Delores  7/5/00 I handled insurance for a Chemical Company for 6 years.  The law says that if you do not go for a period of 3 months without insurance you cannot be denied insurance coverage and with no reexisiting conditions, which includes pregnancy.  You should check with your state or federal insurance.  We could not deny this coverage after 1/1/98.  I am a new minister wife.  We were both widows for 5 years when we met and married.  I had given my life to Christ after my husband died.  I had
always been a faithful Christian just had not taken that second step to give my all.  My husband lost his church after 14 years of service 7 months after our wedding.  He and I can't wait to get another church to
serve God.  We pray for forgivenesss to those who we thought were our friends and loved ones and to wait on the Lord's direction for our lives. God Bless.

SusanK  7/6/00 I understand your dilemma, we are going through the health insurance problems also.  Something I found out about that you might be interested in is Christian Care Medi Share.  It is an organization that helps pay medical bills for it's members through other members and is based on Christian principles.  For more information, they have a website at www.ccm.org.  Another organization that is similiar is Samaritan Ministries Christian Health Care.  I don't know their address, but they can be found on the web using those keywords.  Hope this is of some help to you!

JLM  6/7/00 We are finding the same is true in our church.  It seems somehow we have missed an entire generation.  My husband teaches the youth on Wednesday and I teach the 5-10 year olds.  I am constantly inspired and he is constantly frustrated.  We decided that he would do what he could and I
would continue to "plant the seeds" that will bear fruit.  The problem is these "baby Christians" don't know how to cope because they have no early education of faith.  So just hang in there, what you do and say may not seem to make a difference, but someday maybe it will...

Pat  6/5/00 My dear sister Patricia, you are in my prayers.  I know you are hurting beyond measure. Rejection from our own is an agonizing experience in ministry.  May I encourage your heart with a few scriptures and thoughts from my heart?  Let me first encourage you that your feelings are valid and you are in good company.  David said in Psalms 55:12-14(NIV), "If an enemy were insulting me, I could endure it; if a foe were raising himself against me, I could hide from him. But it is you, a man like myself, my companion, my close friend, with whom I once enjoyed sweet fellowship as we walked with the throng at the house of God." He goes on in verses 22 and 23 in the midst of his agony to cast his cares on the Lord and declare his trust in Him. How David must have cried and wondered "how could they treat me this way...how could they turn on me and we worshiped side by side?"  His only recourse was to trust God. Easier said than done, but its the only hope we have, Patricia.  Know also that your feelings of confusion and even fear are a part of the process of God walking you through this valley. Paul encourages us in 2 Cor 4:8, "We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair;..."  Oh, and as for the elders that turned on your husband, they will have to answer to God for
their actions.  What the enemy has designed for evil, God will turn it around for your eternal good.  Isaiah 54:17 speaks to this matter; "No weapon that is formed against thee shall prosper; and every tongue that
shall rise against thee in judgment thou shalt condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD, and their righteousness is of me, saith the LORD."  Now, a personal word of encouragement...we have never been in the position of being asked to resign from the church, so I cannot say that I know how that feels, but I do know how it feels to be betrayed by people that we thought to be our friends.  We have been attacked with lies, threats of people leaving the ministry and taking their tithes and offerings with
them, deception and rebellion.  Through it all, God has been faithful. Our backs have been against the wall financially but God has remained faithful.  I've been angry, hurt and bitter...nothing like betrayal to
reveal the contents of our heart.  Such rejection has brought me to my knees.  It didn't happen overnight....I wanted God to "get 'em" real good. Eventually, He delivered me from bitterness and near hatred to the point where I could actually pray for the ones who turned on us.  It set me free.  Patricia, He will see you through this.  It is alright to cry...you need that release.  It is alright to question God! ...He can stand your inquiry.  But at the end of the day, know that He loves you and your husband and He will get glory from this mess!  Please keep us posted on your situation.  We love you and are praying for you!

Judy  6/6/00 I know how you feel.  My husband has never been asked to leave a church but he has left due to conflict  within the church.  He pastored a small church, mostly one family,   when we went there, they con trolled everything.  The church   started growing and they lost con trol.  They told my husband they   wanted to keep it a family churc h.  We felt if we couldn't reach  the community for Christ and brin g people in there was no need to   be there!  They had what they wa nted they were satisfied. When we left that church the new people who had come in left also.  They contacted us and asked us to start a mission.  We did just that.  God has blessed us tremdously!  That was three and a half years ago.  Today we have been in our new church Building for one year!  And the church has grown to the point my husband is no longer bi-vocatonal, but full time. God has really blessed us and he will you to.  He has promised to take care of our needs.  He will supply, it might not be like you think he should but in His was and his time. God Bless You

EverHischild  6/6/00 I am very sorry to hear of your pain. My husband and I are at our first church (two years now) and the only fear I had of taking a church was that I had seen Pastors and their wives go thru such pain when something went wrong. I do not have first hand experience with what you are going thru
but I do know that the Lord will take something that the devil meant for your harm and He (the Lord) will turn it around for your good.  I tend to react faster than my husband. I also tend to get closer to people. So I guess I would probably feel pain faster. My husband is always telling me, "Don't make mountains out of mole hills". I will be praying for you and your husband that the Lord will reveal to you both soon the good that He will bring out of all this.  God Bless you both.

