leading in another direction at this time and we want his will for
our lives. Ladies - take time for yourself, your children and your
husband in the midst of all the ministry. God expects that.
We have date night every Friday night, and go somewhere special to eat,
and spend that time together. Monday nights used to be Family Night
when the girls were at home. Thanks for listening. Help us
pray for God's will in our decisions the next few months, and for the girls.
God bless each of you.
jaynie 12/2/00
i
just need a friend who could understand what i am going through. i am not
yet a pastor's wife yet but next year i would be. right now i am having
a hard time being a pastor's girlfriend and i cannot cope up with the pressures
of the expectations people have on me and i could not find a friend who
would really understand without misjudging my actions. i pray that in some
way someone would be of help to me.
Kay 12/2/00 I'm
on the committee that plans an annual retreat for the minister's wives
of our state. Sure would love to hear from some of you as to what your
denomination provides for you. What time of year do you meet, how
many days, where, do you have speakers or workshops. Please help. I need
some ideas soon to present at our planning meeting. Thanks
Puppetmaker 12/6/00
I
have been to several (both as an attendee and as a speaker) and they were
all different. The best one was held at Whitestone, near Kingston
TN. It is a bed and breakfast, by far the nicest place I have ever
stayed. They have a web page (www.whitestone.com - if that doesn't
work try www.whitestones.com). Every minister and wife should visit Whitestone.
It is beautiful, the food is wonderful and you really can relax and rest.
I attended an editors retreat there. Usually there are speakers,
different topics,sometimes there are several at the same time so you can
pick and choose. Some are held in churches, others in hotels, and
some at reatreat centers or Bed and Breakfasts that have conference facilities.
The ones I have planned have an overall theme and we try to work within
that theme (class titles, decorations, etc). I try to have a favor
for each lady to take home, as a momento of the meeting.
Donna 12/20/00 Hi
Kay. I am with the Assemblies of God denomination and we have a Minister's
Wives retreat every September. Being from New Jersey, we have had
our retreat in a variety of places nearby: at Cape May this year and Lancaster
PA, last year. What a blessing we truly had! It is so enjoyable
to be able to speak with other Pastor's wives. You can contact me
through my email address and I can give you details regarding the retreats
and speakers if you care to. God Bless!
Rock Dove Donna,
will you please send us your e-mail address - Kay would like it and it
has been misplaced. Thank you!
1XPW 12/4/00 Hello
ladies! I would like to respond to the ladies who have knowledge
of their husbands affairs outsside of the church. I am dating a preacher
(widower) now for a few months. We get along just fine and I feel that
there may be more to our relationship. I too have experienced some of the
things that most of you have regarding spending time with him. My problem
is that I have heard (from good sources) that he was involved (had an affair)
with a woman for over fiver years. I have heard that he was like this other
womans husband. They were together all of the time, and she even traveled
with him all over the country. The story is that he was in an affair with
this woman when his wife passed away suddenly. That was a few years
ago. He has never mentioned this woman or this affair to me. He has
said that he has not been with anyone since his wife's death. here are
many reasons why I do not believe him other than the fact that I have heard
the story about this woman from many sources. My question is should I bring
up the story or should I wait for him to tell me about it. He pastors a
well know church, and one of my friends says that he is a cheat if he did
this to his wife. I love the Lord wwith all of my heart, and would
love a chance to minister to other woman who need help. I have had thoughts
of marrying this man, but I am not sure if I should continue a relationship
with him. ALso, I do not know if he may still see this woman or not. Anyone
who has been in this kind of situation or has any insight, please respond
or email me. He is very nice to me, and I really do care for him. Yours
in christ, and thank you.
unity 12/5/00 Hi!
I am writing to ask each of you to send me the name of your present insurance
company. We are looking to change. Also note if any of your
companies are for pastors. Thanks
Puppetmaker 12/6/00
You
didn't say if you wanted church insurance, life or health insurance. Our
insurance company is Guide One. They have great church coverage,
and they offer some things others don't-like insurance for sexual misconduct
- which simply means they will hire an attorney and fight for youif the
pastor or any staff mamber (paid or volunteer) is accused of anything.
In this sue happy world, thats worth having. They also offer life insurance
for the pastor. They are not cheap! I too would be interested to
hear of other companies that insure churches. We are on the gulf
coast, and many companies (Like Church Mutual) will not write insurance
here.
Teresa 12/14/00
Hello,
I have read some of the stories for the Pastor's Wives. I have been a Pastor's
Wife for 12 ears, and I do thank the Lord for that. My Pastor/Husband and
I have been going through a battle the last few months. I do ask for prayer.
We have never faced a battle such at this before. I know Romans 8:28 and
I have been holding on dear to that. My heart is so broken now. This is
the first time in 23 years, I just feel that I am not helping my husband.
I have no strength. Please pray for me that I can get deliverence from
this, and that God will restore my strength. This is the first time I feel
I have no one to talk to that knows "Just how I feel". (other than the
Lord). I am not sure what to do at all. So, If you get this,
Just pray for Teresa, and most of all Church members. They need our love
and prayers as well. Thank you so much for your time. In Christ
Love Teresa .
Mekka 12/16/00
Have
not been here in a while. It was good to see the time when all who posted
were talking about the bblessing it has been to be a PW. I would like your
prayers as our church right now. My husband has hd to take on a part time
job or it will be after the Chirstmas season. Finances are not good right
now. I have been driving school bus for 11 yrs. I started driving to be
home with my children when they were out of school but I ended up loving
it. Though sometimes it gets to you. My husband has not worked for many
years and just found out he has diebeties. We have no insurance to cover
the cost of his medications. It is diet and med. controled. He has a hard
time staying with any diet that puts restrictions on what he eats. He also
found out the tendens in his feet are seperating. We do not have the money
for him to keep going to the doctors but he needs to go. I do not want
to see him not be abble to do God's work. So please keep us in your prayers.
for peace 12/22/00
Hi
Ladies: I'm a pastor's wife. Although we've been in ministry for
years, we only just started our ministry a few months ago. We are
having our services in our home until the lord blesses with a building.
My question is how far do you go with people before you finally realize
that they are using you? The first fruit of our ministry is a couple whom
has drained my husband and I in such a short period of time. We did
everyting for them. Although they are not married, they are engaged
supposedly. He is living with another women and my sister opened up her
home to the girl. Prior to that, she was in a shelter. We helped her get
a job, took her shopping, drive her from one state to the next to get her
daughe whom she don't have custody of. She has a son with her one
years old. And she think she is pregnat again. After she got saved
in our ministry she fell backwards twice in two months, thats how she got
pregnat. She is totally disrespectful to my sister and just yesterday,
she got disrespectuly with me. I love her and i'm concerned about
her, but she don't want to let go of her background even though she say
she does. People say she is just using us. both of them constantly
calls my home with their arguments. Who slept with this one or that
one. Although i'm emotionally attached, the blatin sin in our faces
makes it difficult to deal with when they don't see the error of their
ways. We feel these peole whom we hardly know has cost us sleepless nithes,
worries and hurts and pains. We wat them to have a wonderful life
in christ, however, all my husbands good teachings seem to be of no avail
to them. My heart hurts for them. Especiall the girl, whom
I feellike is my own daughter, but she constantly shows how ungratful she
is. Today my sister told her she have to leave. the only place she
has to go is to her mother's house. He monthe is on drugs and was on drugs
since she was two years old. Father is an alcholholi. I truly tried
everthing to help her and I feel it was wasted and I'm hurting to have
to turn her over to the enemy. but thats seem what she wants. What
do you do? Please respond to my email address.
Barbara 1/2/01
I
just discovered this site and read the letters from pastors' wives.
