Jean  2/10/00 I would like to hear some personal responses to my dilemma. If anyone is in my position, they may not feel free to share with everyone, so please write rockdove for my e-mail. thanks! My posts are under Jean W. on these dates: 5-27-99 and 1/15/00. Thanks!

Ministers Wife  2/26/00 Our prayer group started out with a wonderful book called "What Happens when Women Pray" by Evelyn Christenson.  A lot of the women in our group were intimidated by prayer out loud and this book really helped them so much.  We met for one hour which meant that we got down to it.  We saw so many prayers answered and so many seeds planted.  0ur group started off rather large but dwindled down to the faithful few which was about 7.  But it was a truly blessed experience. We grew so much in our prayer time.  I pray that your group can learn and share as much as we did.  During this prayer time I had a fourth child and my husband answered a call into the ministry which led to his quitting his job and going to seminary, but my prayer group became my prayer warriors and will always be the ones I call first when I need intercessory prayer. God Bless you, I hope this helps!!!

Judy  6/6/00 I think you will really enjoy the book "What Happens When Women Pray" I suggest you have your group read it.  I have bought several copies on Ebay for 1 or 2 dollars.  They are usually 10 to 12 in book stores. I hope this helps.

Dee  2/18/00 First of all, Sue, I am sorry for the loss of your brother-in-law and family in the accident, and will pray for you and your church.  It is an awesome thing to step into another man's shoes, or in this case pulpit.  When the man steps into the pulpit, so does his wife so my prayer to Father is that he will grant you both the grace,  strength and provision necessary to carry on the vision for your church. The pressures and burdens upon those of us in ministry seems to continue to increase, but remember, these battles are not ours.  It was easy to slip into depression last year, transferring all of my frustrations and hurts over onto my husband, our church members, and the Lord, but thankfully, I sought out a Christian counselor who not only gave sound counsel, but knew how to pray and do spiritual warfare at a time when I didn't have the strength to do it for myself.  As you said Sue, there are times I feel that I could take on the world, then other times I feel like running away and hiding in a cave.  I told my ex-counselor, now friend, that sometimes I feel like those blow up clown punching bags, that when kids punched them hit the floor and popped back up for another blow.  But the important thing in that is the popping back up.  Each time we go through trials that make us feel like quiting or that we've failed, if we listen closely to the Lord we'll grow stronger in each battle.  I strongly believe that as the return of Jesus grows closer, we are facing things never before faced in the history of man, but God has promised us that He will do battle for us if we remain in His will and under the shadow of His wings.  What a great hope! And now, L.W., I'd just like to encourage you to go with your husband to your pastor and his wife.  Tell them how you are feeling and ask where they feel that you could share your love and fellowship with your church members.
Over the years I've learned that communication is of the utmost importance. And we try to have personal fellowship at different levels in our church, like sometimes our leadership coming to our house for a covered dish, then once a month the whole church shares a covered dish lunch following the morning service.  You didn't say in your e-mail, but do you and your husband call others and get together with anyone other than services?  I don't know how long you've been at your church, but I am a firm believer that you can be friends with your own members, but not on the same level as a confidant or "best friend" type of relationship.  Usually, when a leader tries to be  too intimately involved with women in the church it backfires somewhere down the road.  Either others get jealous of your relationship with one person, or sometimes things get shared that get misunderstood and taken out of context, causing problems.  Can you spend time with your pastor's wife or are there any other ladies near you that you can get together with?  I know that feeling of being lonely you spoke of, and it can be very painful. I'd love to be able to put my arm around your shoulder and take you out for a cup of tea, but since that's impossible, I offer my prayer that God send you a true and trustworthy friend who can pray with you as well as spend a nice long day with you at a mall or a park!  And for your husband as well, that the Lord rewards his desire to be of service by showing him how his giftings and love can best be utilized for the kingdom!  Be encouraged, my sister.  You're not really alone!  There are thousands of us pastors wives walking arm in arm in the Spirit!   Blessings to all of my sisters in Christ!

Cathy  2/17/00 Listen, I understand your frustrations but there is much to be done on God's program.  The church is the only organization where there is never any unemloyment.  First, you need to talk with God about your gifts and talents.  Find out where you fit in with God's plan.  Notice that I said Gods plan and not man's plan because may will never fit you into their agendas.  Once you have discovered your place then I feel that you should act on it by talking with your husband and pastor about your gifts.  Ask
your pastor where could you work in order to assist in the ministry. After all, he is the pastor and you must first show your submission to him before starting a ministry.  The more you become involved with the members the more they will feel comfortable in calling and sharing with you.  Most congregations are more loyal to the Senior Pastor than any other person. This does not take away from your spiritual abilities.  Personally, I feel that you and your husband could work great as a team in the ministry.  It is good to know that you want to be invovled because I have met so many minister's wives who lack the desire to do anything.  Don't hold back on your abilities!  Others may not be aware of what you have and desire to do.  Try talking with your pastor's wife to develop a strong spiritual relationship so that you don't feel left out. I encourage you to stay in the ministry.  God chose you to be the wife of a minister.  It is an honor and a blessing to be called to this type of service.  Believe in yourself.  Study God's word and allow the Holy Spirit to work in the both of your lives.  Feel free to e-mail me by getting my address from Rock Dove.  I am 28 years old and we have been in the ministry for about 7 years.  I have experienced much since he was called to pastor. I will continue to pray for you and hope that you will grow stronger and stronger.  Remember, fight the good fight of faith!

lara  3/29/00 I would be interested in the Bible Book Club if you are still interested in doing it.  I am engaged to a pastor but this board has been very encouraging to me.  I have always wanted to read through the Bible, but I never seem to be able to do it.  I think that I could do it if I had some accountability like the Bible Book Club you were talking about.  I will also try to contact you by email through Rock Dove.

