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Item: Quantity: "Copy Me!" Bible Quizzes Devotions for Dog Lovers Devotions for Hunters and Anglers Self-Inflicted Hunting Arguments Hunting and the Bible Messianic Psalms The Prodigal Pooch The Rail Rider Nina  8/29/00 I lot of the responses i read are dated 1998 is anyone still there.  One thing I have learned n my three years as a pastors' wife is that nothing  you do our say will be right so you might as well be honest. My husband pastors a church of unsaved IGNORANT people. S. P. an unmarried woman has no Bible knowlege and the class of an alley cat is trying to tell me how a pastor's wife should act...go figure. I don't know why the act so petty and jealous they should be glad that they have someone taht can bring some talent to the church but they don't care about the welfare of the church because they are not saved....Yu cannot have Christ in your heart and do the things that people do.  My advice is to hold you head high, get in other activities outside your church and don't even be bothered with that trifflin, petty mess. Tell God this is your battle, remove those that don't want the church to grow and LET THE CHURCH ROLL ON. It hurts, but it has put iron in my system........ Pat  8/30/00 Not only have the problems at your church put iron in your system, but it sounds like you have bitterness and anger as well. I'm glad you feel free to be "honest", but there is a difference between speaking honestly and saying slanderous and malicious things.  Let me be as frank as you have been.  First of all, to name another member publicly on this support board (S. P.) is wrong. Period. It wouldn't be hard for someone who knows you clicking on this site to figure it out.  Secondly, to call the members of YOUR church "unsaved IGNORANT people" is unacceptable.  Why do you think the Lord sent you and your husband there if that is the case? If you talk to them the way you have talked here, I wouldn't follow you to the corner.  The Bible says that out of the abundance of the heart the mouth will speak.  Sister, what's in you is coming out.  And finally, kindly explain what "talent" it is that they should be so thankful for?  Is it your acid tongue, your obvious disdain for the members, or your selfishness in not wanting to deal with "trifling, petty mess" as you put it?  As pastor's wives, we have ALL had our share of treachery, rebellion, hurt, hatred, jealousy, you name it.  Our church just went through a MAJOR shaking.  Lies, backstabbing, slander...the whole nine yards.  I would not win any awards for being the Sweetie Pie Pastor's Wife of the year, but I know better than to throw the baby out with the bathwater.  There are some good people in your church.  They may need deliverance in some areas, mentoring, extra attention, but EVERY church ordained of God has a remnant of people who love Him and will follow leadership.  Identify them and get to work.  I feel your frustration and anger, but I love my sister pastor's wives too much to let the enemy have any space.  I expect you will respond.  I can take it, but before you type the first keystroke, pray and ask God, IS SHE RIGHT???  Love you girl!

Someone Cares  8/30/00 Looking at your post it appears that you have some anger in your heart. Statements such as "class of an alley cat" and "a church of unsaved ignorant people" are pretty harsh. I understand the hardship of being a ministry wife and the truth is that no, everone in the church is not
saved.  Those of us that are have to be a light and set an example. The only thing that holds us together is prayer, prayer, prayer.  Instead of calling names, pray for the one you call alley cat. Yes, that is easier said than done, but that's when you have to depend totally on the Lord.  Flesh will not allow you to do this.  I have been through many stuggles in my marriage including infidelity.  The Lord gave me wisdom through these experiences, which was not overnight, but my husband and I are closer now that ever.  The Lord has given me a great annointing to minister to him in such a way that when I finish,  he does not have the strength to even look at another woman. (Can somebody say Amen!!!) This took much, much prayer and humbleness but I was determined.  We always quote the scripture "I can do all things through Christ that strengthens me" yet we limit that.  It says ALL things that includes everything. My husband has a tremendous load in the ministry as well as others and he and I both work full time jobs and we have a family.  I'm never lonely because he rushes home. Many times if he has something to do at church he will offer to cancel to spend time with me.  Of course I won't let him do that but just that fact that I know that he is willing to make sacrifices for me just make me feel so special. I have been through many of the situations listed on this site and my answer to everything is pray, pray, pray and be open to hear the Lord. Don't be surprise if he makes more changes in you instead of others. God Bless you all and I pray Gods riches blessing upon your marriages.