Pet  6/24/00 Dear Sister I can relate to your situation perfectly.  My husband was also asked to resign from the church by our elders. No real reason or issues. This has hurt us tremendesly, we ask the Lord for direction every day.  All I can say is that He has not left us alone.  In our darkest moment he has sent someone or something to give us the peace and reassurance that we are still in his will.  He is  are one true friend and you need to keep trusting and holding on to Him along with your husband.  The Lord loves us and knows the pain we are going through. Keep praying daily even when you don't want to! It will give you the peace you need. You are in our prayers.

janie  7/17/00 Well, we've been there and done that as they say.  we have been in the ministry over 35 years.  We got into two hornets nests in our last pastorates.. People left the church, withheld tithe, etc...  They cut our pay.  (First time in our ministry we have been treated like this....  We've always had
good times in our churches.  It was either break teh church or break us and it nearly did.  We left with no place to go and no jobs.. rented an apartment and had to file bankruptcy, which we never wanted to do in our lives, but there was no other way - God has been so good to us.  We have been thru a lot of sickness, etc... but have held on and God has blessed. We are in the process of planting a church now and would like to have some ideas from others who have done this type of work.  It's nice to have a
place to talk and share ... Thanks for listening...  May God bless and help you in your efforts.... Be true to Him and He will help you thru this hard time.

Bela  6/11/00 Dear sister in Christ, it seems like you are really troubled, and you say this has ben going on for so long, I take my hat off for you, I do not know many women, who would put up with such behaviour. Men in general have a very soft spot for women, I personally have a great battle with this
myself, but I have learnt to lay every littlke deatil before the Lord, it keeps me sane, and it gives me a chance to see God 's workings in my husbands life. We have been married for two years, and we work together in full time ministry. I have cried my eyes out, I have prayed as never before, becouse I too think that my husbnd is too friendly with woman, but as usually, they do not think that, men are actually very foolish when it comes to women, that is why the book of Proverbs have heavy warnings about strange woman. Well waht practical advice can I give you? first of all do not loose hope in the Lord , He is your salvation, do not defile yourself in sin, it will affect your relationship to God, your husband will not be much affected, believe me!! Keep yourself clean before the Lord; secondly pray, warfare prayers, pray that things will be broiught o the light, prsay that God would convict your husband of His sins(if he is sinning), And never, ever, belittle yourself by trying to tell him anything, he will not listen to you, but he will listen to God, God always has a loud enogh way of speaking sometimes, and if he does not listen, he will reap sowrrow and pain. Commit yourself to God in prayer, He will come through to You, many things in my life in that area has changed, others are still thre, but I do not give up, life is about God, not my husband!! I love my husband dearly, but I will pray about things that I feel is not right. You also need a close friend to pary with you, and to support you in this time. Be free to e-mail me if you want to I am 29 years old, and I would love to be your friend.

PW in WI  6/12/00 My dear sister in christ,  How my heart cries for you. I hear so much hurt and frustration in your voice.  I wish that I could wrap you up in my arms and just minister Christ's love to you.  I don't have an answer for you other than to say that Jesus can be the lover of your soul.  He can comfort and bring peace to you.  The answer is truly not in having an affair.  That will only bring guilt and
feelings of hurt also.  You need to try and find someone you trust and talk to them about how you are feeling and what you are thinking about doing.  God loves you and He sees where you are at and longs to ease your pain.  It is at the times when we feel the farthest from His presence that He is nearest.  Draw near to Him and He will be found.  That is what He says in His word.  Seek His face like never before and draw from His well of strength.  You need to talk to your husband but it sounds like you also need to bring someone else into this.  So he won't just dismiss you.  Maybe another minister you know or a mutual friend who can help you both thru this time.  I don't know what the answer is but I will truly be lifting you before our Father today and in the upcoming days.  My prayer is that you will feel His love and strength in you and around you.  That you will cling to Him when no one else is there.  And that you will find a way to bring healing to this situation.  God loves you - don't ever forget that!! You are in my prayers.