The letters brought back a lot of memories, and kindled a lot of compassion.
My husband has been a full-time pastor for 29 years. We recently accepted
a church in Florida and starting over is always difficult, and yet, offers
excitement and anticipation. We began another ministry about 18 months
ago. Servant to Servant Ministries is for the purpose of ministering
to Pastors and spouses. At times STS seems overwhelming because resources
are limited, but I am reminded that God is never limited. Just a
word of encouragement to pastors/spouses - "He is able to keep you."
As I read the different letters, I am stopping to say a prayer for you.
May you be encouraged in Him today.
Victory 1/2/01
Does
anyone have any information on where to get health insurance for our family?
My husband has pastored full-time for nearly 2 years and we have had health
insurance thru his last job and it runs out in March. I've been looking
for other insurance and it doesn't look good. I was wondering what
other Pastor's families may be using. Also, we're looking for health
insurance with Maternity which makes it more difficult. Thanks.
Patricia 1/4/01
I
have recently come across some information that may help you and others
with healthcare needs. There is a Christian organization called "Medishare".
The website is www.tccm.org and the toll-free number is 1-888-PSALM23(772-5623).
Following is an excerpt from their site explaining the program: "...The
best way to explain the concept in its most basic form is that each month
we add up all the medical bills submitted by members. We divide them by
the number of sharing households. Each household is sent a sharing notice.
Each household sends it¹s share and the bills are paid. As a member
of Christian care ministry you will be on the giving side, when you are
well, and the receiving side when you are ill. When you are well you will
receive a monthly sharing notice informing you of a specific member who
incurred medical bills. You are assigned each month to send your monthly
share to assist in paying the medical bills for a specific person. You
are asked to keep that person in your prayers that month and send your
share to the home office where it is combined with the shares sent by other
assigned members. The medical bills are then paid from shares sent by those
assigned members. When you incur medical bills send them to our processing
office where processors check to be sure they are eligible. Eligibility
is determined by membership voted Guidelines. Members vote on how they
wish to share with one another. Our computers assign specific members to
share in paying your eligible medical bills. Those members are sent a sharing
notice that tells them your name address and nature of your illness (if
it is not too personal). They will hold you up in prayer and send you a
card or letter of encouragement and send their monthly shares. Upon receiving
the shares from those assigned, your bills are paid. Note: The sharing
system is not guaranteed in any way. Even though tens of millions of dollars
in medical bills have been paid since inception and every single eligible
medical need has been paid, it is not guaranteed...." They will explain
the program in total if you call their toll free number. Also, I
just learned early this morning on Christian television of yet another
program I had never heard of. (God must have woke me up just to hear this
to share with you today!). There is a little known federal program
called the HILL-BURTON FUND. Their toll free number is 1-800-638-0742.
I tried it and it is legit. There is also a web address (its rather
lengthy) but here it is: www.unitedwayatl.org/211_Database/helpbook/F4329000.html
Any participating hospital that receives federal funds must make Hill Burton
funds available for free or low cost healthcare to people who cannot afford
to pay. There are some limitations on the types of services they
will cover. The patient MUST SPECIFICALLY REQUEST HILL BURTON ASSISTANCE.
The hospital WILL NOT volunteer this information. The tragic thing
is that a lot of this money doesn't get used because people don't ask for
it (most people don't even know the help exists) I would suggest
calling the toll-free number and requesti!
ng the packet of information
that applies to your state. Hope this information is of help to you.
You are in my prayers!
puppetmaker 1/4/01
by
law your husbands employer/insurance company must make insurance available
to you (you will have to pay the premiums) when his job ends. It usually
is not cheap (when my husbands job ended it would have cost us $600 per
month to keep the coverage for a family of 4, when we moved it was the
same with my job). But... if you are expecting, you might want to keep
the coverage, since no insurance company is going to insure you on a pre
existing condition (there are rules about this, but pregnancy isn't included).
Some pastors use groups like the Brotherhood (there are others, I don't
know the names)where you help each other. I have friends that have
used this and say it works great. It is about $200 for a fmaily of four
per month. Others of us trust God and pray a lot. We have not had
insurance in 6 years, and PTL, we have not had anything worse than a cold.
Our church does not provide insurance simply because they, nor we, can
afford it. Find out about the county/state hospital nearest you.
Here we have a large medical branch of one of the universities and they
have a program where they treat you on a sliding scale according to income.
The treatment is top notch beacause of the university, and you won;t be
ovewhelmed by the bills. I used a different branch of this university
when my son was small. even though we had insurance (and they will bill
if you do), I was told that this was the best care I could get for him.
Hope this helps.
unsure 1/3/01 Hi,
I have a question and don't know where else to turn. My husband is
in the ministry. He is highly admired. Too admired by one lady
in the church as far as I am concerned. My husband also admires some
of the work she does in the church. I am uncomfortable with this.
There seems to be some kind of chemistry there. My husband has never
had an affair, nor do I think he would ever have one. I don't like
how much she talks to him though. Should I tell him my feelings about
this? Or could it cause a bigger problem? She is very involved
in the church and there is no chance of her leaving and it would cause
a big problem within the church if it was ever suggested. I have
felt this way for 4 years and recently it has gotten worse. My mother-in-law
even visited and she and my husband talked about how wonderful this lady
is!
Thankful 1/8/01
I
read your post on 1/3/01 and wanted to respond. I'm praying for you
for what you're feeling is felt by a lot of pastor's wives these days and
times. One of satan's main targets is a pastor and his family.
He will send a Delilah by to distract and so many other things. But,
I don't know how you are but I would have to talk to my husband if I suspected
something. Just tell him that you feel very uncomfortable about this
woman and that you're suspicious of her motives. My husband and I
are very open with one another and I tell him how I feel and he tells me
how he feels. It's best to let him know that something is bothering
you now than to wish that you had later. Nip it in the bud!
minister wife 1/4/00
I
hope that everyone has had a blessed and a happy new year 2001!.Well let's
continue to keep jesus christ in our hearts daily.I've have a question
I'm curuious,What's the different between a pastor and minister?.Why is
that in the Baptist Black churches that the congeration always focus on
the pastor and not of the minister?.Does the minister preaches the same
sermons that the pastor does?.I know that my husband is a good minister
,but the members don't come to us for anything,my husband want to gain
their trust,how can I as a minster wife do the same ,gaining the members
trust?.I would like some feed back on this dilemia that we are facing everyday.Beleive
me we open with the members in our church,but they always call on the pastor.I
feel not wanter not only by the church members.I appericate all your input.I've
only been a minister for 4years what is accept of this?
someone cares 1/5/01
There
is a difference between Pastors and Ministers. While it is true that
they both preach the same word, the roles are somewhat different.
The Pastor is the leader and over sees the entire body, even the ministers.
It is the ministers role to fall under the leadership of the Pastor just
as the wife falls under the leadership of her husband. Apparently the congregation
feels comfortable going to the Pastor for counseling and that is fine.
Maybe counseling is not your area. There are many areas of work in
ministry. You should pray and ask God to show you where he
wants you to work. You're gift makes room for and it is confirmed
by the body. You should not have to force your way into a gift.
Sometimes the areas that we want to work in may not be our calling.
If I can't sing, there is no reason for me to join the praise singers.
If I don't have a pleasant attitude, then there is no reason for me to
become a greeter. If I can't play the organ or piano, then there
is no reason for to be minister of music. But, if I can cook and
love doing it then I should consider joining the hospitality ministry.
Your gift will make room for you. Pray and seek the Lord to find
your gift. It may not be what you want to do but, it will be something
that you are good at and enjoy doing. And of course we know that
there are many gifts but the greatest gift of all if Love. If we
don't have that one, the others don't mean a thing. God Bless You Sister.