Nina  9/6/00 PAT:  I first want to respond, by saying that yes, there probably is some anger and bitterness and I came here to VENT I thought that was what this support board was for.  I don't speak to them like this. And, sorry for using a person's name, I was unaware of the rules.  Now I know.  If this is not the place to vent those frustrations and feelings we can't express in church then where is the support??  I believe you misjudged some of my statements or you probably have read through the book of Matthew to see WWJD.  If you think unsaved ignorant people is unacceptable, then what do you say about Jesus who called the Scribes, Pharisees, HYPOCRITES who strain at a nat and swallow a camel.  He also referred to them as threefold devils, etc. Unsaved, ignorant maybe strong but it is very true, have you read the Bible - many church people will say in that day "Lord, Lord, didn't I sing in the choir, didn't, I work in the church and he will respond, "I NEVER KNEW YOU, DEPART FROM ME YOU WORKERS OF INIQUITY"  I think that's strong but it is his Word none the less.  The truth will make you free.  The
truth is not "Slanderous or Malicious" (Strong, yes, Hurtful, yes) If a person has not accepted Christ into their heart and taking up there cross and following Him. THEY ARE NOT SAVED  That may be unacceptable to you but it is the WORD OF GOD.  Paul constantly taught against people who WILLINGLY are IGNORANT in the churches at Corinth, Ephesus, Galatia........We might as well accept the fact that it exists today. And when I say be "Honest" I mean we should not sugar coat the truth. Jesus said to worship him in Spirit and truth.   I appreciate your response I just don't think you really know the kind of people, I'm talking about or some of the demonic spirits that are in this church.  For example (S.P.) as you refer to her, sat in the pulpit one day dirty clothes and scratching her crotch...And you think ignorant is to strong?  I Know it's because you don't know the half of it.  They remained this way because people, (previous pastors included) taken the attitude you have taken sugar coat because the truth is to strong.   So I take your comments in stride.  And I do look at myself, I am far from perfect but my grandmother taught us when we were very little 5, 6yrs old, to not play with God.  I don't know if you know anything about spiritual warfare, but you don't talk to demons nicely, there must be a strong rebuke.  THIS IS WHY I BELIEVE GOD SENT US THERE because they need a strong rebuke.  And that's the talent - showing them, telling them and living a life that let's them know there's a more excellent way. I'll leave you with this story to think about.  My husband and I attended a Bible fellowship with another church and a woman said she had a friend who was not Christian the friends mother died of cancer and the she began to ask her questions regarding salvation and one day she asked her if her
mother was in hell.  Well, the woman didn't want to her HURT her friend so she said something that was untrue rather than tell her the TRUTH which was "According to Scriptures, if she did not accept Jesus as her savior, then she most likely is."  There is no tactful way to say that to a friend, but suppose Jesus would use that REALIZATION to bring the friend to him.  But because she chose to let her believe a lie, where was her witness?  I say all that to say this maybe you should pray and ask God, if Pastor's Wives are to live in a fishbowl or boldly proclaim his Word.  I believe there is a time for every season and purpose under heaven, A time to speak, and a time to keep silent, a time to embrace and a time to  refrain from embracing...you know the scripture.  Maybe God wants someone to tell the unsaved just that, that they are unsaved and need to either get saved or remain in the world """You cannot serve God and Mammon""""" Please write back, I really am a good person, I think because I have a Ministry in me and not just "The Pastor's Wife"  I tend to be a little less lenient (ok, a lot less) concerning blatant sin.
I Love you too.  I and I will pray like you suggested, Lord is it I. Just remember that we are NOT WRESTLING WITH FLESH AND BLOOD. If that was the case, it would be easy. We cannot let our nicey nice emotions let satan WIN.  Look at pokemon and harry potter, people think it's okay because there just cute little characters, harmless.  But in reality they are Wizards, demons, monsters (pocket monster's) they call them.   -------- Nicey, nice has it's place......

Pat  9/8/00  I'm so glad you wrote back!  When I read your response I instantly felt one of those rare & "divine connections".  You know what I mean - when you meet someone that you KNOW God has put in your path for a reason.  I like you.  You are not intimidated by the devil.  And you are right, I am not privy to what is going on in your church.  It sounds pretty bad.  I haven't noticed any crotch scratchers in our pulpit, but we are not strangers to spiritual warfare.   I agree with everything you said in your response.  What REALLY ministered to me personally is that "there is a time for every season and purpose under heaven" a time to speak and a time to keep silent (I give God praise for using you to confirm this word to me for probably the seventh time this week!)    I think the reason your initial letter bothered me is because I AM one of those nice Pastor's Wives who don't like to hurt people and am always looking for a way to keep the peace.  I'm not a doormat by any means, but I do tend to give people the benefit of the doubt.  You, on the other hand are just the opposite in personality I suspect and don't waste a lot of time with niceties.  You call a spade a spade. (Picture the two of us ministering together - you slice them and dice them and I bandage them up).   I think I can learn some things from what you've shared, and you can learn some things from me.  What I get from you is that there is a time to correct and not waste time prettying it up.  What I can offer you is the insight that there are occasions for a less confrontational approach.  Of course, we cannot mess around with the enemy and he must be rebuked, but I still believe there is a remnant of righteousness in your church and I hope you and your husband recognize them and build them up.   Like you, I have an evangelistic call on my life and I believe your letter was necessary to give me a "push" to open my mouth "in season".  As a matter of fact, your note comes on a day when I must confront a sister in the church who is also a good friend.  Her actions are out of order and are affecting our music ministry of which I am the leader.   The matter is very serious and I have been avoiding it.  I hear your message and I hope mine is heard also.  You have been a blessing and I will be
interceding for your ministry.  Still love you girl!

Nina  9/12/00 Amen Pat, we are sisters in the Spirit, this is how we learn & grow, let us continue to Pray for each other, in the Spirit.

