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Item: Quantity: "Copy Me!" Bible Quizzes Devotions for Dog Lovers Devotions for Hunters and Anglers Self-Inflicted Hunting Arguments Hunting and the Bible Messianic Psalms The Prodigal Pooch The Rail Rider Nina  8/29/00 I lot of the responses i read are dated 1998 is anyone still there.  One thing I have learned n my three years as a pastors' wife is that nothing  you do our say will be right so you might as well be honest. My husband pastors a church of unsaved IGNORANT people. S. P. an unmarried woman has no Bible knowlege and the class of an alley cat is trying to tell me how a pastor's wife should act...go figure. I don't know why the act so petty and jealous they should be glad that they have someone taht can bring some talent to the church but they don't care about the welfare of the church because they are not saved....Yu cannot have Christ in your heart and do the things that people do.  My advice is to hold you head high, get in other activities outside your church and don't even be bothered with that trifflin, petty mess. Tell God this is your battle, remove those that don't want the church to grow and LET THE CHURCH ROLL ON. It hurts, but it has put iron in my system........ Pat  8/30/00 Not only have the problems at your church put iron in your system, but it sounds like you have bitterness and anger as well. I'm glad you feel free to be "honest", but there is a difference between speaking honestly and saying slanderous and malicious things.  Let me be as frank as you have been.  First of all, to name another member publicly on this support board (S. P.) is wrong. Period. It wouldn't be hard for someone who knows you clicking on this site to figure it out.  Secondly, to call the members of YOUR church "unsaved IGNORANT people" is unacceptable.  Why do you think the Lord sent you and your husband there if that is the case? If you talk to them the way you have talked here, I wouldn't follow you to the corner.  The Bible says that out of the abundance of the heart the mouth will speak.  Sister, what's in you is coming out.  And finally, kindly explain what "talent" it is that they should be so thankful for?  Is it your acid tongue, your obvious disdain for the members, or your selfishness in not wanting to deal with "trifling, petty mess" as you put it?  As pastor's wives, we have ALL had our share of treachery, rebellion, hurt, hatred, jealousy, you name it.  Our church just went through a MAJOR shaking.  Lies, backstabbing, slander...the whole nine yards.  I would not win any awards for being the Sweetie Pie Pastor's Wife of the year, but I know better than to throw the baby out with the bathwater.  There are some good people in your church.  They may need deliverance in some areas, mentoring, extra attention, but EVERY church ordained of God has a remnant of people who love Him and will follow leadership.  Identify them and get to work.  I feel your frustration and anger, but I love my sister pastor's wives too much to let the enemy have any space.  I expect you will respond.  I can take it, but before you type the first keystroke, pray and ask God, IS SHE RIGHT???  Love you girl!

Someone Cares  8/30/00 Looking at your post it appears that you have some anger in your heart. Statements such as "class of an alley cat" and "a church of unsaved ignorant people" are pretty harsh. I understand the hardship of being a ministry wife and the truth is that no, everone in the church is not
saved.  Those of us that are have to be a light and set an example. The only thing that holds us together is prayer, prayer, prayer.  Instead of calling names, pray for the one you call alley cat. Yes, that is easier said than done, but that's when you have to depend totally on the Lord.  Flesh will not allow you to do this.  I have been through many stuggles in my marriage including infidelity.  The Lord gave me wisdom through these experiences, which was not overnight, but my husband and I are closer now that ever.  The Lord has given me a great annointing to minister to him in such a way that when I finish,  he does not have the strength to even look at another woman. (Can somebody say Amen!!!) This took much, much prayer and humbleness but I was determined.  We always quote the scripture "I can do all things through Christ that strengthens me" yet we limit that.  It says ALL things that includes everything. My husband has a tremendous load in the ministry as well as others and he and I both work full time jobs and we have a family.  I'm never lonely because he rushes home. Many times if he has something to do at church he will offer to cancel to spend time with me.  Of course I won't let him do that but just that fact that I know that he is willing to make sacrifices for me just make me feel so special. I have been through many of the situations listed on this site and my answer to everything is pray, pray, pray and be open to hear the Lord. Don't be surprise if he makes more changes in you instead of others. God Bless you all and I pray Gods riches blessing upon your marriages.

Nina  9/6/00 PAT:  I first want to respond, by saying that yes, there probably is some anger and bitterness and I came here to VENT I thought that was what this support board was for.  I don't speak to them like this. And, sorry for using a person's name, I was unaware of the rules.  Now I know.  If this is not the place to vent those frustrations and feelings we can't express in church then where is the support??  I believe you misjudged some of my statements or you probably have read through the book of Matthew to see WWJD.  If you think unsaved ignorant people is unacceptable, then what do you say about Jesus who called the Scribes, Pharisees, HYPOCRITES who strain at a nat and swallow a camel.  He also referred to them as threefold devils, etc. Unsaved, ignorant maybe strong but it is very true, have you read the Bible - many church people will say in that day "Lord, Lord, didn't I sing in the choir, didn't, I work in the church and he will respond, "I NEVER KNEW YOU, DEPART FROM ME YOU WORKERS OF INIQUITY"  I think that's strong but it is his Word none the less.  The truth will make you free.  The
truth is not "Slanderous or Malicious" (Strong, yes, Hurtful, yes) If a person has not accepted Christ into their heart and taking up there cross and following Him. THEY ARE NOT SAVED  That may be unacceptable to you but it is the WORD OF GOD.  Paul constantly taught against people who WILLINGLY are IGNORANT in the churches at Corinth, Ephesus, Galatia........We might as well accept the fact that it exists today. And when I say be "Honest" I mean we should not sugar coat the truth. Jesus said to worship him in Spirit and truth.   I appreciate your response I just don't think you really know the kind of people, I'm talking about or some of the demonic spirits that are in this church.  For example (S.P.) as you refer to her, sat in the pulpit one day dirty clothes and scratching her crotch...And you think ignorant is to strong?  I Know it's because you don't know the half of it.  They remained this way because people, (previous pastors included) taken the attitude you have taken sugar coat because the truth is to strong.   So I take your comments in stride.  And I do look at myself, I am far from perfect but my grandmother taught us when we were very little 5, 6yrs old, to not play with God.  I don't know if you know anything about spiritual warfare, but you don't talk to demons nicely, there must be a strong rebuke.  THIS IS WHY I BELIEVE GOD SENT US THERE because they need a strong rebuke.  And that's the talent - showing them, telling them and living a life that let's them know there's a more excellent way. I'll leave you with this story to think about.  My husband and I attended a Bible fellowship with another church and a woman said she had a friend who was not Christian the friends mother died of cancer and the she began to ask her questions regarding salvation and one day she asked her if her
mother was in hell.  Well, the woman didn't want to her HURT her friend so she said something that was untrue rather than tell her the TRUTH which was "According to Scriptures, if she did not accept Jesus as her savior, then she most likely is."  There is no tactful way to say that to a friend, but suppose Jesus would use that REALIZATION to bring the friend to him.  But because she chose to let her believe a lie, where was her witness?  I say all that to say this maybe you should pray and ask God, if Pastor's Wives are to live in a fishbowl or boldly proclaim his Word.  I believe there is a time for every season and purpose under heaven, A time to speak, and a time to keep silent, a time to embrace and a time to  refrain from embracing...you know the scripture.  Maybe God wants someone to tell the unsaved just that, that they are unsaved and need to either get saved or remain in the world """You cannot serve God and Mammon""""" Please write back, I really am a good person, I think because I have a Ministry in me and not just "The Pastor's Wife"  I tend to be a little less lenient (ok, a lot less) concerning blatant sin.
I Love you too.  I and I will pray like you suggested, Lord is it I. Just remember that we are NOT WRESTLING WITH FLESH AND BLOOD. If that was the case, it would be easy. We cannot let our nicey nice emotions let satan WIN.  Look at pokemon and harry potter, people think it's okay because there just cute little characters, harmless.  But in reality they are Wizards, demons, monsters (pocket monster's) they call them.   -------- Nicey, nice has it's place......

Pat  9/8/00  I'm so glad you wrote back!  When I read your response I instantly felt one of those rare & "divine connections".  You know what I mean - when you meet someone that you KNOW God has put in your path for a reason.  I like you.  You are not intimidated by the devil.  And you are right, I am not privy to what is going on in your church.  It sounds pretty bad.  I haven't noticed any crotch scratchers in our pulpit, but we are not strangers to spiritual warfare.   I agree with everything you said in your response.  What REALLY ministered to me personally is that "there is a time for every season and purpose under heaven" a time to speak and a time to keep silent (I give God praise for using you to confirm this word to me for probably the seventh time this week!)    I think the reason your initial letter bothered me is because I AM one of those nice Pastor's Wives who don't like to hurt people and am always looking for a way to keep the peace.  I'm not a doormat by any means, but I do tend to give people the benefit of the doubt.  You, on the other hand are just the opposite in personality I suspect and don't waste a lot of time with niceties.  You call a spade a spade. (Picture the two of us ministering together - you slice them and dice them and I bandage them up).   I think I can learn some things from what you've shared, and you can learn some things from me.  What I get from you is that there is a time to correct and not waste time prettying it up.  What I can offer you is the insight that there are occasions for a less confrontational approach.  Of course, we cannot mess around with the enemy and he must be rebuked, but I still believe there is a remnant of righteousness in your church and I hope you and your husband recognize them and build them up.   Like you, I have an evangelistic call on my life and I believe your letter was necessary to give me a "push" to open my mouth "in season".  As a matter of fact, your note comes on a day when I must confront a sister in the church who is also a good friend.  Her actions are out of order and are affecting our music ministry of which I am the leader.   The matter is very serious and I have been avoiding it.  I hear your message and I hope mine is heard also.  You have been a blessing and I will be
interceding for your ministry.  Still love you girl!