Safe in His Arms
1/6/01 I am a Pastors Wife of a medium sized Black Baptist church.
You asked what the difference is between a Minister and Pastor. The
Pastor is a Minister who is called by God to lead a flock. God provides
the vision for the church to the Pastor, and holds the Pastor accountable
for the spiritual growth of each and every member of the congregation.
The Associate Minister is called to assist the Pastor in this mission,
and serve under him. When God is ready, he will instruct the Pastor
to delegate Ministries within the church to the Associate Minister, at
which time the members will go to the Associate Minister for direction
in these Ministries. Let me share this with you, our Associate Minister
is very faithful to my husband. Whenever he is called on for anything,
whether it is providing a message at mid-week service, shoveling snow,
or just making sure that I am taken care of (carrying packages from the
car, etc.), he is willing to serve. He has a servants heart, and
will gain respect and trust from the congregation because of that.
Now, my husband has delegated certain responsibilities to him, because
of his faithfulness, and the members go to him when they have requests
pertaining to the areas of the Ministry he has leadership of. I do
pray now for you and your husband, my Sister, that God will lead you both
to a complete understanding of what he requires of you as an Associate
Minister and Minister's Wife at your home church. If you would like
to talk privately about my comments, please feel free to request my e-mail
address through RockDove. May God bless you.
Minister wifelolo
1-15-01 I turly am blessed to be in the LORD thank you ladies
who responded to my
inquiry re:The Pastor and
minister postion I really don't understand the difference between the two,but
in time I'll will.I would love to chat thu email with you Please contact
Rockdove for my email I do have more I would like to discuss. your sister
in christ
First Lady 1/5/01
I
would like to invite Pastors' Wives who are interested in attending an
upcoming Pastor's Wife Conference that will be held in Atlanta, GA. Please
respond by e-mail to be placed on the mailing list for more information.
Thanks and God bless. FirstladiesFirst@Yahoo.com
sue 1/7/01 hi
ladies Iam going to be a pastors wife and I know its tuff trying to be
there for everybody and not having your own thing together. an Gods calls
you husband to be Pastor well i know thaat Iam goning tobe real because
you can't please traditional people . So I will do the work of th elord
and stand by my husband, but Iam not going to let people wear us out Iam
his helpmate and I will help him by
provideing leadres to help
in the ministry as far as speaking to families about little cat fights
amoung them now if there is a real problem then the pastor can be called
but Pastors have a life and a responsiblity to their own family so ladies
get those people off of you Pastos and yourself and statr apointing
helpers in the chruch to be leaders and having them call on others Eldres
and deacons
for their small problems,
and you will see how soon the don"t have them any mor e a lot of them just
want to be in the Pastors mix any way to try to get something on Him to
bring down so Ladie protect
and respect and stand your
Man of God so he can Love you and Shower and cover you like he should be
cause behind every good man is a good women . And God said a Man wo findth
a Wif e findth a Good thing. Peace
someonecares 1/8/01
If
I understood you correctly you said that you are going to be a pastors
wife. I admire your post and I think you have a wonderful attitude
toward the ministry and helping your husband. Keep that attitute.
But, I will be very curious to read your posts once you have become
a pastors wife. I think you're going to be in for a true awakening.
I will tell you ahead of time you must pray, pray, pray, pray. I think
this will be the answer from every ministers and pastors wife on this site.
Ministry is awesome and is very rewarding but is by no way easy. I will
not be anything like you wrote. But if you keep this attitude, and
pray, pray, pray, you will be on the right track. God bless you.
Julianna 1/7/01
Submission
or Resistance? My husband is planning on us planting a church soon
and I've not felt right about it ever since it was first mentioned.
I think a lot of it is because our priorities are not right. We used
to be in the Children's Ministry and Ministry was the first priority, before
God, and before our marriage. Since then, God has really worked in
me and with me to get priorities straightened out and focus first on Him,
then on my husband and children, before ministry. My husband, however,
is still focused on ministry first. I really don't want to go back
into ministry - as much as I love it - without a strong foundation in our
marriage, especially pastoring a church. Yet I also want to be a
support to my husband and stand with him in this endeavor. I've communicated
this to him, but he doesn't think anything is wrong. I'm having trouble
deciding if I should follow my conviction, not getting involved yet supporting
him, or should I get involved no matter what our marriage is
like and trust God that it will change. Any suggestions would be
helpful. thank you.
puppetmaker 1/12/01
We
consider God/Ministry to go together. You really can't seperate one
from the other. But if you want to do what the Word says you do have
to support your husband. It will be much easier for you if you will
get with him, because church planting is not easy but is very rewarding.
Gail 1/22/01 Hi
Julianna, I'm a pastor's wife and I want you to know that I completely
disagree with puppetmaker! God and ministry are definately seperate and
need to be. God is your heavenly Father, Ministry is your response
to your calling or if you're married you and your husbands response to
your calling. God also called you and your husband to be married.
Part of your husband's ministry is to his wife and children. God
first, wife second, children third, ministry within the church forth.
If you have a failing marriage you will have a failing ministry.
The two of you are one and you need to be functioning as one in all things.
How on earth is your husband going to preach on being a good husband
and father to his congregation, if he can't do it himself. Scripture
says: A pastor (Overseer) MUST be one who manages his own household well.
Julianna, if your husband fails to do that, then he disqualifies himself
as a pastor. Get your marriage back on track, than go foreward in ministry.God
would never sacrifice a couple's marriage for ministry unto Him. For it
is the example of marriage that He uses to explain our precious relationship
with Jesus Christ. I'll be praying for you!
Curious 1/8/01
I've
got a question. I was just wondering what some of you ladies think
about coregraphic dancing in church. It seems to be a trendy thing
in the last few years. I've seen people dance "in the Spirit" and not how
somebody taught them. I was just wondering.
puppetmaker 1/12/01
I
am against choreography in the church. I do not believe David practiced
before he danced before the Lord. We have always been against dancing
in any form, other than in the spirit, and this is part of dancing.
By the same token, I do not believe you have to be taught how to worshop.
I am referring to a flier I received yesterday for a workshop. As far as
I can tell, in the Bible they worshipped from their heart, and I believe
we should do the same:
EverHischild 1/9/01
Greetings
to All: I have not posted anything here for months. I am so astonished
every time that I read the letters on this site. They are so "real" to
my life. It is as if I wrote a lot of them.
We are still at our first
little church.(been here 2 yrs.) Our faith is truly being put to the test.
When we first got here, we had a house full of people. We walked around
praising the Lord. Now two years later, we are standing and believing God
for victory.(down to about 7 or 8 faithful, fulltime christians). Since
this is our first church, my husband and I blame ourselves. We know we
do not know a lot about pastoring. Everyone says "No, this church does
like this all the time." But we still fight discouragement. My husband
says he does not want to be responsible for destroying a work of God. But
I don't see what he could do different. People will come up for prayer
in front of the Church body and ask that he pray a blessing over them.
When he says what do you need, they will reply "Oh, I am pregnant and my
boyfriend is mad.". He says are you married? She says "Oh, not, we don't
think it is time.". We have even found out that some of our leaders in
church have lived in adultry for years. I really believe in their minds
it is not sin. And there is no guilt or remorse. None. The Lord lays a
message on his heart to preach and he preaches it in love (I mean that).
But they have no response. I have never seen anything like it. Please
pray with me that the Lord will break thru these strongholds of sin that
have to be keeping any blessings from flowing in our church. And pray for
me. I am very lonely. Bless you. If anyone would like to email, ask
for my email. Thanks.
puppetmaker 1/12/01
I
can relate. This is our second pastorate. Isn't it amazing that people
seem think there is no sin, or if they do believe in sin they think it
is ok to do it, and then ask forgiveness. Feel free to email me. Don't
you or your husband beat yourself down with this (a trick of the enemy).