Lynn  6/12/00 My heart went out to you as I read your posting.  I don't know if I fully understand your situation, but I feel it is never appropriate for a woman to sit on a married man's lap - even more so the pastor's!  You say your husband has been abusive at times.  Have you ever sought Christian counseling?  I know I have (for other issues) and it has sometimes been helpful, sometimes not.  The main thing is that you go to God for direction.  Make sure you are in the Word and living according to it.  Ask him to direct you to a person who can be impartial, yet empathize with your situation.  We all need the Lord, and we need Christian support from people.  God bless you.

hanna  6/13/00 I feel your pain, and I understand what you're going through. I agree with my sisters that having an affair of your own will not help ease your pain, only add to your trauma, and you then, will also be out of the will of God! What your husband is doing/allowing is totally unaceptable! He as ourselves have been commanded to shun the very appearance of evil! From painful experience, I have learned that what you must do to get through this is to stay before God! Yes, you are in a very vulnerable state at this time, and it's because your covering (husband) is not walkis not walking circumspectly before God, but that is NOT EXCUSE for your getting outside of GOD'S COVERING in walking in sin and disobedience! From experience, I say pray and ask God to open your husband's eyes so that he will see what he's doing! To try to talk to him about his condition, will be to no avail! (He is under demonic attack)! You may not be able to reach him, but GOD CAN AND HE WILL!!!! Ask God to uncover whatever is not right, and fix it!! God is your protection! He will MAKE him do you right! If YOU stay before God, and intercede for him, that yoke WILL be broken! I declare unto you my dear sister, GOD DOES HEAR AND ANSWER PRAYERS!! I went through the most difficult ordeal in my life, after having been married for over  20 yrs,
he pastoring for more than 15 when he decided to be led astray by a sister in the church! God heard my prayer! He would not allow me to leave, though there were MANY times when I wanted to, and thought that I'd not make another day! God turned it around! I've seen him suffer many things and I'm sure it's the result of what he's done, though to this day, he's NEVER APOLOGIZED to me for what he's done! God has now given him his spiritual vision back and we're moving forward again..PRAISE GOD!! Healing takes
time, and I'm being healed every day, by the grace of God! He did it for me, He'll do it for you! I REALIZE NOW, WHY I HAD TO GO THROUGH IT ALL!! GOD WAS TRYING TO GET MY ATTENTION, AND DRAW ME BACK TO HIMSELF!!! I HAD GIVEN MY HUSBAND ALL OF ME, INSTEAD OF POURING
MYSELF INTO THE WILL AND PLAN OF GOD FOR MY---MY LIFE!!! BE AT PEACE!! GOD WILL!!!

Co-PW  6/21/00 My heart goes out to you. You are very frustrated and unhappy because your husbands behavior is 100% out of order. I do not accept the myth that men are so weak for women. There are boundaries in all relationships, but especially in marriage. A godly man will be willing to shun every appearance of evil. If he hasn't committed adultery already,(I pray that he hasn't) this type of behavior is an open door for the enemy satan.  His behavior would be labeled as Emotional Adultery. But do not allow his actions to cause you to sin. This is not God's plan for you (3rd John vs.2) You are precious in God's sight. But your marriage needs to be restored. Is there anyone in leadership that he is accountable? If so, seek counsel with that person. I agree with the need to pray and fast, but you also need help in this situation. Christian marriage counsel is essential in your case.The fact that he has been a pastor for so long and this behavior accepted makes things more complicated. Please continue to make it clear that you do not accept or appreciate this behavior. "God is light and in Him is no darkness at all." (I John ch.I) Start spiritually preparing yourself to accept the answer to your prayers. Keep yourself pure. Don't let satan trick you (James 4:7) He loves to kill, steal, and to destroy entire families. All things will work out for the good for those who love God. "Cast your cares on Him" He can handle them. (Isaiah 41:10)My prayers are with you.

Donell  6/13/00 Unfortunately when we marry a pastor we have a lot of expectations put on us by the congregation and sometimes ourselves. We are called to be children of God.  He wants us to strive to be what He created us to be.  It is easy to look at what people expect and try to meet those things by being someone we are not.  You are only required to do and act as God has called you.  Seek His face.  He will show you what you are to be.  Try to just be who you are.  You will be in the forefront as a PW.  People and women will look to you as an example and a mentor at times.  They will expect things from you as we all do at times.  Just try to remember who it is you serve.  God is your one and only.  He loves you and created you just as you are.  Why would He want you to be different than what He created you to be.  You may need to be bold with individuals and let them know that you are who you are.  Be encouraged.  The fishbowl life is hard at times but you have the power to close the curtains from the inside.  You are wonderful and God loves you!!!!  Seek out a friend who you can let your hair down with.  Be open with your husband about your feelings and how you feel like you can't be yourself.  His support will really encourage you.  Feel free to email me.  It may be tough being a PW but it is also an awesome ministry for you.  You can do it and God will enable you.  Your in my prayers.