Nina  9/12/00 Amen Pat, we are sisters in the Spirit, this is how we learn & grow, let us continue to Pray for each other, in the Spirit.

Mekka  9/23/00 Please ask Jesus to see these people through His eyes. There are many reasons people do what they do. We must remember that we and they are not perfect. As the Bible says,"We all fall short of the glory of God." Every Christian is at a different level in their walk with God. What one may get away with today does not mean that God is not in the background working on their heart. We must also show His love even to those who spitefully use you and to pray for our enemies. These people are not our enemy, the devil is but where we have a weak area in our live he can use it to his advantage. Our family has suffered many things from people through the years. Some where suppose to be our friends. But you know what God is where our love and faith is so we forgave them. I'm not saying it was easy but WWJD. He forgave us and everyone else as He hung on the cross. Show the love that God has put in
your heart to these people and watch them grow. Maybe send them a card saying, thinking of you or ask God is there something that you can do for them that will touch their heart. Also ask God what is there inside of you that is in need of change so you can see and love them like He does. Just maybe they too have been hurt by someone so they are protecting themselves by the way they are acting. Also cover the church in prayer every day. 

walking wisely  9/7/00 Renee, being a pastor's wife can be a lonely life but you don't have to be depressed. You are not in this by yourself. I myself sometimes feel left out and alone. I go through situations where I it seems that nobody understands. It does help to have strong Christian  friends that
can relate to what you are going through. We as pastors' wives have  to be particular who we talk to about our problems. I do know this that everytime I go through these times of dispair, I find that I have stayed from that Lord as far as spending intimate time with Him. When I spend time with the Lord and talk to Him, He comforts me and gives me direction and  peace of  mind. I am learning to cast all my cares upon the Lord, even my husband. God has given me a spirit of discernment and He has shown me that He didn't give it to me so that I can condemn or nagg my husband but so that I can pray for Him and others. I do not work now but at one time I was working full-time and my husband also had a full-time job plus he pastored 2 churches, also we have 2 teenage girls. Speaking of not spending time together!, we were just passing each other by. Needless to say, our marriage was on the verge of a divorce. In order for any relationship to grow there must be quality time spent together with both the spouse and the children. I don't know what your financial situation is or why it is that you are working but pray and ask the Lord to show you what He would have you to do as far as being at home. If it is His will that you stay home, and I do believe that it is, He will make a way for you to do just that. I pray that things will get better for you.

Anonymous  9/6/00 Your problem takes me back 19 years ago when my husband (whom I had dated for 5 years prior to marriage)began to blame me for "holding him back in the ministry".  He felt that I was more of a "hinderance" than a "help mate" It almost destroyed us both and I was tempted to stop going to church as well.  However, through much prayer and good counsel from other Pastor's in our area, he began to realize that I was the most important member of his congregation and his very best asset in the ministry.  Your husband is young and needs to develop a teachable spirit regarding this.  I would suggest that you both meet with other couple's who are pastoring in your area and discuss how they have overcome this problem.  Satan's strategies are always the same because he has no creative power in him.  I can't speak for others, but this has happened to many new couple's in the ministry that I know.  The enemy is trying to cause you both to get your focus off of the call on your lives and is seeking to destroy your brand new union together.  Resist him, pray fervantly and then bring your fears, worries and cares to your husband's attention.  If he doesn't seem bothered by your concerns remember that there is a friend that sticks closer than a brother (in this case a husband).  He is your best friend.  Now that I can
boast (in Christ of course!) that my husband and I are together 22 yrs. and STILL pastor a church, there is hope for your situation too.  God Bless you both and DON'T GIVE UP YET! You're in our prayers.

Nina  9/12/00 This is for Overwhelmed and for the rest of us that feel like her.  We must remind our husbands of that scripture that says if a man cannot rule his own house, how can he rule the house of God?  He MUST spend time with his wife and love her and make sure she's happy.  This does come before the church.  Pick a day of the week which you can mutally agree upon and let that be your day.  He should make it known to members that this is his family day and only to be interrupted in the case of an emergency.  This has helped us tremendously.

grateful  9/13/00 Greetings ladies in the Name of our Lord, Jesus Christ.  I want to make this message very brief and simple.  First of all, I really do want to commend Pat and Nina for getting an understanding.  Your responses were both understood and appreciated.  At first, I felt as though things
were getting somewhat out of hand/control, but now I can clearly see that God was at work.  The both of you brought out some great points and opened my eyes to many things.  I have learned much through this situation. Many times we have conflicts in opinions, but we fail to realize that we still can learn something from each other and that we can still respect each other's opinions.  Pat, you learned something from Nina, and Nina you learned something from Pat.  And guess what?  The rest of us ladies
learned from the both of you.  I can appreciate individuals that can disagree but yet still show genuine love for one another.  It is all about giving God the glory.  Hey, I must admit that there were many times that I felt like just being straight to the point (but truthful) with members of the church that my husband pastors. But, as they always say, "you are the pastor's wife and you can't say certain things". I am sure that if we would all (ladies) admit it, we've had the thought of just wanting to "telling it like it is".  On the other hand, we must continue to be gentle and compassionate, especially to those that are weaker in Christ.  No, I am not saying to "sugar coat" the truth, but to make sure that when we send out a message that it is done in love and for the purpose of drawing them to Christ. So, to make a long story short, I really do thank the both of you for sharing your comments/thoughts with the rest of us. God bless you all!!!! 

Beth  9/13/00 It was quite thrilling to read a response from a kindred believer (if you know what I mean).  Your words were very timely.  My husband was called to plant a church in NJ and we started in February.  Just a few months before the call he had a tumor removed from his throat and went through about six weeks of radiation therapy.  Yes, at times it has been trying -- in fact many things have happened to us since we obeyed this call.  But, this one thing I know.  GOD HAS IT ALL IN CONTROL!!!  Many times the devil would like to make a fool of those called by God.  We've had a car accident (we
drive about 2 hours to NJ), we've had car trouble, tire blowouts, financial situations, etc. (and I am NOT complaining).  But, I don't believe God called us to this city to save people on our own.  This is His work.  But, we have our responsibility as well.  We pass out flyers, knock doors, meet people on the street.  We got a family of five just from meeting a woman coming out of the post office.  We also believe in continual prayer and fasting for the city we were called to.  Many cities have strongholds that must be broken in order for people (especially adults) to be released from addictions, immoral lifestyles, etc.  In our prayer meetings, we pray to the North, South, East, and West.  Leaving no area uncovered by prayer. There are people out there who will take what you have to offer, but only through prayer and fasting will results happen.  We have baptized eight people in Jesus' name and five have received the Holy Ghost.  If not another soul was ever saved there, we can claim those for the kingdom.  But, God has promised a great outpouring of His spirit for this city.  My husband would like to go to the General Conference in Alabama, but I don't know if he will get to or not.  We know all about WAP, get a lot of good things from there.  You can email if you get my email address from Rock Dove. God Bless!!

Tara  9/11/00 I'm dating a pastor.  At times our relationship is very difficult.  We spend little time together and when we do it's discreet.  He doesn't want his members to know about me yet. Often during the week, he's invited to preach at revivals, conferences. Sometimes he travels out of town.  Saturdays he works on his sermon and goes to bed early.  Sunday he attends Church all day.  His church work is
priority. The church is growing, a new building is needed, etc. I was going to ask him to make a choice, it's ME or his 24 hour ministry? But you can't ask a man you over God.  I love him, but wish he would make more an effort to care about me and my feelings.  What if I married him and had a family, would he be this distant from me and the children.