Iowa Lynne  2/26/00 God bless you, my dear sister!  People can be so fickle can't they.  In our circle of pastor's wives we have a saying, "They prophesy you in and they prophesy you out!"  It doesn't make the
trial any easier, but it is good to understand human nature.  Every pastor's wife has been betrayed and had people leave the church. It hurts! One of the things that my husband and I have learned is this ---- Hold people with an open hand!  They belong to God not us!  Keep your eyes on JESUS and your hand on the plow.  Jesus is our example in this.  Here He is with 12 disciples - and one of them is a  devil........  He treated them all the same.  The disciples asked among themselves if it was them.  Jesus
even washed Judas' feet knowing Judas would betray him.  SUCH LOVE.... SUCH WONDEROUS LOVE!  People will always disappoint us.  When they do --- it drives us to our knees.  The pain is too great for us to bear.  JESUS will NEVER disappoint us.  Stay close to Him, Wynnette.  He will help you.  He will help you heal, too.  He will give you beauty for ashes --- the oil of joy for mourning and the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness.  IF GOD BE FOR US WHO CAN BE AGAINST US! Let us know how you are doing.  Weeping may endure for the night but JOY cometh in the morning.   Love you, my precious sister-in-Christ

Wynnette  3/1/00 Thank you, Iowa Lynne, for your kind and wise words of wisdom. It really helped me look at our situation with a totally different perspective.  I really liked what you said about "holding people with an open hand" because they don't belong to us.  How true and I will remember this in the future.  Things are a little better.  The sister I mentioned in my note finally put her phone back on the hook and we have been communicating.  I'm glad I received your response before I talked to her.  I prayed and asked God to give me wisdom and He did.  I love her but I won't hold her as tightly as I did because I know now that she (and all the other sheep) belong to God, not me!  Thank you again and thank all my
sisters who I know were lifting me and my husband up in prayer.  You are priceless.

Peggy from Ohio  3/5/00  I was looking for information on raccoons for my 9 year old son's school report when I happened across this site for Pastor's Wives.  I am overwhelmed and blessed by the honest sharing  that goes on here.  I have been a pastor's wife for 25 years. Our first church was very rural, small church, second church was suburb of a small city, third church was in NYC and now we are in a suburban church that had gone through a split before we came and we've just lost many members due to a conflict in our midst.  Oh how it would have helped to have such a site as this to share with other pastor's wives throughout the years.  You are not alone in your experiences. We were kicked out of one church for preaching the simple gospel, last year very few would talk to me because I minister to those in our church who were hurting because of the conflict.  We are not pastor's wives to please people...we are pastor's wives because that is what the Lord called us to do...we are to be obedient to what the Lord calls us to do, follow the leading of His Holy Spirit and trust him with the "fruit".  That is His job, not ours.
Be encouraged my friend, make some new friends and start again.  The Lord will heal the wounds that are created by the sheep. The sheep bite but they still need a shepherd. Pastor's wives frequently deal with lonliness...Jesus is the only answer for the lonliness and the sisters-in-the-Lord He provides for encouragement along the way.  I am so thankful for each one as they have come and gone. Each has given me a gift no matter how small or large...even if the Lord used them to refine me and draw me closer to HIM. (Iron sharpens iron) It hurts when they bite and leave but know the Lord will replace them eventually with another one. The Lord is the only one who is faithful....we are completely dependent on
Him. Rest in HIM. He is faithful! Praise His Holy Name. God bless you all.

Sadusee  3/24/00 People come and go in churchs all the time. Do what you can for them while you have them; love em, pray for em, feed them the word but don't take it personal if they church hop. The flock belongs to God not you or your husband We all are given different personalities and we relate better to some people more than others but it is not an issue of self worth. One thing I have learned the hard way is my worth is in Christ and the value he has placed on me ; not  in any one elses opinion of my preformance. The Lord values you and your husband God be with you

Sheila  3/30/00 My name is Sheila also ,I am 40 yrs old and had never been sick in my life untill,we came to this church  6 yrs ago.  I don't know if this is what you are looking for, but right after we came ,My children who, had never had asthma , had a bad attack 2x's and had to be rushed to er. I came down
with strep throat and it turned into rumatic(oops,can't spell) fever and the antibiotics cleard it for a couple of weeks then I had a relaps, that was worse than the first. About a year later I wa standing in the kitchen
, getting ready for church and sneazed and my back popped out of place, the pain was so bad, prescription meds would'nt help. I continued to attend church, and even taught a pastors wives class at a small local convention. I had to sit in a chair while I taught,and when I was finished I couldn't get up. I had decided I would be deformed for the rest of my life and would just have to live with it, since one hip was way higher than the other,and people looked at me funny.The doctors couldn't find what was wrong. It begin to get better and now I'm ok for the most part. Iam constantly aware that I can not move to fast and some days I'm so afraid it will come back.I have had 2 bad paps and had to have a biopsy and a small portion of abnormal cell taken out. I feel I have been under attack, because I am not satisfied with get by
ministry, I want to do something really great for God,and leave behind a legacy, I know God has a plan and I don't want to miss it. I do hope that you'll respond. I would like to talk to you .