RhondaMc  6/14/00 I am new at this, so bear with me, but I had to respond.  When you mentioned you felt like you had to be someone you were not, a red flag went up.  I have been in the PW world for just a couple of years now, but I remember when it started.  I knew I could not fit the mold of Pastor's wife.  So, I decided to be myself.  I felt if they liked me, great!!  If they did not, it was their loss. (I have not run into anyone that treated me too bad, so far).  I'm not a bad person, in fact I would say I was pleasant enough.  I like myself, God LOVES me, they could like me or not. I always hoped that they would, but always knew that they may not. Anyway, what I am trying to say is, BE YOURSELF.  Your husband married you for who you are, be that person.  I also try to remeber that He is not finished with me yet.  I am not perfect, and will not be, but He has started a good work in me, and He will finish it.  Pray for joy.  The joy
God gives, is something special.  There are times I have to drink from the saucer because My God is so good!!  Hang in there. PRAY, PRAY, PRAY!!!

living-n-fishbowl  6/18/00  please get my email address from rockdove.com  --- I am sort of in same boat, but I would love to talk with you about what you are feeling being a pastor's wife.  I have many times thought I was wrong in marrying a preacher, please contact me soon by email!

Beth  6/18/00 I recently became a pastor's wife and am already feeling several frustrations.  Although, maybe not to the degree you have experienced, I do realize that I have quite a "journey" ahead of me.  Please, please do not give up.  That would be a grave mistake.  But, try to give this over to the Lord.  Pray, pray, pray. Like you've never prayed before.  Ask God to help you every day, every minute, every second.  Sometimes "one day at a time" is not enough. At times, I ask God just to help me make it to the next minute when it seems like I can't do it anymore.  Your husband needs you by his side now more than ever.  It is the enemy's business to divide the two of you and to make you feel the way you do.  Do not let him prevail!  Get in the word every day.  I read a Proverb every day -- corresponding with whatever day of the month it is.  IF if is June 18, I will read Proverbs 18. and so on.  This is changing my life.  Please have faith and perservere.  The rewards will come.  God wouldn't have put you in this position if he didn't think you could handle it.  Remember, He's with you every step of the way!!

KLL  6/20/00 My husband has been in the pastorate for 30 years. When we married, I told him I felt called to be his wife and did not feel called to be a pastor's wife.  He said that was okay.  All he wanted was for me to be his wife.  We have had 30 great years in the pastorate (20 in the same church).  It has really helped to be able to be myself and not have to conform to what someone else expects of me.  I guess I have felt that at the bottom line, I have no more responsibilities than any of the other women in the church.  And my husband has been in agreement with this.  What this has led to is a love for the church and a release for me to be involved in the areas of the church that God has gifted me in. At this time I'm involved with the women of the church and loving it, but it did take time to feel God's calling.  God really does know what He is doing when He gives us a special love for a man in ministry. Try looking
around your small town to find an area that you would enjoy being involved in :  art gallery, preschool; school; job. This gives you some place to make "normal" friends and involve yourself in, without thinking yourself as pegged "the pastor's wife".  I'm praying that the Lord will encourage you and reveal to you exactly where your sadness is coming from.  First job (church)and a long way from home can be hard on any marriage and especially one with unreal expectations expectations from the church.  You are God's child first, your husband's wife second and those other responsibilities need to fall in with what God is telling you.  Let us know how your week went!

C.J.  6/23/00 I want to say thank you to all who responded to my post about not being sure if marrying a pastor was the right thing to do.  I was so depressed the day that I posted that, but after reading other wives problems, I realized that I was not alone.  I know that God sent me here for support and I am so thankful that he did.  I have already felt more comfortable in my life and realize that it could be much worse.  My prayers go out to those who are dealing with much greater issues in their churches and their marriages.  I would love to get e-mail from those who asked, but am not sure how to go about it.  Thank you all again!!!

Susan  7/12/00 It is very difficult these days for our husbands to take Biblical stands.  My husband doesn't like doing weddings for that very reason.  He will not marry unequally yoked, living together, previously divorced, etc. Many people threaten to leave the church--he shows them the door.  The bottom line is:are a man's convictions based on the Scriptures.  If God says no then how can man say yes?I applaud your husband and if the deacons are concerned about appearances, or about a decline in attendance then are they really qualified as deacons?  They should also be men of the Word, holding forth the Truth. God will bless your husband for standing firm.  God's will is rarely easy.  We have left a church over Biblical truth versus more people through the door.  What is a successful ministry?  Is it
the number of people in the pew or is it the spiritual growth of the individuals?  Pray that God moves your husband to continue to stand firm and that he doesn't compromise for the sake of the position.  The church needs more men who are willing to stand for Truth!!! If he loses his position over Truth, then God has something much better for him. I will be praying for you and would be willing to be a friend.

Alberta  6/16/00 Matt 19:9  (Pharaphrased) Any one who marries after a divorce if it was for any thing other than fornication commits adultery.There must be an act of infidelity.