Mekka  9/23/00 Please ask Jesus to see these people through His eyes. There are many reasons people do what they do. We must remember that we and they are not perfect. As the Bible says,"We all fall short of the glory of God." Every Christian is at a different level in their walk with God. What one may get away with today does not mean that God is not in the background working on their heart. We must also show His love even to those who spitefully use you and to pray for our enemies. These people are not our enemy, the devil is but where we have a weak area in our live he can use it to his advantage. Our family has suffered many things from people through the years. Some where suppose to be our friends. But you know what God is where our love and faith is so we forgave them. I'm not saying it was easy but WWJD. He forgave us and everyone else as He hung on the cross. Show the love that God has put in
your heart to these people and watch them grow. Maybe send them a card saying, thinking of you or ask God is there something that you can do for them that will touch their heart. Also ask God what is there inside of you that is in need of change so you can see and love them like He does. Just maybe they too have been hurt by someone so they are protecting themselves by the way they are acting. Also cover the church in prayer every day. 

walking wisely  9/7/00 Renee, being a pastor's wife can be a lonely life but you don't have to be depressed. You are not in this by yourself. I myself sometimes feel left out and alone. I go through situations where I it seems that nobody understands. It does help to have strong Christian  friends that
can relate to what you are going through. We as pastors' wives have  to be particular who we talk to about our problems. I do know this that everytime I go through these times of dispair, I find that I have stayed from that Lord as far as spending intimate time with Him. When I spend time with the Lord and talk to Him, He comforts me and gives me direction and  peace of  mind. I am learning to cast all my cares upon the Lord, even my husband. God has given me a spirit of discernment and He has shown me that He didn't give it to me so that I can condemn or nagg my husband but so that I can pray for Him and others. I do not work now but at one time I was working full-time and my husband also had a full-time job plus he pastored 2 churches, also we have 2 teenage girls. Speaking of not spending time together!, we were just passing each other by. Needless to say, our marriage was on the verge of a divorce. In order for any relationship to grow there must be quality time spent together with both the spouse and the children. I don't know what your financial situation is or why it is that you are working but pray and ask the Lord to show you what He would have you to do as far as being at home. If it is His will that you stay home, and I do believe that it is, He will make a way for you to do just that. I pray that things will get better for you.

Anonymous  9/6/00 Your problem takes me back 19 years ago when my husband (whom I had dated for 5 years prior to marriage)began to blame me for "holding him back in the ministry".  He felt that I was more of a "hinderance" than a "help mate" It almost destroyed us both and I was tempted to stop going to church as well.  However, through much prayer and good counsel from other Pastor's in our area, he began to realize that I was the most important member of his congregation and his very best asset in the ministry.  Your husband is young and needs to develop a teachable spirit regarding this.  I would suggest that you both meet with other couple's who are pastoring in your area and discuss how they have overcome this problem.  Satan's strategies are always the same because he has no creative power in him.  I can't speak for others, but this has happened to many new couple's in the ministry that I know.  The enemy is trying to cause you both to get your focus off of the call on your lives and is seeking to destroy your brand new union together.  Resist him, pray fervantly and then bring your fears, worries and cares to your husband's attention.  If he doesn't seem bothered by your concerns remember that there is a friend that sticks closer than a brother (in this case a husband).  He is your best friend.  Now that I can
boast (in Christ of course!) that my husband and I are together 22 yrs. and STILL pastor a church, there is hope for your situation too.  God Bless you both and DON'T GIVE UP YET! You're in our prayers.

Nina  9/12/00 This is for Overwhelmed and for the rest of us that feel like her.  We must remind our husbands of that scripture that says if a man cannot rule his own house, how can he rule the house of God?  He MUST spend time with his wife and love her and make sure she's happy.  This does come before the church.  Pick a day of the week which you can mutally agree upon and let that be your day.  He should make it known to members that this is his family day and only to be interrupted in the case of an emergency.  This has helped us tremendously.

grateful  9/13/00 Greetings ladies in the Name of our Lord, Jesus Christ.  I want to make this message very brief and simple.  First of all, I really do want to commend Pat and Nina for getting an understanding.  Your responses were both understood and appreciated.  At first, I felt as though things
were getting somewhat out of hand/control, but now I can clearly see that God was at work.  The both of you brought out some great points and opened my eyes to many things.  I have learned much through this situation. Many times we have conflicts in opinions, but we fail to realize that we still can learn something from each other and that we can still respect each other's opinions.  Pat, you learned something from Nina, and Nina you learned something from Pat.  And guess what?  The rest of us ladies
learned from the both of you.  I can appreciate individuals that can disagree but yet still show genuine love for one another.  It is all about giving God the glory.  Hey, I must admit that there were many times that I felt like just being straight to the point (but truthful) with members of the church that my husband pastors. But, as they always say, "you are the pastor's wife and you can't say certain things". I am sure that if we would all (ladies) admit it, we've had the thought of just wanting to "telling it like it is".  On the other hand, we must continue to be gentle and compassionate, especially to those that are weaker in Christ.  No, I am not saying to "sugar coat" the truth, but to make sure that when we send out a message that it is done in love and for the purpose of drawing them to Christ. So, to make a long story short, I really do thank the both of you for sharing your comments/thoughts with the rest of us. God bless you all!!!! 

Beth  9/13/00 It was quite thrilling to read a response from a kindred believer (if you know what I mean).  Your words were very timely.  My husband was called to plant a church in NJ and we started in February.  Just a few months before the call he had a tumor removed from his throat and went through about six weeks of radiation therapy.  Yes, at times it has been trying -- in fact many things have happened to us since we obeyed this call.  But, this one thing I know.  GOD HAS IT ALL IN CONTROL!!!  Many times the devil would like to make a fool of those called by God.  We've had a car accident (we
drive about 2 hours to NJ), we've had car trouble, tire blowouts, financial situations, etc. (and I am NOT complaining).  But, I don't believe God called us to this city to save people on our own.  This is His work.  But, we have our responsibility as well.  We pass out flyers, knock doors, meet people on the street.  We got a family of five just from meeting a woman coming out of the post office.  We also believe in continual prayer and fasting for the city we were called to.  Many cities have strongholds that must be broken in order for people (especially adults) to be released from addictions, immoral lifestyles, etc.  In our prayer meetings, we pray to the North, South, East, and West.  Leaving no area uncovered by prayer. There are people out there who will take what you have to offer, but only through prayer and fasting will results happen.  We have baptized eight people in Jesus' name and five have received the Holy Ghost.  If not another soul was ever saved there, we can claim those for the kingdom.  But, God has promised a great outpouring of His spirit for this city.  My husband would like to go to the General Conference in Alabama, but I don't know if he will get to or not.  We know all about WAP, get a lot of good things from there.  You can email if you get my email address from Rock Dove. God Bless!!