You can't help it if people do not want to be faithful or serve God.
What do I do? 1/9/01
My
husband is a Minister of Music and the Pastor of our church is acting like
"God" in the church. It is a very small church and the pastor basically
finances the church all by himself. With that in mind he demands
that he isn't held accountable to anyone in the church, not even the deacons.
He has started making threats on my husbands job because my husband is
starting to add new programs and the people are getting excited, and the
pastor is feeling threatend that he will lose his total control over the
church. What are my husband and I supposed to do without losing the
position at this church. We do not feel as if God is leading us somewhere
else because we have had the opportunity to lead three people to Christ
and we are still working with many more. We don't want to be pushed
away from the work God has given us to do. If you have suggestions on what
to do please give them to me. We are willing to try just about anything.
someone cares 1/11/01
The
only option you have in this situation is to pray for your Pastor.
You let the Lord handle Pastors. Even when you don't understand
his actions or when you don't agree with what he's doing you have to still
be humble. This situation could prove to be a test for you and your
husband. How you handle it could determine your next level. Pray
for the pastor and remain humble. Continue to be obedient to leadership
even if you don't agree. As long as he's not instructing you to do
something that is wrong,
continue to follow the vision. You should not have your own vision.
Anything with two heads is a Monster. There can only be one leader.
Pray, submit to leadership and watch the Lord bless you tremendously.
My husband is also a Minister of Music and he always has ideas, but he
will never go against what the Pastor says. He will always submit and follow
leadership. God Bless.
Dina 1/11/01 I've
got a women's ministry question. Our church runs about 150 and we have
had a thriving ladies group but lately I seem not to be pleasing anyone
with it. I have talked to many ladies and
they all have a different
opinion on what this ministry should involve and I have to admit that I
am a bit overwhelmed with it all. Some want just social events, some want
fund-raising, some want all spiritual emphasis, some want no meetings just
activites within the church and I want what God wants! I have done ladies
meeting for years and have done just about everything in the book and I'm
just looking for some fresh ideas and input on how to incorporate all of
this and still keep my sanity. One thing I want to focus on is new ladies
I think that this will keep things moving and keep our minds off ourselves
and what we want. Ramble,ramble,ramble Does anyone understand what
I'm trying to say???Love to have your input. P.S. Puppetmaker - love Ruth
Reider's books!!
anonymous 1/11/01
This
situation continually disturbs me and I wonder if anyone can offer some
words of wisdom. My husband and I started a new church. Thus,
we have given up our positions and obligatory ties in our home church.
The problem is with our home pastor and his wife. They seem very
cold toward us and I just can't understand why. I love them and would
never wish to speak badly of them. But, I have tried my best to be
kind, friendly, etc, especially to the pastor's wife. But, there
is a "coolness" about her. She has never once asked me about the
new work or ever called me or offered any words of encouragement.
I do not look for recognition or pats on the back, but I find it surprising
that the support is just not there. At first I thought may I was
imagining all of this. However, the wife of another minister who
will also be leaving to minister elsewhere, shared with me some similar
feelings. She DID NOT say anyone's name, and she did not say it resentfully.
She just needed someone to talk to. I know by what she told me that
she was talking about the same person. I feel very badly about
this and wish it was not so. There are others in the church who treat
us the same way, but I'm not as surprised by their actions. Please
help!
Shirley Ann 1/12/01
I
am a single parent, every since the age of 5, I have been singing for the
Lord.
My grandfather was a bishop,
my father an elder, my grandmother an evangilist, i have two my brother
and sister in the ministry. I do know the Lord and I know Him on a personal
and intimate level. I was invited to a long time friend's church,
who is the pastor. He is single, my children fell in love with the youth
ministry, and I became involved to the point where I hold office in just
about everything. God has blessed me to have many talents, I paint draw,
have excellent computer skills, I make all church banners, programs, decorate,
and sing comparably to Shirley Ceaser. I am dedicated and faithful when
ask to do a task. Church clerk etc, Sunday School,Bible Study, . I put
all the talents God has bless me with to use to uplift His kingdom. The
Pastor confessed that he was still in love with me and he didn't know how
to handle it. He still has children in school from his previous marriage.
This particular women that have feelings for the Pastor also has gone to
the deacons to make everything miserable in his life if he even attempts
to show feelings toward me. Once he was involved with this women, but when
their was no longer an attraction, she felt betrayed. This was going
on even before I came to the church. I try to speak to this women she refuse
to even acknowledge me, she has started ugly rumors and have said nasty
things in front of my children, they came back and told me. Some people
I realize cannot take no for an answer. He has gone out of his way to ignore
her and respect her at the same time. I have been there for several years
now and he wants me to put my life on hold for Him until his child graduate
from school. In the meantime we talk on a daily basis, we may go out to
eat, even if another man approach me he make sure he blocks, and let them
know in so many ways hands off. However I still have got to deal with this
women, the church members have an idea that he admires me, sometimes he
tries to cover it up, but doesn't do a good job. I have gained respect
from the people in the church, I have often asked him where was his faith.
Why not come out an acknowledge the truth and trust in God to do the rest.
He tells me that it takes patience and longsuffering, the last shall be
first, he doesn't want anything to distract his child who is having problems
in school. I Love this man very much and am caught in a dilemma,
I want to be able to go to dinner like anybody else we do but very rarely
seen in public together, on holidays he stays at home to get peace, because
this woman has been known to follow him, come by my house, have other people
call my home to see if I'm at home or do I know where the pastor is and
I am so tired, yet I love this man dearly, we all have made regrettable
mistakes and being involved with this woman has been one of his...but it
is not helping me any, please......help and pray for me and him that he
will walk in the light instead of darkness about our relationship. His
children know about us even his ex-wife she ask me how do i do it. I tell
her with faith in God, look at everyday a day closer to God blesing me.
Anonymous 1/14/01
Honey-this
man wants the best of both worlds. He has no holds over you and no
right to ask you to put your life on hold (or to let other men know you
are his property). Tell him to fish or cut bait (ino ther words,
either this relationship goes somewhere or you should find another place
to worship). He needs to have a meeting with the deacons and let
them know his intentions toward you. That way they will know what
is really going on. Then he should announce it to the church. This
gives the lady no ammo, since everyone hears it from him.
nik 1/13/01 I
am a young first lady in ministry and have some pretty heavy burdens regarding
marriage and minisistry. My husband and I have pastored a small outreach
ministry for about 2 years and I have had some recent doubts about the
ministry and if I have actually lost the focus of who God would have me
to be, as opposed to who my husband and the members of the church would
have me to be. Sometimes, I want to run away from all of the stress
of being a wife, mother, and church leader. Is there anyone out there
that can relate to my fears?
Victory 1/14/01
Been
there, done that! My husband has been in the ministry for 4 years
now and from time to time I have to get refocused. Do you find it overwhelming
at times with the responsibilities? We have 5 children, 8 years old
down to 3 months and believe me that is a full-time job in itself, plus
I am the piano player and worship leader, ladies ministry director,elementary
Bible class teacher and help my husband with counseling women and discipling
new converts. I love the ministry, it's where God wants me to be
but sometimes it can get very stressful when there is not much spare time.
We have found that just "getting away" helps. You know, a change
of scenery. We live in Florida, and sometimes we might just ride
to Georgia or Alabama for a day or two and come back. We take all of the
kids and go see some mountains (because there aren't any here) and get
a motel and take a bunch of snacks. They love it, it's inexpensive
and it seems to refresh us. When we get back, we're ready to get started
working at the church again with more egarness. You talked about being
what God would have you to be. People expect a lot out of you since
you are the pastor's wife. But you're not gonna please everybody.