Jennifer  9/11/00 Like DAWN 9/8/00, I'm also dating a pastor and I would appreciate any insight that those who've walked this road can offer.  As Dawn mentioned, it's unlike any relationship I've ever had before.  He has served at our church for 16 years, the last 6 as the senior pastor.  I joined the church 3 years ago.  Neither of us has ever been married before.  The relationship itself is wonderful because we're first and foremost great friends.  The difficulties lie in the fact that, 1) he's very conscientous and dedicated, which means his personal time is limited, so I seen him once a month and talk to him by email the rest of the time, 2) I feel as if I have to tread very carefully around other congregation members and watch what I do or say.  Not that we've done or plan to do anything to be ashamed of, but that I know his vulnerabilities, fears, and weaknesses, and I don't ever want to do anything to violate the trust he places in me.  It sounds so silly, but sometimes I wonder if God's call for my life is as this man's wife.  It seems like He's preparing me for something. I've been digging deeply into and have a new hunger for His Word that's developed over the past year, I'm much in prayer, and I've been quietly seeking avenues both in our church and outside where I can practice service and submission.  As a matter of fact, a couple of weeks ago, I remarked to my friend that, since we have a new men's Bible class beginning at church, was there a chance for a women's group as well?  And he said, "That's a good idea.  Maybe you'd consider leading it?"  I wish I had someone to talk this over with, but I can't really discuss it at present with other women in my church (for obvious reasons.)  I'd be grateful for advice!

Rachel  9/25/00 When I met my husband, he was already a pastor.  You are all right - it is a very unusual situation.  I remember being with him away from the church in a distant town - it was different than when we were in his church's community.  When we were away the pressure was off - when we were there we had to be aware of people watching.  It seemed strange to me since I never really worried about what people thought of me.  Now that I've been a pastor's wife for almost twelve years, I realize that he was actually right on the money.  Whether we like it or not, people are aware of us and are watching our behavior and attitudes.  Try to think of this time as a great evaluation time.  Some of these things that you are talking about (lack of personal time, taking a back seat, etc.) are a part of being a pastor's wife.  Most pastor's wives will tell you that those are things they have dealt and struggled with for years.  So - be prayerful as you notice these things in your relationship.  God is showing you what you are getting into.  Being a pastor's wife can be a tremendous blessing - you get to have very intimate looks into people's lives - you journey with them through their joys and sorrows.  When someone takes hold of the Word and Christ changes their lives, it is an incredible blessing and encouragment.  If you marry these pastors, you will need to be supportive, prayerful, insightful, and willing to work hard.  I'm thankful for my husband and know beyond a shadow of doubt that he is the one God planned for me.  God has weeded many things out of me and I've never been bored.  There is always something happening!!  I'll pray for each of you as you journey on in these relationships.  God has plans for each of you!!!  The verse God gave me the morning of the day my husband proposed was Jeremiah 29:11.  I have drawn upon that promise many times over the years.  God is good!!!

Jennifer  9/26/00 Thanks, Rachel.  That was what I needed to hear.  Incidentally, the Lord gave me Jeremiah 29:11-13 at the beginning of this relationship, and recently Psalm 139, probably because I've often thought how odd it is that I, of all people, should have fallen in love with a pastor. He knows what He is doing, no question about that, but it took me a long time to realize this wasn't some kind of a fluke  (like it was happening without His knowledge. LOL!)  Some of my friends have hinted that, because the
relationship is moving relatively slowly, I should cut my losses and find someone new.  The conviction that has come to me as I've prayed all these months over the matter is that God is perhaps working in me so that I'm prepared for what life at this man's side would entail.  That kind of preparation takes a while.  The lack of time together, I am dealing with, as well as taking a back seat to the congregation's needs;  my problem areas will probably be with submission to my husband and learning to be less independent.  One interesting this is, I find in myself a growing eagerness to serve in my friend's congregation in ways I haven't done before.  I'm also drawn to learn all I can about discipleship, prayer, and comforting the sick and the bereaved.  Does all this add up to mean that God is pairing this man and me?  I'm certainly not taking it for granted.  No matter what, I'm in His service, and will do what He calls me to do.

puppetmaker  9/8/00 I know of a situation in WA state much like yours.  The church there has jsutt completed phase 1 of a building project, and were hoping to move on to phase 2.  BUT... The city council or whatever they call them has decided they will not issue bldg permits to any non profit groups (this
includes clubs, churches, etc.)  At the last city council mtg one of the councilwomen stated "we don't want more churches here, we don't need them."  The decision was tabled until more research could be done. I suggest we bind together as PW and pray and fast over these situations. God is able to break the strongholds of the adversary, and this is indeed a stronghold.  Your situation is upcoming and so is the situation in WA. Let's agree together to pray daily for this need. The outcome of this affects all of us.  Regarding your other problems.  We have always known we were in the will of God when the enemy really started fighting. This sounds like the place where you are.  Just remember that no weapon formed against you shall prosper.  As for the $ problem, God will provide.  I would not contact the other pastor again. God is your source, not man. Hope this helps.

darla  11/28/00 Upon reading just a few of your lines I recognized who you where from the news media. I was touched by your article, however let me give you some words of encouragement. Satan's job is to still, kill and destroy. When he can find a crack trust ne he will create a whole. Now is not the time to divide yourself from the people. We can become so judgemental of others, there intentions may have been very well to do as they said, and even yet still fulfill it. God will allow temporary uglies to happen in our lives to see if we are really trusting in who we say we are (God), or are we trusting in man. This is the time that you should have been going down in prayer for this couple. It was fine when they could help you, do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Where you can't give them money, give them to Jesus through your prayers. Don't get wrapped up into your material gains, I quite sure you have spent and wasted at one time in your life more thatn $90. Trust in the lord with all your heart and lean not to your own undertanding, in all thy ways acknowledge Him first and He shall direct your paths. Remember the saying "nobody wants you when your down and out", this is the time to let the Christ in you shine, that men may see your good works and glorufy the Father which is in Heaven. God's people are compassionate, wrap your spiritual arms around this couple and keep them lifted in prayer. Swallow the $90 dollar loss, for this too shall pass. Don't loose your witness and testimony that God has given you over $90. Store your riches in heavenly things that will last. Remember this just may be a test for you!!!!!!!!! My prayers are with both couples. Know that God is able, Know that he is Jehovah Jireh and that He is the provider to all that you need as well as this couple......God Bless, Love You!

Dwelling  9/13/00 Is this the first time you have been involved in any type of church planting?

Georgia  9/15/00 Hi, this is the first church that my husband and I have planted but we were involved in a previous church plant in another state. When we started helping the other church there were already
eight other adults. So the answer to your question Dwelling is: we have been involved in church planting before but not at this stage. Any advice?

Tina  10/2/00 Today is my first time looking at this site and being a part of any on-line conversation.  You posted almost a month ago and I hope you're still looking at the responses.  The Lord has given you gifts and talents to use for His glory.  Take the thing that you like doing and do well and run with it.  Perhaps your struggle is more that you're hearing the Lord's call and feeling his tug for ministry and are
afraid (much like Moses was).  Start where you're fulfilled, if that's Youth Ministry - go for it!  More than likely they're not watching you and waiting for you to fall, you're just afraid to fail.  In any case, work diligently to please the Lord rather than people and He will take care of the rest.  I don't believe it's your husband's ministry.  The Lord has called the two of you to be one, and it's the Lord's ministry.  It sounds
like you can talk to your husband.  Bare your soul with him.  Ask him where he sees you fitting in to the ministry.  Ask him what he sees as your gifts and talents and how he envisions you using them for God's
glory in your church.  Remember the Lord is able to do exceedingly, abundantly above all you can ask or imagine!!

Nina  9/15/00 Susie, send me your email address, I have something to send you I believe it is just for you.

Puppetmaker  9/19/00 Why don't you start a monthly (or weekly) get together fo pastors wives? It can be a non denominational thing.  Meet for lunch, or have everyone over one evening.  Explain that you want to have these meetings to encourage and strengthen each other, and have peole volunteer to host he
next meetings.  You might have a "problem box" where they can drop questions (or problems)and the group can discuss them OR have them mail them to you - either way they  can be anonymous. This will help you and them.

JC  9/19/00 I haven't been to this support board in months, but I just read your plea for a sister-in-Christ to lend a listening ear.  I understand the need. About five years ago, I finally got up the nerve to share a concern with another pastor's wife and I've hardly talked to her since. I just read today in a wonderful study I'm doing by Beth Moore, (Breaking Free), that not sharing concerns is a form of pride. We need someone safe to unload on, and I guess a board like this is about the safest!

Puppetmaker  9/19/00 We did "The Not SO Silent Night" last year with just a few children and it was great.  ALSO check out One Way Street (www.onewaystreet.com) They have musicals and programs for small groups.

Faith  9/21/00 Hello Emily.  I read your post and wanted to ask you about your experience homeschooling and being a pastor's wife and a mother of 5 children.  I am a pastor's wife of a church of 100 people and we have 4 children and I am due anytime with our 5th child.  We also homeschool our 2 oldest ones ages 8 and 6 1/2.  We have a 3 1/2 yr. old and a 2 yr. old. We have homeschooled for 2 years now and it's something that we prayed about for a long time to know what to do.  But sometimes it is hard to be flexible when you are a pastors wife and teacher and mother, plus very pregnant!!  How is your experience?

Georgia  9/22/00 Hi, we are in the process of planting a church. What kinds of things did you do as outreach in the community to build the Core Team of people? Also, we just started a women's group but haven't planned activities yet other than a craft sale during the holiday months with a few other churches. One other question--we also homeschool our two daughters, ages 13 and 15, and find it very rewarding for all involved. What type of curriculum do you use?