Tara  9/11/00 I'm dating a pastor.  At times our relationship is very difficult.  We spend little time together and when we do it's discreet.  He doesn't want his members to know about me yet. Often during the week, he's invited to preach at revivals, conferences. Sometimes he travels out of town.  Saturdays he works on his sermon and goes to bed early.  Sunday he attends Church all day.  His church work is
priority. The church is growing, a new building is needed, etc. I was going to ask him to make a choice, it's ME or his 24 hour ministry? But you can't ask a man you over God.  I love him, but wish he would make more an effort to care about me and my feelings.  What if I married him and had a family, would he be this distant from me and the children.

Jennifer  9/11/00 Like DAWN 9/8/00, I'm also dating a pastor and I would appreciate any insight that those who've walked this road can offer.  As Dawn mentioned, it's unlike any relationship I've ever had before.  He has served at our church for 16 years, the last 6 as the senior pastor.  I joined the church 3 years ago.  Neither of us has ever been married before.  The relationship itself is wonderful because we're first and foremost great friends.  The difficulties lie in the fact that, 1) he's very conscientous and dedicated, which means his personal time is limited, so I seen him once a month and talk to him by email the rest of the time, 2) I feel as if I have to tread very carefully around other congregation members and watch what I do or say.  Not that we've done or plan to do anything to be ashamed of, but that I know his vulnerabilities, fears, and weaknesses, and I don't ever want to do anything to violate the trust he places in me.  It sounds so silly, but sometimes I wonder if God's call for my life is as this man's wife.  It seems like He's preparing me for something. I've been digging deeply into and have a new hunger for His Word that's developed over the past year, I'm much in prayer, and I've been quietly seeking avenues both in our church and outside where I can practice service and submission.  As a matter of fact, a couple of weeks ago, I remarked to my friend that, since we have a new men's Bible class beginning at church, was there a chance for a women's group as well?  And he said, "That's a good idea.  Maybe you'd consider leading it?"  I wish I had someone to talk this over with, but I can't really discuss it at present with other women in my church (for obvious reasons.)  I'd be grateful for advice!

Rachel  9/25/00 When I met my husband, he was already a pastor.  You are all right - it is a very unusual situation.  I remember being with him away from the church in a distant town - it was different than when we were in his church's community.  When we were away the pressure was off - when we were there we had to be aware of people watching.  It seemed strange to me since I never really worried about what people thought of me.  Now that I've been a pastor's wife for almost twelve years, I realize that he was actually right on the money.  Whether we like it or not, people are aware of us and are watching our behavior and attitudes.  Try to think of this time as a great evaluation time.  Some of these things that you are talking about (lack of personal time, taking a back seat, etc.) are a part of being a pastor's wife.  Most pastor's wives will tell you that those are things they have dealt and struggled with for years.  So - be prayerful as you notice these things in your relationship.  God is showing you what you are getting into.  Being a pastor's wife can be a tremendous blessing - you get to have very intimate looks into people's lives - you journey with them through their joys and sorrows.  When someone takes hold of the Word and Christ changes their lives, it is an incredible blessing and encouragment.  If you marry these pastors, you will need to be supportive, prayerful, insightful, and willing to work hard.  I'm thankful for my husband and know beyond a shadow of doubt that he is the one God planned for me.  God has weeded many things out of me and I've never been bored.  There is always something happening!!  I'll pray for each of you as you journey on in these relationships.  God has plans for each of you!!!  The verse God gave me the morning of the day my husband proposed was Jeremiah 29:11.  I have drawn upon that promise many times over the years.  God is good!!!

Jennifer  9/26/00 Thanks, Rachel.  That was what I needed to hear.  Incidentally, the Lord gave me Jeremiah 29:11-13 at the beginning of this relationship, and recently Psalm 139, probably because I've often thought how odd it is that I, of all people, should have fallen in love with a pastor. He knows what He is doing, no question about that, but it took me a long time to realize this wasn't some kind of a fluke  (like it was happening without His knowledge. LOL!)  Some of my friends have hinted that, because the
relationship is moving relatively slowly, I should cut my losses and find someone new.  The conviction that has come to me as I've prayed all these months over the matter is that God is perhaps working in me so that I'm prepared for what life at this man's side would entail.  That kind of preparation takes a while.  The lack of time together, I am dealing with, as well as taking a back seat to the congregation's needs;  my problem areas will probably be with submission to my husband and learning to be less independent.  One interesting this is, I find in myself a growing eagerness to serve in my friend's congregation in ways I haven't done before.  I'm also drawn to learn all I can about discipleship, prayer, and comforting the sick and the bereaved.  Does all this add up to mean that God is pairing this man and me?  I'm certainly not taking it for granted.  No matter what, I'm in His service, and will do what He calls me to do.