6/24/00  Dear Faye, you're already having a problem with the reality of life in many pastor's lives. Your fiance' feels that he is doing God's will. If you have read many of the experiences on this board you can see  that this can be an ongoing issue. From personal experience please allow me to share that balance is so very important in ministry, but it takes time to learn this very important lesson. There is quite a bit of
sacrifice in ministry whether you try to balance it or not. I've experienced a great deal over the past 20 Years. The most comfortable times in our lives within the church and family have been when we were in
agreement and working together. God answers prayer!

pw  6/26/00 I would like to find out more about the forum that will be hosted by other pastor's wives on unique issues.  How can we participate in this forum?

rhonda  6/25/00 Judy, I know that the Urban Alternative Ministry is holding a Pastor's wife conference in September in Dallas.  You can find information about it at their website.

SusanK  7/6/00 A great Pastor's wives retreat that I found is through the retreat ministry at Great Hills Baptist Church.  The church is in Austin, Texas, but they have retreats throughout the United States.  They have a website at www.ghbc.org/retreat for more information. They have wonderful women's retreats, for all women and Staff Wives retreats separately.  Also, most Baptist State conventions have an annual
pastor's wives retreats. Hope this will be helpful for you!

Ruth  7/9/00 I do understand very much what you are talking about! Finding friends is difficult because you are really a leader in the church along with your husband. If you make friends with members and tell them your feelings, many others may then find out when you didn't intend that. Also some are jealous of your friendship. I am a leader in my job (nurse manager) as well as in the pastorate and this has been the most difficult part of leadership. My friends must be outside of the ones I lead. I'm not sure how you might find those friends but praying about this will really help. When the children are young, it is important to find at least two hours per week to be just a couple. Perhaps there is a person to babysit for you. My husband and I had to be "best friends" when I was not working and the children were small. I also found a
Christian Women's group outside of our immediate church to go to. They had a nursery and fed the children lunch while the women met for lunch and then a speaker. The entire program was 1 1/2 hours so
it wasn't too long for the children. Everyone took turns in the nursery. Perhaps there is one near you or you could start one! I still feel the pain at times because leadership is lonely even when you have made those friends. This web site is great because you can share and get support when it would not be a good idea to share with someone in your church.

EverHischild  7/8/00 Father, I come to you right now in the Mighty Name of Jesus. Lord I bring Micki and her family and all of her needs to your throne right now. Lord you sit on the right hand of the Heavenly Father and you are touched with the feeling of our infirmities. Lord I can see you thru the eyes of my spirit turning to the Heavenly Father right now and saying" Father, Micki and her family need a touch form You right now. Heavenly Father take this discouagement from her right now. And open the eyes of her husband to see that he must set his house in order before he can minister effectively. Lord give him right priorities and help him to use wisdom in the way he treats his family." Jesus I know that He is doing all
that you asked right now and I praise you forever. You are worthy of all of our praise. We place Micki squarely in Your hands and trust You to take care of her. Thank you, Lord. In Your Precious Mighty Name. Amen.

Beth  7/6/00 Please be encouraged about all that is happening.  Glory in the fact that God would not put you in this position if you couldn't handle it.  If God is taking your church to a new level, you will lose people.  Look at the big picture and realize that not all "saints" will have the tools necessary to climb to that level.  Our pastor's have a big responsibility in getting direction and listening to the Lord regarding how to proceed.  Sometimes the answers are unfavorable to our flesh or seem quite unreasonable.  But to whom much is given much is required.  We can never be in this business to "entertain" saints or to tickle their ears.  The priority is to win souls and take them to heaven.  No matter the cost.  I really don't think it will ever be "comfortable".  I have been a pastor's wife for only five months.  But, one of the first
things I learned is that you NEVER get too familiar and/or chummy with your saints.  Yes, you can be friendly and of course kind and minister to them.  But, your saints cannot be your bosom buddies.  It is quite difficult to correct your friends.  I am a person who has always tried to be friends with everyone.  But, now I must use caution.  Your saints need to respect your office as the pastor's wife as well as the office of the pastor.  God gave these positions because someone has the responsibility of leading and
ministering.  Although no one is better than another, we cannot all be on the same level.  There has to be a distinction.   AT times I have found it to be lonely, yes.  But, it draws me closer and closer to the Lord.  He's my friend. You stand fast and strong.  Pray, pray like never before.  Encourage yourself through God's word.  It will all work for good. 

I understand  7/11/00 I feel your pain. The pain obtained by those who were once close to you are far deeper than any other, but we must remember what Jesus said, He received His wounds from the house of His friends; those with whom He took sweet counsel with, and ate together with. You must realize however, that what they have done to you and your husband has not hindered God's plan for your lives. As a matter of fact, He has proven to you and those gainsayers about you, that God is with you. So the daycare didn't work, but has that hindered the Work of God?? To attack you will only reap trouble upon themselves! NO WEAPON FORMED AGAINST YOU WILL PROSPER!! He will prepare a table before YOU, FOR YOU right in the face of your enemies! God will stop the mouths of your eneimies, and the truth will soon be seen! A lie cannot live! On a personal note, however, can they stop you from starting a daycare apart from the church if you so desired, in a totally different location? What you do on a personal note, apart from the church should be your business, should it not?  Continue to stay before God, and He WILL direct your path! God bless you, and be encouraged!