Faith  9/22/00 Hello Emily.  I read your post and was interested in your experience of being a mother of 5 children, a pastor's wife and homeschool teacher.  I too am a mother of 4 children with our 5th one due anytime.  (I sure wish it were today) My husband has pastored here of 3 1/2 years. Attendance averages 100 and keeps growing.  I have homeschooled our 2 oldest children ages 8 and 6 1/2 for 2 years now.  Our other children are 3 1/2 and 2 yrs. old.  Do you ever find it to be overwhelming at times to be all three?  Boy, I do.  I am very involved in the ministry of the church as much as I can as I am worship leader and piano player,I do Ladies ministries, and childrens Bible class and Nursing Home. Do you ever
find yourself having to draw the line somewhere because of your family? We knew and decided a long time ago that we HAD to put God first, then our family and then the church.  He ordained the family before He ordained the church.  I don't want my children growing up resenting their daddy or myself for having time for everybody else and never the time for them.  After all it is our obligation to bring them up
in the nurture and the admonishing of the Lord. But to be able to balance it all, it takes me praying constantly for wisdom and strength.  My help comes from the Lord.  I was just wondering what your experience has been.  I'd love to read about it.

puppetmaker  9/24/00 Homeschoolers-I homeschooled our children (2 of them -same grade) from 7th
-12 grade.  We used Abeka, ACE(School of Tomorrow), Christian Liberty and American School. We made sure we went with the plans where they kept the scores and issued the report cards and or a diploma.  We used American for 12th grade and the children wished we had used it all through high school. They will be entereing college in Jan. When we started we schooled Mon-THurs and Friday was field trip/special project day.  THat made for a fun time.  We always added an "elective (Christian Liberty has great electives).  We did Home ec-the best home ec I have seen. It included baking bread, washing windows, making bread, etc. We have always taken our children with us to Church conf. etc. (even when
in Public school).  We made them keep a journal/scrapbook of each trip. They wrote in the journal every day and put brochures, etc. in the scrapbook.  We always took time to sightsee wehrever we were.  I tried to fins interesting things to see, such as factory tours, historical sites, etc.  THere is a book called "Watch It Made In the USA."  It lists factory tours etc.  I got mine at B. Dalton or Barnes & Noble. We've toured the baseball bat factory, a coffee mill, ice cream factory, and more. We had a fun time homeschooling, even though I always said I would never homeschool. The Lord has a way of changing your mind.

Sue  11/2/00 I homeschool our three children.  I began when our oldest was in Pre-K -- really as an experiment.  (I figured how can I mess up teaching colors, numbers and ABC's!)  Anyway - when my husband became a full-time pastor 2 years ago - homeschooling our children worked to our advantage.  I am always at church too and am able to take them with me.  They have had quite an "education" seeing the inner workings of a church too.  The other advantage --they get to spend more time with us.  As you know church work does not always end at 5p.m.!  We have been using the ACD or School or Tommorow curriculum as well.

anonymous  9/25/00 Dear Claire,  My husband and I were Associates in a church for 17 years.  When we were led by God to take on a new church, the Senior Pastor had a very special foot washing
ceremony for my husband on a packed Sun. morning service, threw a party for us in a fancy hall and sent us out with his blessings.  His wife however never asked how we were doing, or mentioned the subject.  She practically shunned me for a month because we did a lot for the church that would now fall on her.  The hurt that I still feel over that is often unbearable and it's over a year ago that we moved on.  I still see her and she still has nothing to say to us about our new ministry nor does she ever ask how WE are doing.  I beg you to bless this couple in every possible way.  In our Senior Pastor's eyes, my husband was his "Timothy" and it was so good to know that our mentor sent us off with his blessing. However, the shadow of his wife's awful response to us both has made all he did for us when we left seem as if it was nothing but a nice gesture.  She never attended the party that was thrown because "she had another engagement" nor did she even write a card or note of encouragement when we left. Please pray with them for God's direction. And if God is leading them out, he will provide another associate who will need to be mentored by you as well.  Remember the church belongs to God, not the Pastor and HE will meet your every need.

Georgia  9/23/00 At this point in your life the Twila Paris song called "The Warrior Is A Child" definitely applies to you. Have you ever heard it? My only other question for you is have you spoken with your husband about how you are feeling?

Wanell  9/23/00 I can feel the pain as I read your message. It sounds as if you really need someone that will listen. I have been married to a preacher for 25 years.  When I read your message, it reminded me of
different stages that I personally have gone through as a minister's wife. One thing that has helped me personally was being able to go to a ladies retreat. I know what it means to follow your husbands dreams.  Not long ago, my husband made the statement to me and our congregation that he knew that I had put my dreams on hold to follow him.  I have taught in 7 different school districts and at the present
time I am unemployed.  I will never be able to complete enough years to draw full retirement and the church where he is employed provides no retirement. Sometimes the present is not very pretty and the future doesn't look too good, but I know over the 28 years that we have been married that God has been faithful to me.  Remember that God loves you and He is concerned about how you feel. Communication is important. I'm glad that you have communicated with your doctor. That is one reason why I like to go to Ladies reatreat, because I can find someone there who will listen.  Can you share your feelings with your husband? Is he listening to you? I am praying for you.   Your friend, Wanell

puppetmaker  9/24/00 Honey you need to pray and fast to overcome the bitterness that has overtaken you. Flush the pills down the commode-your help comes from the Lord, not pills.  Find someone that will pray for you-I mean a real prayer warrior that will lay hands on you and bind the spirits that you are
fighting (depression, oppression, etc).  You need deliverance. If you don't know anyone email me and I'll help you find someone. 2. Change your attitude-only you can do this.  Instead of feeling sorry for yourself, start counting your blessings. Next you need to sit down and talk to your husband-no whining, just talk. If you can't do that write him a letter. I think you will be amazed at how differnet things will be when you get deliverance from the spirits that bind you. Praying for you!

ACPW  10/9/00 I feel for you, and I pray that God will assist you in your struggle. I have been a pastor's wife for almost 20 yrs, and married for 25. My grave "sin" is that I poured everything about myself i.e. my dreams, visions, energies, support, into his life and his dreams. All these 25 yrs, I found myself walking in his shadow, with no real thought for my own destiny. I had always felt that my destiny was with him, being one with him, but through painful experiences, i\I have learned that IT DOESN'T WORK THAT WAY!! God has a set plan for MY LIFE! Yes, I have 4 children, and have given all that I can to them, but I have always put my husband first, and always sought to please him. Then, about 3 yrs ago, I discovered that he had an affair with his secretary, which was at that time, my best friend! When Jesus made me aware of it, and learning that it had gone on for some 3 yrs, it SHATTERED MY WORLD!!! I never will forget, however, one tuesday night coming home from church, I fell on my knees, and wept as though someone  close to me had died. (As someone had...) I felt so empty inside, so disrespected, so unappreciated for the many years of dedication and faithfulness. I wept so hard that night that I literally SCARED MYSELF! I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO LOSE IT! Then I heard the Lord speak into my spirit and tell me, "NOW YOU SEE HOW I FEEL WHEN YOU HAVE ANOTHER LOVER OTHER THAN ME". I found myself in deep repentance! What we do wrong, my dear sister, is that we center our entire lives around flesh, expecting to be accepted, appreciated, and needed. We literally lose ourselves in pouring into everything, and everybody but ourselves, and our relationship with God.  My advise to you my sister, is to GO AFTER GOD FOR YOURSELF! HE IS IN LOVE WITH YOU, AND IS TRYING TO GET YOUR ATTENTION! HE'S TRYING TO CALL US BACK TO HIMSELF!!! It has been some 2 years now, since I believe he's stopped the affair, and though he's/she's never apoligized (the thing that has been most difficult for me), It has DEMANDED OF ME TO REACH OUT TO GOD, AND GET CONNECTED WITH HIM!! Since I have come to this conclusion, God has really worked in my marriage. Also, in respect to my church relationship, I'm learing that what God has for me is for me, and the anointing on my life CANNOT BE DENIED!!! HE WILL PREPARE A TABLE BEFORE ME IN THE PRESENCE OF MY ENEMIES!! CONNECT YOURSELF WITH GOD, AND LET GOD TAKE CARE OF HIM!!!!

Victory  9/29/00 I read your post and I can remember the first year that my husband began pastoring.  He worked a full-time job as a 5th grade public school teacher and also pastored Full-time.  It was such a strain on our marriage and family.  We have 4 children and I stay at home with them.  He would get off from work and go on visitation 2 or 3 places or have to go to the hospital (which is 45 minutes away) or fix something at the church or counsel etc.  It got to where he would get up in the mornings and go to work and the kids would be in bed and when he would get home at night, the kids would be in bed and hardly saw them much less spend time with them.  So, he and I would go round and round about that. But you know the Lord pricked his heart about what was taking place. He just decided that his first responsibility was to God then his family and then to the people of the church.  What if he was to win the world for the
Lord and his family go to Hell?  So, now he is full-time pastor and things are much better.  But you know some people still don't understand that he is a father first and then a pastor and sometimes people don't realize how demanding they can be.But my husband has learned the hard way that sometimes you just have to say "No".  He has always been a physically hard worker and you wouldn't believe some of the
things that people call him up and want him to drop what he is doing like trying to study his Bible to do something for them.  He's learned to draw the line on some things.  That first year of pastoring is tough.  You learn a lot!  With a lot of prayer, The Lord will show you and your husband how to balance family and church.  No pastor should ever neglect his family for anyone else.  God bless you dear sister.