Take this for instance. Some people in our church fully understand
my workload at home with 5 small children and know that it's hard for me
to jump up and go somewhere when I want or when they want me to.
It takes preparation when you have that many children. And all kinds
of things can happen when you're just about out of the door. But
did you know there are some people that have complained because I don't
call them or visit them with my husband and have even said that I can't
be an effective pastor's wife with 5 children. So, I have had to
say, "Lord, I've got to please you,I've got to be a wife to my husband
and a mother to our children" and that means sometimes saying no to people
even if they don't like it. You're a Pastor's wife. Encourage him.
It makes a big difference in his ministry when you do. Hope you don't
run away, just hang on. (smile)
cwilliams 1/13/01
I'm
getting ready to marry a pastor in a few months. I've very concerned
about becoming a "First Lady" at his church. I need advice on what
a "First Lady" is supposed to do.
Bethany 1/16/01
I
have a question...I'm not a Pastor's wife yet, but I'm headed in that direction.
My husband is the minister of a very small rural church. We've been
dating for a year and have been engaged for the last three months.
Our work for and love of God is what brought us together. He is my
best friend, and we look forward to spending our life together. That
sounds simple enough, doesn't it? Now, figure in to the picture that
I have been married before (he has not). You see how that changes
things. I was married for 8 years and eventually left because he
was repeatedly unfaithful, and very unapologetic about it. Our wedding
vows meant nothing, and the man who was once a believer began living the
life of a non-believer. Aside from the adultery, there was physical
abuse in the end. I thought
that I could live with the
infidelity (after all, marriage is for better or worse), but when he ended
up beating me and raping me, I knew something had to change. I prayed
a lot and had many conversations with God about the situation, and ultimately
left. I have forgiven him, but even after our divorce, he has not changed.
I met my fiance a year after my divorce was final, and we've been dating
for a year now. His congregation is wonderful, and they love me as
much as I love them and have encouraged our union every step of the way.
Our denomination believes, collectively, that as long as a divorce is Biblical
(ie based on adultery or a non-believing spouse leaving) then I am free
to remarry. Regardless of our personal feelings for one another,
I would never want to do anything to hurt his ministry. He's been called
upon to do such an incredible job -- you ladies can certainly relate.
He's just a man, that's true, but he's a man that I care very deeply about,
and would never want to hurt his ministry in any way. After all,
we put God at the steering wheel and there is no telling where we will
end up. His ministry takes him many places, and this understanding
congregation will likely not be the last church he ministers to...
Our hearts feel aligned with God. We've prayed about this, we've
been counseled, but it would be helpful to find advice from someone who
had been there. Is there anyone like that on this board? I'm
hopeful that's the case. Please email me. I'm not sure how
I found this board, but I would love to talk to someone
about this.
Little Lizzy 1/16/01
I
have been a minister's wife for 13 years, and always being told last, or
being asked to tag along, just feeling like I don't exist at all,
feeling like as a female I have no right to voice an opinion about anything
that is always not heard or forgotten, feeling like the ministry is just
an escape for my husband to not be intimate with me. Before he became
a minister, for 22 years he played lead guitar in a country music band.
I stayed home every week end, did things with our 3 children. Before I
was 40, my sister commited suicide at 34, that was the breaking point for
me. He would either quit the band or I didn't want to be alive and continue
on like this. He started studying the Bible, got baptized, and wanted
to be more than just a bench warmer in the church, so his calling was to
preach the gospel. I had rather he have religion than a tavern life,
but it seemslife has not changed in the way he treats me and our grown
children, we still are put on the back burner. Feeling alone in a marriage
that I thought God had ordained from whenever we said I do. I think my
husband suffers from suvere attention depreviation, I try to get close
to him, but he withdraws into his own world of Bible studying and always
thinking about members of the church andtheir welfare, but what about us.
I have withdrawn from trying to be close, withdrawn from being involved
in the concerns of the church members. I am hurting, my grown son
who still lives at home because of severe clinical depression feels he
has never had a father figure, what can we do????I pray to God for some
answers. By the way, I was brought up in the church, took my children to
church by myself until they were grown. I want to save our marriage,
our family relationships, what can be done. Are there any books out
there that might open up his eyes to help him see that his wife and children
need him too, and are we suppose to always be forgotten. Desperate.
Thankful 1/22/01
I
wanted to respond to your post. Some things only come thru prayer
and fasting.
Things can be better, but
you may have to do a lot of praying and fasting. I've seen God move
so many times when I've sought God for an answer and humbled myself thru
fasting. The answer may not come tomorrow or next week, but God will
be right on time. I'm not trying to sound preachy, but really, set
your face like flint and pray for God to help you with the situation and
His peace will come. There is no other alternative to seeking God.
Anonymous 1/24/01
I
feel your pain. There is a book out there but I am dating myself
by mentioning it to you. It's called "Do yourself a favor, love your wife."
It's an oldy but a goody! I'm not even ssure who wrote it, but my
husband read it back in the late 70's before we got married and it has
continually reminded him that his family and wife come ahead of the church,
his job and yes, even himself. It was a great start to a great marriage.
(If anyone knows who the author was, let us know, PLEASE! :) ) Let me know
if you find the book. Many Blessings!
Joyful heart 1/24/01
I
tell you what will open your husband's eyes better than any book that you
know you won't get him to read and that is Holy Ghost conviction!!
God has better ways of getting people's attention than any how-to book.
Just pray! Ask God to help you not to nag him or mention the problem
to him, just tell it to God and ask Him for wisdom and patience while he
deals with your husband. When God does the work in his heart, it
will be right! I know from my own experience.
vessel 1/19/01
Pastor's
wife new to the site. Have been at the church 4 yrs. Just wanted to log
on to see what it was all about.
servant 1/19/01
I
am a pastors wife of 9 years. I would like to say it has been a very
trying but wonderful experience. I believe my first call is to serve the
Lord Jesus with all my heart and therefore I will be fullfilled in my own
destiny. 2nd I am to be my husbands help meet which gives you great
power with God to bring things in to proper order thru prayer and allowing
him to grow closer to the Lord that he would follow Christ and understand
his place as husband and servant and his 1st call is to serve at home first.
May this response be helpful because pastoring is a call and not a job,
the work of the minisrty is to done with love and compassion for those
you shepherd but not at the cost of forsaking your love and time as a family.
Pastoring requires much prayer that you will receive the mind of christ
and do what ythe word says and this can only bring good fruit, a paswtor,s
wife is his Glory. Truely a Gift from god. May every pastor's
wife be encouraged and look to the Lord.
mary 1/22/01 a
group from my church and i are putting together a program for pastor's
wife's and we are desperately trying to find someone that can help us to
put a plan together, what i am looking for is to be able to put a drama
together about what is the meaning of being a pastor's wife, and all the
works that comes along. (the husbands are invited on this day) We are having
dinner for the pastors and their wives but we want to present a well organized
play for them as well, we want for the play to touch the pastor's heart
as well as the wife and for all the others that have part in that program.
Please write to me or give me some advise as to where can i get help or
who can help me, i need answer by 2/1/01 thanks you, god bless
Shelia 1/24/01
Hello.
I am new to this board. I am a Pastor's Wife of five years.
My dillema is that, I was not raised in church so I don't know what to
do or how to act a lot of times. I had only been saved for one year
before my husband and I got married. I knew nothing. I had
never heard about Daniel and the Lion's den until I started studying with
my husband. (That was to just give you an idea of how much I didn't
know) I want to pray for my husband but I don't know exactly what
to pray. I feel so burdened down by the members of the congregation.