puppetmaker  9/8/00 I know of a situation in WA state much like yours.  The church there has jsutt completed phase 1 of a building project, and were hoping to move on to phase 2.  BUT... The city council or whatever they call them has decided they will not issue bldg permits to any non profit groups (this
includes clubs, churches, etc.)  At the last city council mtg one of the councilwomen stated "we don't want more churches here, we don't need them."  The decision was tabled until more research could be done. I suggest we bind together as PW and pray and fast over these situations. God is able to break the strongholds of the adversary, and this is indeed a stronghold.  Your situation is upcoming and so is the situation in WA. Let's agree together to pray daily for this need. The outcome of this affects all of us.  Regarding your other problems.  We have always known we were in the will of God when the enemy really started fighting. This sounds like the place where you are.  Just remember that no weapon formed against you shall prosper.  As for the $ problem, God will provide.  I would not contact the other pastor again. God is your source, not man. Hope this helps.

darla  11/28/00 Upon reading just a few of your lines I recognized who you where from the news media. I was touched by your article, however let me give you some words of encouragement. Satan's job is to still, kill and destroy. When he can find a crack trust ne he will create a whole. Now is not the time to divide yourself from the people. We can become so judgemental of others, there intentions may have been very well to do as they said, and even yet still fulfill it. God will allow temporary uglies to happen in our lives to see if we are really trusting in who we say we are (God), or are we trusting in man. This is the time that you should have been going down in prayer for this couple. It was fine when they could help you, do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Where you can't give them money, give them to Jesus through your prayers. Don't get wrapped up into your material gains, I quite sure you have spent and wasted at one time in your life more thatn $90. Trust in the lord with all your heart and lean not to your own undertanding, in all thy ways acknowledge Him first and He shall direct your paths. Remember the saying "nobody wants you when your down and out", this is the time to let the Christ in you shine, that men may see your good works and glorufy the Father which is in Heaven. God's people are compassionate, wrap your spiritual arms around this couple and keep them lifted in prayer. Swallow the $90 dollar loss, for this too shall pass. Don't loose your witness and testimony that God has given you over $90. Store your riches in heavenly things that will last. Remember this just may be a test for you!!!!!!!!! My prayers are with both couples. Know that God is able, Know that he is Jehovah Jireh and that He is the provider to all that you need as well as this couple......God Bless, Love You!

Dwelling  9/13/00 Is this the first time you have been involved in any type of church planting?

Georgia  9/15/00 Hi, this is the first church that my husband and I have planted but we were involved in a previous church plant in another state. When we started helping the other church there were already
eight other adults. So the answer to your question Dwelling is: we have been involved in church planting before but not at this stage. Any advice?

Tina  10/2/00 Today is my first time looking at this site and being a part of any on-line conversation.  You posted almost a month ago and I hope you're still looking at the responses.  The Lord has given you gifts and talents to use for His glory.  Take the thing that you like doing and do well and run with it.  Perhaps your struggle is more that you're hearing the Lord's call and feeling his tug for ministry and are
afraid (much like Moses was).  Start where you're fulfilled, if that's Youth Ministry - go for it!  More than likely they're not watching you and waiting for you to fall, you're just afraid to fail.  In any case, work diligently to please the Lord rather than people and He will take care of the rest.  I don't believe it's your husband's ministry.  The Lord has called the two of you to be one, and it's the Lord's ministry.  It sounds
like you can talk to your husband.  Bare your soul with him.  Ask him where he sees you fitting in to the ministry.  Ask him what he sees as your gifts and talents and how he envisions you using them for God's
glory in your church.  Remember the Lord is able to do exceedingly, abundantly above all you can ask or imagine!!

Nina  9/15/00 Susie, send me your email address, I have something to send you I believe it is just for you.

Puppetmaker  9/19/00 Why don't you start a monthly (or weekly) get together fo pastors wives? It can be a non denominational thing.  Meet for lunch, or have everyone over one evening.  Explain that you want to have these meetings to encourage and strengthen each other, and have peole volunteer to host he
next meetings.  You might have a "problem box" where they can drop questions (or problems)and the group can discuss them OR have them mail them to you - either way they  can be anonymous. This will help you and them.

JC  9/19/00 I haven't been to this support board in months, but I just read your plea for a sister-in-Christ to lend a listening ear.  I understand the need. About five years ago, I finally got up the nerve to share a concern with another pastor's wife and I've hardly talked to her since. I just read today in a wonderful study I'm doing by Beth Moore, (Breaking Free), that not sharing concerns is a form of pride. We need someone safe to unload on, and I guess a board like this is about the safest!

Puppetmaker  9/19/00 We did "The Not SO Silent Night" last year with just a few children and it was great.  ALSO check out One Way Street (www.onewaystreet.com) They have musicals and programs for small groups.

Faith  9/21/00 Hello Emily.  I read your post and wanted to ask you about your experience homeschooling and being a pastor's wife and a mother of 5 children.  I am a pastor's wife of a church of 100 people and we have 4 children and I am due anytime with our 5th child.  We also homeschool our 2 oldest ones ages 8 and 6 1/2.  We have a 3 1/2 yr. old and a 2 yr. old. We have homeschooled for 2 years now and it's something that we prayed about for a long time to know what to do.  But sometimes it is hard to be flexible when you are a pastors wife and teacher and mother, plus very pregnant!!  How is your experience?