Georgia  9/26/00 That was beautiful, thank you.

Georgia  10/1/00 Maybe you could do the show "This Is Your Life" for the appreciation and bring in people he has known over the past sixteen years and those who have influenced his ministry. Let me know what you come up with as we are searching for ideas also.

Puppetmaker  10/9/00 I am praying for you. The scripture comes to mind "How can two walk togehter unless they be agreed?"  I am surprised your marrisge has lasted this long if you don't believe the same things.  Fast and pray for answers and read the word with an open mind.

Linda C.  10/4/00 I am sorry you and your husband are experiencing such a difficult time now.  Is there any support out there for you within your denomination?  Your local ministers group? Or friends in other churches that you and your husband can talk with?  Stress can take a toal on both of you that you don't realize at the time.  Do you have children?  If so, I have found that the less they know of what is going on, the better. They can't do anything about the situation and often will worry more than you realize.  My husband and I will lift you in prayer.  I know this my sound trite, but when problems develop in my life I do ask God what He wants us to learn from this and how I can cope and minister to my family and church members.  This is a time of strengthing your selves and growing in your faith, because God is working even in the difficulties of your life.  I know it is difficult to see any good coming from this but when you look back in years to come  you may see the pattern then.  I also know this is not much help now when you are hurting and your husbanc is ill.  But God is with you and he will see you through this.  Maybe this is the time He is going to carry you.  I wish I could be of more help.  Look in the Psalms and you will see that David felt that he was surrounded by enemies and the only thing he could do was to cry out to
the Lord.  I will pray for you.  God bless you and hold you in the palm of his hand.

PW (Actually, these are my initials)  10/8/00  Linda, thank you for responding to my e-mail entry. I feel better now and believe that it is due to prayer. Our God is an awesome God.  As I write, my husband is in a meeting he has been dreading. Your suggestions have been helpful,perhaps even a confirmation. I have been thinking of going to a pastor's wife in our town of another denomination. My husband has told me that they have had their struggles.  Thank you for your prayers. None of what you have said to me is 'trite'. God bless you!

PW  10/21/00 I would like to correspond with Linda C.(who answered my e-mail on 10/4) if she would be willing to give me her e-mail address. Frankly, I felt criticized by another entry that followed mine saying that we should, in essence, count our blessings. I love the Lord with all my heart, and have walked with Him for a number of years, praising Him for his blessings and His grace and mercy toward me and my family. I probably wouldn't have searched for this web site if I hadn't been hurting and needing some encouragement. I am very thankful for this place of refuge to share and hear from others...but I guess I feel that I would make myself too vulnerable opening up in more detail to all who see this site. Again, thank you for this place.

Becka  10/6/00 "Praise the Lord!" I feel the same way you do!! Your entry was a breath of fresh air!! I read the entries when I get a chance and sometimes I want to sit and cry for some of the ladies who are really going through trials. When I read your entry, I was really encouraged because I saw that not everyone is so burdened down by the cares of life. Don't get me wrong, my husband and I have had our trials as well but I can honestly say that through it all, He has been our Comfort and Guide just as He said He would!! Thank you for entry and the reminder that our trials are only for a season and that He will guide and protect through every situation!!!

Blessed  10/11/00 Thank you so much for responding!  I feel the same way you do when I read the entries by my sisters in ministry.  I've prayed for many who have made entries.  I also know that our enemy attacks the leaders first.  We've had our troubles also, but God's grace has ever been sufficient.  If there is one thing I have learned through trials it is that the Lord is Faithful!!  You mentioned that our trials are only for a season.  When I was going through the most difficult time in my life the Lord ministered that very verse to me.  "Our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all" (see 2 Co. 4:7-18).  They don't seem light or momentary when we're going through, but when we compare them to eternity they're not all we thought they were!  We are very happily married (for nine years) and have two beautiful boys (8 and 6).  We have been pastoring the church we are in for a little over a year.  Ministry here has been a slow process.  When we look at where we were, we think we have come a very long way!  When we look at where we want to be, we think we have a very long way to go!  Come to think of it, my walk with the Lord is very similar to that also.  Please tell me more about yourself.

Puppetmaker  10/9/00 Blessed-yes I too am blessed!  Just retruned home from a wonderful church conf and 2 days later left to speak at a womens retreat.  God is Good!

Blessed, too!  10/11/00 What a refreshing change of pace from what has been published on this board lately!  I too am blessed at this season in my life.  Yes there have been MANY hard times and MANY trials but no more or less than if I weren't serving the Lord as a Pastor's wife.  Who knows the hardships that would havebeen lurking out there if I had chosen NOT to serve Him?  I too am thankful for all of the privileges that have been at my disposal because of my serving position.  I too have felt abandoned by God at times, but have seen His "plans" made manifest in ALL of the things I have had t go through. I praise Him with you, "Blessed".  We need more encouraging notices on our Support Board to pull one another through.  So thankful that I am in a season of my life right now to help my other sisters gain hope and strength in their hour of hardship.  Hold on!  This too shall pass!

Blessed  10/14/00 Amen Sister!  Ladies, let's continue this!  Is anyone else out there blessed of the Lord.  Yes, even through a trial.

Becka  10/6/00 I would like to say that we were in full time youth ministry for the first 31/2 years of our minisrty and my husband always made it point to have a "family day". In fact, we still have this practice in play now that we are senior pastors. On Mondays, he does not go inot the office and we do no take calls from our people unless there is a dire emergemcy. The church has really responded to our request and they appreciate the fact that my husband is such a family man. I think you should try to work something out with your husband and senior pastor so that you and your children don't feel so alienated from your husband. It must be dificult for your husaband as well, to have to spend so much time away from you all. I will pray for you and yur family that you will be able to come to some sort of arrangement that will be able to benefit the church and your family.

teri  10/11/00 It sounds like you have to many things going on in your life.  Prioritize.  Is school really necessary right now?  Why not wait until your sons are grown and gone, the time you spend at school is time you could spend with your sons.  Leaving during the sermon only hurts you. Pray-sounds like bitterness is trying to latch on.

Rachel  10/11/00 You need to talk to someone.  You could call Focus on the Family at 1-800-A-FAMILY.  They have a pastoral care department.

someonecares  10/11/00 I agree with Rachel.  You need to talk with someone.  Focus on the Family 0is
an excellent choice.  You are correct not to mention it to anyone, especially in your church.  Just from your response to this situation it is quite  evident that you are a very strong woman of God who walks in the spirit. Flesh would not have allowed you to respond in a Godly way.  Forgiveness, healing and restoration takes a little time.  Seek counseling to avoid the enemy from attacking your mind later.  You are going to be  fine.  You may not be able to see it now, but this experience is going to open a door for you to minister to other wives and bring healing and blessings to their marriage.  I will be praying for you, your husband and your family.  It might be a good idea also not to mention the situation to your daughter.  That could be devistating. God Bless You.

teri  10/11/00 I am sorry for what happened, but - why the secrecy?  He sinned and needs to ask the forgiveness of the church.  I cannot understand why people try to hide a ministers sin.  He has to abide by the same book as everyone else.  If you hide his sin you are just as guilty as he is.And yes, he is just as much to blame as she is.  It takes 2 to commit adultery.  Both of you need counseling. Minirth Meyer Clinics counsel with ministers (check the phone book) or call Focus on the Family.

Carole  10/13/00 My heart goes out to you and I'll be holding you and your family up in prayer.

Gail  10/16/00 I want to thank all of you for responding to my troubles.  I know that all of you are right and I have picked up the phone and have dialed 1-800-A-Family but always hang up.  I just can't right now.  I am praying a lot, but feel so beaten down.  The tramp, (I am Christian but this one is testing my limits), confronted me and told me she loved my husband.  I walked away.  She is young and stupid and a sex fiend I think.  I am not defending my husband but he had his clothes partially on.  She was completely naked.  So she must have stripped or danced befor him before he broke down.  I am so embarrassed writing this.  He says it is over between them.  That the devil has won for the last time.  But I know he is having an affair with another one of our church members.  She is 29 I think.  I haven't been
able to prove it but the signs are there.  I am actually thinking of confronting her because he denies any wrong doing.  As sad as it sounds I would like to tell her that he is cheating on HER with this little tramp.  I feel like such an outsider in my own home.  Why does it come down to sex?  Why can't I be praising the Lord and telling of the good things my husband is doing for others?  Well this is a support board and I guess I just had to tell someone.  I have to be strong for my daughter.  I think she knows what happened. What worries me is the tramp my be bragging about it.  I know my husband should have to pay for his sins but I feel so protective.  Am I protective of him or for me?  If he loses his ministry then I don't know what would happen to my daughter and I.  Maybe that is why I let him carry on with this 29 year old.  They have been discreet and I have never caught them but I just know.  They way they look at each other.  It is so humilating.  I can be one tough old bird but I am so weak inside.  Teri is right to question why I don't speak up.  Believe me I am listening to you all.  I am so mad at women right now.  This flaunting and provacative clothes at the church is wrong and I hate it.