They say they want to have activities, the activities get organized, and
they don't show. It is always left up to me to do everything.
I feel like I let the Teen Group down, because I could not carry it on.
(Both of the women that started it ended up quiting) My heart goes
out to those children. I feel like I'm not supporting my husband
during the services, because I end up in the nursery most of the time and
not able to be upstairs. I just feel like I have failed God in my
calling. Please pray for me and my husband. He warned me it
was going to be a hard life, but who would have ever imagined. It
just feels so good to be able to get a lot of that out. Thank you
so much for this board. Also, if you know of any good books for helping
a pastor's wife let me know. I have looked in every Christian bookstore
in the area and can't find a one. May God bless each and everyone
of you. Please feel free to e-mail me anytime.
Brenn 1/28/01 Here's
some books that I have collected over the years. They are all good, but
I will list them in the order of my favorite one first. "High Call High
Privilege" by Gail MacDonald; "Married to a Pastor's Wife" by H.B. London
& Neil B. Wiseman; "Heart to Heart with Pastor's Wives" by Lynne Dugan;
"I'm More Than the Pastor's Wife" by Lorna Dobson; "The Guilt-Free Book
for Pastor's Wives" by Ruth Senter. Also you mentioned not knowing how
to pray for your husband; there is an awesome book out called "The Power
of a Praying Wife" by Stormie Omartian. It is an excellant book; in fact
I've given out several dozen to women in our church; hoping they would
use it to pray for their hubbies. I also was not raised in a church environment
and struggled for several years because I didn't know how to act or I felt
dumb in Bible Study. Finally I realized that just being myself was the
best thing for me. In fact over the years the one thing that our congregations
have to say about me is they appreciate that I'm a real person! Hang in
there; it is at times a tough life but the rewards are awesome!!
EverHischild 1/30/01
I
know exactly what you are going thru as I am going thru the same thing.
I have only been a pastor's wife for two yrs now. I don't have any really
gems of wisdom but I am beginning to realize thru much prayer a few things.
A. God is first in my life.
Then my husband
Then my children
& family
And then the
church.
B.Don't feel obligated to
take on everything.(like I have). Someone very wise told me that if I start
a program, they will expect me to do it, and if I leave, the program will
cease cause it was mine not theirs.
C.If they have nothing invested
in their church (time, money, talents, etc.) then it will mean nothing
to them.
D.My husband and I feel
that if they are not doing their part, it is because they have not been
taught. So he teaches as often as the Lord will allow and I try to teach
by example. (Example: I believe the Lord expects us to keep His House clean.
I will try my best to keep my Sun. School class as clean as possible. I
do not try to do the whole church anymore. But whatever I am responsible
for, I do the best I can. ) (Example: I believe the Lord saves us and gives
"each" one of us something to do for Him. I try to teach that to my young
girls class in everything they do)
E. Another wise friend told
me "No matter what happens in my ministry, it has nothing to do with my
relationship with God. My realtionship with God is separate from my ministry
and comes before my ministry. If my relationship is right, He will take
care of all the rest and teach me whatever I need to know. Amen?
Amen. God Bless you. Keep on keeping on.
Stephanie 1/29/01
I
was looking up on the internet about a particular scripture, "without a
vision, the people perish". I would like to learn more about this through
the Bible because I have had a huge death of a vision. In the course of
this "research" on the web, I came across your site. I am not married to
a pastor nor am I married although I am certainly of marrying age. I think
if I was called to marry a pastor I would run the other way. But then God
would never call me to marry a pastor because I am not the kind of woman
who would be a good pastor's wife. I am much to selfish and needy. I could
never tolerate his ministering to others day and night and spending all
the time a pastor does, on the church. I think a pastor's wife has a very
special calling and a unique place in the body of Christ. Any woman who
is a pastor's wife is actually in my book to be greatly admired. I would
find that job much more difficult than being the pastor. I went to law
school and graduated and I would find the job of a pastor's wife 10x more
difficult. I could never cope. God bless you all. Love, Stephanie
Jo 1/30/01 I
am seriously dating a man who wants nothing more in life than to become
a pastor (his dad was a pastor as well). This gets complicated in several
ways. First of all, I was raised Catholic were priests aren't permitted
to marry because they are, in effect, married to the church. This, then,
is my view of a pastoral position. As this man and I are contemplating
marriage, I am finding myself feeling confused and guilty. I feel confused,
I guess, because I don't want to marry someone who is going to be "married"
to two things, myself and the church. But, then, I feel guilty because
it is like I am fighting a battle against God for his affection and attention.
Do any of you older, wiser women have advice for me?
Proverbs31Mom 1/31/01
I
have been a youth pastor's wife for 5 years and am currently facing a situation
with our church that I've never faced before. Our church is in the
midst of a lot of strife and people have made horrible accusations against
my pastor's wife. I feel they are all unfounded. I know she
is imperfect and sometimes cool to people but she does not deserve to be
treated the way she is being treated right now. We are not extremely
close but God has impressed it upon me to help lift this woman up and love
her unconditionally. She has made some mistakes but God is her judge
not I. I would like some ideas on how to help restore my pastor's
wife into the fellowship of the church. I would love ideas on how
to encourage her in the Lord so she can in turn encourage my pastor.
kristin lynae 2/2/01
I
am a student at a Christian college and preparing to be married this August
to a pastor. You all are scaring me so much! Is it really that
stressful, I mean I know I must expect a lot coming my way...any advice
to me?
Blessed 4/2/01 My
heart went out to you when I read your posting. I absolutely love
being in ministry. My husband and I work as a team building the Lord's
kingdom. Congratulations on your engagement! You have a wonderful
honor and privilege in your future to be intimately involved in the lives
of people! I'm pretty new to message boards and chat rooms scare
me so I hesitate to include my e-mail address, I just really would like
to communicate with you.
Blessed 5/15/01
I've
waited for an email from you and check the board periodically to see if
you just preferred to communicate there. Then today I read my post
and realized I was not clear at all that I included my email address when
I posted and am interested in you contacting Rock Dove for it as I understand
we cannot post but they will give it out with requests and consent.
Being a PW is stressfull and at times lonely, but the rewards far outweigh
any sacrifice we make. Because of our position, we have the awesome
privilege of being only where family belongs. I today think of the
incredible blessing as I sit and wait for a phone call that one of the
ladies is having her child and the blessing we had just last week to minister
to a neighbor who lost his daughter to suicide. He doesn't go to
church, but lives next door to a pastor so called upon us in his hour of
need. Who else gets that honor? God will use you in ways you
never imagined! When are you to be married?
PW2 2/6/01 HELP!
My husband is a pastor of about 20 yrs. A few years ago, I discovered that
he had had an ongoing affair with the church secretary (who used to be
my best friend). I believe he's been clean for a little over a year that
I'm about certain of, however, I still live in termoil because first of
all, he never acknowledged nor asked forgiveness of what he did. His stopping
was supposed to be good enough for me, and all things continued as they
were. I never exposed it for the sake of the congregation and his ministry,
but it has done no good to me, as I'm still bothered by the fact that she
is still working in his office, and they still have a good working relationship.
She's not sspoken to me in about 5yrs. only as it relates to work.
I feel tormented as he is very sensitive if I mention anything about her,
or make comment about her half doing a job. He is very protective/defensive
towards her family members who are real arrogant if you ask me, but they
have prominant possitions in the church, which he's assigned them to.