Georgia  9/22/00 Hi, we are in the process of planting a church. What kinds of things did you do as outreach in the community to build the Core Team of people? Also, we just started a women's group but haven't planned activities yet other than a craft sale during the holiday months with a few other churches. One other question--we also homeschool our two daughters, ages 13 and 15, and find it very rewarding for all involved. What type of curriculum do you use?

Faith  9/22/00 Hello Emily.  I read your post and was interested in your experience of being a mother of 5 children, a pastor's wife and homeschool teacher.  I too am a mother of 4 children with our 5th one due anytime.  (I sure wish it were today) My husband has pastored here of 3 1/2 years. Attendance averages 100 and keeps growing.  I have homeschooled our 2 oldest children ages 8 and 6 1/2 for 2 years now.  Our other children are 3 1/2 and 2 yrs. old.  Do you ever find it to be overwhelming at times to be all three?  Boy, I do.  I am very involved in the ministry of the church as much as I can as I am worship leader and piano player,I do Ladies ministries, and childrens Bible class and Nursing Home. Do you ever
find yourself having to draw the line somewhere because of your family? We knew and decided a long time ago that we HAD to put God first, then our family and then the church.  He ordained the family before He ordained the church.  I don't want my children growing up resenting their daddy or myself for having time for everybody else and never the time for them.  After all it is our obligation to bring them up
in the nurture and the admonishing of the Lord. But to be able to balance it all, it takes me praying constantly for wisdom and strength.  My help comes from the Lord.  I was just wondering what your experience has been.  I'd love to read about it.

puppetmaker  9/24/00 Homeschoolers-I homeschooled our children (2 of them -same grade) from 7th
-12 grade.  We used Abeka, ACE(School of Tomorrow), Christian Liberty and American School. We made sure we went with the plans where they kept the scores and issued the report cards and or a diploma.  We used American for 12th grade and the children wished we had used it all through high school. They will be entereing college in Jan. When we started we schooled Mon-THurs and Friday was field trip/special project day.  THat made for a fun time.  We always added an "elective (Christian Liberty has great electives).  We did Home ec-the best home ec I have seen. It included baking bread, washing windows, making bread, etc. We have always taken our children with us to Church conf. etc. (even when
in Public school).  We made them keep a journal/scrapbook of each trip. They wrote in the journal every day and put brochures, etc. in the scrapbook.  We always took time to sightsee wehrever we were.  I tried to fins interesting things to see, such as factory tours, historical sites, etc.  THere is a book called "Watch It Made In the USA."  It lists factory tours etc.  I got mine at B. Dalton or Barnes & Noble. We've toured the baseball bat factory, a coffee mill, ice cream factory, and more. We had a fun time homeschooling, even though I always said I would never homeschool. The Lord has a way of changing your mind.

Sue  11/2/00 I homeschool our three children.  I began when our oldest was in Pre-K -- really as an experiment.  (I figured how can I mess up teaching colors, numbers and ABC's!)  Anyway - when my husband became a full-time pastor 2 years ago - homeschooling our children worked to our advantage.  I am always at church too and am able to take them with me.  They have had quite an "education" seeing the inner workings of a church too.  The other advantage --they get to spend more time with us.  As you know church work does not always end at 5p.m.!  We have been using the ACD or School or Tommorow curriculum as well.

anonymous  9/25/00 Dear Claire,  My husband and I were Associates in a church for 17 years.  When we were led by God to take on a new church, the Senior Pastor had a very special foot washing
ceremony for my husband on a packed Sun. morning service, threw a party for us in a fancy hall and sent us out with his blessings.  His wife however never asked how we were doing, or mentioned the subject.  She practically shunned me for a month because we did a lot for the church that would now fall on her.  The hurt that I still feel over that is often unbearable and it's over a year ago that we moved on.  I still see her and she still has nothing to say to us about our new ministry nor does she ever ask how WE are doing.  I beg you to bless this couple in every possible way.  In our Senior Pastor's eyes, my husband was his "Timothy" and it was so good to know that our mentor sent us off with his blessing. However, the shadow of his wife's awful response to us both has made all he did for us when we left seem as if it was nothing but a nice gesture.  She never attended the party that was thrown because "she had another engagement" nor did she even write a card or note of encouragement when we left. Please pray with them for God's direction. And if God is leading them out, he will provide another associate who will need to be mentored by you as well.  Remember the church belongs to God, not the Pastor and HE will meet your every need.

Georgia  9/23/00 At this point in your life the Twila Paris song called "The Warrior Is A Child" definitely applies to you. Have you ever heard it? My only other question for you is have you spoken with your husband about how you are feeling?