Anonymous  10/16/00 I recall a forgiving Savior standing over a woman who deserved to be stoned in an hour of sin saying, "Neither do I condemn you, go and sin no more".  Not "Go and tell everyone what you did before I forgive you."  In this area of ministry we have to remember our children who will suffer MORE than you could believe should this situation be revealed to the congregation.  What about the Body of Christ?  I'm sure it would go through a painful split because of the Pastor's actions. Should he take a leave of absense to get his priorities in order and receive help? ABSOLUTELY.  But in NO WAY should his children, wife and Church Body go through unnecessary trauma if it could be avoided.  Gail, USE WISDOM.  Get help, show mercy with God's help and the Lord will richly reward you.  I pray to God that someone will be there to show mercy to me in a weak hour rather than shoot me down while I'm wounded.

Puppetmaker  10/18/00 you say your daughter goes to school with this girl. IS she a Minor? If so your hubby may be in big trouble with the law. Depends on the laws in your state about the age of consent, and whether or not she decides at some point to try to press charges.  You need to discuss this with him, since this will affect all of you.  AND trust me-your daughter will hear this, If I were you I would tell her rather than let her hear rumors.

someonecares  10/18/00 Teri,  You ask why the secrecy and he should repent to the church.
Proverbs 17:9 He that covereth transgression seeketh love, but he that repeateth a matter separateth very friends.  The wife, husband and the other woman were the only people there.  Not the entire church.  The wife was the one really  hurt in the situation and she forgave him.  It will take time for the hurt to heal and total restoration.  Later there may be a need to go before the church but now there is no reason to cause more confusion or the disruption. Don't  be fooled, Gods word is true.  This sin will not go unpunished.  The Lord will handle this.  It is not up to us to provide punishment or the church.  God handles his leaders and teachers.  We should just pray for them.  I would much rather be punished by someone other that God.  After his repentence and confession he may have a humble spirit and may come before the church with a repentant spirit. But that's between him and the Lord.  My prayers are continuously for Gail and her family.      God Bless!

ACPW  10/18/00 I feel for you and pray for you. I'm sure the situation was devistating, for you. Please know that it is important that you not blame yourself for his failure! I've been there, done that, keeping the secrecy for the sake of his ministry and the congregation. I realize that many would agree that that's not right, but I found that I had to seek God in what to do. My heart blead for the ministry, the saints! I had to come to the realization that IT'S GOD'S CHURCH, and HE WILL TAKE CARE OF HIS HOUSE!! He that covereth his sins will not prosper!! IF GOD SEES IT AND DOESN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT, WHAT WAS I TO DO? I cannot deny what happened, and will not lie and say it never did, if confronted, but I found that my greatest battle was WITH MYSELF! What do I do? I knew he would not consent to counseling, so I had to find help for myself!! God will send you a REAL FRIEND (not of your congregation), with whom you can confide. It is important that you get it out. A MINISTE OR CLERGY whom you trust is also ADVISEABLE. He will guide you, and help you to maintain your state with God. BOUNDARIES MUST BE SET!! YOU DON'T HAVE TO ACCEPT  THIS BEHAVIOR!! GOD WILL DIRECT YOU!! HEALING WILL TAKE TIME, BUT HE HAS TO HAVE A HEART TO CHANGE!!! I STAYED WITH MY HUSBAND BECAUSE GOD DID NOT GIVE ME LEAVE TO GO! THROUGH MUCH, MUCH  PRAYER, GOD IS RESTORING THINGS, AND THE CHURCH HAS SURVIVED!! LET YOUR STEPS BE ORDERED BY GOD!! HE WILL BRING YOU THROUGH THIS!  I'M A WITNESS!!!

Gail  10/20/00  My goodness and praise the Lord but this is a wonderful wonderful board.  I feel a great spirit in me at this time.  You have read my posts and you have responded in kind.  I have held this pain in for so long that it was a relief to finally speak up and out.  My hands are shaking but I feel strong.  Please forgive me but I have chosen my path on this matter.  I have read all your words of wisdom and agree with you all.  Your prayers and words have helped me so much.  My path is to confront my husband on this.  He was wrong to have sex with that 17 year old.  He has asked for forgiveness and as usal I forgave him.  I know I should tell someone about it but I just can't right now.  I am almost absolutely positive he is having an affair with another woman in our church.  She is 29, bright, beautiful, and I feel that he is only staying with me because he wants to avoid any scandal whatsoever. I often wonder if he loves our daughter.  I think his ego has gotten so big he is possessed by the devil himself.  His sermons have become a show.  He is handsome and I am wondering if he wants bigger and better things.  He never confides anymore in me.  He was never as boisterous or holy roller or what I like to call a rock and roll preacher before.  My father never liked him and still doesn't.  I was born into a strict Catholic family.  I never knew how strict till I told my parents I was seeing a born again sooon to be minister.  I thought my father was against my husband because he wasn't Catholic.  My husband, wasn't exactly respectful of my father's faith either.  He immediately tried to explain than unless you accept Jesus Christ as your personal savior...I don't have to tell you.  They locked horns immediately. My father claimed he thought he was a phoney from the beginning and not because of his faith.  I rarely see my parents anymore.  Which is sad.  My daughter is very rebellious. She does things her way.  I think the little tramp has told people at her school what happened.  I think my daughter has heard it.  I am going to sit down and talk
to her about it all.  I am going to ask her what she has heard.  I am scared but this has to be done.  Then I am going to talk to him.  I want to know about his girlfriend or if she is even his girlfriend.  I want him to know that this man of God is also causing pain to the two people he should love the most.  I am so scared but so strong because of all of you.  He is a screamer but I am strong.  Do not worry my daughter will not be around when we have our talk.  Thank you all again.

flower  11/6/00 I don't know what has progressed with your husband, but I agree with Teri that this cannot remain a secret. Your husband needs to confess his sin and step down from being a pastor at this church until he works his lustful struggles out with God. He is destroying not only his marriage and family, but other women in the church. It is damaging to the congregation for him to be their pastor. He needs to leave the pastorate.

Teri  10/13/00  There are still ministers who live what they teach ( I know plenty, including my husband). Those that don't are hypocrits. The Bible says a bishop should be blameless.  One of the reasons these ministers get away with it is because people are willing to keep things secret and back them even when they are wrong. I can't find anywhere in the word where people who hid sin were blessed.  They need to repent, confess and really - they need to find another profession.  If they can't serve God and overcome temptation they need to be in another line of work.  Yes, they need friends, but not friends who condone their sin.  If you think I am being judgemental I am sorry, but the Book is pretty explicit on fornicaiton and adultery. If I were you I would find a church where the ministers lives in a way that is pleasing to God and worthy of the office he holds.

soneonecares  10/18/00 I could be wrong but in all of your message you sound very hurt by all of this.  If you hadn't said who you were in the beginning I would have assumed you were the wife.  In fact you only mentioned the wife twice. Maybe you need to step back.  I think that you may have unknowingly become
attracted to this man.  Listening to the way you describe him and  how the attendance of the other woman really bothers you.  I think you need to remove yourself.  The Lord provides a way of escape.  Take it and run. Continue to pray for the pastor and his wife. You have insight on many things going on so you can pray directly on target.  When we won't listen to friends, who are sincerely trying to help us, the Lord has a way of getting our attention.  You've done all that you can do.  Give it to the Lord and take
your hands off. God Bless you for your deep concern.

tm  10/14/00 I think you had better pray and study the word.  you are asking for a lot of trouble in an interracial marriage.

georgiegirl  10/19/00 I APPRECIATE YOU RESPONDING. READING & UNDERSTANDING THE WORD AS WELL AS CONTINUOUS PRAYER IS BASIC FUNDAMENTAL THINGS WE ARE DOING.  WE ARE NOT OPPOSED TO INTERRACIAL MARRIAGE, AS THE BIBLE SEEMS TO ADDRESS OUR VIEWS.  I WOULD APPRECIATE ALL PW'S TO GIVE ME SOME PRACTICAL ADVICE ON THE QUESTIONS THAT I PREVIOUSLY ADDRESSED.  PLEASE DON'T MISUNDERSTAND ME.  THIS ISN'T A QUESTION OF RACIAL MARRIAGES BUT PREPARATION IN BEING A NEWLYWED PASTOR'S WIFE AND LEARNING HOW TO PREPARE AND BE THE BEST I CAN BE FOR BOTH GOD AND MY HUSBAND, SUCH A GODLY CALLING. I'D LOVE TO HEAR FROM YOU PW'S AS TO WHAT ADVICE THAT YOU WOULD GIVE.  GOD BLESS.