CPR  3/7/00 DEAR SISTER IN CHRIST. HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF BOUNDARIES? GOD DID NOT INTEND FOR US TO LIVE IN PERPETUAL MARRIAGE HELL WITH SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T HONOR OR SUBMIT TO US. YOU SHOULD HAVE SEPARATED FROM HIM YEARS AGO TO LET HIM KNOW THAT HIS BEHAVIOUR WAS UNACCEPTABLE! WE ALLOW OUR HUSBANDS - BECAUSE THEY CARRY THE PASTOR LABEL - TO USE AND ABUSE US AND THEN ERRONEOUSLY THINK THAT THAT'S OUR LOT IN LIFE AND THAT WE ARE DOING THE RIGHT THING WHEN ALL WE ARE DOING IS ENABLING AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP TO LINGER ON. THESE KINDS OF RELATIONSHIP NEVER GET BETTER. MY HUSBAND BORDER ON THE VERBALLY ABUSIVE TOWARD ME AND MY CHILDREN. BUT, I HAVE LEARNED TO LET HIM KNOW THAT HIS BEHAVIOR IS UNACCEPTABLE, AND VERY HURTING TO THE CHILDREN AND ME.  I AM CONTINUALLY PRAYING FOR MYSELF, AND THE CHILDREN THAT WE WILL BE STRONGIN THE LORD TO WITHSTAND HIS STINGING WORDS, AND TO KEEP OURSELVES FROM SINNING AGAINST GOD BY SHOWING SAME BEHAVIOR MY HUSBAND EXHIBITS.  IT'S A TALL ORDER FOR THE KIDS, BUT I HELP THEM TO SEE THAT THERE'S NOTHING TO BIG FOR OUR FATHER IN HEAVEN TO HANDLE! I AGREE WITH GOD THAT DIVORCE IS NOT AN ANSWER.  BUT, I DO AGREE THAT A WOMAN SHOULD STAND UP FOR WHAT IS GOOD AND RIGHT IN GOD'S SIGHT. ABUSE, WHETHER VERBAL, PHYSICAL, OR MENTAL IS NOT ACCEPTABLE FROM ANY PERSON PROFESSING THE NAME OF GOD OR EVEN FROM THOSE WHO DON'T KNOW ANYTHING AT ALL ABOUT GOD! I WANT TO HEAR FROM A MINISTER'S OR A PASTOR'S WIFE WHO STOOD UP TO AN ABUSIVE HUSBAND, AND IF THEY HAD TO, SEPARATED FROM HIM TO LET HIM KNOW THAT SHE WAS SERIOUS ABOUT NOT TOLERATING OUTRIGHT SINFUL BEHAVIOR FROM HER HUSBAND.  HAS SOMEONE OUT THERE HAD ENOUGH OF LIVING WITH THE ENEMY YET?  I EAGERLY AWAIT YOUR REPLIES.

Fire  4/3/00 Dear CPR, I'm responding to your post. I've been married to a minister for 9yrs. I understand about living/sleeping with the enemy. I had to make my stand to my husband concerning his verbal abuse and other issues concerning our marriage. He did expect me to be quiet and let things slide but I held on to what the word says about Love and stood. I learned that "I" couldn't change things in my power, but if I just stood on God's word, "God" would make the change for me. Standing for what's right is not an easy task. The devil will throw all kinds of stuff at you to keep you from standing. But If you keep your focus on what God wants you to do, you can stand, and keep standing , and after you've done all to stand, stand therefore. We separated for for a while (he remembers how long, I don't.) and during that time God kept me in his perfect peace. I still went to church, did what I had to do there, kept my self looking good, kept myself spiritually fed, and participated in recreational activities to keep busy. Before I knew it my husband was literally banging the door down to come back home. We're still together and are still a work in progress. Through my stands in God's love my husband is realizing that his calling means function. Not a license or and excuse to do wrong. Through my stand my husband is also realizing that ministry starts at home. During our separation his ministry went downhill and he realized it was because how he wasn't treating his family as he should. During that time I never discredited him in front of the congregation, I never told a soul that we were separated and I still treated him with respect and love. I praise God for the strength that he gives me to stand. Through my stands I have encouraged the youth in our church. I hope this has helped someone. Also for those of who have been victims of gossippers and jealous women in the church, I been there too. This one young lady has been determined to tear my family apart and whatever else she can to hurt me. When I had finally exhausted myself trying to solve this problem, I turned to God and sincerely asked him to let me see this particular young lady the way he
sees her. I told God that I shouldn't have to resort to the kind of things she and others have, and that I didn't want to retaliate. Guess what? God ave me a new set of lenses and much more. He gave me a new determination, and showed me this young lady's pains. Through this experience, you guys, I've learned that "hurt people, will hurt people". From that day on all I had for her and others who set out to hurt me was love, love, love. All retaliation would have done was cause more hurt to them and my family. I'm
still finding out some of things she and others have done to sabatoge some of the ministris I started and some of the gossip spread. But since I decided to follow the Word's instructions, "do good to those who despitely use you", God has been faithful and just in keeping his promise made in the last part of that
scirpture "they will reap coals of fire on their heads". (I'm paraphrashing). I thank God for all you ladies who have shared your stories. I know that God will bless you.