Wanell  9/23/00 I can feel the pain as I read your message. It sounds as if you really need someone that will listen. I have been married to a preacher for 25 years.  When I read your message, it reminded me of
different stages that I personally have gone through as a minister's wife. One thing that has helped me personally was being able to go to a ladies retreat. I know what it means to follow your husbands dreams.  Not long ago, my husband made the statement to me and our congregation that he knew that I had put my dreams on hold to follow him.  I have taught in 7 different school districts and at the present
time I am unemployed.  I will never be able to complete enough years to draw full retirement and the church where he is employed provides no retirement. Sometimes the present is not very pretty and the future doesn't look too good, but I know over the 28 years that we have been married that God has been faithful to me.  Remember that God loves you and He is concerned about how you feel. Communication is important. I'm glad that you have communicated with your doctor. That is one reason why I like to go to Ladies reatreat, because I can find someone there who will listen.  Can you share your feelings with your husband? Is he listening to you? I am praying for you.   Your friend, Wanell

puppetmaker  9/24/00 Honey you need to pray and fast to overcome the bitterness that has overtaken you. Flush the pills down the commode-your help comes from the Lord, not pills.  Find someone that will pray for you-I mean a real prayer warrior that will lay hands on you and bind the spirits that you are
fighting (depression, oppression, etc).  You need deliverance. If you don't know anyone email me and I'll help you find someone. 2. Change your attitude-only you can do this.  Instead of feeling sorry for yourself, start counting your blessings. Next you need to sit down and talk to your husband-no whining, just talk. If you can't do that write him a letter. I think you will be amazed at how differnet things will be when you get deliverance from the spirits that bind you. Praying for you!

ACPW  10/9/00 I feel for you, and I pray that God will assist you in your struggle. I have been a pastor's wife for almost 20 yrs, and married for 25. My grave "sin" is that I poured everything about myself i.e. my dreams, visions, energies, support, into his life and his dreams. All these 25 yrs, I found myself walking in his shadow, with no real thought for my own destiny. I had always felt that my destiny was with him, being one with him, but through painful experiences, i\I have learned that IT DOESN'T WORK THAT WAY!! God has a set plan for MY LIFE! Yes, I have 4 children, and have given all that I can to them, but I have always put my husband first, and always sought to please him. Then, about 3 yrs ago, I discovered that he had an affair with his secretary, which was at that time, my best friend! When Jesus made me aware of it, and learning that it had gone on for some 3 yrs, it SHATTERED MY WORLD!!! I never will forget, however, one tuesday night coming home from church, I fell on my knees, and wept as though someone  close to me had died. (As someone had...) I felt so empty inside, so disrespected, so unappreciated for the many years of dedication and faithfulness. I wept so hard that night that I literally SCARED MYSELF! I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO LOSE IT! Then I heard the Lord speak into my spirit and tell me, "NOW YOU SEE HOW I FEEL WHEN YOU HAVE ANOTHER LOVER OTHER THAN ME". I found myself in deep repentance! What we do wrong, my dear sister, is that we center our entire lives around flesh, expecting to be accepted, appreciated, and needed. We literally lose ourselves in pouring into everything, and everybody but ourselves, and our relationship with God.  My advise to you my sister, is to GO AFTER GOD FOR YOURSELF! HE IS IN LOVE WITH YOU, AND IS TRYING TO GET YOUR ATTENTION! HE'S TRYING TO CALL US BACK TO HIMSELF!!! It has been some 2 years now, since I believe he's stopped the affair, and though he's/she's never apoligized (the thing that has been most difficult for me), It has DEMANDED OF ME TO REACH OUT TO GOD, AND GET CONNECTED WITH HIM!! Since I have come to this conclusion, God has really worked in my marriage. Also, in respect to my church relationship, I'm learing that what God has for me is for me, and the anointing on my life CANNOT BE DENIED!!! HE WILL PREPARE A TABLE BEFORE ME IN THE PRESENCE OF MY ENEMIES!! CONNECT YOURSELF WITH GOD, AND LET GOD TAKE CARE OF HIM!!!!

Victory  9/29/00 I read your post and I can remember the first year that my husband began pastoring.  He worked a full-time job as a 5th grade public school teacher and also pastored Full-time.  It was such a strain on our marriage and family.  We have 4 children and I stay at home with them.  He would get off from work and go on visitation 2 or 3 places or have to go to the hospital (which is 45 minutes away) or fix something at the church or counsel etc.  It got to where he would get up in the mornings and go to work and the kids would be in bed and when he would get home at night, the kids would be in bed and hardly saw them much less spend time with them.  So, he and I would go round and round about that. But you know the Lord pricked his heart about what was taking place. He just decided that his first responsibility was to God then his family and then to the people of the church.  What if he was to win the world for the
Lord and his family go to Hell?  So, now he is full-time pastor and things are much better.  But you know some people still don't understand that he is a father first and then a pastor and sometimes people don't realize how demanding they can be.But my husband has learned the hard way that sometimes you just have to say "No".  He has always been a physically hard worker and you wouldn't believe some of the
things that people call him up and want him to drop what he is doing like trying to study his Bible to do something for them.  He's learned to draw the line on some things.  That first year of pastoring is tough.  You learn a lot!  With a lot of prayer, The Lord will show you and your husband how to balance family and church.  No pastor should ever neglect his family for anyone else.  God bless you dear sister.

Georgia  9/26/00 That was beautiful, thank you.

Georgia  10/1/00 Maybe you could do the show "This Is Your Life" for the appreciation and bring in people he has known over the past sixteen years and those who have influenced his ministry. Let me know what you come up with as we are searching for ideas also.

Puppetmaker  10/9/00 I am praying for you. The scripture comes to mind "How can two walk togehter unless they be agreed?"  I am surprised your marrisge has lasted this long if you don't believe the same things.  Fast and pray for answers and read the word with an open mind.