pw  10/19/00  Alright, here I go again....now, I have a question for "tm" (10-14-00) who responded to a plea for advice on marriage and starting ministries with her husband (Georgiagirl:10-12-00). First of all, if I could remember correctly "tm", this person never asked for your suggestions on interracial marriage.  Apparently they both love each other dearly.  The most intelligient thing for you to do is to give logical advice on whatever is being asked.  And just where in the bible are you referring to concerning interracial marriage?  I know, in the Old Testament God commanded the Israelites not to inter-marry because He was trying to perserve that particular nation for the coming of the Messiah and out of fear that they would be influenced to serve other "gods".  From what I understand, "Georgiagirl" and her fiance are equally yoked as far as their beliefs...why else would they be starting a ministry together?  Maybe I am reading more into your response than what was intended. If so, I do apologize.  As Christians, we should be encouraging others to do what the spirit leads them to do and to make sure that whatever they do that they are in the will of God.Personally, I do feel that marriage should be considered before attempting to start a ministry together because satan will try to use it as a weapon and most of all, God honors marriage and it gives more strength and power to the relationship!!!  But, outside of that advice, I just simply encourage them to do whatever the spirit leads them to do...if they are of the "same mind and spirit".  I know of some couples that are of the same race that are probably having more trouble in their marriage and ministry than those that are of an interracial relationship.  Just read some of the post on this message board!!!  So, race has nothing to do with believers encountering problems....trials and tribulations will surely come!!  Christ came for all and most importantly, Isaiah 55:8-9 tells us "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord....For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts higher than your thoughts!" And I will leave it at that!!!  God Bless you!

GEORGIEGIRL  10/20/00 MY DEAREST PW,  OH HOW I APPRECIATE YOUR TRUE HONEST AND SINCERITY IN YOUR STATEMENT.  IF YOU HAVE ANY OTHER THOUGHTS AND ADVICE FOR ME I SURELY DO APPRECIATE IT.  WE TRULY ARE OF ONE HEART AND MIND.  THERE IS NO QUESTION IN OUR HEARTS THAT WE BELONG TOGETHER IN THE MINISTRY AS WELL AS BEING MARRIED.  I AM NOT YOUNG AND NIEVE.  I AM 47 YEARS OLD AND HE NEARLY 51 YEARS OLD.  IT'S JUST THAT I HAVE NEVER BEEN A MINISTER'S WIFE BEFORE AND I WOULD LIKE TO BENEFIT FROM ALL OF YOUR  EXPERIENCE.  THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH!  GOD BLESS YOU ALL.

Blessed  10/23/00 You brought up valid points that cannot be overlooked as you made your decision.  You've already been ministering together, and the Lord has called and given a vision to both of you.  To answer before or after marriage?  Two dangers I see are (1) sexual purity:  You will grow very close as you pray and minister alongside one another.  This will be an even greater temptation since you've both been married before.  You must have some very practical boundaries set up to keep from temptation in this area as it could destroy not only any ministry the Lord has called you to, but also your family and yourself.  (2) That one of you changes your mind about getting married.  You say "I do" to for better or for worst, in sickness or in health, for richer or for poorer, till death.  You make a covenant when you marry (I suggest studying covenants in the Word).  Are you both willing to say "I do" when you think of the absolutely worst, sickness, etc.  If your commitment goes beyond all of that now, you won't try to break a covenant later.  Should you start a ministry together before marriage and either one of you backs out of the marriage-where does that leave the ministry?  Regarding the calling that you will endure?  You will greatly be blessed of the Lord as you answer the call of the Lord of the harvest to go out into His harvest field and be a laborer.  Keep it in perspective.  He is the Lord, you are the laborer.  Somebody did their job and prayed for the Lord of the harvest to send forth a laborer and you heard the Lord call and answered send me.  It is an exciting thing to do and the Lord has a very special plan and future for you!  Not that you won't face hardships (just read the other postings on this board), but when you put your trials in light of eternity our biggest trials are not so big after all.  May the Lord give you wisdom and grace as you seek His face regarding this decision!

Butterfly  10/19/00  Dear sister in the Lord, my heart weeps for you. I would like to share some encouragement with you but please take everything I say to the Lord in prayer and judge it with the Word of God. I too am very far away from my family and am ministering with my husband full-time for the first time in our marriage so, I can relate to that degree. Being newly married is difficult enough but being in the ministry on top of it all adds so much more than I would even want to think about. It seems to me that you really should seek some serious counsel and support for not just you but if your husband is willing he needs it if not more than you. I have been married for 10 1/2 yrs. to my husband and never has he conducted himself in that manner. If I ever have had any concern he is very sensitive and tries to make sure that he is not ever giving a wrong impression to me or any other person. It would seem your husband is not using wisdom nor is he giving your feelings enough consideration. That does not mean that he is necessarily in sin at this present time or isn't. In the meantime, believing the best in your husband is important but when you see him acting in a way that gives you concern it is wise to continually stay on your knees in prayer for him. If there is a problem or a sin the Lord will reveal it in His time. You have stated to your husband these actions by this woman and his response make you uncomfortable and really that's all you can do. Praying that God will soften his heart toward you and open his ears to you and that the Lord will keep your husband from the schemes and tactics of the enemy will do more than you could ever do in yourself. Pray the Word of God over your husband and remember the Lord is so faithful. You are a delight to the Lord and He will never leave you alone, He promises that to us. I know that the loneliness and the what if's can get overwhelming but think on things that are lovely and of good report. Don't allow the ememy opportunity to attack your mind right now. Even if everything you see points in the wrong direction until you know for sure believe the best and pray hard and please know that I will be praying for you. Zeph. 3:17 says "The Lord God Almighty is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing. You are the beloved of your Heavenly Father and He longs to be your strength, hope and joy right now. You are precious to Him and if He knows the sparrow that falls from the tree how much more does He know what you're facing right now. In Him is all wisdom and He will guide you and direct your path even concerning this. He loves you and your husband so much and I promise He will be with you. Keep in touch, it is good for you to let this out somehow and this seems like a safe place. I hope to hear from you. Don't give up.

acpw  10/20/00 I understand your pain and your fear. What is important for you to do is to stay prayerful. Ask God to open your husband's eyes that he can see the snare of the enemy which is heading his way. The bible does tell us to shun the very appearance of evil. You're not off to feel the way that you do. sometimes we see things that they don't see. If after you've searched yourself, and found that it's not just a jealous thing going on in you, but what's going on is still disturbing your spirit, then pray and ask God to reveal it, open it up, expose to you  what's going on! Men don't often want to believe us when we tell them that there's danger! They want to accuse us of being insecure, but what they fail to realize is that EVE CONFRONTED THE SERPENT FIRST!! SHE CAN IDENTIFY THE DEVIL!! THAT'S WHY SATAN HATES US SO MUCH!!! Stay under the blood of Jesus, and TRUST HIM TO DEAL WITH YOUR HUSBAND... "LORD, OPEN THE YOUNG MAN'S EYES, IN JESUS NAME"! BE ENCOURAGE,!
 AND STAY CLOSE TO GOD! DON'T ALLOW YOURSELF TO BECOME SO OVERWHELMED THAT YOU LOSE FOCUS OF GOD! THIS IS ONLY A DISTRACTION--FOR YOU, YOUR HUSBAND, AND THE MINISTRY, BUT NO WEAPON FORMED CAN PROSPER!!

SadMolly  10/23/00 Thank you, Butterfly, and Acpw for your prayers and words of encouragement.  If either of you would like an email "penpal" I could sure use another Pastor's wife to correspond with.  I took such encouragement from your words, and have been praying that my husband will see the truth in what I say.  I was encouraged today, that he brought his books home to study.  I really had to talk him into this, but is it a day when the church office is "closed", and they don't even answer the phone, but his secretary and he are there alone.  At least he honored me by coming home after an hour or so.  But the situation is still very disturbing to me.  He seems to think I am continually negative all the time.  I am struggling with making sure that I am actually "dying to self" each day, and that is hard.  I would love to have someone to write back and forth with.  This is a tiny remote town, and I don't know who I could go to for counseling here, although I would like to.  I do not think my husband would go, although I haven't asked him yet.  And thank you again!

Ruth  10/22/00 I'm glad you found this website too. If you can write some of the things that are causing you so much pain perhaps someone here can help you get through this very difiicult time. There is a lot of advice that could be given as people gave to Job, but I think the thing that helps the most is having someone to talk to who really listens! When you are a Pastor's wife, I have found that those people are few and far between. This is an excellent way to reach out and have some conversation with those of us who have been there, done that and felt at times like you do now.