Safe In His Arms  3/8/00  Greetings in the name of the Lord!  As my husband and I travel the road that you are just completing, I clearly understand how fearful it can be, and how doubt (unwelcomed) can join us during the journey.  However, when we are feeling scared or doubtful, we can always seek the Lord in prayer and through his Word, and God will give us the direction and strength that we need to carry on.  I have benefited from finding a friend in the ministry (through Rock Dove) who I can confidentially talk with about my feelings, and share in her wisdom as a Pastor's Wife.  I also talk with my Pastor's Wife on a weekly basis.  Is there another Pastor's Wife who you can confide in, within your community?  You asked about a chat for Pastor's Wives…Crosswalk.com offers a chat on Mondays (daytime) and Tuesdays (evening).  Keep the faith…God has promised to never to forsake us, and he has a plan for each of us, Sis.

Abraham's Sarah  3/12/00  How wonderful for you and I have to tell you what an exciting journey you have started on.  Two years ago I was starting that journey.  The day of my 17th wedding anniversary,  I stood with a positive pregnancy test behind my back, three children asleep, tears held back as my husband told me he was quitting his job in his family's business to go to seminary.  I had already calculated that I was going to be 40 years old at the time of this new baby's birth and now my husband was telling me he was going back to school for 3 years.  But God had told me a few months before that he would bless me if I was obedient to him.  I pulled out my Bible and started to read about God blessing women and guess what?  Children are a blessing from God.  Well I asked Abraham (my husband's new nickname) where he was going to school and he said "I don't know".  When I asked him when he was going he said "I don't know".  When he saw the positive pregancy test, I said"Abraham, I'm too old to have a baby!"  Well, we started laughing and we laughed for nine months.  I laughed so much during labor and delivery the doctors and my friends thought I was delirious.  We named the baby Jacob Isaac because we laughed.  We brought that blessed baby home from the hospital on Christmas Eve (One month before my 40th birthday because he was 3 weeks early but perfectly healthy).  And in June of 1998 my husband accepted the call to be a student pastor of two churches and started seminary in August.  We moved from a five bedroom, 3 bath home to a 2 bedroom parsonage.  I homeschool three children ages 17, 14, 8, and now 2.  Abraham is gone during the week but comes home on weekends.  He is so much happier since he started doing what God wants him to do.  But sometimes life is hard on Sarah.  Please request my e-mail address from Rock Dove I would really like to talk to someone from "Down Under" since my second child has such an interest in Australia.  She just requested and received an information packet from your travel commission.  I'll be praying for you and your family.  God Bless You!!!!!

Safe In His Arms  3/8/00  Sis, I am glad that you decided to share your comments with the group.  I am sorry to hear that you struggle with feelings of jealously towards the Pastor's Wife and/or other Minister's wives.  We must constantly remind ourselves that this is one of Satan's ploys to attack the church, from
within, but we can't let him have the victory.  It is common to admire positive characteristics in others, and see the anointing of the Holy Spirit in a fellow sister/brother, but remember that God has special plans for our life, our future, and what he has for each of us, is for each person alone!  Continue to seek God's guidance, and direction in overcoming these feelings.  May God bless you and keep you, Sis.

RE:In need of your prayers  3/8/00  I will pray for you.  It makes me very sad that you think you cannot have true friends within the church.  My husband and I have been ministering for over 10 years now.  There is nothing that can take the place of a true friend.  I would hesitate to call the "friend" who betrayed you a saint.  You must choose this person carefully, true, but you shouldn't isolate yourself either.  The one thing I have learned is that you have to be yourself.  Show the people you are "human" too.  Don't put on your "church mask" each time you step in the building and pretend to be perfect.  Be genuine, in your faith, and your relationships.  I think maybe your husband has some issues he too needs to work out.  I'm sorry he has taken it out on you. As the words of my favorite song say, "God will make a way, when there seems to be no way.  He works in ways we cannot see, he will a way for me.  He will be my guide, hold me closely to His side.  With love and strength for each new day, He will make a way."  Dear Jesus, I pray now that you will comfort this sister in christ.  That you will send her a true "heart friend" that will
be there for her.  Someone who will love her for who she is and will lift her up in prayer.  Comfort her through this difficult time in her life Lord.  Show her Your wisdom in dealing with the guilt her husband has
layed on her.  I also pray for her husband, that You would help him to see the pain he himself has caused his wife, his "gift" from You.  I pray for restoration of their relationship and growth toward the kind of marriage You want it to be Lord.  I pray that You give her the courage to lay her burdens at your feet daily and to walk in Your Holy Light.  In Jesus name I pray, AMEN!

Iowa Lynne  3/15/00 God bless you for your kind letter.  I look forward to one day meeting you in Heaven.  I enjoy corresponding with God's children.  I'm so thankful to belong to the family of God.  JESUS is so faithful to give us "like precious" faith.  How wonderful to belong to HIM.  Now I belong to JESUS --- JESUS belongs to me --- not for the years of time alone but for eternity.  AMEN......  God bless you, my dear sister in Christ.