I have to work across the street in the school with one of them,(the secretary's
aunt)and my husband is always taking her side, and seemingly catering to
them, though he denies it. It's becoming a bit much for me to handle, and
althugh I don't believe he's going with her, the idea that they're spending
so much time in the office together, talking, and laughing together, while
he and I don't seem to have that same closeness anymore. I've tried to
address some of these feelings, but he acts like he's not getting it. I'm
supposed to be ok about everything as long as he's doing right, and taking
good care of me. HOW DO I DEAL WITH THESE FEELINGS? I want to leave
him in my heart, but in my spirit, this is all I know! We've been married
for over 25 yrs, 4 children, and his ministry is all I know! I feel so
controlled and helpless in this!!!WHAT SHOULD I, COULD I DO?? PLEASE REMEMBER
ME IN PRAYER!
Brownie 7/5/01 I'm
very sad that no-one has answered your post.I can only suggest that you
speak to the elders in your church, the senior person above your husband
in your denomination as this behaviour is totally wrong. I guess by now
you may have taken some action. I'm praying for you.My God give you His
peace and strength.
Joy 2/8/01 I
have a question that I seem to never see addressed in the realm of the
pastorate. My "problem" is that I feel my husband sees his role and ministry
as ONLY a "job" and has never lived it or brought it into our home.
This has caused us strife for all the years we've been married (25) and
in the pastorate (22). It has always seemed that he leaves his "spirituality"
at the doorstep of the church. Whenever we try to talk about it,
we only end up in conflict. He thinks I'm responsible for my own
spiritual growth and relationship with the Lord, and what he does and says
doesn't matter. He has neglected teaching or modeling for our two
teenage sons. He's not a bad person who commits any "obvious" sins
- so he always thinks "he does better than most men". I know I am ultimately
responsible for my relationship with God, but it has certainly been hindered
and now I'm even wondering if either one of us are truly Christians. I
have prayed and sought and even gotten counseling throughout these years,
and there never has been an "answer" or resolve to this and I just keep
going "down" - in all areas of my life. I'm at a loss - please
help. "Joy"
Silina 2/13/01
Grace
and Peace Ladies. I was so glad to have found this site.
It was so encouraging in that just this morning I was going through it.
I mean to a point of totally not believing God. When I found this
site my heart rejoiced in the testimonies of other PWs. Hallelujah!
My husband is pastor and founder of a small church in a small town, started
in 1995. Since its start, we have been through many transitions.
We began with quite a vast number of people. The congregation presently
consists of approximately 10, (six being our family). God told me
about 4 years ago that we were to leave where we were. However, for
lack of knowing where to go, also immaturity in knowing God's provisions,
we did not leave. We felt we had accomplished so much here.
Since then, our lives have been like a downward spiral; we've lost (through
repossesion), four vehicles, our home and I served time in prison (9 months).
The home we are presently in does not have a furnace and this morning we
found out that the water tank is cracked and we'll need to get another
one. I am working and my husband is not. I am not trying to
sound like a sympathy case but I know that God has given us wisdom.
We have had many "opportunities" to pastor other places. All of which
my husband turned down almost as if he's afraid that he's failed or something.
Any way its making me absolutely SICK! Not only that I am not sure
if it is for me to just go and maybe eventually He'll follow. I have
consulted with one other PW and my mother in the Lord. They told
me to consider that God may be telling me to "cast my net to the other
side." I request all of your prayers that I will stay in the perfect
will of God. God bless you all.
sharon 2/15/01
I
am 53 I raised 2 childern by myself when my husband left me 18 yrs. ago,
I had to have faith and keep going, I had to find a job in order to take
care of my childern. It was rough but I never gave up. the
reason I am writing is a year and half ago I met a man who I see great
things for and we were married Dec 16,2000. He has had a strong call
to the ministry. I support him and I have a very strong faith.( I
am Catholic) I go to his church, do Bible study, read all the time
and have been given a gift so I am told by people. My question is
I am concern about what people will say about him when they met me.
I am not of his faith, I am very outgoing, (I hug and give kisses, I am
a people person)I wear short dresses and I am a just afraid of what will
be said. This is a big change for me and Charles, He has a very good
job that he will leave in order to follow his call. I have never
know what it was to have nice things, I worked 3 jobs to keep body and
soul together for my family. I am worried about life as a pastor wife and
what will be ahead. I have asked God to be with me, and to ease my
fears. I ask if you will help also. I know God lead me to this
web site, because I got on it a asked, "What is it like to be a pastor
wife?" You website came up. I THANK YOU FOR THE EARS.
Marisa 2/20/01
Wow!!
I should have found this webb site and message board a long time ago- I
have needed it. Scrolling through all the messages I can see that
I am not alone and many of you share the same frustrations of being in
the limelight of pastor's wife as I do. I must say though that through
it all I have learned in only 6 years of ministry that I must keep my focus
on Christ and keep a pure heart-If you don't have that it is hard to see
Jesus in anything. I can certainly vent with y'all -I can tell you
I haven't known any greater Joy than to be married to a Pastor who is my
best friend-we have seen many successess and failures but if you just focus
on all the downs it is hard to look up and as you know there are a lot
of up's and down's in ministry. Satan want's us to get discouraged
and take our focus off who we know we must put all of our faith and trust
in- it's so easy to forget. I can see that when I read some of these
messages- it's taken a toll on some- battled weary souls. From a
good friend, my mentor and Senior Pastor's wife, she once told me that
a while ago she knew someone who was in a restaraunt getting up to pay
the bill, he passed by a table of men who had their heads bowed praying.
When they had finished and looked up to see him passing by, he said to
the men "it is good to see other fellow christians praying to our Lord
in public being bold for him". One man in the group then replied
"We are not praying to who you think we are, we are praying to Satan that
he will destroy Pastor's and their families and do away with wthem- especially
young pastor's families". This creeped me out and gave me chills
when she told me this. I have seen and sort of experienced first
hand the devagstation of what happens to a pastor when satan attacks his
family- it happened to my mother- she was a PK. Her mom couldn't
handle the gossip, the malicious slander, the pressure of trying to be
perfect, the money issue-(as tyou know our husbands aren't exactly rolling
in the dough)they were VERY poor, they lived barely through the great depression,-
well eventually, my grandmother left them (my grandfather the meMethodist
minister to raise my mom alone at the vulnerable age of 10). This
did a lot of damage to my grandfather's (now deceased- in Glory 10 years
ago) ministry. God was however so good and faithful to them though-
as he always is. Jeremiah 29;11 is my favorite verse and my husband
and I hold true to it's words- "For I know the plan's I have for you, plan's
to help you and not to harm you, plan's to give you a hope and a future".
Fellow sister's and pastor's wives, I haven't grasped it yet, I struggle,
i'm still very young and new at this but one thing I have learned is never
give up. My husband will finally be ordained within the next 6 months
(God willing) and it has been no Cake walk- we have dealt with a lot of
bologna and politics in our church - there were times we asked "why are
we doing this? Is there any hope"- the answer of course is "Yes"- keep
your zeal- go on a "women of faith" retreat or "aspiring women's" or "focus
on the family"- take more vacation time to be with your hubby and
kids but don't whatever you do let depression and burn out get to you-
keep striving for that goal- and find a good mentor to keep you accountable
who you know you can trust and vent all your feelings out (another pastor's
wife is ideal- this chat site is great too!!)- That is my only advise in
6 years- OH,...BE YOURSELF- The genuine article is ME- I have learned to
live with not winning everyone's approval- Galations 1;10 say's " i am
not trying to please people- I want to please God. Do you think I
am trying to please people? If I were doing that, I would not be
a servant of Christ". God Bless you all and have a joyful day!!
mrs peace 2/23/01
I
HAVE READ ALL OF THE LETTERS That the pastors wives shared and i tought
i was the only one who went though i eye ball rolling the encourgment cards
that come to the house only with his name on them the calling him
and and never saying hi sister peace how you doing the meen things they
say and then they say these word i just love the pastor how can you love
the pastor and not love his wife becareful how you treet the pastors wifes
because god sees every thing high or low thats what the don;t get.
iknow that god gives as a dobble doses of his keeping power so that we
can stand in him and not in man because men you know will let you down
the words says it also you have to pray all the time because the devil
do not want the man of god and his family to make it love all peace.
jodi 2/24/01 My
question is probably pretty simple actually. My husband and I have
been married for 1 1/2 yrs. He was the youth pastor when we were
married 4 months late we were looking for a new church. My husband
decided that after 12yrs of youth ministry, it was time to let that go
and go in the senoir pastorate. We recently were interviewed at a
church and the women asked me if I had any question for them. Being
that I have had no experience as the pastor's wife i am not sure what to
inquire about. So I was wondering if any one may have any suggestion
for me. I'd really appreciate any help. Thanks so much
INQUISITIVE 2/24/01
I
think this is an excellent site. I visit often. Is there any
research that you know of that shows a correlation between supportive pastor's
wives and church growth ? I would like to know are we as pastor's wives
making a difference ?