Lynn  7/13/00 How my heart went out to you in your situation!  I, too have spent the last two years being hurt by my pastor. My husband was an associate and the pastor was very controlling.  He was an older man who said he couldn't change his ways.  We,too, had meetings where we tried to talk things out.  It didn't work.  I have a hard time understanding why if a Christian comes to you and says that you have hurt them, you can't try to make things right.  Anyway, my husband has recently moved to a new church and we are starting to heal.  God really spoke to me through this time in Matthew 5.  Read the end of the chapter on loving your enemies.  I really had to meditate on this for about a year.  Loving my enemy (my pastor) was very hard.  At times it was even hard for me to speak to him, yet Jesus says if we are to greet our enemies.  In Luke, Jesus said to do good to your enemies.  This is the hardest thing I ever did, but I asked the Lord to show me a small way to do good to him, and he did.  None of this is easy, but I have found comfort in being obedient.  God will comfort you, too.  Realize that anger is normal in this situation, but try very hard to fight bitterness. I will be praying for you.

anonymous  7/13/00 Response to I understand:  Thank you for your words of encouragement. Things have even gotten a little bit worse since I've written.  I know it's because the Lord is moving in mighty ways through my husband and the enemy has tried outside forces to stop the work from going forward.  But when that didn't work he resorted to using our closest brethren to strike out against us.  Much more painful and much more disturbing. We have an outreach to our Urban community in 2 weeks and the enemy is angry, hence the battle!  I am reassured by what you have said to me.  As far as the Daycare situation, I wouldn't want to be spiteful and start one "just because".  I could start a grammar school, high school or my husband could start the Daycare in HIS name.  We just don't want to be viewed as rebellious because the Lord couldn't bless that.  We are just waiting on Him.  It's more important to us that we restore this relationship and then move on in God's timing.  Keep me in prayer and I will you.

Dawn  7/26/00 Oh, yes, I have struggled with this many times. Be yourself, God created you that way, and brought you to that church for a purpose. God looks at the heart, unlike man who looks at the
outside. Be patient with your congregation. The only way to deal with them is in love and patience. Continue to make yourself be the one to walk up to people, I am on the shy side also. Continue to speak about your Lord. Any many ways you are like a parent to your congregation. They will watch and learn from your actions (as long as your actions are not in a self-righteous manner.)The shape they are in took many yrs to get there, so be patient on how long it takes for them to soak in your teachings. If you want you can email, once the board gives you my email.

anonymous  7/12/00 This is in response to your question re: auxilary ministries and you voicing your opinions.  I have found that the Lord has placed me in a position where I can make a difference.  Being the First Lady of a church is an awesome challenge and responsibility.  If something is very wrong and needs to be addressed, I believe before God, we are responsible to speak to the issue.  There are some who will agree with everything the Pastor's wife says just because of the position and then there are some who will go against what you say just because of your position.  It's just the way it is unfortunately.  However, as Esther was placed in her awesome position "for such a time as this" you have also been ordained for the task before you.  Speak out when things need to be addressed to the group. But speak privately to the leader of the group if you feel something can be handled best through that person. And don't forget to ask hubby's advice.  Those Pastor husband's have been known for giving good insight into these things.  After all, he knows his flock, Amen?  Hope that this helps.

Brenda  7/13/00 I would be interested in hearing this. I have always wondered why some women held this conviction. It is one I know nothing about.

Carole  7/13/00 I'm very interested in the info. about womens' hair and the title and author of the book.  Thank you.