JLM  3/17/00 Lara I can understand how you feel.  I recently married a pastor.  Before we were married I realized that I was going to need to sacrifice what I wanted.  I struggled with this, but I also was so in love with my husband that I couldn't imagine life without him.  I came to the realization that I had never understood how wonderful my home church pastor's wife had been...I went and talked with her.  She helped so much.  She pointed out that everyone (including me) expects their pastor to "be there for
them"...all I ever thought about was when he wasn't with me...I didn't think about the good he was doing by being with those who need him.  I will admit my husband is too busy (he is bi-vocational) and he is quit to run the the "squeaky wheels".  He is a pleaser and hates to disappoint. It is not my job to "change" that in him.  I have found that my job is only to love him and to pray for him.   Today, I had to have a medical procedure.  I told him about it several weeks ago but I knew he was really busy.  I went by myself.  He came to me when he remembered and just cried...he told me how much he loved me and that he felt he always let me down.  He was so broken.  Although I was upset...I held his face in my hands and told him I loved him...and although I hated the times when I wanted him with me...I couldn't live without knowing he was coming home tonight.  If it is meant for him change, then God will do the changing.  I will just continue to love him.

Lara  3/26/00 JLM, thank you for your encouraging words. They were really confirmation of what God has been teaching me.  I really need to pray more for my fiance. I was always upset because he was busy doing things for the church.  These were good things like visiting the sick and caring for the members of
the church, but I just felt like he cared more about them than me.  It is also difficult because at the present time we do not attend the same church and so we do not get to see each other in church either.  But my heart loves him so much that when we are not together, I long to be with him.  The Lord showed me that I should seek Him (the Lord)and spend time praying for my fiance.  I know that I can not change him and I do not really want to do that.  I too had two doctor's appointments that he was going to with me, but he did not make either one.  I waited for him at my house and had to leave because of the
lateness of the hour.  When I drove to the doctors office I thought maybe he would be in the parking lot waiting for me, but he was not there. I was heartbroken. But last week we were able to spend an entire day together and I am thankful for that time.  I am learning to appreciate the time that we do have together and not focus on the negative. Pray for me that I will be all that God wants me to be.  That I will be the wife that the Lord wants me to be.

minister wife (LO)  3/14/00  Iwould like to deveolp a relationship with other ministers wives. I've been very depress lately re:this role of being a minister wife. I been having such dry days lately that I don't know what to do beside pray. My husband  ministry is soo slow lately ,I feel that no one want to be bother with us. I'm afarid to talk with our pastor about ,could any one give me some suggestion on what could I do regarding my feeling. I don't feel like a minister wife ,this role seem to be boring there's nothing to do.Please help on  Bible verses ,books,etc...I turly love the lord,at this point in my life as being a minister wife I feel some days like giving up the role.I have read somewhere that there a prayer booklet please let me know where i can find it. love you all. Lo.

Brenda  4/6/00 Jan, I will be 41 the 19th of April and we have been in the ministry for about 2 years.  However I am also a pastor's daughter.  We are currently pastoring a small country church that averages about 35-40 in SS and 50-60 for church.  Please feel free to email me at my email address any time you
need to.  I would love to encourage you as well as listen.  Thanks, Brenda

Iowa Lynne  3/15/00 Thank you for your prayer.  I could feel it all the way in Iowa.  Great is HIS faithfulness unto every pastor's wife. God bless you!  Keep praying for all of us.

Iowa Lynne  3/14/00 Sometimes it does feel like we will "perish in the parish," doesn't it?  I remember my husband's first pastorate.  It just wasn't a "good fit."  We seem to lose more people than we kept.  We were only there around a year or so.  Then, he took his second pastorate.  This time...........  something clicked.  Not that there weren't hard times and some misunderstandings, but the people seemed to love us and we seemed to be able to be ourselves.  We've now been here 18 years.  It doesn't seem possible.  We are in a rural community so our little church will never be a "mega-church."  But it is God's will for our lives at this time.  My prayer for you and your precious family is that you will feel loved and accepted in the place that God plants you.  My heart goes out to you.  God bless you, my dear sister.  Keep your eyes on JESUS and your hand on the plow.  Rest assured that you will reap a bountiful harvest one day.  IT WILL BE WORTH IT ALL WHEN WE SEE JESUS!

christine  3/15/00 I am in the same position.  The longest we have been in a church of our five years in ministry is 2 years.  The church we are currently at we have been here for 8 months.  My husbabnd already feels his time here is up. We just got a new Sr. pastor and I feel my husband is throwing in the
towel.  WMy husband is not a reall flashy kind of a guy and he doesn't play church to run entertainment.  He is a very good speaker and I believe God  has blessed him with wisdom beyond his years.  The only thing is that I have a hard time convincing him to persevere when things seem tough or a littl scary.  There are a lot of changes being made in our church rate now and I think it scares him.  It is emotionally difficult for me because i miscarried our second child last week and I am still dealing with the sudden loss of someone close to me.  I need stability and How much does God think I can actually handle anyways