I'm the pastor's wife,
I don't have a name! 2/25/01 Seriously, I don't mind being
the "pastor's wife". Many people don't know my name. I am not writing in
response to anyone, not yet anyway. I just want to write and say
that being a pastor's wife is a lonely job. I am just so thankful
for my friends outside the church. Does anyone else have this same
situation?
Anonymous 3/4/01
My
husband recently shared that I should pool my money with his to pay the
bills. He had incurred debt before we were married. I paid
for a house and vehicle before I married him. He convinced me to
co sign with him by putting up the paid vehicle for past taxes he owed
before we were married. I worked 27 years before retiring.
I feel it is the husband's responsibility to take care of the household.
My husband also told me, before we got married, that he would take care
of me if we got married. My husband is retired and also receiving
disability benefits. I added him to my insurance, which increased
the medical deduction coming out of my retirement check. I have also
paid for many bills I didn't make.
BBotello 3/5/01
I
just discovered this site and, so far, I am impressed, and pleased.
I started doing research for a seminar that I will be conducting for a
Women's retreat in August. My seminar is for Minister's Wives.
Not just PW's but any other staff like, Music, Youth, Education, etc.
I would like to know if someone can help me decide what kind of material
I should cover. I've never done this type of seminar before.
It sounds interesting but I don't know where to begin. I am a PW
myself so I can give a lot of personal input but I would like the opinions
of others as well. If someone could please e-mail me I have an interview
that I would like to conduct with a list of questions and a request for
any feedback that will give me insight as to how I can minister to the
women who will be attending my seminar. On a side note, I have read
several comments and I wonder why many PW's feel that their husband is
the one who has received the call to the ministry and not them. I
have always known I was going to be a Pastor's wife; I felt it as a call.
I truly feel that being a minister's wife, in any capacity is a call and
we should treat it as such. It's hard for me to explain, especially since
we've been married 16 years and my husband has only been a pastor for the
past 4 years. So here's a question: Is being a minister's wife a
call? I'd like to know what others think. Thanks for your time. BSBotello@aol.com
Jenny 3/27/01 Hi...I
felt very drawn to you because of our similar circumstances. I too
have been married for 16 years and have in the Pastorship for 4 years.
When my husband was called of the Lord to go into the ministry full time(we
have been in ministry, but not full time)I believe the Lord prepared me
first! I was hit suddenly with the realization that the Lord was
going to call my husband. At first I was very upset, (for obvious,
just read all these letters) but after wrestling with the Lord, (for 3
weeks!) kind of like Jacob, I finally gave my husband over
to Him. And guess what? Immediately, my husband came to me
and told me He felt the Lord calling him. I said, "I know"
and we committed ourselves right then and there. I truly believe
the Lord calls both husband and wife. "The two shall be one flesh".
I am not gifted as much as my husband, but he is the Pastor not me. I am
his helpmeet and yet I am called to do my part as any other Christian woman.
The hardest work is keeping the wife part seperate from the woman part.
I too struggle with this. I dont know if I'm right ....but I know
how it happened for me. God bless you.
johnnie Mae 3/5/01
Please
pray for me. My husband and I have been married for 28 year but he
has been pastoring for only three years,4 months. We use someone
else's building for a minimum fee and we don't have access at night or
saturdays. God, however, gives me creative ways to work the ministry;
in the park, in my home etc. I love my church already and work hard to
support the ministry and my husband. My problem is that I feel neglected
by him - he calls names in church to encourage other workers. He
calls my name, such as, "thank God for my wife." I don't work in
the church to be recognized by anyone. But, when he as pastor goes
to great lengths to encourage others by recognizing their deeds, however
small, I then expect encouragement from him as well. I don't like
feeling like I feel today, neglected and selfish at the same time.
I spoke to him about my feelings but I think that I only "hurt" his feelings.
He doesn't understand how I feel and in fact, thinks he showers me with
encouragement. It's quite the contrary. He has always had a problem
looking me in the eye and telling me "thank you" or "I appreciate you".
It appears to be easier for him to relate to others in such a way though.
What can I do about how low I feel at these times of feeling neglected
as a pastor's wife. I am asking God to take these kinds of feelings
away from me. What do I do - can anyone think of a scripture that
might help me?
WOW 3/7/01 Tell
me how you handle when you husband/pastor is the total opposite of you;
educationally, socially, spiritually (you were in a full relationship with
God since youth, but he's an adult covert), he gets a ministry, marriage,
moves you to another city to further an outreach of the church; outreach
comes a church of which he becomes pastor. Spiritually the two agree;
callings agree; but NATURALLY! YUK! Not your preference physically, educationally,
socially, economically; The Bible says give no place to the devil; naturally,
it's an open door policy. If it weren't for one saying YES to God;
the other would have definitely said NO! Help bridge the gap!
Ang 3/8/01 Hi
fellow pw-it has been a long time since I have had a chance to sit down
and read the new pages. Since I wrote last it is now going on another
year were almost celebrating our 2nd anniv. I really like what Marisa
said on 2/20! Thank-you I need that! I like what you said about being
real. I am that way-the people like that. They want someone
that is approcable not standing off and having an aire about her, and I
had a pw that was just like that. I cant be any other way.
I try and get together with some of the ladies at least once a month.
I also get involed with our ladies ministries group. If you dont
have one in your church get one started. We raise money to do things
around the church furnish things in the nursery kitchen and so forth.
We meet once an month and not only is it a chance to get the husbands to
watch the kids, but to get toghether for fellowship. We also do secret
sisters, just like secret pals-it is a good way to get to know your ladies
in your church. Yes, you will have a few that wont get involved or
just plain and simple dont like you, but I have learned to pray for them,
and really its
there loss! Ladies
have a blessed week!
Joy 3/8/01 I
would like to start a Pastor's Wives Support Group in my city. What
would be the format? What would the sessions look like? How
do you advertise? How do you ensure confidentiality? If you
had resistance from Pastors,
how would you deal with it? What would be the goals? How would
you
know you had attained it?
I need a model for the Pastor's Wives Support Group. Thanks for responding.
Antoinette 3/9/01
My
husband is not a pastor-yet. We know that he is called to be a pastor
but right now how do i get him to do more at home than just go to work
and come home and eat and sleep. We have 3 children and we both work
full time jobs, however his full time job is at the church now. He
is an associate minister. Help before I go crazy.
Suzanne 3/9/01
In
April, my husband and I moved to a new church six hours away from my family.
I was pregnant with our first child. Now I have a beautiful son, but am
unable to stay home with him becuase we don't make enough money for it
to happen. I am so frustrated and angry....at my husband because he does