Linda C.  10/4/00 I am sorry you and your husband are experiencing such a difficult time now.  Is there any support out there for you within your denomination?  Your local ministers group? Or friends in other churches that you and your husband can talk with?  Stress can take a toal on both of you that you don't realize at the time.  Do you have children?  If so, I have found that the less they know of what is going on, the better. They can't do anything about the situation and often will worry more than you realize.  My husband and I will lift you in prayer.  I know this my sound trite, but when problems develop in my life I do ask God what He wants us to learn from this and how I can cope and minister to my family and church members.  This is a time of strengthing your selves and growing in your faith, because God is working even in the difficulties of your life.  I know it is difficult to see any good coming from this but when you look back in years to come  you may see the pattern then.  I also know this is not much help now when you are hurting and your husbanc is ill.  But God is with you and he will see you through this.  Maybe this is the time He is going to carry you.  I wish I could be of more help.  Look in the Psalms and you will see that David felt that he was surrounded by enemies and the only thing he could do was to cry out to
the Lord.  I will pray for you.  God bless you and hold you in the palm of his hand.

PW (Actually, these are my initials)  10/8/00  Linda, thank you for responding to my e-mail entry. I feel better now and believe that it is due to prayer. Our God is an awesome God.  As I write, my husband is in a meeting he has been dreading. Your suggestions have been helpful,perhaps even a confirmation. I have been thinking of going to a pastor's wife in our town of another denomination. My husband has told me that they have had their struggles.  Thank you for your prayers. None of what you have said to me is 'trite'. God bless you!

PW  10/21/00 I would like to correspond with Linda C.(who answered my e-mail on 10/4) if she would be willing to give me her e-mail address. Frankly, I felt criticized by another entry that followed mine saying that we should, in essence, count our blessings. I love the Lord with all my heart, and have walked with Him for a number of years, praising Him for his blessings and His grace and mercy toward me and my family. I probably wouldn't have searched for this web site if I hadn't been hurting and needing some encouragement. I am very thankful for this place of refuge to share and hear from others...but I guess I feel that I would make myself too vulnerable opening up in more detail to all who see this site. Again, thank you for this place.

Becka  10/6/00 "Praise the Lord!" I feel the same way you do!! Your entry was a breath of fresh air!! I read the entries when I get a chance and sometimes I want to sit and cry for some of the ladies who are really going through trials. When I read your entry, I was really encouraged because I saw that not everyone is so burdened down by the cares of life. Don't get me wrong, my husband and I have had our trials as well but I can honestly say that through it all, He has been our Comfort and Guide just as He said He would!! Thank you for entry and the reminder that our trials are only for a season and that He will guide and protect through every situation!!!

Blessed  10/11/00 Thank you so much for responding!  I feel the same way you do when I read the entries by my sisters in ministry.  I've prayed for many who have made entries.  I also know that our enemy attacks the leaders first.  We've had our troubles also, but God's grace has ever been sufficient.  If there is one thing I have learned through trials it is that the Lord is Faithful!!  You mentioned that our trials are only for a season.  When I was going through the most difficult time in my life the Lord ministered that very verse to me.  "Our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all" (see 2 Co. 4:7-18).  They don't seem light or momentary when we're going through, but when we compare them to eternity they're not all we thought they were!  We are very happily married (for nine years) and have two beautiful boys (8 and 6).  We have been pastoring the church we are in for a little over a year.  Ministry here has been a slow process.  When we look at where we were, we think we have come a very long way!  When we look at where we want to be, we think we have a very long way to go!  Come to think of it, my walk with the Lord is very similar to that also.  Please tell me more about yourself.

Puppetmaker  10/9/00 Blessed-yes I too am blessed!  Just retruned home from a wonderful church conf and 2 days later left to speak at a womens retreat.  God is Good!

Blessed, too!  10/11/00 What a refreshing change of pace from what has been published on this board lately!  I too am blessed at this season in my life.  Yes there have been MANY hard times and MANY trials but no more or less than if I weren't serving the Lord as a Pastor's wife.  Who knows the hardships that would havebeen lurking out there if I had chosen NOT to serve Him?  I too am thankful for all of the privileges that have been at my disposal because of my serving position.  I too have felt abandoned by God at times, but have seen His "plans" made manifest in ALL of the things I have had t go through. I praise Him with you, "Blessed".  We need more encouraging notices on our Support Board to pull one another through.  So thankful that I am in a season of my life right now to help my other sisters gain hope and strength in their hour of hardship.  Hold on!  This too shall pass!

Blessed  10/14/00 Amen Sister!  Ladies, let's continue this!  Is anyone else out there blessed of the Lord.  Yes, even through a trial.

Becka  10/6/00 I would like to say that we were in full time youth ministry for the first 31/2 years of our minisrty and my husband always made it point to have a "family day". In fact, we still have this practice in play now that we are senior pastors. On Mondays, he does not go inot the office and we do no take calls from our people unless there is a dire emergemcy. The church has really responded to our request and they appreciate the fact that my husband is such a family man. I think you should try to work something out with your husband and senior pastor so that you and your children don't feel so alienated from your husband. It must be dificult for your husaband as well, to have to spend so much time away from you all. I will pray for you and yur family that you will be able to come to some sort of arrangement that will be able to benefit the church and your family.

teri  10/11/00 It sounds like you have to many things going on in your life.  Prioritize.  Is school really necessary right now?  Why not wait until your sons are grown and gone, the time you spend at school is time you could spend with your sons.  Leaving during the sermon only hurts you. Pray-sounds like bitterness is trying to latch on.