Charlotte  3/27/00 Dear Pastors wife, My heart goes out to you! Three years ago my husband started a new church. He absolutely knew without a doubt that this was what the Lord wanted him to do. Fresh out of Bible college 30 years old and two children this just sounded like an impossible task. Of course as women we often think about the things that our husbands don't. Like will we have enough food, a house to live in, will my children get the education that we want for them, and so forth. It is a very scary expierence. I didn't want to do this. I was totally opposed to the idea even though the Lord had given my
husband clear direction. My husband wasn't forceful in putting this idea in my head. We both shared our
concerns and prayed. My husband couldn't change my mind only the Lord could and he did. With little faith in myself, a husband with a great vision, and 2 wonderful children we did it. I guess what I'm trying to say is that if God is in control and you and I let him lead us that's what he will do. Will it ever be hard, absolutely.  That's when we need to be in constant prayer. The times that are the hardest for me are when I don't have my devotions, Satan just takes over. There have been many times I've wanted to guit and go somewhere else and have been very depressed.  I recently read a wonderful book called the power of a praying wife by Stormie Omartian. It absolutely opened my heart and soul to the presence of the Lord. I realized that I needed to put pray first in my life. I couldn't change the way things were going at church, my husband, my children, Even nasty church members only God can. But what God showed me was that i needed to change my self thru pray with his help before everything comes together. Read Galatians 6:9 and Proverbs 24:3,4. It may not be your hearts desire to stay there in that ministry with your husband. I know it's tuff, but be submissive to your husband. God gives Him the direction in which he should go. Follow your husbands leadership in doing that you won't be held accountable to God at that point. If your husband is open to the holy spirit and his calling he'll make the right decision. We might not feel that way but it is true.  Eph 5:21-25 God never lies to us. Look at your husband like this, He is the head but you are the heart,by theirselves they don't work, it takes both of them. Here are some other verses you might check out James 1:6-8, Roman 14:23, Matt. 17:20. God loves you call on him to give you strenght and courage. Leaving your husband isn't the solution thats Satans. You see if you seperate Satan will have accomplished what he set out to do, bring another man of God and his family down. God never gives us more than we can handle. He must know you are strong enough. You can do it, every work together for Good to those who are called according to His purpose. Alot of the time when I get discouraged I tell myself this; Where God leads he feeds and where God Guides He provides. Just remember being a pastors wife if often harder than being a pastor alot is required of you. But IT IS OKAY TO SAY NO! GOD HASN"T LED ME TO HELP OUT HERE OR THERE. Alot is placed on the pastors wife in a new work pray about what God wants you to do and only do that. I do strongly recommend the book I mentioned. Most christian book stores have it because its a best seller. Again ask God for guidance and direction He will not steer you wrong. Your not alone in this you can do it. I hope I've encouraged you some. You will be in my prayers.

HELP NEEDED  4/3/00 Thank you Charlotte for your response.

georgia  3/24/00 I’m a senior pastor’s wife, age 30. Before becoming a full time mom, I was a full time geriatric counselor.  You may want to contact the local Office on Aging, to see what programs are
available to your community, especially for your church.  Many programs are free, for the elderly.  For people who do not qualify for these programs due to their age. I would suggest contacting your local Helpline to see what is available.  In the specific case you’re dealing with, I would try to contact a son, daughter, sister, brother, or cousin.  Who may be able to mediate between this woman and her husband.  Since you’re church is very elderly, you may consider starting a senior center (for them) and/or a caregivers support group for their children or the community.  We are now in what is called the sandwich generation, where most caregivers are not only taking care of their parents, but are also taking care of their children at the same time (Most people are waiting till their 30s to have kids).  By running such a support group for your community you can attract many families with children to your church
who are in need of such a group.  Also a senior center attracts the same families for the same reasons.  This is a great way to meet the needs of your church and bring young growth.  It’s also a great  testimonial to your community. I will be praying for you!  The elderly and caregivers to the elderly are dear to my heart.  Hang in there!

Iowa Lynne  3/21/00 I think there are many pastor's wives who can relate to your pain.  One of the things I am learning is that some sheep have horns and they like to fight.  JESUS has been dealing with me about not becoming part of the problem......  Not to stoop to their level of hatred, insensitivity, and immaturity.  I think one of the hardest areas in ministry to keep your heart right with God and man after "man" has cut your heart out.  It's hard but JESUS calls us to a higher way and HE is such a perfect example.......  "FATHER, FORGIVE THEM FOR THEY KNOW NOT WHAT THEY DO!"  Oh, that my heart would never hurt another they way some have hurt me......  JESUS, make me more like YOU!  I will keep you in my prayers, dear sister.  JESUS is with you....  He won't leave you comfortless.  Cling to HIM.....  He's called you to HIS vineyard...  He's the Potter and you're the clay....  He's making you a vessel of honor.......  God is at work.....  Just keep close to HIM...  He will give you strength to deal with all the scrub-brushes.