bxb  7/17/00 This is in response to a couple of you who wanted more info on the women's hair issue.  The information I received was very anointed and inspired.  I had prayed for a long time for God to reveal to me his will concerning my hair. I will never again put scissors to my hair and after continued prayer and fasting, I will be teaching this revelation to the women in my church. Our hair was given to us as a covering.  I Corinthians 11 begins talkins about God's line of authority (Christ the head of the man, man the head of the woman, etc.) This is not talking about superiority and inferiority but relationship and responsibility.  Our hair symbolizes our position in that order.  (I Cor. 11:4,5)  The woman is showing her submission by a "covered" head, meaning long hair. The Greek translation for "long" is "uncut". Read I Cor. 11:6. If God tells a woman not to cut her hair and she rebels by cutting it, then she is trying to assume the role of the man, who is commanded by God to show his submission by keeping his hair cut. The word "shame" in verse  6 is used to talk about many sins in the Bible.  Cutting or trimming the hair is in the same category.  Because a woman's hair is a glory to her (I Cor. 11:15) cutting or even trimming the hair means that we are severing off the glory given to us by God.  Ladies, we must guard this glory that God gave us.  Many uproars were made in the 1920's when women began to "bob" their hair. Why the uproar?  Because before that time, this was not done and cutting or shaving the head was uncommon among women and a sign of rebellion.   Did you know that Lucifer was thrown out of heaven because of his pride over his looks.  He was the "covering" cherub, who guarded the glory of God.  When he was cast out of heaven (like lightning) he lost his role and his covering.   The woman was given the responsibility to now reflect the glory of God.  This is why Satan tempts women to disturb the covering on
their head - it symbolizes to him what he lost. Your hair signals to the spirit world whether or not you are in submission or rebellion. This information may seem far fetched or reaching, but I believe this is a
serious issue.  If you sincerely pray and ask the Lord for his divine direction concerning this matter, He will reveal it to you.  He did it for me.  I'm not some Jesus freak who has gone a little mad.  I saw this plain as day when it was shown to me (again, after much prayer).  Since I made the decision not to cut or trim my hair, I am experiencing greater power and blessings.  And my hair is growing like you would not believe.  I want all God has for me.

anonymous  7/22/00 I must say that your enthusiasm and personal convictions regarding the "hair" are interesting and very commendable. However to say that because a woman of God does not allow her hair to grow down to the ground like "Rapunzel" means that she is rebellious is a little bit unfair, don't you think?  What your study has neglected to point out is that the culture of today has changed dramatically since the days of Paul.  It was considered shameful in those days to cut the hair because women who did so were harlots.  So to avoid appearing as if you were a "harlot" women were advised to keep their heads covered and their hair long.  The same principle applies to the covering of a woman's head and the wearing of pants as some denominations like to teach. I still believe as God said in the days of old, That the Lord looks at the heart of a man (and woman) and not at the appearance.  And it's the blood of Jesus Christ my Lord (not my hair) that signals one thing to the Spirit world... that we are Christ's handmaiden, not because of what we do, how we dress or how long our hair grows, but because He shed His precious blood for my soul. The Pharisee's were rebuked by Christ for making so many rules.  He called them "white washed tombs", clean bodies by filthy hearts. We need to be careful that we don't use our personal convictions to judge other women who love and serve God but choose to cut their hair.  God bless you all.

Becky  7/25/00 Thank you anonymous for writing that letter in response to the other "Hair" letter. It was very well put. God does judge the heart not the outward apparance. It is a love for him that he is looking at,and our service as well. There is a world who is dying and going to hell and if we are going to reach them we need to be in the world,but not of the world.

R. B.  7/31/00 Three of the best books in my library are: POWER BEFORE THE THRONE by Ruth Reider (Morris Publishing) MY HAIR MY GLORY by Juli Jasinski  A CALL TO HOLINESS by Joy Haney (Word Aflame Press) May God bless you as you continually seek to please him!!!

Someone Cares  7/17/00 I have learned that in ministry we are to help our husbands which require a lot of prayer for our husbands.  We have to be very careful when advising them about their decisions.   We have to remember that if the Lord spoke something to us then he can also speak to him.  We see things
one way and all the evidence may prove that this is not a good decision to marry this couple.  But you really don't know what the Lord may have said to him.  This is one of those times that you have to trust God and to speak to your husband to make the right decision.  If he makes the decision and it's the wrong one, then that's between him and the Lord.  If he changes his decision because of what you say and it turns out to be wrong, the concequences may be more severe.  Sometimes we have to talk more to God than to our husbands, especially when we see things that we don't think are right. This way the Lord will be the center of all the attention and no feelings will be hurt and your husband won't feel like your trying to control him. This doesn't come easy but with time.  We have a tendency to comment on things that we see, and sometimes we do need to say something, but pray first.  If this couple's marriage does not alter your life, then why make a big issue.  It's not worth the confusion.  Trust God to help your husband make the right decision and stand by him.  God Bless you.

DK  7/17/00 Let me first say that I feel that your convictions are right about this issue.  My husband and I have many conversations along this line.  Thankfully he shares my same conviction.  Marriage is not to be entered into lightly.  Saying that......you need to really be in prayer for your husband.  Too many times than I can count I have tried to do the work of the Lord in my husband.  The most powerful influence we can have on our husbands is to release them to the Lord and let Him do the work in them.  I encourage you to get the book by Stormie Omartian entitled "The Power of a Praying Wife".  In it she describes how
committing to prayer changed her husband.  It really changed her also and she saw the Lord do a work in their marriage that brought them from the point of divorce to a strong healthy relationship with each other and also with the Lord.  It is a powerful testimony.  The book then goes thru different prayers to pray for different circumstances.  Please don't think that I am giving you a pat answer to just "pray".  I hear your heart and sense that you are deeply troubled and love your husband.  Don't give up and certainly don't allow the silence between you to continue.  God has already seen your heart and heard your thoughts so
don't be afraid to pour them out before Him.  He is so gracious and faithful to us.  He love you and your husband and He does all things well. I will be praying for you this week.