Kimberlie  10/19/00 I just read your message and I am in a similar situation.  My husband and I KNOW it is time for us to leave our current pastorate.  We are even farther away from friends than you and I know all too well how lonely it is.  I wish I had some easy solution to give you, but the only thing I have found that really helps is getting alone with God.  There are times that my heart aches with loneliness, I have found no one in our church that I even connect with. ( We are in a "mission field" and the cultural differences are huge!)  But when I go to pray, I just share the loneliness with God and somehow His grace is ALWAYS sufficient!  As far as your husband goes, try and sit down and talk.  I know it sounds cliche, but I have found in recent day, that these times in the life of a pastor are extremely difficult on them.  With my husband, I am trying to give him space and still be close enough to hold his hand when he needs it!  You will be in my prayers!

Donna  10/20/00 This to will pass! I know that's true, but when you are in the middle of trials and tribulations you want it to pass quickly. I hurt and want it to be over. People are cruel!

Blessed  10/23/00 Donna, Pray, Pray, Pray!!  In your words I see a very spiritual battle.  After two years of very effective ministry, you are under attack.  You will find your strength to endure in the Word and in Prayer!  Don't grow weary in doing good, for at the proper time you will reap a harvest if you do not give up! (Gal 6:9)  The Lord will protect your reputation as you submit yourself to Him in living upright before Him.  Re-visit the life story of Joseph in Genesis and allow it to be a source of strength and encouragement.  Even though he had every right in our eyes to seek vengence for the wrong that was done to him by his own brothers, he saw God's hand in his past, present, and future!  I'd also like to recommend a book to you that I am currently reading.  The Bait of Satan by John Bevere.  It's basic content is dealing with offense.  Even though you're hurt because these are false accusations, pray Psalm 139:23-24.  Again, the most important thing you can do right now is to PRAY!!  I cannot emphasize this enough.  There have been times when in the midst of a battle I'd failed to realize it was a spiritual battle and tried to fight in the natural - You too are in a spiritual battle my sister!  Fight in prayer!  I find great joy in leading someone to the Lord and discipling one-on-one.  There you can serve, give and it is very wanted, needed, and appreciated!

GEORGIEGIRL  10/25/00 I READ YOUR NOTE.I ALSO FEEL YOUR PAIN.  I AM NOT YET A PW, YET AS A WOMAN IN THE LORD I, TOO, HAVE BEEN ACUSED BY THE BRETHEREN.  DON'T BE ALARMED AT THIS!  JESUS SAID WE WOULD BE ACCUSED AND THE SCRIPTURES DO STATE THAT WE WILL ALSO SUFFER AS HE DID, "TO HAVE FELLOWSHIP WITH HIS  SUFFERINGS".   THE CHURCH WORLD IS VERY MUCH IN THE "PROSPERITY " CHRISTIAN LIFE.  I DON'T SEE WHERE THE TRUE MEANING OF "PROSPERITY" ONLY REFERS TO MONEY AND WORLDLY PLEASURES OF THIS LIFE..  IT MAY BE GOOD TO DO A WORD STUDY ON THAT.  THEN WE GET DEPRESSED BECAUSE OF REALITY OF THIS JUST DOESN'T JIVE.  WE LIVE IN AN INPERFECT WORLD AND KNOW THAT WE ARE JUST PASSING THROUGH TO THE NEXT WORLD.   I KNOW IT IS DIFFICULT FOR  OTHERS, ESPECIALLY CHIRISTIANS, TO ACCUSE US.  BUT REALIZE THAT THEY DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY DO, FORGIVE THEM, PRAY FOR THOSE WHO DESPITEFULLY USE YOU, AND  MOVE ON IN YOUR WALK    IN A SPIRIT OF HUMILITY.  GOD , I BELIEVE, IS LOOKING TO MOLD US , BREAK US, SO THAT WE TOO CAN  BE A SERVANT TO THOSE WHO ARE NEEDY.  BE OF GOOD CHEER!!  PERHAPS HE IS BRINGING YOU TO A NEW LEVEL IN HIM, ONE OF MATURITY.  IF THOSE THAT YOU MINISTER TO DO NOT WANT IT, SHAKE THE DUST OFF YOUR FEET (AS HARD AS IT MAY BE) AND MOVE FORWARD.  IN TIME PERHAPS THEY WILL KNOW WHAT THEY HAVE DONE AND PERHAPS WILL APOLOGIZE AGAIN IN TIME.  THE PURPOSE IS TO BE A HUMBLE GODLY PERSON TO MINISTER TO THOSE WHO ARE BROKEN AND NEEDY.  MOST OF THESE PEOPLE I FIND ARE NOT IN THE SO CALLED CHURCHES BUT ON THE STREETS, SHELTERS, JAILS, ECT.  DON'T DO ANYTHING FOR THE LORD AND THINK(EVEN UNCONSCIOUSLY) THAT YOU WILL GET SOMETHING IN RETURN ( AT LEAST NOT ON THIS EARTHLY LIFE).  BUT DO IT AS ONTO THE LORD.  BELIEVE ME HE KNOWS!! AND HE UNDERSTANDS!!!  HE SEES YOUR PRECIOUS HEART MY SISTER.  YES, YOU ARE HUMAN BUT SO WAS HE ON EARTH.  HE FELT OUR PAIN, EMOTIONS, ECT.  I WILL BE PRAYING AND I DO HOPE THAT I HAVE HELPED.  I SAY THESE THINGS BECAUSE I, TOO, HAVE SUFFERED GREATLY!!!!!  EVEN WITH MY VERY OWN CHILDREN, FAMILY, FRIENDS, & CLERGY.  WE ALL ARE IMPERFECT AND HAVE MADE MISTAKES.  I DO UNDERSTAND.  BUT WE CAN PRESS ON BECAUSE IT IS ALL ABOUT HIM!!  HE IS AN AWESOME GOD!!!!!!!!!!

djk  11/8/00 It was great to read your post.  The thing that I have found in ministry with my husband is that it IS a team effort.  He has always been available to me or our children.  I know the direct number to his office and I know that I can freely use it if I need to.  What I have learned is to respect that fact.  It is a priviledge that my husband has granted me that I don't abuse.  The best part is in knowing that I come first.  There are still times when we get those priorities out of whack either with each other or with the kids but we do try to be consistent.  Sometimes the demands at church are great and sacrifices are made, but for the most part, I know and my children know that my husband's door is always open to us.  It breaks my heart to hear PW's who are struggling to maintain their relationships with their husbands.  I encourage all of you to set aside special time EACH WEEK with your husbands.  Maybe to just sit on the couch and hold hands.  But remember that you are a model for your church.  Our lives are definately not perfect but we should have happiness and joy.  Blessings to all and thanks again for your words Someonecares!!!  ><>

someonecares  10/25/00 Why is this woman in your home.  There should be boundaries set.  Forgiveness is needed and restoration will come with time. As you pray for her, you will find yourself being free to love her as a christian, but she can no longer be your best friend.  Having an affair with your husband says that she really wasn't much of a friend anyway.  You have to set boundaries in order to
move on with your marriage and family.  The devil is real.  He will come in anyway he can; through friends or family.  This battle is not about flesh. It's spriritual warfare.  Put your focus on whats best for your marriage and family.  Pray, Pray, Pray.  God will give you the answers you need.

Dee Ann Miller  10/26/00 I just came across this site and am impressed.  Don't know when I will be able to get back to it.  As a minister's wife of over 30 years, as well as a writer who specializes in clergy sexual miscconduct and clergy domestic violence, I will be happy to respond to your concerns and those of any others.

someonecares  11/14/00 All of us who have been pregnant have had insecurities about our bodies at
some point and time.  The fact that your husband tells you that he cares about you is a blessing.  You've got to pray for deliverance with your insecurities.  There are always going to be women who are physically more attractive that us but true beauty is from within.  You have to stop opening a door for the enemy to come in.  You're giving him an open invitation. Don't bring these women into your home with conversation about them to your husband.  Think about it.  He comes home to you at night.  He married you. You must be a special person and apparently you have qualities that he is drawn to.  You may not have the gifts that the other women have but you have the gift of providing loving home for your husband.  Count your blessings. You are truly blessed and it sounds like you have a husband who really loves you.

someonecares  11/14/00 Just a warning.  You are heading in the right direction but I must warn you that once you get involved in your ministry and you are not focusing on your husband, he is going to make a turn and began to seek attention from you.  By this time you will be so involved in your ministry that
you will not be bother by the fact that he is busy.  In actually the tables will turn.  He will require more from you and will be able to understand what you are feeling.  I've been where you are.  It's going to be an
awesome experience.  God bless you in your ministry.

a friend  11/19/00 I sense that you are angry, bitter and frustrated. Please try to get the victory over these things as they will destroy you. The enemy sure likes to help us see all kinds of faults in our spouses - he never bothers to help us see the good stuff. It sounds like you were involved in ministry of a different sort before you were married. It sounds like you were very independent and there is nothing wrong with that... Except that it can cause problems in a marriage. The Bible admonishes us to "forget the things that are behind and reaching for the the things that are ahead."  That part of your ministry is finished, but there are better days ahead.  Isn't there some way you can be involved in music ministry where you are, so you can use your talents?  Couseling would be of great benefit to both of you, and could drastically help your marriage.  Obviously there were things about this man that attracted you to him.  Pray that God will let you see those things again. I'll be praying for you.

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