Sunshine  3/21/00 I've been there!  Probably all of us P.W.s have.  We recently went through a very painful time where a big group (20-30) in the church met at a board member's house on a Wednesday night to discuss leaving the church.  We had only been there about 3 months when this happened.  Before we came, a couple of groups within the church had been at odds with one another, and there was a lot of disunity, suspicion and unforgiveness. Some lies had been told about my husband, and one group believed them without checking them out first. A few ended up leaving, but some of those have come back.  The rest stayed and most of them have let us know that they support us now and regret the previous incident.  But enough about me--now for the advice part!  During this time, I felt like someone had died!  God had to keep talking to me about loving unconditionally with His agape (sacrificial) love.  This kind of perfect love will cast out all fear.  When people despitefully use you and persecute you, they aren't rejecting your love, but rather His love as it flows through you.  My advice in a nutshell is this:  Trust No-one; Love every-one.  By trust I mean "full confidence."  Never place your confidence and hope in people; they will let you down.  Put your trust in God alone! This doesn't mean that you have a "distrustful" attitude toward people; it just means that your security is in His hands rather than human hands.  Thank God!

3/29/00  I tried to reach you be email but you didn't leave an address.  I too work full time, will be going to part time after 12 years.  But with my marriage I added 3 children.  I do feel overwhelmed at times, especially since my husband is going all the time and survives on very little sleep !!  I sat down with him and told him I had to sleep - he laughed and put me to bed.  Sometimes I think we forget to talk to our
husbands, we just keep going until we blow !!  Read the "5 Love Languages of Marriage" by Gary Chapman.  Pastor's wives show their love by "Acts of Service" but we need "Words of Affirmation" our we just burn out.  We don't need to feel guilty when we are tired or sick.  When we were finding a house, instead of buying "what we could afford", we bought what "he" could afford, so all my income is icing on the cake.  We don't have as much, but I sure get to sleep more !!

Linda  3/26/00 I am 40 and we've been in the ministry for 20 years.  We've pastored in three churches, the first was an associate position for about 2.5 years, our next church grew from 29 people to 200 in 13.5 years (this was in a larger town).  We have been in our present church for 5.5 years, it is a rural church of 55.

Linda  3/26/00 I am so sorry to hear of your troubles.  I'll be praying for you and your husband.  One thing I have learned over the years is to give thanks in ALL things (both good and bad).  Our present church has had me on my knees in tears many times, and I am on a "shelf" now.

Sarah  3/27/00 My heart weeps for you.  I will pray for you and your marriage.  You need to ask your self a few questions.  What did you want to be when you were younger?  What were you doing before you married? What gifts has God given you?  God loves you and you can't do anything to make him love you anymore than he does right now.  Also you can't do anything to make him love you any less than he does right now.  My advice to you is to explore your gifts.  Realize your potential.  The Junior Colleges are full right now of women who are newly separated or divorced. Go to your local wal-mart or Christion Bookstore and buy "The Power of a Praying Wife" by Stormie Ormartian.  You can pray that husband of yours back into your arms with God's blessings.  If not, then you can rest that you have done your part to pray and support him.  When you find peace, you may also find that your husband sees you in a new light.  Pray for guidance, wisdom, strength, courage, and I will pray that you have already received it and that God will bless your obedience to him.  God bless you.  Love in Christ.

Patricia  3/27/00 My dear sister, your signature speaks volumes.  I have felt the sadness you feel.  I have experienced divorce (from a minister) and it is extremely hurtful.  Be encouraged that weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning!  I know it seems a long way off, but your joy will be restored.  I'm glad you recognize God's pull on you to be used again.  In spite of your brokeness, you are still a vessel He can use for His purposes!  Seek Him early in the morning for clear direction each day and encourage yourself daily.  If He says go back to school.  DO IT!  If He says apply for a particular position, DO IT!  As you stated yourself, please God and not man.  I too was a "husband pleaser". I think we as women have missed the point of what God told Eve. He said her "desire" would be to please her husband.  I am remarried to a wonderful pastor now and my "desire" is to please him, but I don't always
please him.  Guess what?  I don't beat myself up anymore about it and I don't lose a wink of sleep.  And like you said, we have to tell them the truth in love and let the chips fall where they may!  I hope the next time we hear from you, your signature will be "happyusee".  You are in my prayers.

JLM  3/28/00 I can't say I have had all of your experiences, but I do know about divorce.  I was married at 23 and I tried everything to make my marriage work but it ended in divorce 2 years ago.  I think the hardest part of the whole thing was coming to accept that I may spend my life alone just raising my kids.  I had to take a deep breath and realize that being alone was really much better than being married and being lonely everyday of my life.  I found my trust in God grew everyday that I was successful on my
own.  When I went to get a loan for a home..I met a man..I got the loan and the man just kept calling.  He was a pastor, he was patient and kind and now he is my husband.  I can't tell you how full and joyful my life is.  It isn't easy, but I see God's fingerprints all over it.  I know everyone is telling you that it will be okay...that you will find someone...I'm not going to tell you that.  I am going to tell you the God has the perfect plan...and he is always on time...