bee  7/19/00 Thanks to you who've responded. I fear this very situation was a test in which I did not pass. My realationship with God had been at such a high point; I fear I was becoming a bit too self-righteous. Kind of like I had a hotline to God and perhaps my husband didn't. Being married to a
minister is very tough at times; I see in him all of his shortcomings that the church doesn't. They tend to praise him and I admonish him. I do pray for him and have read many times through the Power of a Praying Wife. Let's just say for a brief time I tried to become the Holy Spirit for him and forgot all about submission and prayer. I have seen the errors of my ways and am once again starting over!! The Christian walk is a series of valleys and mountaintop experiences. I tend to feel very passionately about things; so my valleys are always so severe. But there is not one of these times in which God hasn't taken me and made me stronger through it. For that I am grateful!!

DJK  7/16/00 Your email totally stopped me in my tracks. You see about a month ago my husband also questioned his calling.  He was praying one night after I had went to bed and asked the Lord to speak to
him because he wasn't going to continue without a word from the Lord.  The Lord sent him to Titus 1:3 which says "..... for I have anointed YOU to preach....."  God is so specific with us and He deals with us on an individual basis.  I want to encourage you to really seek the Lord and allow Him to be your comfort and teacher during this time in your life. He is truly a personal God and will deal with you specifically in your place right now.  Trust Him!  He loves you and will always be there no matter what it is that you need from Him.  I will praying for you and if you want to get my email address from RockDove feel free to.  God Bless you sister in Christ.

anonymous  7/17/00 Hold on to the faith, my dear Vicky!  The Word says that in the last days, even the very elect would be deceived and the enemy is working overtime on your husband because revival is coming! Continue to pray.  We sisters in the work of Jesus will lift you up also! I have added your name to our church email prayer line and we will continue to ask for the Lord's faithful intervention.  I too have been
deceived and hurt by those over me in the ministry.  My former Pastor, his wife and my Presbyter.  But there is one who sees and knows all things. He weighs the hidden agendas in the hearts of all men, so be of good cheer! Also, remember that we serve a sovereign God who may have used this entire scenario to keep you where you are so that wonderful things can happen through you both in this church. Please pass these words of encouragement to your husband. If you would email me, I will speak to you in more
detail.  Maybe even my husband could speak and listen to your husband.  Sounds like we have put in the same amount of years into the ministry and have experienced similar situations.  Try to contact me through rock dove.  Much Love to you.

iami  7/29/00 My personal belief is that no matter what, where and when, PRAYER is the answer. I also belief that one major role we play in our husbands life and ministry is intercession for them, about them, to them etc... The Time of your husband, believe me , only God can speak to him, he won't listen to you, I was in a same kind of Time situation, I prayed very earnestly for a while (long time actually) and today, there is plenty Time with him. About the church ladies, don;t do anything to win their love, that is not your calling. Your calling is to love, care, minister and if they respond praise God if they don't, they don't, it is important that we never live to please people or agin their favour. Be obidient to God, in what He has called you and the rest is up to the Lord. By all means search your life and heart to see if you come short in any area "before the Lord" not people, and then make the necessary amendments. But we will never please people. And as a matter of fact a Pastor's wife is a lonely one, few friends, that is why the Lord has to be your best friend at all times, and live to please him.] Pray,pray and pray for your husband!!!

anonymous  7/20/00 Praise God that your husband told you the truth re: that young woman and how he gave her some money.  I think the Devil is having a hay day with the dream (nightmare) he has taunted you with.  It has served it's purpose by allowing your husband and you to discuss it but now that you have already done that, you MUST let it go. Remember, just like we needed to come on line to talk with sisters in Christ who understand, our husbands have to be able to come to us and talk as well.  If you take his honest response and use it against him, he will think otherwise before coming to you in the future.  Then who will he go to?  That young woman or another may be there wating to give him some
"advice".  Forgive him and get on with your marriage. There have been many things that my husband has shared with me and I really could have used them to have vain imaginations.  Let me tell you... My marriage would be a wreck.  But instead we have a healthy, open and honest line of communication because of it.  I never use his "confessions" to me against him.  I listen and let them go to the foot of Calvary lest Satan use it against us as a couple.  I will pray for you to gain the necessary strength to accomplish this task.  Try to think long term and press on.

Brenda  7/24/00 We have been homeschooling for just over two years now and I must say it is the wisest choice we ever made. It took us some time to get there; we were totally opposed to this idea for some time. Our oldest daughter was in the public schools