Denise  3/28/00 I hope you get this message.  I just want to hang in there.  I have sort of been where you are(read 2/23/00).  From that time up until now I can really saw God has been carrying me.  I do understand how it is possible to cry every day because I have done it.  Just put your complete trust in God and I guarantee he will bring you through.  You didn't mention anything about a church home.  Get in a good bible believing, teaching church.  I sought christian counseling through my church counseling center.  I am still in couseling and it has really helped.  It need be seek christian counseling through a counseling center. God loves you Sadusee and I believe you are going to make it.  Weeping may endure for a night but joy cometh in the morning.  We don't know when that morning is to come but I guarantee you by the grace of God it will come. Continue to believe and trust God.  He will bring you through.  I love you and I am praying for you.  Lord I pray right now that you will touch Sadusee.  Help her through this time in her life.  Help her to remember that you love and that you are on her side.  Lord where there is confusion, anxiety, and any other emotion that is not from you I pray that you remove it in the name of Jesus.  Lord Jesus lead her and direct her through this.  Thank you Lord, in Jesus name. Amen.

Dedicated to funnyface from Patsy  3/28/00  A pastors wife is a shepardess, a nurturer is she. She serves her Lord; and her spouse and cares also for the flock of God as well as her family. We are fellow workers, laborers in the field . May we thank God for His blessings and pray a bountiful yeild. Dear pastors wife ,May God richly bless you with treasures from above for you have richly blessed us with your Christlike love. To God be the glory. Kelly I hope you can use this.

CMR  4/3/00 Is this Pastor's Wife Appreciation Day only celebrated in April in your church or is this a national day to honor the Pastor's wife?  If it is a national day, what day is it on in April? Have you checked out www.csonline.net/jcox/?  I've went on that page and I've seen poems about the Pastor's Wife.  Hope that this is some help to you.

garota  4/4/00 I have been through a bad time myself. I didi not know what was depression until now. And all i can say is that the Lord is good, and that you have to focus your whole being on Him, even if it feels that you would rather die. God is sovereign and in control of everything! Do not give up after the storm there is always sunshine, the Word says those who sow in tears will reap in joy!! Love you. contact me if you would like to share

new reader  4/3/00 My husband is also a pastor and we have two God children. We also have five children of our own. What the parents of Godchildren fail to realise is that the Godparents responsibilty starts when they are absent, and no other family member are able to care for them. They are pushy, mainly because they want to be in what they consider the lime light; And what better way to do it than to  have the pastor be the godfather of your child. I'm sure, they are not regular members Sunday school, bible study or prayer meeting. Ask them to be in attendence at these meetings.  The best remedy for their kind of behavior is the word of God. Use your Godparent position to encourage them toward Christ. Christ will either draw of drive. Either way, you will benefit.

Dawn  4/10/00 Hi! This is for Patti of4/1/2000. I'm a 35 yr old pastor's wife. We have three children, and we serve a church with average attendance of 50-60. I would love to chat. You can email me or write a message here on the board. Looking forward to getting to chat.

For Soon-To-Be  4/11/00 I am a soosn to be Pastor's wife as well as you are.  We announced our engagement over the Christmas holidays and my finace said that it is one of the hardest things that he has ever had to do.  I am younger than he and I am a college student.  The congregation is aware that I am many states away and I think that it makes it hard for him sometimes.  The best thing that you can do is to be yourself and if you and your finace are sure that God has ordained the union between the two
of you then that must be your focus.  Even though I do not even live near my finace there have been rumors and all sorts of things that have come up to try and alter what God has planned.  There are people who are waitng at any moment to move in and do whatever they can to ruin what God is trying to do.  Remeber that your becoming his wife effects them as well.  Give them time to get to know you.  If they already know you, give them time tolearn to acknowledge you as the pastor's wife.  I know that you, as I am, are overwhelmed by all oft he things that have taken place in the church and you are not even married yet.   This site is an excellent outlet and is also full of wisdom from women who have traveled this road before.  I am sure that as long as you are united with God that things will work out.  Trust in the Lord with all thine heart.......

jlm  4/14/00 First of all, you need to relax.  I think sometimes we have these images that other pastor's wives have put in our heads.  They all seem perfect and loving....we forget that they too have bad days, have wild children and sometimes crawl back in bed and pull the covers over their head.. I did all three today !!! I had a past I am not proud of...now I am a pastor's wife in the same community I used to run around it.  You know what, if people remember anything bad about me...they sure don't show it.  If they did I would be the first to admit that people can really grow and change.   You won't have all the answers, you won't say all the right things...but someday someone will want to be like you, too..

soon-to-be  4/25/00 THANKS FOR YOUR PRAYERS AND HELP. THINGS ARE PROGRESSING. I'M LEARNING TO CALM DOWN AND RELAX AND JUST BE MYSELF. I REALIZE THAT THERE IS NO MOLD TO FIT IN EXCEPT THE MOLD OF THE ANNOINTING. Continue praying for those of us who will be coming over to the life as the "pastor's wife." We must continue supporting one another, and holding one another up in prayer. I realized also that I just can't please everyone. Two major areas of struggle still remain, but I'm seeking the Lord for help. One area is the appropriateness of our public conduct. Public displays of affection. I don't want to bring reproach on the church or him as pastor. But must we walk around as corpses? My second struggle is from a female pastor, who is very affectionate, for lack of a
better word. I have talked to my fiance about this issue, and he has reassured me that she poses no threat. But it still bothers me, I feel that she does this intentionally. Needless to say she has admitted in the past that she was interewsted in him. (I beleive she still is!) Anyway these issues are plaguing me. And in speaking to others, some things won't change even after the wedding, so I must endure with the strength of the Lord. I love you all that are in the struggle  young and old. Pray for me as I pray for you.